Eventual Balls Thoughts XVIII

Eventual Balls Thoughts turns 18 today! You know what that means! We’re Barely Legal!

I would normally embed a picture here, but there is absolutely nothing I can embed that won’t get me in trouble. I recommend using Incognito Mode to find a suitable image you would associate with such a momentous occasion.

What were you doing when you were 18?

I was starting my senior year in high school. The SATs were done and all I had to do was submit my applications for college. Once they were submitted, the rest of the year was cake. I took advantage and did things I had never done before in high school like participating in the senior play

I’m no thespian, but let’s just say the part of horny Brazilian sailor was made for me.

Thinking back, I realize that I really did senior year right. I realized that the pressure of getting to college was off, so I could really enjoy my last year of high school. That meant asking out any girl I wanted, enjoying liquid lunches on the regular, and taking fun classes that interested me.

It was good preparation for college.

***

The Week in DFO

Here are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:

Soaking my beans, breaking out the boomstick, sautéing the trinity, mire poix… I still maintain there is NO sexier series of posts on DFO than Sunday Gravy.

monty this seems strange to me

***

Augsburg/Koln is BORING!

scotchnaut

Did tWBS take over your body?

Balls

[reaches for freezer vodka]

Nope. Nothing to see here.

scotchnaut

***

Let’s explore Brick Meathook’s Library

This is my Presidential/Prime Minister shelf, with God thrown in for good measure and to impress people:

Brick

Also, not surprised that the LBJ contingent is bigger and thicker than the others.

herodotus450

***

Phase 1 was giving out miniature American flags.

Phase 2 is getting serious about The Flag Code (and, but coincidentally, The Hanky Code) and making any misuse of the flag punishable by hard labor. American Flag tank top? Improper use of Flaggantry, 10 months. American Flag on your Belgian beer can? 45 months.

herodotus450

***

Some More of Brick Meathook’s Library

This section doesn’t have a theme but there’s some interesting stuff here. It is a little religious, though:

Brick

It’s funny. I have the exact copy of one of the books on this shelf. I bet $20 no one will guess it.

Balls

Applied Mathematics

Mr. Ayo

Nope.

Balls

Well it’s definitely not the Holy Bible.

Mr. Ayo

This is a true statement

Balls

I’ve got two exact copies of a book you don’t have.

Brick

I have five anal sex books that NO ONE has.

Balls

This should both be the banner and your personal slogan.

Mr. Ayo

***

One of my neighbors is just going nuts on the phone over her husband’s whereabouts. It sounds like their marriage is blowing up into a million pieces. It breaks my heart.

RTD

That’s tragic.

What’s she look like?

Dunstan

Does she work at a restaurant or pot shop?

– Zombie tWBS

Balls

***

***

Don’t forget the sequel, Brick discovers spanking.

Mr. Ayo

***

***

Just remember…if your boss ever figures out how effective you are from working from home, its an easy jump to the realization that some peon working from home in Mumbai could do the same, for a shit-ton less money.

God bless capitalism…

JustStopDude

Luckily, I work for a government agency so if that were to happen it would be kinda embarrassing for them…

Balls

We’re long past government agencies feeling any shame or embarrassment.

monty this seems strange to me

***

***

Casual Fridays are getting a little out of control at Import Tuxedo Emporium.

LemonJello

You can’t go in to work unclothed like that. Come on, put a mask on, we’re in a pandemic here!

montyu this seems strange to me

***

TikTok Apologizes After Inadvertently Giving Platform To Thousands Of Theater Kids https://t.co/XSbNrqBvPW pic.twitter.com/taJK8cAiqm

— The Onion (@TheOnion) June 8, 2020

Gratliff

***

More of Brick Meathook’s Library

Brick

Man, I remember holding that Nat Geo cover up with one hand.

SonOfSpam

Really? I have never once thought of that cover in sexual terms until just now, and now it kind of frightens me. I’ll bet Viva La Tabula Raza has, though; she’s probably got a bush like the Amazon-fucking-rainforest.

Brick

***

***

“Here’s your mom’s dildo, Adolf!”

LemonJello

***

***

Pretty cool seeing the bootlickers crying about the “Cops” TV show cancellation.

Also amazing that there are still people watching that crap 30 years later.

SonOfSpam

I went to high school with a guy who got arrested on Cops. He got pulled over for speeding, and you could see the coke crusted around his nostrils. They found a large quantity of powder in his car.He squealed on the guys who sold him the coke and only did a few months in jail. He was always an asshole, no one was surprised that he dropped the dime to get himself out of trouble.

Gumbygirl

I didn’t realize you went to high school with Tim Allen.

Horatio

***

Found a funny:

ME [opening a card from the boss that says ‘get better soon’]: but i’m not sick, sir

BOSS: no, you’re just terrible at this job

rockindog

***

***

***

***

I think it’s awesome that those guys named their band in tribute to the woman who birthed Rob Ryan.

RTD

***

***

So probably not entirely coincidental that the Panthers crew removing the Richardson statue was kind enough to put the removal rope at about 3/5 of the way up.

Downfield Matriculator

***

***

Welp, my mother was finally fired from her job due to her FMLA running out due to COVID-19. Thankfully, her surgery is scheduled for early July, so all I need is for her to get in and out before the 2nd wave hits and clogs up the hospitals again.

She knew she would be let go; she was just waiting for them to bite the bullet and get it over with. She was a good employee, but they needed to replace her. But she is still saying busy. In one day, she successfully applied for Unemployment and her Medical Marijuana Card (because she no longer needs to take any drug tests for work).

That’s inspiration right there.

Redshirt

***

***

Scorpion jelly with some goats cheese on toast will pair perfectly with Otto’s brain’s liquid lunch.

Litre_cola

***

***

Last night I made a new drink, called the Oh God What Did Trump Tweet Today.

2-3 shots of gin (didn’t measure)

Club soda

Frank’s Red Hot Sauce

Start with a tumbler. 3 ice cubes. Add gin. Add club soda to the top. Add Frank’s until it’s a Trump-orange color. Stir. Drink until the burn of the hot sauce is numbed by the gin and ice.

NOTE: Frank’s Red Hot original. NOT the Frank’s Wing Sauce, which includes butter.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

The Hague’s War Crime Tribunal would like a moment of your time, sir.

LemonJello

***

***

Here’s this week’s Balls’ Choice from Request Line:

***

Thank you to everyone one for providing quality laughs and gifs/pics to look at. A special shout-out to Brick for posting the KCET videos about old LA on the Sexy Friday Open Thread. I absolutely love that stuff!

Have a great week!