Hello Sports fans!
We’ve got a lesser footy double header on the menu today. But first, a quick thought about yesterday’s Manchester United/ Chelski match.
All week, leading up to yesterday’s game, many rival fans of United have been pissing and moaning about United getting the VAR decisions and penalty kicks. I’ve been giving a nice, polite rebuttal by saying that United play a more aggressive style of lesser footy and their key players bait the stupid defenders into taking them down in the box. In all honesty, United should be awarded more penalty kicks. Which brings me back to yesterday’s game. It was quite clear officials of the EPL heard these grievances because yesterday’s match was an absolute joke.
It’s hard to believe, but Bruno Fernandes does not play for Chelski. It just looks like that because there were 2 or 3 blue shirts on top of him all day. Chelski was allowed to commit 2nd degree assault on United players, especially Bruno. Whenever Bruno had the ball, it looked pretty much like this, with Bruno being Muhammad Hassan in this analogy (from the 1:12 mark).
Chelski committed 21 fouls and not one fucking card was given to them. Meanwhile, Pogba got one right off the bat.To be clear, United weren’t winning yesterday’s match because they were the drizzling shits. But to say United gets all the calls is also bullshit and yesterday was a farce.
TL/DR: Media and rival fans are trying to make United fans heels and if/when United wins an EPL trophy, we’re going to sound like P*triots fans if this shit and accusations keeps happening.
To today’s matches!
Match 1A: The mid-table bowl (1PM EST)
This a match between one team that is over-achieving and happy where they are in the standings (Sheffield United) and Disappointing Everton. Nothing but pride is on the line, as both teams will want to finish strong. I’m not entirely sure whose daughter Moise Kean banged, but Everton’s manager, Ancelotti, should really consider starting him and figure out what they have with him before Kean becomes ruined.
Prediction:
Disappointing Everton is winless in 4 and Sheffield United are playing really well. I expect the Blades to win 2-1 and Disappointing Everton’s misery continues in the off-season.
Match 1B: The Playing out the String Bowl (1PM EST)
Newcastle United is safe from relegation and waiting for Saudi King and torture enthusiast, MBS, to purchase the club so they can become relevant since the movie Goal was released. Brighton is all but mathematically safe.
Prediction:
Newcastle has lost 3 in a row and Brighton need one point to survive relegation. Expect a boring 0-0 or 1-1 Draw.
The Main Event: The “Where did I go wrong?” Bowl (3:15PM EST)
This match features Crystal Palace playing Toddlerzilla’s favoUrite team, Wolves. For the past year, Toddlerzilla has been obsessed with werewolves and wolves, due to children’s stories we have read to her like Little Red Riding Hood, the Three Little Pigs and a Ghostbusters book that featured a werewolf as the antagonist. As a result, she lost her damn mind when she found out there was a lesser footy team named Wolves. Every day she asks me if the Wolves are playing and watches every Wolves game with me.
Wolves were dealt a major blow when Man Shitty bribed their way back into Champions League. Now, they’re playing for respectability and a potential Europa league spot. Upon reflection, this was a disappointing season for Wolves as they should have been more of a dangerous challenger to the top 4 spot than they were. This was the season to shoot their shot and get top 4. They failed and now that bigger clubs are interested in Adama Traore and Raul Jiminez, there’s a good chance those two are gone in a month and Wolves will return to the midtable next season.
There’s a Castro/Margaret Trudeau joke to be made with that goal celebration but I just can’t seem to make it stick.
That’s a beauty goal right there!
Holy shit, Palace is so terrible. They look worse than Norwich these days
Found a funny:
people ask me all the time “why do you look so happy?” the answer is simple. i’ve lost touch with reality. the moon is my mom. my cat is gonna pay my student loans. loneliness makes my skin glow.
These are reasonable statements.
Sleepy slate of games this afternoon. It’ll pick up tomorrow, though.
The biggest matches are on Wednesday.
Until now, I never noticed how much Raul Jimenez looks like Michael DeLorenzo of New York Undercover fame
I would like “Disappointing Everton” to be the official name of that team. It’s so appropriate.
It really is. Watch them blow out their next opponent, making everyone think they’re back, only to do the same thing next year
I would LIKE to disagree with you…
I’m a little disappointed that Casper removed his cap for the remainder of the game. I always find it amusing to see goalies wearing a baseball cap
Lost my KMFDM bet in the NINETIETH MINUTE, so the happy were short-lived
Holy shit, what a nice goal by Everton! They actually looked competent on that set piece
WE CAN HAZ SOCCER POINT WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/it killed us Bitter Blues to praise Sigurdsson, though
Hippo haz a happy!
She’s married, but Don Carlo’s daughter is quite the good looking bird.
Damn, because otherwise I had a shot!
Disappointing Everton still hanging in there against Sheffield United, surprisingly