Hey kids, it’s your old pal Darkest Timeline Zach Morris. I’m in charge of this here open thread, so let’s talk about the NB Freaking A.
A month ago, I would have said I would watch any sport. I’ve watched Ultimate Tag, The Floor Is Lava, and every season of Wipeout and Most Xtreme Challenge since this thing started. We’re gambling on Cornhole, for crying out loud.
So I’m excited to finally see a broadcast from the bubble and watch these ridiculous athletes play.
I’ve already watched every baseball game available, and an NHL exhibition game in July, which is weird.
I guess the moral is…SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS
Tonight’s ACTUAL SPORTS, all in local DFO TIME
NBA
5:30 – Utah Jazz vs. New Orleans Pelicans
8:00 – Los Angeles Clippers vs. Los Angeles Lakers
MLS
7:00 – Philadelphia Union vs. Sporting KC
MLB
8:30 – San Diego Padres at San Francisco Giants
Anyhoo, enjoy your sportings this evening, and I’ll see you jackasses in the comments.
finally go padres
found a funny:
Genie: you have three wishes
Me: i wish you were Dory from Finding Nemo
Dory: done
Me:
Dory: you have three wishes
There is the one for the evening for me Moose, well done. I just know this is real.
This is where the China shoot-formaldehyde-into-crowning-infant-head is at least on the table.
I love how the flags make it look like she has bat wings.
Time to go buy another six-pack of wine down at the Ralphs. You get a great deal and I’ve found the new “two-buck-Chuck.” I might look into boxed wine and compare the price per gallon. I got a freezer full of Absolut, and the governments of two countries, a state, and a county keep sending me money. I really need a haircut though.
The box wine works out to about $4.50 a bottle. And it’s ok, better than that Charles Shaw shit. What’s the cheap wine you like at Ralphs? I don’t judge (I do).
Can’t tell you because it sells out. Other people are discovering it. The best part is that it has a screw-top (clue) so you don’t have to mess with a cork screw or bottle caps.
Ok it either has a number in the name or a dessert.
WINE DETECTIVE ON THE CASE.
I need a haircut too, been almost 5 months. I’m still too paranoid, so me and my lovely locks are just pretending it’s 1977 again.
Yeah, that’s about right, except a lot grayer and wrinklier. And an old gray beard.
Ok, this is funny, you look a lot like my brother, who graduated in 77 also. Must be the feathered hair!
Note that we’re working from home, I think pooping at work is the least objectionable thing that’s happening during work time.
Yeah, at least my socks aren’t involved
(checks dwindling toilet paper supply)
YET
Like a slightly-less-sexy Rupert Holmes song.
This is what happens when you give a woman unlimited bread sticks. smgdh…
Everything in this picture fits in the canon, which probably says more about me than the picture
Kind of weird knowing these guys playing Basketball with the rest of the state of Florida hitting new highs in Covid cases + deaths & a tropical storm brewing….
but ok
SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS
Dr. Robert Bruce Banner takes a shit at work.
The only car where the tailpipe is for intake.
I MUST HAVE THAT
(the inhaler, not asthma)
They are made in Romania.
They don’t work if you had garlic at lunch.
If you poop at work you get paid for it.
Especially in Germany.
The puppeteer had to stick his arm up out of a toilet and then up Elmo’s ass to achieve this magical effect.
While trying to ignore an erection.
Plus, you don’t have to clean the toilet you destroy.
Folks that destroy work toilets are the lowest form of mankind. There. I said it.
I thought those were the ones that make 69 jokes…
Nice.
No, no, no, no, no. They form the seventh circle of hell.
I mean figuratively, of course. You’d be destroying your asshole while destroying the toilet.
That’s always been my philosophy. Also, if you take one of those inflatable airline neck pillows into the crapper with you, you can take a nice 30 minute nap on the clock.
You see the joke is about certain women’s attitude about taking a shit.
Haven’t heard that particular DMX jingle in a while.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB2_MmtMoIc
Did you say DMX jingle?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbPyB_UxI8M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=byYPmBhMPsE&feature=emb_logo
Okay, the Lakers have played their white guy from the local Y (Alex Caruso). When are the Clippers going to do the same?
Will Herman Cain recover from COVID? Nein Nein Nein
Tasteless and just wonderful.
AGREED!!
Less than a month after he no masked it at a rally?
https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/herman-cain-obituary/2020/07/30/id/979733/
Vikings are off to a great Covid19 start. By the way rate things are going, by the end of August, most of us DFO ers will be in the Vikings starting lineup
Dibs on the undersized slot receiver!
As a potential NFLer I feel I can cover the off-field “Driving Under the Influence/Leaving The Scene of an Accident” role if need be.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yvvav-e9nC8
Congratulations to Litre for having Mighty Fulham advance to the finals. The match was a real cracker!
Nail biting stuff. I almost paced a hole in the floor.
Kawahii is huffing and puffing 5 minutes into the first quarter.
Forgot the apostrophe
Kawai’i
Frickin’ apostrophe Naz’i.
Because he needs load management, duh.
Maybe he’ll manage his load for the entire 2nd and 3rd quarters?
“What?”
-Sasha Grey
Surprised he brought the bong.
Baseball is a dumpsterfire. That is all
It seems that baseball is becoming golf. The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf possible.
At least in golf its socially acceptable to drink while operating a motor vehicle.
AD is a bum.
Yeah, he’s no
(tries to think of a Spurs player)
Tyler Zeller
Tell us LeBron do Hong Long Lives Matter?
Vietnamese ones sure as hell do. -R. Kraft. Foxboro, Mass.
“I am not familiar with the work of this ‘Hong Long’ but I will endeavor to seek it out.”
fuck it, am leaving the spelling. You’ll know what i mean
Thank you for your service.
That was a great typo. I commend you for it.
Marco Rubio thinks that is a great picture of Herman Cain.
https://www.tmz.com/2020/06/19/kid-rock-big-honky-tonk-beer-permit-suspended-violating-covid-guidelines/
Lakers/Clippers game national anthem being sung by Compton Kids Club.
Or is it the Kompton Kids Klub?
Either way, it’s lovely.
Jazz bail out the Spurs.
I’ll put some mayo on my sandwich in gratitude.
[MCS triggered]
I don’t remember this episode of Sesame Street [gay agenda triggered]
(Elmo voice) “Hey Dorothy, why are you licking that clam?”
Answer: The patriarchy. Mostly Marvin.
Kind of wild that Rudy Gobert was the one who just hit the game-winning free throws.
Not gonna check the box score, just gonna assume he got 9 points, 9 rebounds, and 9 blocks to honor the late great
Happy Thursday Muthafuckas.
“I didn’t know it was a full moon tonight!”
Very good. Would have accepted “She needs to go back to her planet now.”
Why does the NBA have “BLACK LIVES MATTER” on the court when Utah is playing?
They occasionally need to be reminded they exist
C’mon, we know Utah exists*
*it’s one of the realms from Game of Thrones, right?
Caught my first tube today. Sir.
On the Great Salt Lake, no less.
I congratulate myself for keeping my white shirt clean after cooking and eating tacos.
Unrelated: what gets bongwater stains out? Blood?
Try a little club soda. In the bong. Instead of water.
[coughs, club soda and smoke come out nose]
I’m drunk. Another vodka shot is less than 10 feet away. What do I do?
Can you make it there on the crawl?
I openly laughed at that you fuck. Damn it!!
Also a vodka enema would FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah, it does.
WOULD I MEAN WOULD HAHA NOT DOES HOW WOULD I POSSIBLY KNOW HAHA
Use the Force!
All hail the new cursed image
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coSL_bN1gQw
“Nice swing, bitch!”
Hey thanks, daddy-o.
How do the sneak in the Groupies to the NBA bubble?
There was a lot of turnover in the hotel staff.
Very funny to me that the same hardcore constitution nerds who nod approvingly at every shitty thing Trump’s done since he took office are suddenly up in arms over the delaying the election thing like he hasn’t become increasingly emboldened by the sort of dipshits who crank it to the federalist papers
Don’t you mean “aren’t up in arms” ?
Oh no, they’re very upset, but these are the absolute poindextery of the constitution nerd types.
Oh, the ones who got mad but did nothing about trump saying “take their guns and sort em out later”?
Or the ones who jerked themselves off to the Electoral College actually mattering because he lost the national vote?
Yes
Specifically, the founder of the Federalist Society just called for his immediate impeachment, which I imagine was fueled by the same nerd energy of somebody screaming “Han shot first!”
Heh, maybe when he has as many impeachments as divorces his family values base will start to care.
Fucking Federalists anyway. They didn’t behave any better in the Sierra Madre than they did in Portland or Seattle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqomZQMZQCQ
Are we still Nets fans or is that chapter now closed?
/asking for me and not the spice guy
I think we had more Nets fans than the city.
Place has been updated since I’ve been gone. This in preparation for White History Month?
Basketball!? At a time like this? When there’s exhibition hockey going on?
Can’t wait for the rank and file to see the Head Honcho enjoys NBA. NBA love isnt welcomed around here. Am proud of my NBA love.
GO SHITTY SPURS GO
I’m anxiously awaiting Pop and Kerr coming out with some more clever invective insinuating the orange one is an ‘orrible cunt .
I just love to watch anything athletic-adjacent right now. I can only watch reruns of games from the 90’s and The Last Dance so much.
Hey, are the Knicks playing?
/No, nobody wants to see that.
And this late?
Folks
Still waiting for ESPN to bring back Spelling Bee. Even if it’s just re-runs.
That’s why we have marble racing!
(Note: Event 10 got moved to tomorrow at 2 DFODT instead of today at 2 DFODT.)
Go Balls!!