Your Thursday Night Holy Crap The NBA?????? Open Thread

Hey kids, it’s your old pal Darkest Timeline Zach Morris.  I’m in charge of this here open thread, so let’s talk about the NB Freaking A.

A month ago, I would have said I would watch any sport.  I’ve watched Ultimate Tag, The Floor Is Lava, and every season of Wipeout and Most Xtreme Challenge since this thing started.  We’re gambling on Cornhole, for crying out loud.

So I’m excited to finally see a broadcast from the bubble and watch these ridiculous athletes play.

I’ve already watched every baseball game available, and an NHL exhibition game in July, which is weird.

I guess the moral is…SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS

Tonight’s ACTUAL SPORTS, all in local DFO TIME

 

NBA

5:30 – Utah Jazz vs. New Orleans Pelicans

8:00 – Los Angeles Clippers vs. Los Angeles Lakers

MLS

7:00 – Philadelphia Union vs. Sporting KC

MLB

8:30 – San Diego Padres at San Francisco Giants

 

Anyhoo, enjoy your sportings this evening, and I’ll see you jackasses in the comments.

 

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle. Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski. They have no children, but do have the world's cutest dogs.
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rockingdog

finally go padres

rockingdog

found a funny:

Genie: you have three wishes

Me: i wish you were Dory from Finding Nemo

Dory: done

Me:

Dory: you have three wishes

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

There is the one for the evening for me Moose, well done. I just know this is real.

SonOfSpam

This is where the China shoot-formaldehyde-into-crowning-infant-head is at least on the table.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love how the flags make it look like she has bat wings.

Brick Meathook

Time to go buy another six-pack of wine down at the Ralphs. You get a great deal and I’ve found the new “two-buck-Chuck.” I might look into boxed wine and compare the price per gallon. I got a freezer full of Absolut, and the governments of two countries, a state, and a county keep sending me money. I really need a haircut though.

SonOfSpam

The box wine works out to about $4.50 a bottle. And it’s ok, better than that Charles Shaw shit. What’s the cheap wine you like at Ralphs? I don’t judge (I do).

Brick Meathook

Can’t tell you because it sells out. Other people are discovering it. The best part is that it has a screw-top (clue) so you don’t have to mess with a cork screw or bottle caps.

SonOfSpam

Ok it either has a number in the name or a dessert.

WINE DETECTIVE ON THE CASE.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I need a haircut too, been almost 5 months. I’m still too paranoid, so me and my lovely locks are just pretending it’s 1977 again.comment image
Yeah, that’s about right, except a lot grayer and wrinklier. And an old gray beard.

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gumbygirl

Ok, this is funny, you look a lot like my brother, who graduated in 77 also. Must be the feathered hair!

ballsofsteelandfury

Note that we’re working from home, I think pooping at work is the least objectionable thing that’s happening during work time.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, at least my socks aren’t involved

(checks dwindling toilet paper supply)

YET

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Like a slightly-less-sexy Rupert Holmes song.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

This is what happens when you give a woman unlimited bread sticks. smgdh…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Everything in this picture fits in the canon, which probably says more about me than the picture

rockingdog

Kind of weird knowing these guys playing Basketball with the rest of the state of Florida hitting new highs in Covid cases + deaths & a tropical storm brewing….
but ok
SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dr. Robert Bruce Banner takes a shit at work.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

The only car where the tailpipe is for intake.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

I MUST HAVE THAT

(the inhaler, not asthma)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They are made in Romania.

SonOfSpam

They don’t work if you had garlic at lunch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

If you poop at work you get paid for it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Especially in Germany.

Sharkbait

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Brick Meathook

The puppeteer had to stick his arm up out of a toilet and then up Elmo’s ass to achieve this magical effect.

Last edited 4 years ago by Brick Meathook
SonOfSpam

While trying to ignore an erection.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Plus, you don’t have to clean the toilet you destroy.

scotchnaut

Folks that destroy work toilets are the lowest form of mankind. There. I said it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

I thought those were the ones that make 69 jokes…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice.

scotchnaut

No, no, no, no, no. They form the seventh circle of hell.

ballsofsteelandfury

I mean figuratively, of course. You’d be destroying your asshole while destroying the toilet.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s always been my philosophy. Also, if you take one of those inflatable airline neck pillows into the crapper with you, you can take a nice 30 minute nap on the clock.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You see the joke is about certain women’s attitude about taking a shit.

Gratliff

Haven’t heard that particular DMX jingle in a while.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB2_MmtMoIc

Senor Weaselo
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

Okay, the Lakers have played their white guy from the local Y (Alex Caruso). When are the Clippers going to do the same?

Last edited 4 years ago by scotchnaut
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Will Herman Cain recover from COVID? Nein Nein Nein

SonOfSpam

Tasteless and just wonderful.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

AGREED!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Less than a month after he no masked it at a rally?

https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/herman-cain-obituary/2020/07/30/id/979733/

Wakezilla

Vikings are off to a great Covid19 start. By the way rate things are going, by the end of August, most of us DFO ers will be in the Vikings starting lineup

Senor Weaselo

Dibs on the undersized slot receiver!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

As a potential NFLer I feel I can cover the off-field “Driving Under the Influence/Leaving The Scene of an Accident” role if need be.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Wakezilla

Congratulations to Litre for having Mighty Fulham advance to the finals. The match was a real cracker!

litre_cola

Nail biting stuff. I almost paced a hole in the floor.

scotchnaut

Kawahii is huffing and puffing 5 minutes into the first quarter.

SonOfSpam

Forgot the apostrophe

Kawai’i

scotchnaut

Frickin’ apostrophe Naz’i.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Because he needs load management, duh.

scotchnaut

Maybe he’ll manage his load for the entire 2nd and 3rd quarters?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“What?”

-Sasha Grey

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Surprised he brought the bong.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Baseball is a dumpsterfire. That is all

Senor Weaselo

It seems that baseball is becoming golf. The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf possible.

Sharkbait

At least in golf its socially acceptable to drink while operating a motor vehicle.

Spur

AD is a bum.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, he’s no

(tries to think of a Spurs player)

Tyler Zeller

Spur

Tell us LeBron do Hong Long Lives Matter?

litre_cola

Vietnamese ones sure as hell do. -R. Kraft. Foxboro, Mass.

SonOfSpam

“I am not familiar with the work of this ‘Hong Long’ but I will endeavor to seek it out.”
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Spur

fuck it, am leaving the spelling. You’ll know what i mean

SonOfSpam

Thank you for your service.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That was a great typo. I commend you for it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Marco Rubio thinks that is a great picture of Herman Cain.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Lakers/Clippers game national anthem being sung by Compton Kids Club.

Or is it the Kompton Kids Klub?

Either way, it’s lovely.

Spur

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Last edited 4 years ago by Spur
Spur

Jazz bail out the Spurs.

I’ll put some mayo on my sandwich in gratitude.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[MCS triggered]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I don’t remember this episode of Sesame Street [gay agenda triggered]

SonOfSpam

(Elmo voice) “Hey Dorothy, why are you licking that clam?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

Answer: The patriarchy. Mostly Marvin.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kind of wild that Rudy Gobert was the one who just hit the game-winning free throws.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Not gonna check the box score, just gonna assume he got 9 points, 9 rebounds, and 9 blocks to honor the late great
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Happy Thursday Muthafuckas.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

“I didn’t know it was a full moon tonight!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Very good. Would have accepted “She needs to go back to her planet now.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Why does the NBA have “BLACK LIVES MATTER” on the court when Utah is playing?

Gratliff

They occasionally need to be reminded they exist

LemonJello

C’mon, we know Utah exists*

*it’s one of the realms from Game of Thrones, right?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Caught my first tube today. Sir.
On the Great Salt Lake, no less.

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

I congratulate myself for keeping my white shirt clean after cooking and eating tacos.

Unrelated: what gets bongwater stains out? Blood?

SonOfSpam

Try a little club soda. In the bong. Instead of water.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[coughs, club soda and smoke come out nose]

Fronkenshteen

I’m drunk. Another vodka shot is less than 10 feet away. What do I do?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Can you make it there on the crawl?

SonOfSpam

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I openly laughed at that you fuck. Damn it!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also a vodka enema would FUCK YOU UP.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, it does.

WOULD I MEAN WOULD HAHA NOT DOES HOW WOULD I POSSIBLY KNOW HAHA

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Use the Force!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

All hail the new cursed image
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

“Nice swing, bitch!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Hey thanks, daddy-o.

Spur

How do the sneak in the Groupies to the NBA bubble?

LemonJello

There was a lot of turnover in the hotel staff.

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Last edited 4 years ago by LemonJello
SonOfSpam

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Gratliff

Very funny to me that the same hardcore constitution nerds who nod approvingly at every shitty thing Trump’s done since he took office are suddenly up in arms over the delaying the election thing like he hasn’t become increasingly emboldened by the sort of dipshits who crank it to the federalist papers

herodotus450

Don’t you mean “aren’t up in arms” ?

Gratliff

Oh no, they’re very upset, but these are the absolute poindextery of the constitution nerd types.

herodotus450

Oh, the ones who got mad but did nothing about trump saying “take their guns and sort em out later”?
Or the ones who jerked themselves off to the Electoral College actually mattering because he lost the national vote?

Gratliff

Yes

Gratliff

Specifically, the founder of the Federalist Society just called for his immediate impeachment, which I imagine was fueled by the same nerd energy of somebody screaming “Han shot first!”

LemonJello

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herodotus450

Heh, maybe when he has as many impeachments as divorces his family values base will start to care.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fucking Federalists anyway. They didn’t behave any better in the Sierra Madre than they did in Portland or Seattle.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqomZQMZQCQ

Game Time Decision

Are we still Nets fans or is that chapter now closed?
/asking for me and not the spice guy

Senor Weaselo

I think we had more Nets fans than the city.

Spur

Place has been updated since I’ve been gone. This in preparation for White History Month?

herodotus450

Basketball!? At a time like this? When there’s exhibition hockey going on?

Spur

Can’t wait for the rank and file to see the Head Honcho enjoys NBA. NBA love isnt welcomed around here. Am proud of my NBA love.

GO SHITTY SPURS GO

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m anxiously awaiting Pop and Kerr coming out with some more clever invective insinuating the orange one is an ‘orrible cunt .comment image

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Senor Weaselo

Hey, are the Knicks playing?
/No, nobody wants to see that.

Viva La Tabula Raza

And this late?

Spur

Folks

Viva La Tabula Raza

Still waiting for ESPN to bring back Spelling Bee. Even if it’s just re-runs.comment image

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Senor Weaselo

That’s why we have marble racing!
(Note: Event 10 got moved to tomorrow at 2 DFODT instead of today at 2 DFODT.)

ballsofsteelandfury

Go Balls!!