Final Four for the Final Four: A Recursive Sunday Night Thread

Now pinch hitting…for DonT…

Reverend Mayhem. Mayhem.

Hi kids! Long time no bore-you-with-overly-twee-prose!

It’s perhaps the best time of the sporting year (Non-Football Division) for your average North American fan. Pro basketball and hockey are in the last sprint for the playoffs, so at least half the teams have Hope. F1 is still early enough to convince one’s self that Red Bull’s cheating won’t result in a complete walkover, or at least that the teammates will DNF each other in multiple races. Baseball is soooo close even Marlins fans can convince themselves their team will actually try to win.

But the best part- the BEST PART- is that we don’t have to hear about “college” sports until August. I apologize for the many, many of you this offends, but it is time. Cut all ostensible ties to universities. Make all conferences minor leagues, with teams (openly) owned by the boosters. Hell, you can even keep your dumbass mascots.

Just leave me and my Division III alma mater alone forever.

Miami vs. LSU 7:00 PM Eastern/6:00 DFO Time- ESPN

Louisville vs. Iowa 9:00 PM Eastern/8:00 DFO Time- ESPN

Whelp, by the time you read this the final game of the Men’s Basketball Elite Eight should be winding down, while the final two Women’s games are kicking off.

As someone utterly indifferent to college sports beyond laughing when friends’ teams eat asphalt (hardwood?), I can offer only the following “thoughts”:

1. I’m tired of the One-and-Done/G League vs. Draft High Schoolers debate. Let’s go with the futbol model and let teams sign kids without a learners permit. Or, you know, teeth.

Let them sign embryos.

Let teams commission tall people to have sex in hopes of producing The Ultimate 8 Foot Half Court Shooter. I look forward to watching Kayden Bol-Cambage hooping it up for the Neo York Nix in 2052.

I’m pretty sure this is how the Eugenics Wars started in the Star Trek universe.

2. I dislike Miami on principle, but Kim Mulkey is what Cruella DeVille would look like if she hunted and skinned children instead dalmations. Go Canes.

3. I want to root against Louisville due to the lingering Papa John stain. But then he probably is pissed that women are allowed to play sports other than Beach Volleyball and varsity mudwrestling. So…go Birds?