Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

This thing… This fucking thing is playing with my sanity. Been holed up too long, starving on memories and something’s going to break. Soon…

I hated being out of touch with what’s going on in this town. I need to get a feel for this place so I took to walking at three or four in the morning, just snooping around. Early on I figured there might be something to be had around schools because everything was shut down. “There’s not even any need for custodians”, I thought. You see, the homeless naturally gravitate to spots where people aren’t. For the most part they want to be left alone, un-hassled by cops or any authority figure really, as they drink and fuck (if they’re lucky) and eat and sleep.

I found a school about 15 minutes away that looked promising. There were at least two entrances that I could see that had walls built around them-a perfect place to curl up with a fetid blanket and sleep off the rotgut. I looked for the tell-tale signs-cigarette butts, beer bottles, junk food wrappers but no luck. It didn’t make any sense. But then I walked around to the back and I figured I might have hit the jackpot. A huge parking lot, two baseball fields next to one another and a small forest of pines and elms behind the fields. I realized there was housing behind the forest so no doubt the decades and decades of kids that lived there created paths to get to the school and back home again. Not wishing to press my luck I peeked into the dugout and yes! the signs were all there. I marched home quickly, knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep that night.

Such anticipation! I waited until mid-morning to do my exploring and followed a trail that ended between two houses but also veered off behind a small three-story apartment complex. There was a rock outcropping with grafitti spray-painted on it so I wandered over. There was the firepit that was most likely used by teenagers on the weekend and some bums during the week, bottles strewn everywhere, of course.

As the sun was setting I crept behind the baseball field closest to the pathway and sat down by the pole on the third base line. I was a bit exposed but was certain that I couldn’t be seen unless someone were specifically looking for me. I waited. After ninety minutes or so a figure, staggering along, walked into the woods. Time for me to shine. I gave him fifteen minutes to take a leak and pass out.

Maybe it was because it had been so long but the night seemed to go silent. The air turned thick and seemed like a weight on my shoulders. No sounds at all but the crunch of pine needles underfoot. I reached the small clearing and saw my guy with his back to me. He wasn’t snoring and that was a bit surprising. I crept closer, step by step, took out my knife, raised it, rolled him over…

He had a knife in his hand and slashed at me! He opened up the side of my bicep just a little (hobos never take proper care of their knives-they’re always dull) as I almost missed entirely but managed to get under his shoulder blade. Panicking, not thinking, I grabbed at his blade as I buried mine just under the top of his jawbone. Fuck, it hurt! I was able to pin his arm to the ground with my knee. I ripped down with my knife and the floodgates opened up. He wasn’t going to hurt me anymore.

Now I was the one that staggered along the path. I was sure that the wound to my arm wasn’t that bad but the area below my thumb was opened up wide. Damn it! I was sweating profusely. There’s no way I could show up at a hospital, I would just have to do some rudimentary stitching myself and I’m not looking forward to the prospect but it has to be done.

The irony that I would have to hole up again for quite some time while the wound healed was not lost on me.

TO THE GAME!

Cowboys/Rams:

Dallas has so much frickin’ talent on O it’s ridiculous. The question then becomes, “How will they end up squandering it?”. Will their dissembled secondary give all those points right back? Don’t look for Amari to be gangbusters tonight, he’s being tailed by a friend to the site, Jalen Ramsey.

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Brick Meathook

Carson is the better stadium. The Coliseum is the best.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Petronel

“AAAAAAAANDYYYYYYYYY!”

Gatoraids

Jerrah leveraging LA to build his next stadium

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Spur

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ArmedandHammered

So this game comes down to whoever’s offense derps the least.

Doktor Zymm

Welcome back to the NFL!

ArmedandHammered

I was hoping for a little more defense than semi-random placement of turnstiles, which may actually be an improvement.

Spur

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Why did McVeigh steal TinTin’s hairdo?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Earlier JPP got a sack, which was well played; did anybody go with the “I haven’t see JPP this explosive since……”?

Petronel

Welp, guess that’s what happens when we don’t have a preseason.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

People just are not good at tackling these issues.

Unsurprised

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Doktor Zymm

If the Dallas D were a facemask…comment image?quality=80&strip=all

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Texas? Check. Walmart? Check.

Gumbygirl

I want to go prance around in that waterfall/fountain thingie.

Romonobyl

The Cowboy’s defense is more porous than my hip bone.

ArmedandHammered

Do either of these teams have a defense, at least beyond one that is theoretical?

LemonJello

Some defenses used by these teams:

“I swear, those drugs aren’t mine.”

“I never hit her, officer.”

“That gun? I don’t know how it got in my waistband!”

Doktor Zymm

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Brick Meathook

LAX MENTION!

Drink in honor of yeah right and Brick Meathook!

LemonJello

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Horatio Cornblower

I played two years in high school. My last two years they had an intramural team to gauge interest in a varsity program, which was stupid since it was an all-boys prep high school in CT. We ran around on a back field and hit each other with sticks.

To this day I do not know a single lacrosse rule.

Doktor Zymm

Zeke is a pretty good single man argument for keeping the fake crowd noise

Horatio Cornblower

I’m feeling pretty good about my preseason feeling that every Cowboys game is going to end 45-38.

I am feeling less than good about how many of those games they’re going to have the 45.

Spur

alright. TD for Zeke and some belly time

King Hippo

Perhaps we can has game after all?

Unsurprised

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Spur

CeeDee! CeeDee!

Petronel

If Michael Gallup had been an MLB slugger, he’d have the Gallup Pole.

After I typed that, I realized that that would also be true if he’d gone into porn.

Romonobyl

I see Vander Esch learned everything he could from Sean Lee.

Horatio Cornblower

Playing football less than a year off of cervical spine surgery seems like a less than good idea.

Romonobyl

Been less than two months for me, but I can’t even imagine something like that.

Horatio Cornblower

Welp, Vander Esch is done.

Horatio Cornblower

The refs need an anatomy class or two, because that is not a back.

Romonobyl

I heard cervical stenosis mentioned. I can relate and have the little scar on my neck to prove it. Still recovering, taking a loooong time.

Brick Meathook

The open sides of the stadium allow fresh jet exhaust from LAX to enter the arena

LemonJello

As hard as the Cowboys are sucking right now, I’d be afraid of a backdraft effect from the wild fires.

Brick Meathook

I live here and there ain’t a fire within 30 miles.

Brick Meathook

Did I get voted “negative” here? By who? The Russians? I’m sorry if I served in the one single elite military service that collapsed your former Soviet Union and forced you to wear cheap track suits, but please don’t bring it up on a dick-joke blog. Peace out, bro.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That jet exhaust kills coronavirus.

blaxabbath

Wait? Is the social justice film they’re pushing about a trial attacking….white men?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Jewish.

Brick Meathook

In the 1960s

Horatio Cornblower

Pretty sure he’s still Jewish.

LemonJello

It’s about time that the white man’s plight makes it to the big screen.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m putting off a shower for his drive, Dak. Don’t make me regret this.

clint greasewood

Dak is just salivating for that garage time.

Gatoraids

Dak To the 4th Quarter

Brick Meathook

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Spur

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Spur

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Redshirt

Based on the sound of that hit, I was waiting for that upright to shatter.

Doktor Zymm

That was a good solid clang!

Spur

Was that a stop for Dallas?

Horatio Cornblower

Yes, with help.

Horatio Cornblower

Sloman? Moar liek “No! man” amirite?

/dragged out with the LA uniform guy and shot

LemonJello

All the DFO gods/goddesses are making their presence known today.

Last edited 4 years ago by LemonJello
WCS

PRAISE SHANKH’LOR

Horatio Cornblower

Al & Cris have indeed mentioned that Aldon Smith has been out of the league for the last 5 years, but they’re remarkably silent about why he’d been out of the league for the last 5 years.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aldon_Smith#Legal_issues

blaxabbath

I guess my Hulu Live TD is….just starting the game now.

Not very “live”.

blaxabbath

NM — I don’t understand remote controls….

Redshirt

Hulu likes to start live recordings at the beginning. Its weird.

Doktor Zymm

Sean Mcveigh has done a fine job keeping his fauxhawk groomed without professional stylist help

WCS

What’s the percentage Kroenke actually showed up for this? 15%?

Last edited 4 years ago by WCS
Horatio Cornblower

Oh I’m sure he took the red-eye back from London after attending the Arsenal game.

Redshirt

Uniform Designer: “Okay, I’ve got your basic design and colors here. How bright do you want the colors to be?”

Ram: “Yes.”

Horatio Cornblower

THIS DALLAS D, I CALL IT DEBBIE DOES DALLAS, AS IT ISN’T SAYING NO TO ANYTHING!!

King Hippo

SUCH great work, Scotchy. I must share with the League.

Spur

i miss Garrett

Romonobyl

That was quick.

Doktor Zymm

My new Covid conspiracy theory: The NFL introduced the virus to cover for the fact that they had no chance of filling this stadium

Spur

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Brick Meathook

Amateur photography

Horatio Cornblower

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Petronel

Successful wedgie avoidance

Horatio Cornblower

Just finished walking the dog and turned on the TV to see the officials screw up, the Rams run through the Dallas “line” for a TD, the Dallas squander an initially promising drive. My initial takeaway from all that?

That whoever is responsible for these Ram uniforms should be taken out and shot.

Romonobyl

Or at least taken to a farm upstate where they can run and play with other sportswear designers.

King Hippo

he’s BACK!!!

Romonobyl

Yep, rumors of my demise were mostly exaggerated.

Horatio Cornblower

Tomato, tomato

Spur

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Brick Meathook

This guy is imagining all the grandchildren he will never have.

herodotus450

For the first time ever, those pointless “If the season ended today…” articles might actually be useful.