Eventual Balls Thoughts is now on Tuesdays after the AFL Beat until the AFL Grand Final when it will move to 7 AM unless the NFL season gets cancelled because of COVID in which case it will move back to the Monday 7 AM slot as Hippo will have no more Instant Thoughts to share with us.

I have started work on developing a “Gently-Used Fleshlight Hall of Fame” and I’m researching all the winners of the previous competitions we’ve held here at DFO. I have, as would be expected, all of the winners of the AFL Tipping Contests and the AFLW Tipping Contests. I also have the winner of last season’s English Premier League Tipping Contest as well as the winner of last season’s NFL Tipping Contest (hosted by an Australian ESPN site).

I also have the winner of the DFO Survivor Pool (hosted by the USA ESPN site and run by our own Yeah Right) from the inaugural year of 2015. Things get a bit fuzzy after that. I also discovered that we did a NFL Spread Picks pool and a NFL Straight Up Picks pool in 2015 and I have the winners for those, but I don’t know/remember if we continued those contests in subsequent years.

If anyone has any recollections about the contests we’ve run and, more importantly, who the winners were, please write them in the comments! Thank you!

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I just discovered that cutting the cord not only saved me a bunch of money, but I also got back something I cut out a few years ago! Fubo TV has the NFL Redzone channel (the one with Hanson, not Siciliano) and it’s included in my package!

So, I watched it all day and came to some conclusions after watching the coverage:

• I’m going to enjoy watching Tom Brady lose almost every week.
• The Patriots are going to finish 9-7 and they will STILL win the division.
• Which will make the losses even more painful for Brady.
• The Ravens, Chiefs, Seahawks, and Packers seem to be the best teams in the league. There are your conference finalists.
• I was watching a game on the local station via antenna and the action was almost a minute ahead of the streamed NFL Redzone Channel. That was weird because I’d get excited about a play and then get a feeling of déjà vu.
• The Washington Football Team being called “Team” on the various channel scrolls was hilarious to me. They shouldn’t get a nickname and just continue being “Team” and change their uniform colours to white and light blue:

• The new LA stadium looks nice but I saw a graphic during the game that said it cost $5B while the Raiders stadium in Vegas cost $1.8 B. I’m sure Blax will have some thoughts about that…
• It is funny to me that they showed a promo package showing “Hollywood” and talking about movie stars when it’s really “Inglewood” and there isn’t a white person within five miles of that area on non-game-days.
• If the NFL is serious about ending racism, what about taking some pride in the predominantly black/brown city where the stadium is actually located and not trying to associate the stadium with a white neighborhood?
• The best fried chicken and donuts place I’ve ever been to is less than a mile from that stadium. It’s amazeballs.
• OhmigawdyouguysdidyouseetheendoftheBengalsgame? I literally LOLed when I saw that kick. Poor Redshirt…
• The Steelers win on Monday Night Football was nice, but expected given they are now tied for all-time MNF wins with the 49ers and it was the Giants. Let’s see what they do against tougher opposition.

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The Week in DFO

Here are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:

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Some sub-optimal shit right here.

Gratliff

It doesn’t look good, but it’s still only the first period.

Balls

Don’t often see excerpts from Judy Blume novels here.

Gratliff

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Pussy whipped is funny. Not really an insult when the alternatives are hanging with a girl or with a buncha guys talking and scratching / shifting their genitals.

Don T

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“Not gonna lie, this is one of my favorite cartoons.”

– Gary

The Revanchist

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I offer to take up Sunday Gravy, but it will be a review of the Craigslist whores I swapped gravy with the night before.

Buddy

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I’m getting drunk and listening to Ta-Nehisi Coates. Jesus it is depressing to think about the responsibility we collectively bear for the fuckedupness in this country.

BFC

I bear no responsibility for anyone else’s lack of self esteem.

(except for my stunning good looks, enormous wealth, and huge cock)

Brick

Your cock needs to help end racism.

BFC

Oddly enough my cock has more than done its part.

Yeah Right

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Argo has no right to be this good.

Unsurprised

I’ve said the same thing about argon. The noblest of gases!

RTD

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Welcome to the Black Parade is also what Jerry Richardson used to say before the NFL combine.

BFC

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This internet connection of mine, I call it my 2nd wife because it keeps halfheartedly going down for about 30 seconds at a time.

herodotus450

I CALL HERODOTUS’ 2ND WIFE “QUITE OFTEN” BECAUSE I TRUST HER JUDGMENT.

scotchnaut

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I have been to two pro wrestling events. The crowd was super nice and friendly.

At one point in time my brother in law leaned over to me and said, “There are two women in the ring, hitting each other with kendo sticks. This is better than a strip club and the beer is way cheaper.”

JJFozz

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This pussy must be in witness protection because I can’t see anything but a blurry screen.

Litre_cola

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I could comment on this, but I’m afraid every possible comment I can think will lower everyone’s opinion of me.

Redshirt

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I’m seeing the skies in the west coast baseball games, and I’m beginning to think Total Recall is becoming a documentary.

Beerguyrob

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found a funny:

here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. some apples are delicious, some taste bad. sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. you know what’s the same every time? doritos

rockindog

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Day One with my 1985 Walter Payton throwback jersey. Praise Jebus.

Just like Payton in the Super Bowl, you ain’t scoring tonight.

SonOfSpam

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“It’s not about White and Black. As long as the Gays don’t get involved.”

– T. Dungy

Low Commander

“We all just need to hang in there.”

SonOfSpam

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By past metrics, the amount of fans at this game would be an exceptional turnout for the Chargers.

ArmedandHammered

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Hate to be so controversial, but I think this Mahomes might be pretty good.

King Hippo

I still say he should have moved to wide receiver.

tomsellecksmoustache

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Love that Andy took part of the buffet home to make into PPE for this game.

tomsellecksmoustache

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Travis Kelce has taped at least two people’s buttocks together, he got the idea from Breakfast Club

jjfozz

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Ah Cris, blithely dismissing the NFL’s institutionalized racism with a chuckle. Never change, Cris, you mealy-mouthed chucklefuck; never change.

Horatio

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You’re sorry for going in her room without permission?

LemonJello

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In Soviet Russia, pussy eats you!

Redshirt

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Horseshit horsecollar call.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Obscure Disney Characters for $100, Alex.

Porky Prime

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Me: “CEH kind of reminds me of Ray Rice.”

Fozz Spawn: “Let’s just hope he stays out of elevators.”

jjfozz

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Down 24-7, Bill O’Brien confidently turns to the running game…

Horatio

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Houston’s only deep threat now is the next storm surge

Gatoraids

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Someone on the Houston roster must know how to use a Tor browser, get on the dark web and hire a cleaner to take care of O’Brian.

Spur

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Texans spent the 3rd running the ball like they traded their best wide receiver.

Sharkbait

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End Racism!

[Employs Richie Incognito]

Dick E. Phuck

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CEH isn’t a little scatback, but Odell is.

Dick E. Phuck

Najeh Davenport has the copyright on “scatback”

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

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found a funny:

Emergen-c is healing crystals for office people

rockindog

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I’m so proud.

Balls

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Tons of Folks: “Woo! College football is back, baby!”

Also Tons of Folks: “Duke/Notre Dame? I hope all the players get The Bat Cancer.”

scotchnaut

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Well, thanks to the Chefs, your friend owes you $100.

I call that a reverse andy reid

BFC

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Your 2020 Chicago Bears: Literally an Afterthought.

RTD

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Since the season has started, there is no more Request Line, so no music video until the offseason.

Thank you to everyone one for providing quality laughs and gifs/pics to look at. Have a good week, everyone!