Let’s neither dilly nor dally-TO THE GAMES!
LIONS/FALCONS:
I invested heavily in Matty Ice fantasy-wise this year and it’s been a bit of a roller coaster operator ride in that I’ve considered a meth-centric life and my personal hygiene has become an issue. Injuries at wr and the o-line have hampered his production but he got right last week, ON MY BENCH! Still, he just needs a clean pocket and he’s fine with an adjusted completion rate of 80% and a passer rating of 103.
Browns/Bengals:
Is this the game where Mayfield gives Cleveland fans hope (again) or does he crash and burn? From the outside looking in it appears that a big part of his success was dependent on confidence and he seems bereft of it now. Play your Tee Higgins and Tyler Boyd but wait it out on A.J. Green-turns out the majority of his receiving yards last week came when he was being covered by lb(!) Anthony Walker.
Steelers/Titans:
Looks like what we got here is one of those ‘robust matchups’. Can Tannyhill (I call him this because it reminds me of a soft porn movie I saw called Fanny Hill) withstand Pitt’s unrelenting pressure though? His percentage of sacks taken when under pressure is third, only behind the likes of Kyle Allen and Haskins. Weirdly, there are massive holes in the Steelers secondary as they’ve given up an average of 20 fantasy points to the qb and that includes the likes of Dimes, Driskel and Wentz.
Panthers/Saints:
Carolina has allowed the 4th fewest fantasy points to the wr spot so you may want to park Sanders here. Conversely, take a look at the Panthers starting te (it’s Ian Thomas with a piddly 11 targets to date) because the Saints give up the most fantasy points in the league at that spot.
Bills/Jets:
Josh has stumbled a bit the last two games just as everyone noted that his qb-ing play had gone up several notches. His adjusted completion rate is still over 75% and this tilt certainly has the old ‘get right back up on that horse, cowboy’ feel to it. Vegas is giving 125-1 odds that Gase will be disemboweled in the locker room after the game. I don’t know, a part of me really wants to jump in on that action.
Cowboys/TEAM:
Need to stream a qb this week? You could do worse than Mr. Allen. Everybody wins when they play the Dallas D! And of course take a look at McLaurin if you’re playing daily fantasy-the guy had 12(!) targets last week, FFS. There truly is no one else on TEAM’s wr corpse.
Pack/Texans:
Here’s another of those ‘get right’ games but this one’s for Rodgers. After stinking up the joint a bit last week he gets a Texans D that yields a passer rating of 119.6 and an amazing 6.7 average yards per play. Okay, they give up a lot thru the air, they’re feisty on the ground, right? Naw, they’re the only D to surrender 1,000 yards so far this year.
Comment away, my fellow football fiends!
Some tough Non-Gendered defensing!
Was Cook in? That was close.
(thinking): You know, this Bengals offense is looking good. Oh, shit!
(speaking): “No! I was only thinking it. It doesn’t count if I think it. DAMN IT!”
BURROWENDZONECEPTIONPOCALYPSE
NAWT A TD!
Not that it matters, Team will just run it in on 4th and micrometers.
Wait, what the fuck?! How can the games have started already?!
Also hi, y’all
Edit: Checked the time – it’s fucking 6PM CET, 5PM GMT… WHY ARE THERE GAMES ON NOW?!
We don’t roll clocks back till next week.
Ah… I didn’t realize WE had moved the clocks last night tbh thanks to every clock around here being synched to a NTP server automagically 😀
It’s FINALLY fall weather here in NM. Grey and chilly…fucking BEAUTIFUL like Porky likes…but it DOES tend to screw with the internal clock.
Bills D doing a great impression of a collapsible table so far.
I want to live bet against Atlanta just because of their grave fashion crime.
Bengals OC: “5’9″ 205 lbs? Lets run him up the middle!”
Two minutes into the game, and Dallas’s defense already being described as “historically bad.”
This is promising.
Dallas game is on. Am a masochist.
Sportsball allegiance is a fun and creative way to hate oneself.
*Raider Nation nods drunkenly*
Steelers and Titans are gonna fucking MAUL each other today.
BEN is going to rub up on those Tits
Is Moose ok?
Did something happen? My attendance is spotty. He’s ok, right?
He and Brick were beefin’ but Moose is very much still welcome (and missed).
What Hippo said.
Tell him Brick got his hed skwidged, so it’s safe to come back!
Brick’s crank shtick can be difficult to brush off sometimes
Just haven’t seen his work much lately. He’s the Terry Gilliam of the open threads, you know?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuEghDO_j0o&ab
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/snow-expected-for-chiefs-at-broncos-in-week-7-heres-how-many-inches-denver-is-getting/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPrbccEdI5o
BOOOOOOOO
Team opposing Domzale got 15′ red card WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Christ….do i even try to watch the Dallas game?
update on my back: Can someone come over and put a bullet in me? Am not legally allowed to kill myself, someone needs to do it for me so we get that insurance money.
(shoots Spur in the foot)
Shortly after my last back workout routine, I went into the kitchen, slipped, and broke my fall by slamming my back flush against the edge of the counter, currently laying back in a chaise lounge, trying to figure out if humans were just meant to die at 35
Hope you feel better, Grat. I’ve made some headway at 46 trying to exercise my way into reasonable sexitude, and then 45 days into my childishly simple, possibly ineffective workout program, the Rice Krispies noises have begun in my elbows, shoulders, and lower back, and I’m finding my traditional amount of sleep (minimal) is actually not enough.
Oh, it comes and goes. It’s usually pretty good when I work out regularly. I’d be fine if not for the derp and even then only hurts when I’m sitting or laying down. Something very American about a pain that only occurs when you’re not doing some sort of work.
This sounds like a job for….Hippo Man!!!
/Hippo smashes through the wall with a huge jar of pills and some Kool-Aid to wash it down.
Oh YEAH!!!
Last day of vacation and I am going to celebrate by sitting down and watching what’s left of the Cowboys fight to “win” the NFC East, then either celebrate or drown my sorrows by hitting this place like it stole something.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hc6T4IO4WcU
Should also put fight in quotation marks
Well, I’m pretty sure someone on Dallas is going to take a swing at McCarthy and/or Nolan soon, so technically “fighting among themselves” counts.
Are Dak and A-Aron Eskimo brothers now?
Did Rodgers get fucked by Jerry too?
I’m the last one to defend Ol’ Double J, but I don’t think he fucked Dak. He reportedly offered Dak a contract worth $100 million guaranteed over four years, (Chris Simms reported that it could be worth as much as $175 million, but ‘Chris Simms’ and ‘reliable reporting’ aren’t really two things that go together), but Dak wanted five years and was willing to gamble on an even bigger contract as a free agent. He lost, which undoubtedly sucks, but Jones was willing to sign him for big money.
https://www.saturdaydownsouth.com/mississippi-state-football/dak-prescott-dallas-cowboys-extension-175-million-
https://bleacherreport.com/articles/2900229-cowboys-rumors-dak-prescott-final-contract-offer-features-over-100m-guaranteed
Thought I put these links in, but I guess not.
Dak lost the bet that Joe Flacco won big on. There’s a lesson in that somewhere. Actually no there isn’t.
The mediocre white male will always do better than the outstanding black male?
I mean, I think that lesson’s been drilled into US history for, well, all of it, but sure, one more example for the road.
McCarthy needs to leave NOW. Admit the error and move on.
No! Give him time to gel with the team!
Your back is is going to feel better before JJ admits he was wrong that fast.
Usually THE BEN is up for a feisty pair of Tits. But something tells me these Tits can put up a fight.
Okay, I have fresh batteries for my radio and fresh ice cream for me to eat my feelings.
I am ready for today’s Bengals game!
What kind of ice cream?
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. They were out of Mint Cookies and Cream and Cookies and Cream.
Wasn’t sure if there was a big cat themed flavour or if “ice cream” was code for the alchy-hall
Just 1 more full week of political ads. Then its on for mid-terms 2022!
Or the georgia Senate run off
I have thrown away pounds of political mail ads in the past week. I can not fathom how much money they’re spending on this shit.
All of the Repugnant ones are on super slick paper. I guess they figured out that Cali folk would be wiping their butts with them?
Oversized, thick stock cardboard, super slick, and going not to every house, but to 75% of them, so I have to pay extra attention. Yes. Very very familiar with those goddamn motherfuckers.
I used to be a clerk in a post office with a 2500 box section, I feel your pain! Circulars with a specific address were the devil’s work.
Aw, Christ. The political mailers are adding a solid 90 unpaid salary minutes to my mail route EVERY GODDAMN DAY. CAN’T FUCKING WAIT FOR IT TO END.
Im not going to get super political about this, but I still have coworkers at the Post Office who are vocally and Facebookly shouting “Vote Red! MAGA!” Like they literally want people to vote to endanger their fucking careers. I’m a single issue voter this election. There may be a million things god awful about Trump, but he’s trying (with partial success already) to disrupt, dismantle, and destroy the US Postal Service. Why would any postal worker vote for Trump? They must just like the taste of cat food.
That’s like paying for your wife’s plastic surgery and encouraging her to get to know the Pool Boy.
Sounds similar to labor union members supporting Republican candidates. Dude, they hate you.
Yup. First responders voting for Trump? So, you’re basically saying fuck my brothers and sisters in the wildfire zones that Orange Dicktaster would prefer to ignore because Blue States don’t actually have millions and millions of Republican residents.
Nurses in nursing unions voting for Trump is just the dumbest fucking thing I’ve seen in a year of seeing the dumbest fucking things I’ve ever seen. The second wave is crushing Michigan now and hospitals are already running out of PPE, and every hospital buried staff because of it, but sure MAGA or whatever.
Its the horrifyingly relevant equivalent of Lakers fans saying “I don’t want Lebron on our team! He’s a team jumping asshole! Let’s stick with the clusterfuck we got now out of brand loyalty!”
Remember in “Roger & Me” when the last truck rolls down the assembly line, the workers are all cheering and clapping, and the ONE GUY is standing there amazed and says, “They’re all cheering, and they just lost their jobs.”? That always stayed with me.
The Ohio Trumpaphiles had their 2nd Nuremburg Rally around the Cincinnati Bypass, now they were on the corner of the grocery store with Trump lags and signs.
Now, I didn’t run either over with my car, but I’d be lying if I say I didn’t run some scenarios through my head.
Morning Folks
Sir!
Good lord, Lions vs Falcons. How can both teams blow massive first half leads?
C’mon, Nee Slurs. Go for that #2 spot.
Jonnu Smith(TE-TEN) or Robert Tonyan(TE-GB)? I’m also starting Arron Rodgers over Deshuan Watson.
Jonnu
Stack ’em up. I think the Texans ‘defenders’ description is a misnomer.
–General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna
Winner, Winner History Dinner!
Hurst or Gronk?
Hurst.
Gotta love a top-heavy Hurst thruster.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zt3cKK27rkw&ab_channel=MaccaIsntDead
Me, to the Dallas offensive, (in more ways than one), this week:
?itemid=8299481
My buddy said that they put trackers on those big ass hornets
wat
Yep. And they found a nest near me!
2020 RULES!
Blaine Washington, HELLO – Larry King
Fun fact: That murder hornet is perched upon the flesh of NBA Commissioner Adam Silver.
A sneaky tight end play would be Tyler Kroft of the Bills given that Knox and Williams are out. He’s had a 2 TD game and will get the vast majority of snaps today.
I’m starting him, hoping he gets some of John Brown’s targets
Harper’s Ferry?
I don’t see how that helps the Bills, but OK.
Just picked him up in 2 money leagues and inserted him into the starter slot over Hockenson. Got me a strong feeling…
Dude was attending the birth of his first child earlier in the week, so he is ready to GOOOOOO OFFFFFF!!!!!
Oh man, that’s gonna make a great story. He’s ready for blast-off in the year 400 billion!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zhs0KaFex3k&ab_channel=Atheneleetking
Tyler Kroft was dependable when he played for the Bengals. If he has a good game, I won’t be surprised in the least.
Aaron Jones: OUT
Maestro, if you’re here, check your roster in Gratuitous Simpsons References. You’re playing me this week, and doing so with two guys who are marked as “out.” I would feel bad if I didn’t do (literally) the bare minimum to try to bring this to your attention so that you could fix it.
Same applies to bgr in the crazy pool. You have 2 guys on bye
Terrible confession: Yes, I know Snyder still dark overlords them, but when the <Redacteds> decided they were going with Football Team (which I always felt they should, though I assumed “Club”) I’ve felt a strange affinity for them. Like I hope they keep that name for all eternity, and should they ever be justifiably good again (but after the Raiders overcome themselves and do it first,) I hope they win a Super Bowl, just so Goodell is forced to award a Lombardi inscribed “FOOTBALL TEAM”.
Vegetable Advice:
Holland vine tomatoes are dirt cheap this week. There’s no way you should be paying more than $2 a pound. You’re welcome.
Holland turned their backs on us in 1791 and I’ll never forgive them for it!
I see Holland is as astute in estimating the future value of their vine tomatoes as they are with tulips.
Do you deliver? I’ll take 6, pls
Are we telling Hippo about the red card?
who got it??
Digne.
oh holy Christ. Any way it gets overturned?
Didn’t look like a red to me on its own. Checking now to see if he’d been playing on a yellow.
Nope. Straight red. And the replay makes it look worse. Poop.
Hey, rare serious question, I current have Foosball Team v. Dem Boys, but someone strangely dropped the Rams v. Ditkas. Should I grab the Rams instead?
Trying to concentrate on FITBAW after the Dodgers shit the entire bedroom set last night.
YES, RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! is very strong D/ST play
Thanks. Like Shakira once said, Hippos Don’t Lie. Something along those lines, whatever.
I think they just sort of … squat, don’t they?
Depends on what they’re doing, I guess.
I would not get all hot and bothered about starting anything other than an elite D (ask my wife) against Dallas. As bad as they were last week Dalton isn’t terrible, (he isn’t great, either), and you’re still talking about Elliott, Cooper, Lamb, & Gallup. If the O-line gets its shit together at all, that’s an offense that will still make your fantasy D, (another question for my wife), look bad.
Grabbed the Lambs. I usually stream defenses, but the pickings were slim 3 days ago. The Rams popped up yesterday. They might be worth keeping vs. Tua next week, so that’s one less move to make if I need it.
After much discussion with Hippo/arguing with myself, I’m doing the one-win Chargers for Survivor Eye Of Tiger.
?Risin’ up. Back on the street?
Tee Higgins breakout game today vs. Factory?
As Bart said so long ago…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeg5u14TIEU&ab_channel=Alzombie
Actually debating between him and Jamaal Williams if Jones ends up playing.
Jones is out. Just picked up Williams and threw him in for Jones.
oh wow, the 3rd shittastic goal came off the board? I disengaged the teevee box the instant it went it. And it’s not going back on until Heroic RedZone Muzak.
We will have SNOW in Donks-land. That’s GOOD!
I have to play either Michael Gallup or Judge Jeudy. That’s BAD.
I am not able to make any kicker changes, and have to play McManus in the aforementioned blizzard. That’s BAD.
Shank’lor was fully sated by yesterday’s quad-doink.
Everything sucks again!
/except GAMBLOR, I do have moneys on Reims this morning
Was just going to check on you.
I’d kill every last one of y’all, except FOAR Reims. Also have like $40 on Domzale later.
found a spoooky funny:
how am i supposed to believe humans are the dominant species when a spider is over here building a house with their butthole
Survivor Advice?
Saints, Pats, TB, Rams, Ravens and Fins off the board. Thinking Bills but I’d prefer a team playing at home.
Want to go ballsy/stupid? Clippers du Merde
I WAS LOOKING AT THAT GAME! It’s a fantastic setup for a W.
But they’ve only got one win. But they can stop the run but 2 wr’s have gone for more than 120 against them. But they’re at home coming off a bye. GAHHHHHHH!!!!!
Further disclaimer – they took me out of Loser pool (I had Black Panthers) when Ekeler dropped the lateral half of that perfect hook and lateral final play.
Bengals RB Joe Mixon is out. Please adjust you fantasy lineups and alcohol intake accordingly.
Paul Bernardo gonna kill it today!
/takes long shower
Fantasy football food question: wings or pizza?
Yes.
Pizza
If the Chicken Wings are playing against Tums I’d go that route. Pizza doesn’t do well vs. Gas-X.
I’m starting beer on defense.
Breakfast wine as the warmup act for me.
I’m making chicken enchiladas and a pot of pinto beans. Had a damn tasty pizza yesterday.
Fantasy Football Question:
RB Devin Singletary vs. JETS or Jamaal Williams vs. TEXANS?
As per below, see if Jones is playing. I like Singletary a lot but damn, McDermott simply does not play to his strengths. Who is your qb this week?
If Jones doesnt go Williams is a top 10 rb today.
Singletary has Moss to contend with for touches, and the game could very well be non-competitive and clock kill-y. Jamaal can catch passes and might be in a shootout. I vote Williams.
Welp, Ryan vs. Lions or Stafford vs Falcons?
Ryan has better receivers. Jones Jr is ded, and that leaves Hock, and not Irish Galwayday.
Good mornin! I have been tinkerin with my lineups way too much that I am bound to leave all the points on the bench.
I noticed that you mentioned Jones from the Pack is out-missed that. (As well as Sanders with ‘Rona)
They just announced Jones travelled with the team but may give it a go. I HAVE TO DROP MY KID OFF AN HOUR BEFORE GAMETIME!!!!
/bff bday party, all she wants to do is watch football and drink (WE HAVE A SITTER!)