Your Sunday Early Morning NFL Football Open Thread (Left Coast Only)

Let’s neither dilly nor dally-TO THE GAMES!

LIONS/FALCONS:

I invested heavily in Matty Ice fantasy-wise this year and it’s been a bit of a roller coaster operator ride in that I’ve considered a meth-centric life and my personal hygiene has become an issue. Injuries at wr and the o-line have hampered his production but he got right last week, ON MY BENCH! Still, he just needs a clean pocket and he’s fine with an adjusted completion rate of 80% and a passer rating of 103.

Browns/Bengals:

Is this the game where Mayfield gives Cleveland fans hope (again) or does he crash and burn? From the outside looking in it appears that a big part of his success was dependent on confidence and he seems bereft of it now. Play your Tee Higgins and Tyler Boyd but wait it out on A.J. Green-turns out the majority of his receiving yards last week came when he was being covered by lb(!) Anthony Walker.

Steelers/Titans:

Looks like what we got here is one of those ‘robust matchups’. Can Tannyhill (I call him this because it reminds me of a soft porn movie I saw called Fanny Hill) withstand Pitt’s unrelenting pressure though? His percentage of sacks taken when under pressure is third, only behind the likes of Kyle Allen and Haskins. Weirdly, there are massive holes in the Steelers secondary as they’ve given up an average of 20 fantasy points to the qb and that includes the likes of Dimes, Driskel and Wentz.

Panthers/Saints:

Carolina has allowed the 4th fewest fantasy points to the wr spot so you may want to park Sanders here. Conversely, take a look at the Panthers starting te (it’s Ian Thomas with a piddly 11 targets to date) because the Saints give up the most fantasy points in the league at that spot.

Bills/Jets:

Josh has stumbled a bit the last two games just as everyone noted that his qb-ing play had gone up several notches. His adjusted completion rate is still over 75% and this tilt certainly has the old ‘get right back up on that horse, cowboy’ feel to it. Vegas is giving 125-1 odds that Gase will be disemboweled in the locker room after the game. I don’t know, a part of me really wants to jump in on that action.

Cowboys/TEAM:

Need to stream a qb this week? You could do worse than Mr. Allen. Everybody wins when they play the Dallas D! And of course take a look at McLaurin if you’re playing daily fantasy-the guy had 12(!) targets last week, FFS. There truly is no one else on TEAM’s wr corpse.

Pack/Texans:

Here’s another of those ‘get right’ games but this one’s for Rodgers. After stinking up the joint a bit last week he gets a Texans D that yields a passer rating of 119.6 and an amazing 6.7 average yards per play. Okay, they give up a lot thru the air, they’re feisty on the ground, right? Naw, they’re the only D to surrender 1,000 yards so far this year.

Comment away, my fellow football fiends!

 

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Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— B. Walsh

King Hippo

Fat, drunk kicker yoink

TheRevanchist

Seabass came out of retirement?

Gratliff

booooooooooo no record

rockingdog

really hoping that BIG BEN throws for like 50yrds + 1 more TD in these last few minutes
come on, come on, come on….

LemonJello

“HARF HARF the BEN knows how to keep forcing things over and over.”

Horatio Cornblower

The Cowboys reverting to the ‘Don’t Get Hurt’ defensive scheme makes me leery of their prospects of coming back in this one.

Gratliff

Henry with the leaping TD
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TheRevanchist

I wouldn’t get in the way of that battering ram.

SonOfSpam

Willy is a tough bastard, yes.

Spur

41 for PIT stopped Henry but he paid a toll.

Unsurprised

The troll toll?

herodotus450

Houston kicking field goals in the 4th quarter down three possessions–I thought Bill O’Brien already got fired?

Horatio Cornblower

I can’t wait for the fan reaction at the next Dallas home game.

TheRevanchist

Those cardboard people are so going to be upset.

LemonJello

“Sure, they’re whores and all, but I can’t just throw them away, can I?”
-Ol’Dubble J

Last edited 3 years ago by LemonJello
Horatio Cornblower

It’s Texas, so I expect at least 35,000 people there figuratively booing their lungs out, before they get Covid and literally cough them out a month later.

TheRevanchist

Don’t pee on my shitty joke. Unless that is a fetish, in which case I don’t fetish shame, but I would like a copy of it on DVD please.

TheRevanchist

Even though I got Pit-Tit, I do hope I get some bonus Bengals, but only if the Browns lose.

Mr. Ayo

You might be granted that wish.

Horatio Cornblower

We are a pathetic yet honest bunch.

Gratliff

If the Eagles win the next two games against Dallas and New York, you can fully expect me to revert back

LemonJello

“Is my team playing in a black hole, ’cause I can’t see any of my gott-dammed stars. YEEEEeeeeHAAAAawwwwww I AM FUCKING SEETHING!”

-JJ, Visiting Owner’s Box, Landover MD

Porky Prime

I guess my decision to drop Football Team D for the Rams D was a mistake…as God is my witness, I didn’t know “QB Murder” was a trackable stat.

Horatio Cornblower

I feel bad about my advice on that one.

Probably not as bad as Andy Dalton is feeling right now, but bad nonetheless.

Porky Prime

You’re suggesting that Andy Dalton has human feelings. Interesting.

Porky Prime

Besides that I’m playing a complete moron who had two running backs on a bye and one injured and did nothing about it so the slots are empty…but picked up Matty Ice off waivers despite having Teddy and Ben already. And this guy was in second place.

Horatio Cornblower

“No points in this quarter”, says the announcer in the Cowboys game.

Buddy, there’s no point in the rest of this game.

herodotus450

I believe that’s Italian for “The Nucci”

Mr. Ayo

Hey! I’m playing quarterback over here!

Porky Prime

That Belichick Subway commercial would have taken on a whole different connotation had they used a 40ish blonde MILF as the actress.

Last edited 3 years ago by Porky Prime
Spur

Romo’s phone is blowing up.

LemonJello

“New phone. Who dis?” is the only acceptable answer.

SonOfSpam

He only answers the Corona Hotline these days.

Horatio Cornblower

“Lime time!”

LemonJello

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Unsurprised

I almost feel sorry for him seeing this gif.

Porky Prime

Andy Dalton: I don’t think I can play anymore.
Trainer: We’ve established that. But how do you feel?

Horatio Cornblower

I outweigh DiNucci by 5 pounds, which does not fill me with confidence as to his ability to survive the rest of this game.

Porky Prime

How dare you sir. The legend of Nooch beginneth.

Gratliff

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Don T

I don’t know how far behind is this stream, but the chyron said King George was mad and sending troops.

Horatio Cornblower

I advise you to bet heavily on the colonists.

Don T

? cabrón ?

Horatio Cornblower

Speaking of that, I’ve been attempting to improve my Espanol by watching ‘Queen of the South’, which occasionally uses closed-captioning to allow its characters to speak Spanish. But I am confused, because they’re using ‘cabron’ and ‘pendejo’ interchangeably for ‘asshole’ and ‘bastard’. Which is which? If I’m gonna get my ass kicked for insulting someone in a Mexican bar, I’d like it to at least be for using the correct term!

Don T

Pendejo literally means “pubic hair”.Calling someone “pendejo” is fightin’ words. “Cabrón” means “ram” literally, “cuckold” figuratively (horns, or “cuernos”). But “cabrón” , as an adjective, is summin’ awesome—like that TITS D stop woo!

Porky Prime

When in doubt, use both and don’t forget the pinché!

Spur

Dirty hit too. Eject that fucker.

Horatio Cornblower

He’s going to be getting a significant bill from the league office.

Gratliff

Jesus. Put McCarthy in at QB

Horatio Cornblower

Andy Dalton’s dead.

Spur

Did he even have a soul?

Mr. Ayo

*drops CeeDee Lamb*

I mean, I hope Andy is OK.

Horatio Cornblower

Can’t drop him any faster than Lamb’s been dropping passes today.

Mother Puncher

Bengals with the most unnecessary trick play

The Maestro

Afternoon, folks. The Buffalo Bills are regressing to the mean. I may feel a slight twinge of joy in my heart. This is an unusual feeling in 2020.

Mother Puncher

So these shitty CBS sitcoms suddenly feel the need to tackle serious issues? Like to imagine a very special 2.5 men where Charlie has to travel out of state to pay for an abortion.

WCS

Can we get a Very Special Episode of Big Bang Theory where they all get AIDS from each other?

Horatio Cornblower

BAZINGAIDS!!!

Unsurprised

I know if a shifty-ass lefty pinko, but am I the only one who respects guys like these and doesn’t have a shred of respect for corporate and big firm lawyers?

Unsurprised

I know if 

I know I AM

Senor Weaselo

Afternoon all, I wonder why my updates haven’t showed me how much the Jets are… *checks ESPN*
AHEAD by a point? Of course they are…

ArmedandHammered

Screwing up the tanking for Trevor.

King Hippo

Fucking Domzale, man.

Horatio Cornblower

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ek8hibXWAAA4AhO?format=jpg&name=medium

Much like Dallas, this guy is just doing noting besides flyin’ around and showing his dick.

Doktor Zymm

Won’t really be around until later, but I just wanted to pop in and say LOL DALLAS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Gratliff

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” data-partner=”tweetdeck”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>The 2-4-1 Eagles should rest their starters for the next nine games</p>&mdash; Patrick Daugherty (@RotoPat) <a href=”https://twitter.com/RotoPat/status/1320434143172374530?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>October 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Gratliff

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” data-conversation=”none” data-cards=”hidden” data-partner=”tweetdeck”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>This means they rest both their starters: Wentz AND Kelce</p>&mdash; Nunzio Vuono (@nvuono) <a href=”https://twitter.com/nvuono/status/1320434623416049665?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>October 25, 2020</a></blockquote>
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Horatio Cornblower

Dr. Pumpkin Spiceotope Retweeted
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Dr. Pumpkin Spiceotope
@BuckyIsotope
·
16h

*takes a look at how much America sucks* the Dallas Cowboys truly are America’s team

Horatio Cornblower

Half-time or, as Mike McCarthy calls it, nap-time.

Spur

Figures.

Gratliff

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

ArmedandHammered

Should have kept running it.

Gratliff

Eagles-esque drop

ArmedandHammered

Followed by the Daltonception.

Horatio Cornblower

“The old rivalry”

Please. For there to be a legitimate rivalry both of the teams have to be good, and that is not the case with Team/Cowboys

rockingdog

Fantasy Football Question:

RB James Robinson vs LAC or Melvin Gordon III vs. KC?

Mr. Ayo

Robinson

WCS

I am liking this. I imagine Don T is not.

Gumbygirl

Me too!

Horatio Cornblower

Down 22-3 and with the half coming to an end, McCarthy & Co. decide to establish the run.

ArmedandHammered

Perfect time, no one would expect it.

Horatio Cornblower

By god McCarthy, you’ve done it again!

litre_cola

Just realized I told Scotchy to take Matt Ryan today. I am a dumbass.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have too many right ends.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

*Tight

Mr. Ayo

I never get enough burnt ends

— A. Reid

Unsurprised

No one does