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[interior: a packed casino coffee shop. A man sits at a table for two]
Man: “Dude! There you are!”
[another man staggers up to the table and sits down heavily. He places both hands to his head]
Dude: “Hey man. What’s up?”
Man: “DUDE! [laughing] You look like shit!”
Dude: “You should feel it from MY side. What the fuck did we do last night?”
Man: [pauses] “I.. I don’t even know! I can’t remember anything.”
Dude: “Same here. Jesus we had to close the fucking bar. I’ve never felt this shitty in my life.”
Man: “I’m right there with you Dude. Fucking hell I need some food and some water and some fucking coffee.”
Dude: “Where’s our waitress? I’m literally fucking dying over here.”
Man: “Dude, we’re lucky we even got a seat! Look at this fucking crowd.”
Dude: “This shit is insane. I’ve never seen it this crowded here before. You can barely shoulder your way through the crowd and more people are coming in as we speak.”
[A harried waitress passes the table]
Man: “Excuse me waitress but can we order…”
Waitress: “Be right with you, Hon.”
[Waitress disappears into the crowd]
Dude: “Jesus. A person could starve to death over here.”
Man: [glancing towards a bank of slot machines] “Holy shit, Dude. Look at that jackpot on the slots!”
Dude: “Holy shit! Does that say 230,000? That’s nuts.”
Man: “There’s another one over there that has a cumulative total from casinos around the world.”
Dude: “Mother fucker. One point nine MILLION! That’s a hell of a pay out.”
Man: “Can you imagine the lucky bastard that gets that? Set for life, Dude. Hey our waitress is coming back. Excuse me, Miss? Can we place an order real quick? We know what we want.”
Waitress: [extremely harried now] “OK, Hon but I’m real busy over here. What can I get you two.”
Dude: Can we each get some coffee, some water and maybe some bacon and eggs? Oh yeah give us some toast too. And sausages and a Danish.”
Waitress: [speaking as she writes] “And sausages and a Danish. Got it. Gotta warn you it might be a little bit. We are jammed packed.”
Man: “I can see. Thanks for taking our order.”
[Waitress hurries off]
Dude: “Thank fuck. I’m starving.”
Man: “I just noticed something. Doesn’t it look like there are a lot of older folks here? Bunch of ’em look pretty out of shape too. Not to mention looking pretty unhealthy.”
Dude: [laughing] “Man, when was the last time you were in Vegas? This crowd looks pretty normal to me.”
Man: “I don’t know Dude. These people look BAD. Like really fucking bad.”
[Waitress hurries by and sets 2 empty coffee cups down]
Dude: “Shit. Would have been nice if these had coffee in ’em but it’s a start. What’s up Man? You don’t look too good.”
Man: “When did we get here?”
Dude: “The coffee shop? I don’t know, Man you were here first.”
Man: “Not the coffee shop, Vegas. I don’t remember getting here. Did we fly here? Drive? How long have we been here?”
Dude: “You’re starting to scare me a little, Man.”
Man: “Seriously. Not just that but I can’t remember anything before today. What about you?”
Dude: “Huh, that’s weird. Hell of a hangover Man. Jesus sounds like a blast. I just wish I remembered what we did.”
Man: “Exactly. Listen Dude and don’t take this the wrong way but I’m not even sure I know who you are.”
Dude: “Alright. Now you’re just fucking with me. Did I order potatoes? Damn I could use some potatoes right now. I ordered potatoes, right?”
Man: “Really. Who are you? Not just that, I’m not even sure who I am.”
Dude: “OK Man. We may need to seriously consider a detox. That’s some fucked up shit. There’s our waitress. Excuse me, Miss?”
[waitress hurries by]
Waitress: “Be right with you Hon.”
Dude: “Motherfucker could starve to death.”
Man: “Dude. I’m seriously scared. I honestly don’t know who I am.”
Dude: “Easy fix my friend. Check your wallet.”
Man: [breathing sigh of relief] “There you go. That’s a good fucking idea.”
[Man reaches into his back pocket only to find it empty. Quickly he checks his front pockets, also empty. In a panic he starts patting his chest. Nothing]
Dude: [laughing] “Nice try Man.Trying to stick me with the breakfast check again? Like in Barstow?”
Man: “Who are you? Really.”
Dude: “It’s me. I’m…”
Man: “What’s the last thing you remember before coming into this coffee shop?”
Dude: “Well, I was… I don’t know. We came in here and we… I don’t….”
Man: “We’ve got to think hard. I’m freaking out here.”
Dude: [seriously concentrating] “Wait! There were people! They were wearing masks. And face shields.”
Man: “That’s right! And nursing scrubs too.”
Dude: “Holy fuck. I was in a plastic bag. I was on…”
Man: “A ventilator.”
Dude: “Wait! That’s it! The doctors said the virus fucked with your memory! “That’s what this is! We got better! And we came here to celebrate!”
[Looking at the jackpot sign for the US casinos, Man sees the numbers change from 230,000 to 250,000. Then it quickly spins past 300,000 and immediately goes to 400,000. More and more people pack into the casino]
Man: [with all of the color draining from his face] “I don’t think we got better, Dude.”
Dude: “What do you mean? Of course we did. Hey look! Here comes our waitress. Excuse me, Miss?”
Waitress: [hurries past] “Be right with you, Hon.”
/fade to black.
Holy shirtballs, that was forkin’ great.
If I didn’t know better, I’d say this sounds like an average morning for the investment dream team of HUNTER and Bobulinski.
Yeah Right, I would put this up with some of your recipes. An absolute masterpiece.
Clem rb Etienne has a career ypc of 7.4.
LOVE LOVE LOVE the Hammers in all Powder Blue.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCyITnDjJdQ
https://youtu.be/tCyITnDjJdQ
Double fuck.
BC ain’t scared-going for it all on 1st down.
Vegas coffee shop is the perfect setting for this.
Well done!
Doggoween is real, people.
Holy Carp!
Security guys standing nearby while BC coach is being interviewed at away stadium? Jesus Banana Christ.
This was great.
Indeed. I love DFO Story Hour!
/Sillycuse D looking to get a stop on Wake’s first possession in 2nd half
//Gives up 80 yard pass TD
Don’t worry, you aren’t missing much by watching that shitshow.
/Clemson will end up winning easily
Here they come!
Agreed.
Per the advertisement that just flitted across my (muted) teevee box, it would seem that not only is Doctor Retard still a thing, but he apparently has a girlfriend. Is that too far, Abed! FOAR America??
1-5 Sillycuse down by 10 to Wake. Maybe Dino Babers’ Magical Mystical Rebuilding Tour is coming to an end.
He seems to be stuck in 3 star recruit hell.
VEAL PARMIGIANA SANGWEECH?! FUCK YOU!!!!!?
Haller has one of those strides that make it look like he’s dragging ass, when he ain’t.
West Ham is the Richie Aprile of the Premier League today. Crazy enough to take out an eye.
Dude, I just bet $90 on the Shite to come back and win. Because (1) I am in a zone right now where EVERYTHING I BET IS WRONG; and (2) they’s just no way Moyes won’t choke at Anfield.
That’s a responsible wager. West Ham has had a MURDEROUS early skedj, and came through energized. Best confidence I’ve seen in them. Also, Shite played midweek, my lot – not so much. Lastly, Haller. Finally gets a start due to Antonio injury. Clearly wants out. Needs to take the opportunity to sell himself. Think he’ll get his head on one. Cheers!
Holy Bananas! BC is doing it! Wow! Fake field goal followed by insane catch.
Trickery in Death Valley!
*Dearth
Wow, that was dark. Nicely done.
One advantage of watching the Sillycuse game is North Cakalacky political ads. The Republicans trying to shame Cal Cunningham for cheating? I guess it’s targeted to the dementia-addled that can barely mouth the words ‘family values’.
unless the “jackpot” is in the billions, take the over.
BC 21
Clem 7
I’d like that upset, but really can’t see the lead lasting. Fingers crossed though.
BT Potter-Harry’s far less interesting cousin who doesn’t even have a scar, smh-has made it 21-10.
Do we migrate from post to post? I say we do.
Also, it’s a shame these two good fellas couldn’t get a cuppa Joe.
The original idea was a dream that I wrote down at like 4 in the morning. I was in a coffee shop and couldn’t get service.
I ate a huge breakfast when I got up that day.
yeah right, out there in real life showing his dreams who is the boss, like a….boss.
bleh
Seconded.*
*commenting about pretty much everything right now