If there’s a lousy smell in your house you might want to check the oven or change the channel away from the tilts on offer today. These four teams are a combined 13-27 and going nowhere fast. To be fair, ‘nowhere’ might be the playoffs for Team and the Cowboys because 2020 touches itself.
Feel free to say hello in the comments, let us know how the meal is coming along, what snacks are on offer and the beverages you are using to wash everything down that lovely gullet of yours.
TO THE GAME!
Texans/Lions:
-The Lions hosting the Thanksgiving Game every year is the best argument for ‘old traditions need to be rethought’. When the game is relevant it’s almost an accident of the schedule and it’s very rarely because Detroit is doing well.
-We’re almost three quarters of the way through Matt Patricia’s last season as an NFL head coach. That’s a thing to be thankful for.
-Are we seeing a wasted career in the making? The Shaun Watson is 6th in yards thrown with 2,883 and has a 20-5 TD/INT ratio after the team got rid of a top 5 wr and replaced him with nothing. Hell, Watson is even learning how to throw the ball away on lost plays. During the combined 2018-19 season he was sacked the most times-this year he’s only 7th!
-PFF rates Houston’s secondary as the very worst in the league but Jesus, the Lions air game suffers tremendously without Golladay in the mix. In games where he’s caught a pass this season the Lions are 3-1. But the thing is, he’s not a target hog that gets a dozen or so looks when he’s playing. He’s the piece that makes the entire offense work. Kinda strange…
-Duke Johnson hasn’t exactly overwhelmed the last few weeks but you may want to insert the fella here vs a Lions D that gives up the most amount of fantasy points to rb’s.
Sincerely, I hope everyone has a stress-free day doing all the things that you’re able to enjoy during this uniquely bizarre holiday. Cheers!
No one’s happier than AP’s kids right now. “Dad’s in a good mood! No beatings!”
All a scam to get the game canceled and expand the playoffs to 8 teams in each conference. Who is currently in the 8th spot in the AFC? THE BALTIMORE RAVENS
Well, maybe just a mild beating.
The Ravens catching Covid en masse and getting the game moved to Sunday has made my fantasy decisions way easier!
Vultured again by the testicle-switcher.
Peterson continues to excel at gashing up the middle
Lions unis look like the early 90s Madden games before the NFL licensed the real teams
four turnovers in just over 15 minutes
“I’ll take, what is the content of Andy Reid’s first dream of the evening for $600, Alex?”
Oh, no, Darrell Bevel is mad? What’s he going to do about it, draw up the world’s worst revenge play?
this should be banner
There can be only one banner and Redshirt has it.
you get a turnover
you get a turnover
everybody gets a turnover*
*needs turnover recipe from yeahright, like, stat.
Is Romo drinking? That might be the only way to enjoy this game.
This game is awesome no negativity please
:blinks:
And back away slowly, make no threatening moves or eye contact,
/Whispers
Guys, it’s time to cut Mother Puncher off.
Jesus, these teams really took the “giving” part to heart this holiday, didn’t they?
This game feels like it’s 24-3, Houston
Nevermind
SPARTA PRAGUE WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, yes, I’d like to contribute to the Support-A-Pug foundation; where do I send the check?
u noe, it’s leftover painkillers we really need
I have an enormous bottle of 600 mg Ibuprofen that I’m not using. It’s not the same thing, but maybe it’ll serve as an apertif.
I presume “leftover painkillers” are not a thing in your house.
It’s like Andy Reid trying to contemplate the concept of leftover ham
I will take the pug money!
Fantasy Advice I have Julio Jones, Stefan Diggs, AJ Brown in the line up. Should I start CeeDee Lamb over any of those WR? Julio might be injured and Brown is playing Indy in what might be a a low scoring AFC South Championship game.
Dalton to Lamb is a good combination. The only thing I’d be worried about is if this is the week someone decides to double Lamb instead of Cooper.
Or focus on both of them and watch Gallup go off.
But I would start Lamb over Brown.
/Brown goes for 12 catches, 132 yards, 3 TDs.
Bud Light says Giants fans are trash!
[pokes head up from inside dumpster]
“Who said what now?”
-Anon, N. Ontario
This might be the dumbest bud light ad of all time. And i know that’s a strong statement.
Looking over the UEFA Europa League offerings and I see ‘Qarabag vs Sivasspor’. You can’t just string random letters together and tell me it’s a football match.
Are you sure it’s the Europa League and not the Scrabble League?
Every team I see that name I thinks “Queer Bag” because I am a piece of shit
This is either the Finnish league or the Hungarian league
Azerbaijani team vs. Turkish team? Meteor it is!
doesn’t this poor cardboard giants fan know that bud light’s high water content will be horrible for his structural integrity?
He is dumb enough to drink Bud Light so he probably would not understand the last two words of that sentence.
Can check
I would like to subscribe to your Gigantic Asses newsletter or podcast, sir.
GAOTW (Gigantic Ass of the Week)
I don’t think my neighbor fully appreciated my sarcasm when I returned his “happy Thanksgiving” text with a few words on genocide and disease spreading
Send him this for Xmas
I dunno you guys, I’m starting to think that Matt Patricia might not be a good coach.
but that ear pencil!!!???
I still say that is the same pencil from when he started as a head coach.
He’s certainly not wearing it down coming up with good plays
I reckon he has eaten at least 3.
“It’s cause he has a girl’s name.” – Todd Haley
“Trust The Prosise”
Sidney Powell, everybody!
Trust the Prosec – Andy Reid
God damn I’m too old to be this hungover
keep drinking, never sober up.
poor deshaun, he thinks he still has Hopkins
Those pre-game tequila and Red Bull jello shooters were a mistake for sure.
No fake news libtard JEEEEEWWWWW virus for us Reel Murrikans!!!1111 – Mrs. Fat S., Grosse Pointe, MI
I believe there’s an ANTIFA chapter in Grosse Point.
/this is not a joke, someone actually asserted that during the MI election certification
cancel those FRAUDVOTES in Detroit and Flint then obvs
Jesus, Lions. You know, you didn’t even have to show up, you could have just told the NFL that you all had COVID.
Okay it’s kind of funny that Tom Selleck is the star of a show that comes on after a reboot of the show he USED to star in. CBS truly hasn’t had an original idea all century.
THIS GUY MATT STAFFORD I CALL HIM A VOLUNTEER AT A SOUP KITCHEN CAUSE HE IS SERVING IT UP ON THANKSGIVING!
Obligatory
Nailed it!
Watt down!
turn down for watt?
Nailed It!
— B Walsh
Dangit.
“Am I awesome? Tell me how awesome I am!”
-J.J. Watt, on the sideline just now
/presents for congratulatory handjob
Watt the fuck?!?
He’s amped.
OK, that was worth watching the game for, just because of the sheer unlikelyness of that play.
Or just for scotchy’s electricity wordplay
Watt is the steam engine that could.
This is gold.
Wattsgiving
#NoHolidaysOff!!
Is it too early to start drinking on the west coast? I should have breakfast first, shouldn’t i?
I’m working out first, but once I’m done all bets are off*.
*including any bets made on the Ravens-Steelers game
One of those coffee flavored stouts or porters work for a breakfast drink, right?
I wouldn’t mind trying a bacon, eggs, hash brown and whiskey brekkie some day.
I skipped right to the freezer vodka. But I’m on hippo time
Just waiting for the football games to start.
What’s that you say?
To the beer basement!
So does Duke Johnson not want to play football and the Texan staff doesn’t believe him?
The morning game is on CBS isn’t it….I despise CBS. At least it’s the crap game that I’m missing!
I am enjoying it because I muted the sound from the beginning.
CBS All Access can eat the whole bag of dicks
Yup, with a full side of dick cheese
Time to stream Slavia Prague (HAIL GAMBLOR) and Bastard Side Celtic on the work laptop. Maximum FOOTY!!
Oh cool, I didn’t know there was a Slavia Prague event today. Is she reading from her sequel to The Bell Jar?
oopsie doodle SPARTA Prague, whose much less HAWT
Today is the most oven-related holiday, so this joke is topical.
[high fives Horatio]
Morning Folks. Happy Thanksgiving. Please stay away from other people.
This is my highest #LyfGoal
As moribund as it sounds, I’m loving the lack social obligations am required to attend this year.
As long as they stay away from me, all is well.
touchdown!
Oh my. She’s festive.
No way that’s OSHA approved.
“So?” – Chargers team doctor
Maximum Purple Balls Jesus: 4 carries, 3 yards (but with TD)
What’s that called? Pitch reverse flea flicker? Like what everyone wants to do to Stafford’s wife?
Do you get the sense that neither of these teams particularly wants to be playing today?
“Can you blame them?”
–Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson
Ha ha ha ha more like PUKE Johnson amirite?
I would mock those imaginary chums starting him, but my only options in my money league are Salvon Ahmed and Samaje Perine
Sounds like a couple of burn ointments.
Goddamnit TheShaun, that’s NOT TOO MANY COOKS
#improvement
I have not eaten a thing. I have pork belly bites jerky available, as needed. Pill #1 is down, I changed my furnace filters, now LET’S FITBAW!!!
Meal will be started later, beef tenderloin, yorkshire pudding, mushroom and shallot gravy, asparagus roasted in garlic with a lemon balsamic vinegar, and homemade cherry crumble. Snacking via a charcuterie. The boy is bringing beer, but I am having the gose he brought last time. BTW, a beer he came up with is actually going to be sold and marketed by the brewery he works for – a cookies and cream white milk stout. Not my kinda thing but hey, some people enjoy over hopped IPAs.
I would absolutely drink that. And eat all of the food you’re making.
It was just too sweet for me, I can handle sweet with fruit flavors, but that is about it.
Ok well mail me some or tell me where I can get it.
I will let you know.
No turkey? Why do you hate America?
I hate turkey, unless it is one I smoked myself and I am too damn lazy to do one for 3 people.
It was very strange not baking biscuits and cornbread last night. First night before Thanksgiving that I hadn’t done that in over 30 years.
It was kind of awesome.
I’ll be ratcheting up the savory smells in a couple of hours and the family Zoom call is at 1 PST. Got pork rinds and two different types of hummus for snacking today along with some pecans, cashews and macadamias.
Think we’ll be just fine.
Who just got a conference call scheduled in 40 mins?
/Sad Litre
I always take this day off, didn’t this year due to working from home. Fuck.
just need to stream the game on the other monitor…. or work from the couch this afternoon.
and as most of my clients and teammates are US based, it’s a quiet two days. Win Win
that’s RESPEK FOAR our injun slaughter holiday
/slaps ass HARD (in Canadia)