Good day. We are here to tell you a story about an incredibly well traveled gift. The illustrious BallsofSteelandFury and I were exchanging futbol jerseys as he has a pipeline on SexiMexi stuff and I could get him a Cavalry FC jersey from here. This is a tale of a lonely Club Puebla jersey that went on a grand tour. Our adventure begins on August 24, 2020…
- Litre Cola (LC), about a week after the package was shipped: Sooo Balls, ummm where is the parcel? I work for the local postal heroes and it never left LA
- Balls Of Steel (BOS): Really? That’s weird. Do ya think it went through Glendale and ended up in a driveway (link)?
/Checks USPS site
It says it’s in transit? - LC: I looked into it, my system says it never left LAX. There is a Sizzler near the airport where my buddy and I changed a lady’s tire in the parking lot. She gave us a free dinner and in closing she told us to put steak in our pockets when we left. I digress, are you pulling a BC Dick here, mailed it all weird? I will monitor for a few days.
- BOS: Wait, was that the Sizzler in LA or in Calgary? Do they have Sizzler in Canada? Is it spelled Sizzleur?
- LC:. No sizzleur in Canada, we used to have Bonanza which is the same as Sizzler but with a bit less cacher. I find that buffets are good for breakfast and Vegas, that’s it. Yeah that stripper deep throated that chicken tendy and I ate it, what of it? Anywhoo, I would take out your insurance claim for the parcel because someone stole those fleshlights and Puebla Jersey. Did you fuck with the addressing at all?
- BOS: Speaking of strippers, didya ever go to Bare Elegance next to the airport? Great lunch buffet! Do you think the fact I addressed it to Decilitre might be a problem?
- LC: No, BC Dick used to address weed (when illegal) to Oxipug and it got here. Only American strippers I have been to are in Vegas and in Houston. I will say, Houston strippers must have a great employee of the month club because they go for it! Back in the day when I moved to Alberta you were allowed to throw Loonies and Twonies at strippers for posters etc. This was completely foreign to me as a 20 year old from Manitoba. I drew the line at throwing coins at a woman, it was strange. Some people have a problem with eating at the rippers , I think it is ok as long as you aren’t in pervert’s row. That’s weird to me. Thoughts?
- BOS: Would it surprise you to hear that, at a previous job, my workmates and I developed a map showing the best strip club lunches in LA? Why do you Canadiens always have better terms for stuff than we do? Rippers is brilliant as is darts. I once ate a roast beef sandwich in pervert’s row while a pregnant stripper tried unsuccessfully to climb the pole. I gave her $5 and told her that if she wanted to kill the baby at least go to an abortion clinic. The sandwich was delicious, tho.
Which clubs in Vegas? Would it also surprise you to learn that I once saw a dead body in the parking lot of the Crazy Horse Too? - LC: So I was there for a friend’s stag and met a Mexican guy from Dallas poolside while we we all partying. He had neck tattoos and looked nefarious but he was there for a wedding with an old school friend and his story checked out. Anywhoo, he had weed and we got high in my Don Johnson room (Planet Hollywood) then he said he had a limo to this peeler bar . My 2 buddies were skeptical but I trusted the guy. I was right, he paid for lappers all night and the booze tab. Turns out he owned land in West Texas that had a bunch of oil deposits, now he just hangs out and reaps on his investments. The only dead body I have seen was in Laos, the man said they had called the authorities and they would be picked up. Anyway, I will send you an official email from our end that it didn’t enter the country. Do you need that?
- BOS: Why can’t we come up with great words like peeler bars and lappers? Does Canada accept Mexican immigrants via the US? I’m not West Texas oil rich, but I don’t have neck tattoos so…. lemme check with the USPS first and I’ll let you know.
/ checks with USPS
Guess what?
- LC: Do you still have your Mexi papers? I legit think those will help you more nowadays. Ok, I will bite, what?
- BOS: Does it count if I can claim EU heritage? I renounced Mexican citizenship when I became a US citizen, so that door is closed but my great grandma was born in Bilbao. Does that do anything? I hear the Scots and the Basques are great friends!
So, the package apparently took a left turn at Albuquerque. Are you familiar with Kingsford Smith?
- LC: Yes, Charles Kingsford Smith took the 1st trans pacific flight. He once made the fastest flight from Sydney to London, it took 10.5 days. Imagine stopping your plane that often on that route in the 20’s?
- BOS: Can you imagine taking the reverse Kingsford Smith route and ending up in Sydney? Cuz that happened to our package in these 20s and it’s been over 10.5 days! But wait, it gets better! Do you think it’s still in Sydney?
- LC: I wish I was in Sydney. How the fuck did it get there? Where is it now, Auckland watching a rugby match? Living it’s best life?
- BOS: Can you believe that, according to the postman, who was VERY impressed that you work for his counterparts up north, btw, (yes, I name-dropped) the package is living an absolutely DREAM life and is now currently on its way back ACROSS the Pacific to Canada? Vancouver, I assume, because I assume most tourists from Australia head directly to Vancouver for their gap year adventure. Did you do a gap year?
- LC: Shit, LA, Sydney, Vancouver, that is a hell of a trip. I did not do a gap year as I moved to a resort town in the Rockies and was supposed to be there 4 months, I ended up there 7 years. Finished my degree though, which is useless now, except that I still speak French almost every day. My gap year turned into 3 when I left Canada, only came back because of a woman. Stupid Litre. Sooo, I just looked it up, that tracking number is not in Canada yet. Maybe it is on its way to South America, I have never been. Always wanted to go. I hope you have gone and gone to a futbol match…..
- BOS: Have I been to South America? (Link to Brasil, land of the asses post) Fuck yeah! It was during Thanksgiving which is summer down there, so no fútbol or futebol as they call it in Brasil (no Z, that’s an American thing) but I did take a tour of the Maracaná before the renovation, so I went into the tunnel that took the players to the field and used to go underneath the moat. That was fucking cool as fuck.
One of my few regrets in life is not doing a gap year although I did spend a couple of months in Europe right after Uni and fell in love with a girl that RTD probably banged later on his Worldwide Banging Tour.
Isn’t it funny how it’s the things you DON’T do that you regret as opposed to the things you DO do?
- LC: I have 3 shopping regrets in my life. A CCCP flask in Plovdiv, Bulgaria, a hand made chess set in Hungary, and a certain bottle of wine in Tasmania. I think about those 3 things all the time. I met a dude from Oregon on my tour of Morocco. He looked at me and asked “Would I ever be there again?” No. “Did I have a job at home?” Yes, then shut up and let’s go, you will pay the tour off later. Wise words. I have big FOMO when travelling, so much so I struggle to sleep due to excitement. What do you think of a futbol, food, wine tour in Argie? I think that would be unreal.
- BOS: Does FOMO stand for Farts Of Massive Odour? Did you enjoy the extra u there? Fuuuuuuuck, I feel your pain on that flask! I too have regrets about non-purchases in exotic locations. My biggest non-purchase regret is a hammock from Rio.
As far as the Argie food, fútbol, and wine tour, fuck and yes! By any chance do you look Aryan as that will go over well there?
- LC: No, look like a white guy. I do like a mean BBQ. I would like to go to a Boca game in my life. I have been to a few derbies in my life but I am not sure if I would set foot in Boca v River. This package has traveled more than all of DFO combined (incl Zymm) in the last 6 months. If you had 24 hours in Sydney what would you do?
- BOS: Can I have 72? There’s no way you can enjoy a trip to Sydney and be restricted to 24 hours. Can I also go to Melbourne? And the Gold Coast? And take one of those flights to nowhere that take you sightseeing in Antarctica? Have you heard about these?
https://www.businessinsider.com/qantas-antarctica-flights-sightseeing-coronavirus-2020-8
Business Insider
Passengers will spend about four hours flying over Antarctica during the south pole’s summer daylight months, enjoying a rare view of the icy expanse. (62 kB)
https://i.insider.com/5f31a2451918242c0316642a?width=1200&format=jpeg
- LC: I always wanted to go to Antarctica, I figured the best way was to go down Patagonia Way and jump on a ship. 72 hours in Australia sounds alright, shit I would sleep very little. There’s a bar in Sydney that is open 23 hours a day, they close for an hour and take out a hose to wash the place. They make the folks in there stand on the patio while they do it. I am amazed the package is still travelling. Wonder the stories it would tell. What’s your best one?
- BOS: My best package story? I think it got an Australian Sheila package pregnant and is now running off to Canada because it realizes the package he thought was Angela White is actually not even close. Do you think the package will ever make it to your house?
- LC: Hopefully we find out by the time we post this. I’m glad it was a fake sexiMexi futbol jersey and not a real one. Although I still want MexiSnaxx to review!
Well dear reader, on January 12th 2021, the item arrived. It is done with its world tour. I am now a happy Commentist with a Puebla Jersey without the Facebook logo on it.
PS: The MexiSnaxx were shipped months after and arrived months before the Puebla jersey. But that’s another post…
As Always;
Temporarily induces brain damage (by chanting “Bill O’Reilly” three times in front of a mirror):
BUT HOW MANY OF THOSE ARE REAL MURRICUNS?!
Welp, I guess I can remove David Weber from my must-read lists…. Seriously, not only is he turning into latter day Tom Clancy (long sequels where plot gets sidetracked for the stupidest shit, which may or may not’ve actually been written by him), but for some unfathomable reason decided to do a sequel to one of his own stupidest goddamn standalone books… Yes, the “Alien invasion gets beaten back by, Its-a-me-Dracula” (not fucking kidding) one …
Also good morning lads and lassess
Hunt for Red October was published when I was still in the Navy. I liked the next couple of books as well as Red Storm Rising, but when he started letting his right-wingery infiltrate the narrative, I gave up. Debt of Honor was a racist bridge too far for me and I subsequently paid no further attention to his output .
Yeah, I peaced out around Debt of Honor too, because the stupid/pointless outweighed the good and I realized that if I just wanted to read tech specs, I could just pirate, I mean buy Jane’s reference books. I still kind of like the “Tom Clancy’s” video games, but that’s because … well, frankly, ’cause they don’t appear to have any connection to his output outside of a reference here and there (plus.. they still have a form of single-player, which is becoming a bloody rarity these days)
Edit: Just checked his bibliography and outside of his non-fiction books, I think I may’ve reached Executive orders (because it rings a bell), but I’ll be damned if I remember anything from it
I’ll still re-read Red October, Red Storm Rising, and Cardinal of Kremlin every so often, but the rest of his stuff is beyond my interest.
I think the only one I occasionally revisit is RSR, everything else is just too dated (in the sense of “that uncle that’s no longer invited to family gatherings” dated )
Hunt for Red October was published while I was serving on a boomer in the submarine service and we all thought it was the stupidest thing ever. However, between that and the surprise 1982 hit film Das Boot (six Academy Award nominations) and submarine officers dominating the U.S. Naval high command, at the time we were cultural superstars.
… it’s not that surprising a hit when you consider how many good WW2 submarine movies there were, plus … y’know, the book the movie (which is also a tv miniseries in its uncut form) is actually quite good 😀
I do get what you mean though, because I went through something similar with Top Gun when I started getting into aviation (and now that I’ve flown a relatively high-performance jet like the L-39), it’s just laughably bad in terms of flight scenes… which were the movie’s main bloody draw. Add to that that it’s bloody goddamn unlikely even in the 80s that someone like Maverick wouldn’t be taint-punted outta the service for his antics (violating NATOPS being the worst one)
It was a surprise because the original German language subtitled version far surpassed the English dubbed version in box office. In the United States that was unheard of. Plus no foreign language film had ever garnered that many Oscar nominations outside of “Best Foreign language Film,” plus it was a legitimate hit in the U.S. There are plenty of great “foreign language films” of all types but they usually only play art houses. Das Boot was the surprise exception and nobody saw it coming.
50% inaccurate:
Well, yeah, but you have to exagerrate details so the general public can identify and understand them.Also, quite coincidentally I have that model kit (that’s the Andrew Jackson, right?)
It’s probably supposed to be the USS George Washington but it doesn’t have any ballast tanks, the number of decks is wrong, the Engineering Department (aft of the missile tubes) is always wrong and there are few photos of these areas to this day, so it mostly seems made-up.
I meant the picture’s lifted from THE kit of the bugger, I did a google search (because my boxes are back in Dublin) and yep – that’s the Revell kit of the Andrew Jackson (reissue of the ’61 original kit)
I KNEW I have it (the 2002 reissue, not the OG one) – it’s part of my misfit cabinet (misfit in the sense that it’s full of non-standard/differing model scales) next to my Type VIIc (again with an exagerrated interior)
Here’s a scan of the booklet if you’re curious how much details they got (probably intentionally, because even on dated ships you really don’t want to be a 100% right) wrong
Ah, when you frame it like that, I get it – it’s just that I keep forgetting that the US doesn’t do that much foreign cinema so you can miss out on stuff (ie the PTSD that Russian war movies, especially the newer ones can induce, lol) or the depth and nuance of Korean dramas …*cough* Or so I’ve been told *cough*
We export movies, we don’t import them.
I liked them though, but I went to film school and work in Hollywood to this day. I love Kurosawa and Fellini and a lot of Godard but never got Ingmar Bergman (Jesus that shit’s depressing).
Who needs Bergman when you’ve got Smokey and the Bandit?
I was a blackshoe snipe (MR) at brownshoe NAS Corpus Christi after I got out of A School, arriving there in late 1981. All those aviation guys were still suffering under the delusion that The Final Countdown represented reality.
That’s odd … I’d assumed that they were predominantly living under the impression that they’re God’s living gift to women (and men.. I’m not judging) 😀
Also, let’s be read – if The FInal Countdown had happened, the Nimitz (it was definitely a Nimitz class, but I’m not sure which one, so I’m assuming the first one) would’ve gone on a tear (and given the hellish fighting and war crimes in the Pacific, I’d understand that decision), lol
Your battlegroup gets a nuke, your battlegroup gets a nuke.. all of you fucksticks get a nuke (because the ASM weren’t exactly good or numerous in the ships’ stores back in the 70s and you’d need a lot of them to do more than a mission kill on anything larger than a light cruiser)
I just read the Wikipedia page you linked to and the plot of Out of the Dark sounds like it was written by L. Ron Hubbard.
Not nearly as inept or long-winded as him (yes, I made the mistake of reading Battleturd Earf) – the annoying part is that it was otherwise a decent alien invasion book before the deus ex machina ending (which is hardly the first time he’s pulled something as stupid…. There’s also a book that ended with a fleet of clones of abducted 14th century Englishmen save the day, except that it was slighly less hamfisted in execution)
Yes, that really is a thing that happens in a thing. The annoying thing is that his books were initially good, well-paced and had a nice fleshed-out characters… Nowadays it’s literally 60 chapters of pointless drivel, just to get to the good stuff, which “quite coincidentally” is an epilogue serving as a sequel hook
I miss ASU having white players. All my favorite old ASU teams to beat had a couple annoying white guys.
So, not a fan of the 1966 Texas Western (now UTEP) NCAA national championship team? Not from New Zealand, but they were the first All-Blacks…
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1965%E2%80%9366_Texas_Western_Miners_men%27s_basketball_team
I did my geology field camp at UTEP the summer of 1988, and have always held a special place in my heart for the school even though I mostly attended the two Central TX UTs (Austin and San Antonio).
See? Hurley’s teams have no discipline. He lets four guys gather around the ref and bitch after a foul? Get some control over your team. You’re the coach; you address the ref. He doesn’t owe your 19 year old players explanations.
It’s an absolute crime that fans can’t be at this game.
It really is nice to just lay back and watch UA kick around another forgettable ASU squad from wire to wire.
It’s nice a familiar on a cold winter evening.
It’s the little things.
It’s like a warm sweater.
Robert Burns Day is almost over and I haven’t had a dram yet. Must rectify immediately.
My spider-sense was tingling, so I drammed it.
That West Virginia isn’t packing the stands is telling that the way to control these people is just to go hard at their like two revenue sources.
Binging Jay Leno’s Garage on YTube tonight. drilling down through fancy 20’s and 30’s supercars—Bugattis, Duesenbergs, Citroens, Tatras, and a lot of other cool old rides you never heard of. Cool stuff.
there’s better pictures of her out there, but she’s not wearing enough clothea
A few years ago, Arizona was down after a couple strong seasons. At the same time, ASU was reaching their stride under Bobby Hurley and were really hot and super overachieving. I got to go to the conference opener on a fluke someone having a ticket thing. ASU was like #3 nationally that week where the #1 lost and the #2 didn’t play (it was New Years Eve) so beating like then-#15 Arizona ON THE ROAD would have meant they were the dominant team in the rivalry and, at #1 in the nation, their position would be undeniable.
I just remember the game was super rough and UA kept holding off second half runs and the crowd was ruthless. Then UA won and ASU just really came back to Earth, lost the game at home, tripped out of the conference tournament, and never got so close to relevancy as they had been entering that game.
That’s probably one of the games I’m most happy I was at.
I always get confused between UA and ASU. I like the one in Tucson that had Sean Elliott and Tedy Bruschi.
UA
Also the Foles-Gronk connection (one was a big drinker, the other a big dicker!)
Just remember: ASU is hot sexy sluts. UA is civic tomfoolery.
Oh! And ASU was undefeated entering that game as well — may have been the last standing in the country.
i have found the most hilariously violent clip of pokemon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WORubYM28po
In fairness that Jigglypuff had attitude (seen after drawing on people’s faces after it had put them to sleep)
Dang, someone pulled a string!
I was hoping you’d make an appearance and bring friends for Sexy Friday!
And nobody lives in the gray areas. Checks out
listen son, i didn’t barley pass of the least prestigious schools in the big ten for some wise guy tell me there was no election fraud!
lol the typo wasn’t on purpose but it fits
Oh this is hilarious.
I am all in on dumb people humor.
Is there no hockey on? Fuck, they’re moving on from NBCSN pretty quickly…
NHL Network has OTT-VAN on. But yeah, NBCSN has given up.
The Cousin Fuckers just stole that game.
“…and most importantly, Bobby Hurley produced good young men who move on in life.”
Yeah — not exactly sure anyone watching this game is buying that, Bill.
Didn’t one of his players commit suicide?
I mean, he definitely MOVED ON.
I remember they one year had a guy who was a Juco transfer who had literally been homeless for like the time outside juco season and now was a legit starter for a tournament team. We went to the rivalry game AT ASU every year (because I don’t want to be there cheering at home; I want to gloat in their house because I hate ASU) and I recall that dude made a strong move to the basket and another Arizona guy was like, “YOU’RE GETTING PUSHED AROUND BY A HOBO!” I thought it was pretty funny and far from the worst thing I heard that day.
ASU looks like dog shit to start this game. Their uniforms are stupid too. And shitty. Dog shitty.
That’s each individual state, not the combined blue area:
That’s a great map. And I think LA County is relatively small. If we throw in Orange County, I’m sure we’d add quite a few more.
Notice that there are more people in L.A. County than in the rest of California, the most populous state.
If you draw a horizontal line across California that divides the population evenly, 50% above the line and 50% below the line, the line would be drawn at approximately Wilshire Blvd in Los Angeles.
I don’t know how I feel about that. That would put me in NoCal and I can’t stand NoCal.
It’s approximate. I think the line is just north of where you live (Pasadena?)
Yup. That makes me feel better.
I guess it makes sense why everyone else is getting all LA-ized.
You guys know you can actually plan development, right?
Pla-what now?
Actually the LA metropolitan area was highly planned. By Henry Huntington. His red cars were meant to connect communities he created and, not so coincidentally, owned.
Today’s LA is still laid out roughly the way he created it.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!
What’s your point? You a racist or a socialist?
Neither. I’m an Angeleno and I just think I should have more rights and receive more welfare payments than non-Angelenos. That’s not unreasonable.
As a testament to the Los Angeles dating scene, this week’s winter storm has not decided whether it wants to commit to the mainland or just continue banging the mountains on the side.
I DECLARE THIS THREAD OPEN!
Self portrait:
Mine:
Mine:
Now i get it!
Mine:
Takes two for my self-portrait. And yes, I am a gringo.
this is first result of google image search
Also a description of particularly cold NYC winter days!
Where the fuck is every one tonight?
Well, I doubt if it’s the Rapture.
Cooking dinner. Drinking. Pretty much the usual.
I’m here.
Present!
Drinking alone
This may be standard FedEx procedure (although I think they’ve changed it a bit), but I once bought a lens on eBay from a guy in Santa Monica, which is two miles away. I tracked it and no shit it went to Memphis first and then back to L.A. for delivery.
I live in Playa del Rey so that means they had to pick up the package in Santa Monica, drive past my home to get to LAX, fly it to Memphis, fly it back to LAX, and then deliver it.
How long did that all take?
About three days
Not bad, considering.
Anything not same city goes through memphis with FedEx. Dumb but it works for them
It’s weird flying into Memphis and seeing all the FEDEX planes scattered about. Reminds me of the Boneyard at Davis Monthan, if all the planes were jet cargo planes painted in FEDEX livery.
On US 90 in west Texas, there is a town called Sanderson that lies about 20 miles west of a town called Dryden. However, if you mailed a letter from Dryden to Sanderson, it went east on 90 all the way to San Antonio (250 miles), then west on IH-10 to El Paso (550 miles), and finally back east on IH-10/US 90 again to Sanderson (300 miles). 20 miles as the crow flies, but 1100 miles for the price of a first class stamp.
Sarah Hufflepuff Sanders, lying bitch, is running for governor of Arkansas.
She should have hooked up with Cliven Bundy. Match made in heaven. He probably looks normal to her googly eyes.
?1547659185482
“Pervert’s row” — I have also heard it called “Sniffer’s Row”
aka “the splatter zone”
trying to figure out how i can travel over 15,000 miles for under $50.
So…Balls is really an ex-ican?
Or a ex-ican’t, at least when it comes to choosing a shipping agent.
That sketch cracks me the BEEP up every BEEPing time!