Tales From Pretend 2110-11

I meant to draft a full DONKS WOO!!! (Now With Teddy Ballgame) preview.  But I had a 48-hour migraine from hayell, and I can barely string two sentences together.

Pictured is my record signing, $187M (on tha muthafuckin’ cooooppp) for a 24-year old, dominant keeper.  I am immature, and the phrasing made me laugh.  It also evoked laughter from Imaginary Maple Pal Litre, so I share it with you.

Guess who was the player chosen to welcome him (automatically by the CPU) to the squad?  Our openly gay centre forward, of course!  Briefly, we had three gays in the XI.  I am a progressive unded Pretend Football Manager.  But the other two fucked off home to Spain, after 12+ seasons in Manchester.

Assuming my brain cooperates enough, I will toggle among 2110-11, HAIL GAMBLOR, and maybe making MOAR progress in Rick Perlstein’s Reaganland.  Maybe I will start Book 3 of the Gereon Rath/Babylon Berlin series.  I left the house yesterday, so I sure don’t see doing that again.

Also, I learned this week that my ex-wife and one of the twins (the two folk now living outside of Boulder, CO) have been summoned by Delta Force!  Yes, only the oldest sibling – the one, ironically, who lives in a redneck area and has – by far – the most interpersonal contact…is the only human in the family not to catch one of the #NuAIDS waves.  But the CO branch of the family was already (all of us are now, and have been since like May) fully vacinnated, which is a worry (for society writ large).

So yeah, the stress.  Plus it was so goddamned hot yesterday that my A/C couldn’t keep up all the way.  NEVAR went beyond 77 indoors, but still.  Another worry.

I am quite excite for the 2021 Donks.  Options and competition at QB should help, and neither dude is a dickwad about things.  Maybe it all comes together.  Maybe not.  But July and August are for unwarranted hope, and a renewed commitment to surviving until Most Glorious September.  FITBAW!!!!!!!

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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scotchnaut

A one hit wonder covers a song from another one hit wonder-here’s The Flying Lizard’s take on a Barret Strong tune-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W25_jgiY51I&ab_channel=fritz51349

scotchnaut

Deborah Evans-Stickland’s grand-niece might just be Florence Shaw.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyjuJ6jLsxA&ab_channel=KEXP

scotchnaut

Corey Connors-is he a Canadian golfer tied for 4th place at The British Open and/or an older classmate of Malcolm In The Middle that touched him inappropriately in ‘A Very Special Episode”?

Dunstan

Brewing up another batch of rosemary simple syrup for Cocktail Experimentation Hour(s).

Also going to make some cardamom syrup, too, but that needs a couple of days to steep. Have to plan one’s drinking in advance!

Dunstan

No. No, I do not.

ballsofsteelandfury

Apparently there’s a Texas monkeypox now??

Dunstan

I’ve just been calling him “Ted Cruz” all these years.

Anthony In TX

Oh, see, that’s “Monkeyfucker.” Or is that Abbott? It’s getting so hard to tell all these monkeyfuckers in my state apart.

Dunstan

Florida, meanwhile, has Congressman Minorfucker.

scotchnaut

[wonders why he has a raging hard-on completely out of the blue]

-Joe Rogan

yeah right

Hey Mr. Balls, let me know if you’re interested but Pedro has a fucking world class barbecue joint. I’m here to testify.

God damn!

Just demolished some ribs and brisket and I’m officially doing nothing else of substance today.

That’s as good a plate of barbecue as you can get anywhere.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, which one? I’m in Pedro a surprisingly large amount of time these days…

yeah right

It’s called Whiskey Flats. It’s on 34th and Pacific. Simple little roadside joint with outdoor seating. Fuck me, it’s epic. Smoked on site and sliced to order. Parking is a little tricky but it’s so worth it.

ballsofsteelandfury

Right across the street from Fort Mac, huh? Nice!

yeah right

Directly across the street.

scotchnaut

“Oosthuizen for Izod” could be an ad on tv here or a campaign slogan for a Lord Emperor election on another planet.

scotchnaut

Shouldn’t the rough be called ‘the foulway’? People don’t think these things through. smh.

scotchnaut

Did 4 miles in way-too-hot weather. The goal is to eventually run for two hours straight and then Bam!, there’s a marathon in the bin.

yeah right

I got up, cleaned and dusted the bedroom, cleaned the bathroom, kitchen, dining room and living room. THEN I did enough yard work to fill up one if those big ass lawn and garden trash bags. THEN I washed my car and now I think I’ve earned a big ass plate of barbecue.

Dunstan

Hey Hippo, what variant of COVID are they up to in 2110? I assume they ran out of Greek letters a while ago — did they start naming them all after Republican politicians and Fox News hosts? “Shit, did you hear, Bob got Tucker COVID.” “Wow, that one’s spreading even faster than DeSantis COVID did last year!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Really disturbing how many people i see on social media saying how much they love DeSantis. This country is fucked.

Sharkbait

I keep saying that with our combined wealth we can buy an island and all just go there

scotchnaut

I’m in. BUT only if there is a mini trainline connecting all of our houses. I’m not budging on this or taking any questions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qt7cCZv_jgY&ab_channel=ThebusofdoomFSX

Sharkbait

Sold.

Sharkbait

Hold up. Why the fuck is a furry getting on the train at 0:18??

scotchnaut

Because his car is in the shop?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He said he would not be taking questions

litre_cola

In BC Dick country, ’tis very smoky and not the kind of smoke we usually inhale. So many fires, but its ok climate change aint real.

Sharkbait

comment image

Sharkbait

If you had “6 days before” on your Olympic coronavirus bingo card, you win!

https://twitter.com/TheAthletic/status/1416414711151800324?s=19

yeah right

This shit is beyond embarrassing. Japan is already losing money over this. Nobody wants to see the Hunger Games version of the Olympics and there won’t be fans in the stands.

Stop already.

Sharkbait

I LOVE watching the Olympics, but this is insane

scotchnaut

That Jordan golfer guy reminds me of a Mike Tyson PSA-“Don’t forget to have your peths spieth or neutered!”

scotchnaut

Oof! 36 year-old Ted Ginn Jr. tries to drop the mic (pretending it was a ball, I guess?) by saying he’s retiring ‘on my own terms’. Nothing like going out on top after a 3 catch, 40 yard season last year.

Game Time Decision

I’m assuming that he injured himself dropping said mic and the rest of the announcement will take place in 4 to 6 weeks

blaxabbath

Probably humidity-dependent but if I can get the house to 83, I consider it chilly.

blaxabbath

Blaxito turns three today. Very proud day for me.

ballsofsteelandfury

Congratulations! When do the strippers arrive?

yeah right

Congrats. If they make it three years you can officially call yourself a parent.

litre_cola

Congrats getting him there! The next year is way easier.

/it is but different.

Gumbygirl

Only another year or so before he finds out you’re not the smartest, funniest, strongest man in the world. Enjoy!

litre_cola

Uhh i am 45 and still think Blax/Sill is the smartest, funniest, strongest man in the world. Next thing your going to tell me is that Mary Magdeleine didn’t have an immaculate conception.

scotchnaut

Golf announcers could get to the next level by referring to the defending champion as Fat Drunken Irishman Shane Lowry as though that were his full name.

scotchnaut

Mackenzie Hughes, a Canadian golfer and/or Venture Capital Firm, is in 12th place!

blaxabbath

Spuds Hughes is a god damn drunk and he always will be.

Gumbygirl

Then he’s definitely a Hughes. ( I am a Hughes)

scotchnaut

Hey, the British Open is on-it’s the only time of the year you hear the word, ‘fescue’.

Last edited 3 years ago by scotchnaut
ballsofsteelandfury

Is that a combo of felch and rescue?

scotchnaut

“Fescue, fescme… fesc it together, that’s the way it should be.”

-Lionel Ritchie, singing The British Open’s anthem

yeah right

It’s the “Pine Straw” of Scotland.

Gumbygirl

I purchased many pallets of fescue for a house we built years ago. Turns out the guy I bought them from stole them from a highway project in Florida. I had a hot lawn!
It was cheap, I regret nothing!

Anthony In TX

Fesc me? Hey, fescue, buddy! And fesc ya mother too!

Anthony In TX

(I’m sure your mother is a lovely woman and I take it back)

scotchnaut

She is not. Keep going.

Anthony In TX

Fair enough. I do not take it back then!