We’re halfway through the preseason. Not really; that’s a soothing miscalculation because there’s two more preseason games. But I can lie to myself like that noooo problem. And yet it’s true: the season will get here soon, and the games are fine as a nothing better to do.
Not enough to wreck a laptop, but it’s comforting to know they’re around to speculate.
NFL News
Much is made of the sickening number of lawyers in this site. Well, I’m no demographer, but Imma guess that there are more military folks than shysters. Less combative than attorneys too—but I digress.
This one goes out to the Armed Forces folks. The Navy gave CB Cameron Kinley a special exemption to delay his service to try out for the NFL. He was at Bucs training camp, until cut today. It got awkward when Arians thanked Kinley for his service.
Gimmick QB Watch: Sean Payton is not comparing Taysom Hill with Jameis right now. “They both sucked, K?” was the result my De-Euphemizer spit out when fed Payton’s actual assessment of both quarterbacks after a crushing, 17-14 loss to the Balti—ah HAHAHAHA just kidding who gives a shit.
I’ve always had a feeling that the Taysom Hill thing was a buildup of his trade value, not an actual grooming for a starting QB. I have zero doubts: Hill the QB has been featured less than the shark in “Jaws”. Methinks Payton is arrogant enough to overpay an idea.
In other pet projects, Aaron Rodgers is hitting his stride as Revisionist Autobiographer. He had an interview with Peter King—no link; even Bing can find that piece of public relations within the first page. Rodgers said that, during training camp last year, he thought 2020 was his last year as a Packer.
Don’t buy it. I think the earliest Rodgers has been wanting out of Green Bay was right after losing the NFC Final this year. Admitting so would’ve been bad form. So, a coupla weeks back, on July 28, Rodgers referred to himself as a “lame-duck quarterback”—a ridiculous statement coming from the current NFL MVP, who’s signed until the 2022 season. The self-pity may have been real, interesting even. But, as far as the NFL works, “lame-duck quarterback” is a meaningless phrase, and 100% utter bullshit coming out of A A Ron’s mouth. Hell, I want Rodgers to reach the 2021 Super Bowl with the Packers and then switch teams. Hard pass on his pretend-charm offensive, is all.
Today in Preseason Perennials:
-No QB starter for Week 1 yet – Pats
-No, veteran QB is Week 1 starter – Bears
-Dis at your peril, we’re a top unit – Jets defense
-Ascending (broadcast booth) – Alex Smith (ESPN analyst)
New Addition:
-Holding-in* – Jamal Adams. Very interesting story on the negotiations.
* “attending meetings and walk-throughs but not practicing—while seeking a long-term extension.”
SELF PROMOTION!1!1
We gots team previews.
Steelers (WCS)
49ers (RightRevMayhem)
Cardinals (blaxabbath)
Browns (TheRevanchist)
Falcons (Beerguyrob)
Bucs (SonOfSpam)
Broncos (KingHippo)
Sprots TONITE
All times Central
NBA Summer’s Eve
It’s accurate (stop it). Live from Vegas:
Pistons vs. Magick – 7:00 PM
Grizzlies vs. Clippies – 8:00 PM
Hornets vs. Bulls – 9:00 PM
Major League Stats
Atléticos (Montas, 9-8) @ Medias Blancas (Keuchel, 7-6) – 7:00 PM
CLE (Quantrill, 3-2) @ Twines (Jax, 3-1) – 7:10 PM
Guardians? Pfft. Wadda bunch o’ wimps. Should’ve gone the whole 404 ft and sprung for “Secret Police”.
Los Fokin Astros BOOOOOO! (Odorizzi, 5-6) @ Reales (Hernández (3-1) – 7:10 PM
Padres (Weathers, 4-5) @ Balboas (Senzaleta, 2-9) – 7:40 PM
Mets (Hill, 0-0) @ Gigantes (Gausman, 11-5) – 8:45 PM
Piratas (Brault, 0-1) @ Doyers (Undecided) – 9:10 PM
And finally,
This is my last PK mention for the 2021 season and postseason. If you want someone out of your life, don’t seek them out, don’t mention them or think about them. (This works for media splendidly.) Talking shit about them is mentioning them, and venting is giving out squatter rights in your head. Mute ‘em but don’t block’ em, lest you actually had to do the Unmentionable: having to engage a “Why did you block me” text, and read the accompanying… invective.
But take a screenshot to revisit very hilarious and accurate personal attacks. Enjoy life, sickos. NFL in a coupla weeks.
All gifs via giphy.com; banner via my phone (Not a selfie; tch, in my dreams I pull off a light green outfit).
