EXT. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS SHARED HOUSE – DAY

Establishing shot and title card.

ANNOUNCER BETH MOWINS: All in the Raiders Family [sic] is filmed in front of a Jive Studio [sic] audience.

CUT TO – INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

HUNTER RENFROW dashes around the house in a whirlwind of activity. At present HUNTER RENFROW is dusting, but then he proceeds over to the couch to fluff the cushions and sees what appears to be an empty bag of potato chips from the couch.  He shakes his head and picks it up, but has grabbed the wrong end of the bag and its contents – a heap of crumbs – dumps out onto the couch.  Crestfallen, HUNTER RENFROW sighs, then opens the closet and pulls out a vacuum cleaner, which he then plugs in and proceeds to fire up. Meanwhile, JOSH JACOBS is sitting across the room in an armchair with his feet propped up on an ottoman, reading from a book with the title “The Cultural Sociology of Political Assassination” by Ron Eyerman.  

JOSH JACOBS: [puts on noise cancelling headphones]

Once HUNTER RENFROW has finished vacuuming around the couch, he pulls a mostly full laundry basket out from behind it.  He heads over to the dining table and adds the tablecloth and some cloth napkins to it, then grabs a garment that’s hanging off one of the chairs and holds it up.

HUNTER RENFROW smiles, shakes his head, then adds the high-visibility construction vest to the now overflowing basket of laundry and heads down the hall.  He stops in front of DEREK CARR’S room.  There is a binder on the floor, leaning up against the closed bedroom door.  We can hear the music of Straylight Run coming faintly through the door.

HUNTER: [looks down, mutters to self] Damnit, he didn’t even look at them.  [Pounds on door] Derek, you need to study the new plays!

DEREK CARR: [through door] GO AWAY.

The music is turned up louder. 

HUNTER: Come on, Derek, the Broncos secondary is gonna eat you alive if you don’t…

DEREK: [through door, somewhere between a sob and a scream] ♫…YOU WOULD KILL FOR THIS JUST A LITTLE BIT JUST A LITTLE BIT YOU WOULD YOU WOULD…♫

HUNTER: [sighs]  All right, man.  When you’re ready, they’re here.

The music fades out a bit as HUNTER RENFROW continues down the hall and arrives at the laundry room.  He sets the basket down, looks around, and then begins adding items to the washing machine. 

— [CUT TO: INT. – a card table in the garage] —

ANNOUNCER BETH MOWINS: Meanwhile, in Gridironia…

COACH KEN WHISENHUNT: Guys, I don’t think he’s coming back.

KOLTON MILLER: And I’m running out of provisions.

COACH WHISENHUNT: But I thought you had that magic bag.

KOLTON: [holds up mostly empty bag of Calbee Shrimp Chips] No, I mean in real life.

JONATHAN ABRAMS: Ah, fuck it, I’m gonna eat Derek’s brain.

JONATHAN ABRAMS picks up the figurine of Ephesus the Unrepentant and begins chewing on its head.

— [CUT TO: INT. – living room – a few minutes later] —

HUNTER RENFROW emerges from the hallway to the sound of a cellphone reminder alarm going off.

HUNTER: [gasps] Old Man Biletnikoff! Damnit, Josh! How long as this been going off?

JOSH JACOBS, who is still wearing the noise-canceling headphones, shrugs.

HUNTER: I have an important client meeting.  There’s a big pot of water on the stove; when it starts boiling can you put the pasta in?

JOSH: [gives him a thumbs-up]

— [CUT TO: EXT. – a bench overlooking the front yard] —

FRED BILETNIKOFF: …and so now they’re saying that the early bird special doesn’t start until 5 p.m.! Can you believe it? That’s practically bedtime!  They might as well just call it the “night owl special” and be done with it.

HUNTER: Wow, Mr. Biletnikoff, that does sound frustrating.  It’s a great story, though.  I wish I had time to hear more, but I’ve got a lot of chores left to do.  [stands up] Anyhow, you’ve got a copy of my business proposal [gestures to a sheet of paper that FRED BILETNIKOFF is holding] and I think you’ll find that Renfroco Landscaping Services can meet all of your needs.  Again, I can’t apologize enough for my tardiness.

FRED BILETNIKOFF: It’s all right, son. I’m not in a big hurry like the rest of the damned world.  You know they used to call me “no worry Fred” cause I was so reliable catching the ball?  And then we drafted Cliffy Branch they changed it to “no hurry Fred” cause I wasn’t quite as quick as he was.  Still managed to…

HUNTER RENFROW sighs and sits back down on the bench.

— [CUT TO: INT. – living room – a good while later] —

HUNTER RENFROW steps into the living room, holding a big stack of mail.  As he hurries across the room, JOSH JACOBS – no longer wearing the headphones – steps out of the kitchen and stands in his way.  HUNTER RENFROW tries to step around him, but JOSH JACOBS mirrors his movements and prevents him from passing.

HUNTER: Out of my way, Josh.

JOSH: Hunter, stop.

HUNTER: Come on, Josh, move.

JOSH: You need to slow down.  You’re running yourself ragged…

HUNTER: I’ve got stuff to do…

JOSH: …and you’re making yourself crazy…

HUNTER: [increasingly frantic] I’ve gotta get these bills paid, and then there’s dinner, and somebody’s gotta write up the injury report…

JOSH: …and you’re making me crazy too, Hunter.

HUNTER: I HAVE TO HOLD THIS HOUSE TOGETHER, JOSH! SOMEONE’S GOTTA DO IT. COACH GRUDEN IS GONE, JOSH. HE DIDN’T GO OUT FOR A PACK OF CIGARETTES, HE DIDN’T RUN OVER TO THE HOOTERS FOR A FEW WINGS AND SOME BEERS AND SOME…WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT HE CALLS THOSE WOMEN.  HE’S NOT COMING BACK. EVER. SOMEONE’S GOTTA BE THE MAN OF THE HOUSE AND EVERYONE AROUND HERE IS JUST ACTING LIKE LITTLE CHILDREN AND IF I DON’T DO IT NOBODY ELSE WILL AND IT’S ALL GOING TO FALL APART, JOSH!  IT’S ALL FALLING APART ALREADY AND NOBODY EVEN CARES!

JOSH JACOBS grabs HUNTER RENFROW in a fierce hug.  HUNTER RENFROW tries to say something but JOSH holds him so tightly it just comes out as muffled mumbling.

JOSH: I got you, bro. I got you.

JOSH JACOBS lets him go for a second and leans back.  HUNTER RENFROW has tears in his eyes, but remains calm.

JOSH: Listen, Hunter.  You remember that night before the Ravens game when you found out that Coach Olson had printed up the gameplan with the wrong numbers so you thought you were running all of Darren Waller’s routes and you had to relearn everything in just four hours? Who stayed up all night helping you study even though he had a radiology appointment the next day?

HUNTER: [sniffles] Ruggsy did.

JOSH: That’s right.  And remember the time that guy from the “warrantee department” kept calling your cellphone and you couldn’t get him to stop? Who talked to him and made him so depressed that he said he was going to quit his job and just go lie down in a cemetery until the ground swallowed him up?

HUNTER: [wipes his eyes] Derek did.  [breaks into the tiniest of smiles] I think he actually kind of enjoyed it.

JOSH: That’s right.  And remember that time someone cut you off on the I-15 because they were confused and needed to get to the exit ramp in a hurry? Who took down their license plate number, got their friend in the police department to look up their home address, and then went all the way out to Henderson at 3 a.m. and smashed their window and then dropped a Molotov cocktail into their back seat? And then waited for them to come out the front door and pointed a shotgun at them and told them that if they ever fucked with you again he’d starve his pet python for two months and then set it loose in their kid’s elementary school and then he recited the kid’s classroom number and teacher’s name just to make sure they knew he was 100% fucking serious?

HUNTER: Richie did.

JOSH: Things are looking pretty grim right now.  Believe me, I know it.  I see it.  But I want you to remember something, Hunter.  You’ve got teammates.  And this is what teammates gear up for.

HUNTER: [looks at him hopefully]

JOSH: We got this, buddy.  We’re a family here.  You gotta stop worrying about us and let us worry about you for a little while.  Now let’s go get that spagh…

They are interrupted by a sharp hissing sound from the kitchen.

JOSH: Shit.

HUNTER: What was that?

JOSH: Probably the pasta boiling over.

HUNTER: Aw man! Now it’s all soggy. Nobody’s gonna want to eat that.

JOSH: Unless…

HUNTER: [not paying attention] Now I’m gonna have to pour five pounds of spaghetti straight down the drain, and then…

JOSH: Come on, Hunter, what did I just tell you?  You’ve got teammates.  And…?

HUNTER RENFROW smiles widely.  

HUNTER: …and this is what teammates gear up for.

He turns towards the door to the garage.

HUNTER: HEY KOLTON!  WHO’S READY FOR DINNER?

[fin]