Ugh, what a car crash of a Sunday.  Hey, my Wolven Sort managed a dominant win away to BC, I knew FITBAW gods would make me pay for that bit of pleasure.

There was really only one good early game, and it was…LOLfins/Jaguras in London??  The theme of the week was going for it on 4th and short (no matter where or when), and Miami trusted its run game (despite their decimated OL).  The failed, turning the ball over near midfield and the 2-minute warning, at 20-20.  One hoped and dreamed of a Most Glorious Draw…but the Urban Meyer team somehow came up with some good game management.

Miami’s defensive pressure left Duval FC in 3rd and 26.  Clock running, they played soft and let Prison Girlfriend make an easy 18-yard completion.  4th and 8, clock still running.  At that point, I – like everyone else – expected a Hail Mary or an insane 61-ish yard FG attempt.  Miami didn’t call time out (they’d regret that), Meyer stopped the clock at 0:05.  Not enough time for Miami to expect another “normal” play.  But they hit the quickest of quick slants, just past the marker.  Timeout at 0:01, and winning 53-yarder.  OOF.

Jaguras just needed to get back in front of the home support.  Don’t worry, guys, 2022 will be here before you know it!

All the 1p window fixtures were a bit shit.  None of them SHOULD have been interesting, but Minnesota ALWAYS makes things interesting.  Touch of Downs was wretched all day, and only a blocked punt TD and many Red Zone stalling out by Minny kept it close.  But 28-17 it was, late in the day.  A few chunk plays set up a FG, but hardly anyone saw where the remaining 8 would come from.  Vikes took the ball immediately into Black Panther territory, reaching the outside of FG range…before stalling again.  Joseph missed from 50+ earlier, so they punted down to the 2, just over 2 minutes to play.  In the blink of an eye, it was 4th and 10 from the 2.  But Darnold hit the TE waaaaayyyyyy down the field, then quickly into the end zone.  Two pointer succeeded, and we had a near-redo of last week’s MIN/DET ending.  Dingleberry got them into FG range again, and Joseph….yanked it wide right.

So, we get Extra Time, and fucking Cousins (who I was fading in money league) throws the winning TD pass (to not-Jefferson) on the opening drive.  JUST FUCK OFF.

Chi**** took an early 7-nil lead (on a TD run by Herbert, who I hadn’t heard of until two weeks ago – and I was fading in BOTH leagues), then did nothing else of note the remainder of the game.  A.A. Ron was pedestrian, but that would suffice for an easy 24-14 win.  We have to talk about Strawberry Fields, Bearistocrats! supporters.  He kinda sorta sucks.  Terrible judgment, and he could have had 3 or 4 turnovers that I saw.  But it’s hard to make any full or fair judgments until head idjit Matt Nagy is gone.  NFC North is locked in for GB in mid-October, as is the custom.

Detroit is ded in the water by mid-October, as is the custom ever since Barry Sanders and Megatron retired.  I will give their coach credit – he tries a bunch of weird shit, like they are playing with house money (which they clearly are).  Fuck it, entertain the shut-ins who have to watch, and keep the players onside.  But they’re really not good, and it’s uncomfortable to watch Baby Buster “lead” the offense.  34-11, which I believe was Glorious Scorinami, and 100% flatters to deceive.  Them DET points were all garbage time.

Oh dear Lord, Dan Campbell called out Buster in the post-game.  Trying to light a fire.  Hee hee.

On the plus side of the ledger, it’s time to talk about Team WKRP as a legitimate contender in the AFC.  They’ll need to survive an absolute battle royale with the Ratbirds, but I’d say the AFC North division champ will be my betting favoUrite to make the Owl.

Those Ratbirds?  Played host to Clippers du Merde, in what was expected to be Game of the Week and a shootout.  I mean, Balmer did THEIR part, putting 34 on the board.  Not-SD managed one TD, and yet another missed extra point.  NOTHING else.  I guess whatever the Ravens coaches said to the defense after MNF must have worked.  This was just an absolute slaughter.  Clips are like the non-JV version of Iowa.  After everyone finally quit waiting for the shoe to drop?  The shoe fucking dropped this weekend.  They’ll still likely win the AFC West by default.

For yes, the Chefs are still very broken.  Just not Li’l Danny Snyder Redacted-calibre broken.  Team was up 13-10 well into Q3, thanks mostly to three KC turnovers (neither pickerception was really Mahomes’ fault, but he doesn’t look in synch, either).  But 3 scores later, and it’s hard to shit too much on a 31-13 road win.  But the vibes are still meh.

Dakota Jeebus barely broke a sweat, but didn’t need to.  Has he been in Indy long enough to sweat pure gravy?  That one week run of Davis Mills semi-competence?  Straight against the wall with that.  Humps 31, 500s 3.  It didn’t seem even that close.

My NAME Is JUDGE! should win the sack race with Vic Fangio.  I can’t believe he’s not already been fired.  Danny Dimebag – one week after being knocked into a drunken stagger/standing 8 count?  Started, with almost NONE of his weapons – or starting OL – available.  He turned the ball over THREE TIMES in the first half, en route a 28-3 deficit.  Judge left him in.  RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! extended said lead to 38-3.  Dimebag played the ENTIRE 4th quarter.  38-11 was the final, and this was just criminal mismanagement by Judge and the entire Giants organization.  LA is probably the 2nd best team in the NFL.  Problem is, #1 plays in the same division.

Surely, the late games would be better?  NARRATOR – They would NOT be better.

Litre and I went back and forth yesterday, about how much we liked #ThePauls as a home dog to the Qards.  No head coach, key personnel banged up on offense, Mayfield playing better in Week 5.  And the wheels came completely off.  They scored a Hail Mary TD on the last play of the first half, and still lost 37-14.  Yikes.  Qards are real, and they’re spectacular.

Vic Fangio is almost certainly getting fired tomorrow.  That’s what you get with a 3-game losing streak (after 2 bad seasons), culminating with a home no-show against the hated Raiders.  Who might have had some off-field issues this week, as you may or may not have heard.  Wretched offense, wretched defense, just embarrassing.  There are no MOAR excuses to be had, it’s time to start over.  Yet again.  Full credit to That’s Rikki’s Raiders – they rallied together, and kicked the monkeyfuck out of my Donks.  34-17, with a garbage time NOT SUDDEN score to make it 34-24.  I hate everything.

OK, I guess P*ts/N-GCp was pretty good.  I didn’t much like the result, but it’s what you get with a weak little shit like Captain Bluebunny on the sideline.  4th and a foot, 2:45 to play, down 21-20 (and the P*ts with only one timeout)?  He tries a 52-yard FG.  Greg the Leg is on both my squadrons, so he missed.  Badly.  One first down, and Dak! won’t even have another chance.

Then Belicheat decides to let White Mac THROW, for some reason.  Diggs picks it off, and runs it back for 6.  The two pointer fails, but 26-21 is good enough.  What a SUDDEN CHANGE, indeed.

White Mac throws a 75-yard TD on the very first play.  Also completes the two-pointer to Jakobi Meyers (whom I stupidly started).  29-26, Massholes.  Surely that would be all?  Or would Dak! do a thing, with 2:05 and two timeouts to work with?

Despite lots of moe-ron penalties and wretched playcalling…Dak hit a deep seam route on 3rd and 25, near the P*ts 30.  But it’s 4th and 1.  BlueBunny NEVAR learns from his mistakes, so he KICKED AGAIN.  The 49-yarder BARELY sneaks inside the upright, and we get OT.

New England gets the ball first, punts, then Dak! took the fuck over.  GOOD JERB, Non-Gendered Cowpersons.  Ceedee Lamb needs to not do that shit at the end again, and risk having the ball swatted out of his hands at the 1.  But the TD is good, 35-29.

We complete our mandatory day with a REAL cracker (as the Brits say), the one we’ve all been waiting for.  Geno Smith v. the desiccated (which I never, ever spell right the first time) corpse of The Ben!

It was every bit of watching flies fuck (h/t Carlin, George).  It was out of reach as soon as Yinzburgh entered FG range the first time.  It would only get worse, and the less said about it the better.

I mean, that’s what I get for being a cynical, lazy asshole and trying to finish typing at halftime.  Suddenly, the ‘Truthers were running the ball effectively, and opening up play action.  The lead whittled to 14-7, then 17-all.  Yinzers got a long FG with about 1:45 to play, and somehow Geno DID manage to get them in range to tie it (after a long and completely batshit/unnecessary replay review just before the 0:01 spike play).  Myers finally kicked, and made it.

Extra Time was our punishment, and the game reverted to Q1.  SEA does nothing, then punts.  PIT does nothing, then punts.  But on possession 3, Geno became self-aware and fumbled inside his own 20.  The Ben fumbled the snap trying to center the ball for the winning FG, but recovered.  Seriously, this game was glitchy as fuck.  Anyway, 23-20 keeps Yinzburgh theoretically alive for that elusive 7th playoff seed.