An incredibly handsome writer sits in front of a computer, staring at the unfinished draft of a Quotables post.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: “Text needed”? What the hell does that mean?
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY starts sweating.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Okay, Rikki, you can do this. Just write some shit down.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY stares at the keyboard.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [inner monologue] It doesn’t have to be anything good. Just some filler text to introduce the piece.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [out loud] I KNOW THAT. WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, STUPID?
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): [from downstairs] Did you say something, honey?
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY looks around nervously.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Uh, no. I mean, yes. I’m just talking to myself.
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): Okay. I’m sending the cat up.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: What? No, I’m doing very important…
— [office door flies open] —
LILY: Meow.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: What? No, I’m writing a…
LILY: Meow.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: I really can’t, I need to…
LILY: Meow.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: All right, fine, but just for a minute.
Ten minutes pass.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [attempts to shift weight slightly]
LILY: [extends claws into human flesh]
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Ouch…okay, okay, okay, I’ll hold still…
Ten more minutes pass.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Eh, it’ll be fine. Everybody’s just here for the gifs anyways.
Will 100% blame Dr. Fauci when his kids die from exposure.
MOTHERFUCKER, I DID NOT PUT MYSELF OUT THERE TO GET THOSE CRAB LEGS JUST FOR YOUR DUMB ASS TO FORGET THE ‘OLD BAY’!!!
Seems unfair to taunt the Bears with a display of teamwork, coordination, and timing that they will never be able to replicate.
“That’s not how you play Duck, Duck, Goose!”
-E. Manning
Alternate: Ah, the “Tampa Train” a familiar sight at all the finest gentlemen’s establishments.
Is it the booger sugar or is it CTE?
“I TOLD YOU not to take that laptop I ‘found’ to Geek Squad. I know a guy in IT that would have fixed it FOR FREE!”
Andy Reid applauds this man’s dedication to eating. Both his attire and indomitable will.
-I can’t believe you upholstered my car like that. It looks ridiculous!
-I told you to your face: cheetah is a bad print
-I asked for leopard you fuck! Leopard!
Still better than eating at an actual Applebees.
Eatin’ good in the biblical flood!
You’ll note mom’s not there because he’s never gotten her wet
Is that really Ben Shapiro?
Literal chuckleheads on my tv
THIS IS A LEADER OF MEN
-Skip Bayless, probably
We’ll he seems crabby.
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Winner! Free shoes for Fronk!
A stark contrast to the Bears O Line drowning pantomime/reality
This would be a taunting call if they were playing the Vikings
🎶Yeah, we fancy like Applebee’s🎶
(sorry sorry sorry)
Meet the arch nemesis of McGruff the Crime Dog — McSniff the Coke Hound!
Peyton hates when the ball doesn’t hit its intended target.
(I had to correct the grammar to give this its merited plus one)
thank you
Cocaine is a hell of a drug – R. James
I see we’ve both left aside other aspects of Irvin’s character to focus on the nose candy — great minds and all that!
I’m proud of you boys, showing how tough you are to all those mask wearing libtards. Bet they believe you can get sick just sittin in the rain.
Actually are those fries or worms he is eating? Eh, still better than eating at Applebees.
Everyone at Applebee’s is smiling!
https://i.insider.com/5e010c56954bda0ed3359ac5?width=1000&format=jpeg
“Look Muffy! I told you rowing was a popular sport, although they are probably used to being under the deck to crew.” – Jeffery B. Assholington III.
And just like that, the entire Tampa defence was changed with public indecency for stroking it in public
For their convincing impersonation of a rowing crew, each participating member of the Buccaneers was just granted admission to USC.
Paraphrasing from last night’s posts:
I love how RTD couldn’t be bothered to shave for this
It’s actually an old photo, but my stubble is in the exact same state right now.
The GIF form of “more money than brains”