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2021 Quotables – Week 7 (Submissions)

blaxabbath

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,

An incredibly handsome writer sits in front of a computer, staring at the unfinished draft of a Quotables post.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: “Text needed”? What the hell does that mean?

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY starts sweating.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Okay, Rikki, you can do this.  Just write some shit down.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY stares at the keyboard.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [inner monologue] It doesn’t have to be anything good.  Just some filler text to introduce the piece.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [out loud] I KNOW THAT. WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, STUPID?

DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): [from downstairs] Did you say something, honey?

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY looks around nervously.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Uh, no.  I mean, yes.  I’m just talking to myself.

DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET): Okay.  I’m sending the cat up.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: What? No, I’m doing very important…

— [office door flies open] —

LILY: Meow.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: What?  No, I’m writing a…

LILY: Meow.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: I really can’t, I need to…

LILY: Meow.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: All right, fine, but just for a minute.

Ten minutes pass.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [attempts to shift weight slightly]

LILY: [extends claws into human flesh]

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Ouch…okay, okay, okay, I’ll hold still…

Ten more minutes pass.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Eh, it’ll be fine.  Everybody’s just here for the gifs anyways.

I’m glad defensive celebrations seem to be back in force.
The future of sports, folks.
Whatever Jamies is threatening to do, I trust that he’ll do it/has done it to a passed out co-ed.
The “America” label is wholly appropriate.
The TNF Broadcast does not drug test.
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Horatio Cornblower

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Will 100% blame Dr. Fauci when his kids die from exposure.

1
Horatio Cornblower

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MOTHERFUCKER, I DID NOT PUT MYSELF OUT THERE TO GET THOSE CRAB LEGS JUST FOR YOUR DUMB ASS TO FORGET THE ‘OLD BAY’!!!

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Horatio Cornblower

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Seems unfair to taunt the Bears with a display of teamwork, coordination, and timing that they will never be able to replicate.

1
LemonJello

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“That’s not how you play Duck, Duck, Goose!”
-E. Manning

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LemonJello

Alternate: Ah, the “Tampa Train” a familiar sight at all the finest gentlemen’s establishments.

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LemonJello

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Is it the booger sugar or is it CTE?

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LemonJello

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“I TOLD YOU not to take that laptop I ‘found’ to Geek Squad. I know a guy in IT that would have fixed it FOR FREE!”

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LemonJello

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Andy Reid applauds this man’s dedication to eating. Both his attire and indomitable will.

Last edited 4 years ago by LemonJello
2
Don T

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-I can’t believe you upholstered my car like that. It looks ridiculous!

-I told you to your face: cheetah is a bad print

-I asked for leopard you fuck! Leopard!

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JimU

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Still better than eating at an actual Applebees.

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Downfield Matriculator

Eatin’ good in the biblical flood!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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You’ll note mom’s not there because he’s never gotten her wet

2
Downfield Matriculator

Is that really Ben Shapiro?

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Literal chuckleheads on my tv

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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THIS IS A LEADER OF MEN

-Skip Bayless, probably

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Fronkenshteen

We’ll he seems crabby.
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Gumbygirl

Winner! Free shoes for Fronk!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

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A stark contrast to the Bears O Line drowning pantomime/reality

1
Fronkenshteen

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This would be a taunting call if they were playing the Vikings

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Anthony In TX

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🎶Yeah, we fancy like Applebee’s🎶

(sorry sorry sorry)

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Downfield Matriculator

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Meet the arch nemesis of McGruff the Crime Dog — McSniff the Coke Hound!

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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Peyton hates when the ball doesn’t hit its intended target.

Last edited 4 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

(I had to correct the grammar to give this its merited plus one)

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

thank you

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ArmedandHammered

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Cocaine is a hell of a drug – R. James

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Downfield Matriculator

I see we’ve both left aside other aspects of Irvin’s character to focus on the nose candy — great minds and all that!

1
ArmedandHammered

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I’m proud of you boys, showing how tough you are to all those mask wearing libtards. Bet they believe you can get sick just sittin in the rain.

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ArmedandHammered

Actually are those fries or worms he is eating? Eh, still better than eating at Applebees.

1
blaxabbath

Everyone at Applebee’s is smiling!

https://i.insider.com/5e010c56954bda0ed3359ac5?width=1000&format=jpeg

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ArmedandHammered

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“Look Muffy! I told you rowing was a popular sport, although they are probably used to being under the deck to crew.” – Jeffery B. Assholington III.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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And just like that, the entire Tampa defence was changed with public indecency for stroking it in public

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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For their convincing impersonation of a rowing crew, each participating member of the Buccaneers was just granted admission to USC.

Last edited 4 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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Paraphrasing from last night’s posts:

I love how RTD couldn’t be bothered to shave for this

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s actually an old photo, but my stubble is in the exact same state right now.

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

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The GIF form of “more money than brains”

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