Tuesday Night Open Thread and 2021 GLORIOUS BUFFALO BILLS Bye Week Update

So, apparently they played football last weekend? The Big Bye (wherein nearly 20% of the league was idle) hit especially hard this year, because it included the guaranteed AFC Champion Buffalo Bills.

Did I go there? Yes I did, you craven weirdos. GUARANTEED. AFC. CHAMPIONS.

That noise you hear from Orchard Park? The sound of roasting meat, farts and smashing tables?

“But Your Holiness,” I hear you prattle from the feculent pit of your fandom for lesser teams, “didn’t they just lose in a straight-up fight with their most likely rivals, the reviled and disgusting Tits? Aren’t they 4-2 in a crappy AFC East, while the Bengals and Ravens are 5-2 in the same highly-competitive division? ”  YES! SO WHAT? WHAT ARE YOUR “FACTS” IN THE FACE OF DESTINY?!?!?!

How are they doing it? WITH GOOD OL FASHIONED DISCIPLINED FOOTBAAAAAW. They turn the ball over less than once per game on average. Their defense is sneaky-spectacular- they force turnovers at a high rate and have the best average starting field position in the league. They tend away from stupid penalties and they convert on third downs.  Other than tripping over their dicks out of the gate against the Stillers and being mere mortals against Derrick Henry, they have been nearly flawless. And I maintain that there is ZERO chance that Tennessee can ride Henry this hard in a 17 game season without having to put a bullet in him before the Divisional Round. The Ravens are vulnerable, the Bengals are the Bengals. The Bills have two games left against above-.500 teams, and one of them (New Orleans) is so unstable that Ritchie Incognito thinks they should be medicated. They have the clearest path to the top.

It’s time. Time to accept our destiny. TIME TO LOSE A FIFTH SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!

OTHER NFL NEWS:

Relatively quiet day.

-Whelp, that was fast. Jest owner Woody Johnson expressed his “unwavering, steadfast confidence” in GM Joe Douglas and head coach Robert Saleh despite their 1-5 start. Douglas I can sort of understand- he was hired in Summer 2019 and has presided over two and a quarter seasons of suck. However, this may set a record for quickest resort to the dreaded “vote of confidence” in NFL history for a coach. Six games. Six. With a roster of rookies and leftovers specifically designed to suck so that they can draft and spend next year. I sort of do hope Saleh get the Ol’ Todd Bowles so that some decent team can snatch him up this offseason.

-Thursday Night’s game just went from Interesting to Likely Suck. Green Bay receivers Davante Adams and Allen Lazard

Are OUT on the COVID list. This is Fun because Lazard doesn’t actually have a positive test- he’s just a close contact. So why is he out? BECAUSE HE’S UNVACCINATED! What an utter fucking muppet. Aaron Rodgers is going to likely be without three of his top receivers (Marquez Valdes-Scantling may or may not make it back from IR) on national television. I’m sure Rodgers will in no way hold the resulting bloodbath against Lazard…

LESSER SPORTS

Welllll…racists or cheaters? Cheaters or racists? Baseball is dead. BRING ON THE STRANGELY DOMINANT SABRES!