So, apparently they played football last weekend? The Big Bye (wherein nearly 20% of the league was idle) hit especially hard this year, because it included the guaranteed AFC Champion Buffalo Bills.
Did I go there? Yes I did, you craven weirdos. GUARANTEED. AFC. CHAMPIONS.
That noise you hear from Orchard Park? The sound of roasting meat, farts and smashing tables?
“But Your Holiness,” I hear you prattle from the feculent pit of your fandom for lesser teams, “didn’t they just lose in a straight-up fight with their most likely rivals, the reviled and disgusting Tits? Aren’t they 4-2 in a crappy AFC East, while the Bengals and Ravens are 5-2 in the same highly-competitive division? ” YES! SO WHAT? WHAT ARE YOUR “FACTS” IN THE FACE OF DESTINY?!?!?!
How are they doing it? WITH GOOD OL FASHIONED DISCIPLINED FOOTBAAAAAW. They turn the ball over less than once per game on average. Their defense is sneaky-spectacular- they force turnovers at a high rate and have the best average starting field position in the league. They tend away from stupid penalties and they convert on third downs. Other than tripping over their dicks out of the gate against the Stillers and being mere mortals against Derrick Henry, they have been nearly flawless. And I maintain that there is ZERO chance that Tennessee can ride Henry this hard in a 17 game season without having to put a bullet in him before the Divisional Round. The Ravens are vulnerable, the Bengals are the Bengals. The Bills have two games left against above-.500 teams, and one of them (New Orleans) is so unstable that Ritchie Incognito thinks they should be medicated. They have the clearest path to the top.
It’s time. Time to accept our destiny. TIME TO LOSE A FIFTH SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!
OTHER NFL NEWS:
Relatively quiet day.
-Whelp, that was fast. Jest owner Woody Johnson expressed his “unwavering, steadfast confidence” in GM Joe Douglas and head coach Robert Saleh despite their 1-5 start. Douglas I can sort of understand- he was hired in Summer 2019 and has presided over two and a quarter seasons of suck. However, this may set a record for quickest resort to the dreaded “vote of confidence” in NFL history for a coach. Six games. Six. With a roster of rookies and leftovers specifically designed to suck so that they can draft and spend next year. I sort of do hope Saleh get the Ol’ Todd Bowles so that some decent team can snatch him up this offseason.
-Thursday Night’s game just went from Interesting to Likely Suck. Green Bay receivers Davante Adams and Allen Lazard
Are OUT on the COVID list. This is Fun because Lazard doesn’t actually have a positive test- he’s just a close contact. So why is he out? BECAUSE HE’S UNVACCINATED! What an utter fucking muppet. Aaron Rodgers is going to likely be without three of his top receivers (Marquez Valdes-Scantling may or may not make it back from IR) on national television. I’m sure Rodgers will in no way hold the resulting bloodbath against Lazard…
LESSER SPORTS
Welllll…racists or cheaters? Cheaters or racists? Baseball is dead. BRING ON THE STRANGELY DOMINANT SABRES!
Going to read, toodles!
“Treat yourself to some BOOze this Halloween”
Well done, marketing email subject line!
I was thinking it would be fun to do like reverse trick-or-treating where you get dressed up and each of you carries a bottle a liquor, and then you go to houses and offer a shot to people who answer the door to hand out candy.
I have another once upon a time story! It was Halloween, around 1986 or so. We were stationed in western Washington. Gumby’s cousin Laurie was in the Navy too, and she came over with her husband. She got really drunk and belligerent, and I had to tackle her in my yard in front of all the neighbors and the costumed kiddoes because she went completely berserk. She’s still a little nutty, but much calmer than she used to be. I haven’t had to subdue her in years!
Growing up, one of my friends/neighbors’ dad worked for a major booze company, so when we’d trick or treat, they’d give us little sample size booze bottled for our parents if they saw our parents in the car or hanging back
Creepy LA thing: the Thai restaurant is closed before 9 but the massage place next door is still open….
That’d be an interesting Venn diagram…
HAHAHAHAHA STUPID CHEATING ASTROS! YOU SUCK!
The AFC suddenly becoming competitive and interesting is an underrated consequence of the Brady/Pats divorce
This post led me to believe the AFC is not competitive but rather to be dominated by Buffalo
The post was written by the Reverend, apparently under the influence of ayuhasca. Or meth. He called us craven weirdos. I may be weird (I’m weird) but I fear no man! Pistols at dawn.
The Great Plains used to be dominated by buffalo
I cannot take the Bills seriously given the fact they lost to the Steelers at home.
I’m tellin’ y’all. IT’S BENGALS HAPPENING!!
But what if we COULD? – Chad O.
Cheating baseball vs. cheating democracy. Because Rob Manfred is a global disgrace.
Bettman is a regional disgrace
Goodell is a national disgrace
Manfred is a global disgrace
Adam Silver looking really good somehow
Bettman is an international disgrace because he spans two countries.
Agreed
Same with the Rog thanks to Buffalo/Canada and London, right?
We had something for this…
https://doorfliesopen.com/tag/roger-goodell-is-an-intergalactic-disgrace/
Where the fuck is everybody?
Im here. Ish
Here are some people.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skK1CKKlc0M
You meet them wherever you go.
Looks like the Bills game on Sunday will be mid-50s, chance of showers, and I am getting progressively more excited. July me picked a good game to attend, thank you July me!
We’re going to the Rams/ Jaguars December 4th. I’m expecting a bomb cyclone. I went to a Jaguars game late 90’s or so that was during a fucking monsoon. Gumby was working out of town, and he had them say happy birthday to me on the scoreboard , so I felt like I had to go. I’ve been dryer taking a shower.
Gumby (to his friends): MAN, I GOT HER SO WET THAT DAY!
He was out of town. I got myself wet.
Good thing there were lots of jag rags around to help you sop up the mess! Oh wait, that’s maybe not a good thing
Is Goodell gonna let DeShauun Fingerblaster play this year?
I thought he liked to jerk off on em after the massage? I mean Antonio Brown did it after bible study.
I am entering the fourth hour of a union Zoom meeting, and I wish I was here with all of you.
I have made some terrible life choices, but this union gig is punishment from an unjust God.
Triple pay for any and all Zoom time, all in favor?
Aye
Yeah, Bills are the team to beat in the AFC. And Henry shouldn’t be getting this workload after the SNF with Rammitt!! In Week 9. Maybe Tractorcito and Julio should take November off,
Never discount Lamar! tho. He’s a nightmare.
This baseball post season has been as appealing as a Joe Flacco created menu. I hate the Braves and Dusty Baker should never be allowed to be happy.
Agreed on all counts.
Yep it sucked but at least the blue team isn’t in it.
Paging Maestro
Not this argument again. – the hobbit community.
Webbed, most def
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtqF0qBqzZo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxWR5VtTMbM
Oh, so now I OWN this thread? This will be instantly substandard.
It’s Fronk’s world. We’re all just living in it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ts6UDbXZ0tY
FACK
Charlie Morton has a serious Andy Petitte vibe. It just doesn’t look like his stuff should be cutting down an all- star lineup. But inning after inning he goes. Fucking awesome.
I could give a tin shit about the Worlds Ereis, but I am delighted that Fox/Manfred got neither end of the Los Angeles/Bahstahn media mahket showdown they wanted.
So Warner Bros., undaunted by Space Jam’s meh-ery, wants to do a Super Smash Bros. of their IPs. As terrible of an idea as this is (and the action movies already did this with the more recent Mortal Kombat games, if it leads to Batman fighting Bugs Bunny I might get it for the sheer train wreck factor.
Pepe Le Pew sees Wonder Woman…oh bring it.
Also, all of you need to get over to Quotables and give RTD and me* some competition this week: https://doorfliesopen.com/2021/10/26/2021-quotables-week-7-submissions/
*Note: I will win 0-2, LemonJello and Spam will combine for 3-5
Just like the Sadie Hawkins dance, I will not be seen as a possible participant.
“Sneaky Spectacular” is my favoUrite porn star in 2029.
Someone at the Denver airport left their fishing pole on their flight from Missoula.
Fuck that guy.
Blackhawks organization cleaning hous? Vacating all of their Stanley Cup wins? All of Chicago sprots given the Death Penalty?
4-0 Bulls!
Deep dish designated as a casserole?
Is it a sandwich though?
Is it riding a Zamboni though?
I would say this puts a Chelsea Dagger in them for a while…
/Ducks full bottles of Malort