Waking Up Is (Lesser) Hard To Do

Now that the weather is finally turning, Hippo is starting to hibernate like a (chest hair-free) bear.  Naturally, the only good Prem matches are (i) at 7:30; or (ii) conflict with JV NFL.  Still, thank fuck summer is over.

Wake up with DFO’s Gooner contingent, as the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols go a-fox huntin’ (7:30, NBCSN).  Arsenal has the look of a side that wants to get back into Shempions NIT contention, if not the real thing.  Handsome Mikel is still rogueishly handsome, too.  Fuck Leicester, at least while Rodgers is there.

Unpleasantly, the schedule gods cram FIVE fixtures into the 10:00 window, but at least they are all shite?  I guess maybe I will lazily watch City spunk the fell-good new-look Palace (10:00, NBCSN), because I am not watching the filthy Redshite (USA) or streaming the likes of Burnley/Bees.  Then again, YMMV.

An absolute cracker in the Spotlight Dance, with Very Disappointed Dad OGS and his Very Disappointing Red Devils (borrowed mantle from Everton, you can’t disappoint when there are less than zero expectations of competency) travelling to Hot Sperm land (12:30, NBC).  At least Ole will be spared the banners and chants of his own supporters, but there will 100% be You’re Getting Sacked in the Morning! ringing the ground from the off.  Lose, and he might just get put out of his misery.

Sunday’s NBCSN two-fer is reasonably good, but kick off too late.  Norwich and equally desperate Leeds kick off at 10:00, but the tasy Villa/West Ham match not until 12:30??  The Lesser Fuck, man??  That’s 2/3 of match action in the RedZone Window.

Don’t watch Monday Night Footy (4:00, NBCSN), unless you want Wolves/Toffees to put you to sleep super early.

/Balls stumbles into the post.

Ahem… Speaking of You’re Getting Sacked in the Morning!, I feel the need to chime in on this week’s news that Barcelona sacked Ronald Koeman.  To those of you that have watched this year’s La Liga, this will come as no surprise.

In truth,  Koeman was a dead man walking since May when Laporta looked for his replacement, realized he couldn’t afford anyone good,  and let Koeman stay on the job for another season.

That last season was cut short on Wednesday after Rayo Vallecano, currently 5th in La Liga, beat Barça and left them in 9th. While the table positions suggest this was an expected outcome,  I should remind everyone that Rayo was in the second division as recently as last May ( which happily coincides with when Laporta decided to “keep” Koeman.)

In fact,  Rayo has spent only 19 seasons in the first division in its history while spending 35 in Segunda, 5 in Segunda B, and 11 in Tercera.

So,  that explains why he got fired now as opposed to later or earlier.

The hot rumour is that Xavi Hernandez will take over as coach after the next international break and bring back Barcelona’s signature style of play. (Besides the embarrassing losses, Koeman’s style of play was another factor in his firing.)

Considering that Barça is going through a rebuild and playing mostly academy graduates,  this seems as good a time as any to bring in Xavi. I doubt Roberto Martinez (the Belgian National Team coach and other rumored candidate for the job) will want to step into a mess where he has to teach kids how to handle the pressures of big time fútbol.

So,  this means that the La Liga race is wide open this year as Real Madrid is down and Atlético seems to be suffering from a post-title hangover.

Much more fun than watching the EPL, but that’s just my opinion.  😘

***

JV NFL would like to hopefully make up for last week’s schedule…

Michigan (-4) at Michigan State (Noon, Fox)

This rivalry will always have that Perfect Lesser Harbs moment, where all they had to do was punt (or just throw a pass out of bounds to kill the last two seconds), but Sparty blocked it for six and the win.  I will never, ever stop laughing about that.  Winner will be the nation’s worst/blurst unbeaten team, since I think Wake Forest would beat either.

Iowa (+3.5) at Wisconsin (Noon, ESPN)

I have been trying – without success – to understand why Bucky Badger is favoUred here.  But they is.  And should they win?  They will control their own destiny to the B1G title game, which is why the B1G can’t have nice things.  Well, unless you are a tOSU supporter, I suppose.

Texas (+2.5) at Baylor (Noon, ABC)

Yes, it is up to the Consent Abstinent to bury Steerfuckers South, once and for all.  Until week 1 of the 2022 season brings the first cry of Texas is back baby! from the Narrative-addicted sportsball media.

Washington State (+16) at Arizona State (3:00, FS1)

Wait, wasn’t there a rule about Sparky not hosting fixtures while the sun is out?  WATCH TO SEE HOW MANY PPLS DIE!  Also, this is waaaayyyyy too many points, given that the favoUred side is coached by Herm Edwards.

Texas Tech (+19) at Oklahoma (3:30, ABC)

I guess Vegas don’t see any sort of “No Manager Bump” FOAR Guns Up!!  But, c’mon.  If Steerfuckers North doesn’t have its freshman QB have the presence of mind to legally strip the ball from his teammate on 4th down – they lose to goddamned KANSAS last week.

Florida State (+9) at Clemson (3:30, ESPN)

Remember when this was the Bowden Bowl, and a big fookin’ deal?  Now, every last Bowden is ded.  OK, at least ded inside.  How shitty do you have to be to merit +9 against this dumpster fire of a Tiggers squadron?

Georgia (-14) v. Florida (3:30, CBS)

World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party!  I have been informed that this is very much an apt descriptor.  A great annual blackout drunk-fest, in the most neutral-est of Swampass Country (Jacksonville).  Maybe UGA at least sweats a bit this week?  Or are their taints just always that damp (smh)??