This week, I am doing a bit of catching up as you guys have provided more sexy goodness than usual. Thus, tonight we have more than 11 pictures to enjoy!

In addition, I am giving you my Halloween tale and a special Halloween-themed sextet of songs. Enjoy!

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Nocturnal Emissions

As you know, I’m an OLD so I occasionally wake up in the middle of the night to go #1 and sometimes #2. Go ahead and laugh at me, but it will happen to you someday…

As if that wasn’t scary enough, here’s something that happened to me a few weeks ago:

So, I’m sitting in the can, minding my own business, cleaning my ears, blowing my nose, I like to involve all my holes while I’m in there (h/t Dave Attell). Suddenly, I hear a noise in my bedroom. Now, it’s late and the TV is off, so it can’t be the theme to The Simpsons.

One thing you must know about me is that, in the middle of the night, I don’t like turning the lights on. It is TOO FUCKING BRIGHT and I find that it’s hard to get back to sleep if the lights are on. So, I only have my cell phone light to go by. Of course, I’m scrolling through DFO and laughing at some of your comments and giving you likes.

Yes, the Magic Balls Poo Fairy gives you all those likes in the middle of the night.

Anyhoo, I couldn’t really tell what the noise was. My gut was gurgling, so it’s not like I could hear really well either. I ignored it and went back to liking comments.

As I was liking a particularly witty comment from Dunstan, I heard the noise again. This time it sounded like someone said “Taco”. Now, I do have the Taco Bell app on my phone and when I order, it gives a loud Bell tone to indicate your order went through, but I didn’t have it open and besides it’s the middle of the night. My local Taco Bell closes at 1 AM (yes, I know EXACTLY when it closes!) and it was way past that.

I looked up from my phone and then I saw him.

We joke, but he really was grey. At least his dick, which was at eye level, was.

BALLS: What the fuck are you doing here?

BIG BEN: I heard you are a “recovering Steelers fan”. What the fuck does that mean?

BALLS: Dammit, no more Indian food past 9. I’m assuming I’m hallucinating because I’m dehydrated from all the poopin’. Okay, I’ll play along. Yes, you big dumb oaf, I’m “recovering” because your ass should have retired two years ago, the offensive line is as good as a New York subway turnstile, and they STILL haven’t drafted your replacement!

BIG BEN: You know I lost weight, right?

BALLS: It’s a good thing too because you have to run your ass off to avoid getting killed!

BIG BEN: You know we finally have a franchise back, right?

BALLS: Did you hear my comment about the offensive line?

BIG BEN: The defense is as good as ever and the secondary is actually getting turnovers!

BALLS: Yeah, I know. And you’ve got amazing receivers to throw to. How the hell do you draft receivers so well and they can’t draft a QB to save their lives?

BIG BEN: You know I’m never leaving, right?

BALLS: Uh, what now?

BIG BEN: I’m not leaving.

BALLS: This bathroom?

BIG BEN: That too.

BALLS: Wait what?

BIG BEN: You are going to become a fan again. You are going to wear your Steelers gear, you are going to display your Steelers flag, and you are going to watch us game after excruciatingly frustrating game.

BALLS: And if I don’t?

BIG BEN: You know I always get what I want in bathrooms, right?

BALLS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

I woke up in a pool of sweat, face down, ass up, with my underwear around my ankles.

Oh, and this:

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For those of you prudes that don’t like cheesecake or beefcake, click HERE to skip to the music videos.

Here are your Top 11 25 pictures of the week.

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YOU’RE-A-PRUDE

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And now, for the music!

As I mentioned before, I’ve decided that I must take up the mantle that tWBS ran with and help to make this world a better place. I will do this in the one way he couldn’t: By introducing you to good music!

This week, I’m playing six songs for Halloween. Enjoy!

Song Number One:

Canción Número Dos:

Chanson Numéro Trois:

Canzone numero quattro:

Canção número cinco

Seigarren zenbakia:

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That’s all for this week, folks! Be good to each other and fly low and avoid the radar.