Huh, Taylor’s on a bye, Keenan Allen and Mike Williams are Covided, Elijah Moore and Burrow are questionable and James Robinson is getting jerked around by the Jags. Welp, it was fucking fun playing fantasy this year! Gerd Damn it!
Newsy Notes:
-What a ridiculous travesty going on in Jacksonville. Robinson is trying to say all the right words but it’s gotta be weird for the only playmaker on the team to be punished for fumbling the way that he was. And Hyde fumbled as well and wasn’t taken out because he played under Meyer at Ohio State so it doesn’t count. And then to be sent out in garbage time for a couple of carries… Meyer has pledged to reporters that he’ll ‘be more involved’ going forward. That was after throwing his rb coach under the bus. What did Khan say about ‘earning trust’ after The Fondling Debacle? The guy can’t be trusted to shepherd kids along a crosswalk.
-It’s The Nanobots Coursing Thru His Veins-Coach McCarthy, fresh off his Covid respite has guaranteed a win vs TEAM. Fresh perspective I guess. He doesn’t seem to realize that his team plays in the NFC East, the division where everyone plays down to the competition.
-Niners rook rb Mitchell is in concussion protocol and just had an MRI done on his knee. According to Baby Shanny, everything is just peachy and he should be ready to go. Robert Griffin tried to reach out to Mitchell but his knee buckled while doing so.
To The Game!
Steelers/Vikes:
-He’s A Monster (in a good way!) Frickin’ TJ Watt has 16(!) sacks in 10(!) games played. It’ll be a test for him and the Vikes o-line because the latter has given up the 2nd-least amount of sacks so far this year.
-Interesting that the Lions bind these teams together in that they’ve had their way with each of them.
-Cook is apparently trying to make a go of it having dislocated his shoulder a mere 11 days ago. He’s not long for this league at this rate.
-That Nasty Prevent Defense- Minny has given up a total of 305 points this year. A third (101) of that has been surrendered in the last two minutes of each half.
-Stat That Might Be Related to Above Stat-In games decided by 8 points or less the Steelers are 6-1-1 and the Vikes are 4-7.
Have at it.
Erin Andrews saw a hint of a smile on Coach Zimmer and reported on it. She’s a shoe-in for an Espy Award this year.
Terry Bradshaw thinks that a black drape is slimming.
https://twitter.com/ChadGraff/status/1469121273343004673
Oh for Fuck Sakes! He didn’t read my intro?
Damnit Chad.
The horse-collar tackle is poorly named. Horse collars allow a horse to pull a load with its full strength while keeping pressure off the windpipe. Grabbing the collar of a harnessed horse would be probably the least effective way to tackle it.
Time for Tomlin to call up his friend Bobby Knight…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Chdg7wEGfYw&ab_channel=DavidBravoJr.
Steelers OL strategy relies too much on wind resistance.
They need to add spoilers to the unis
We could get the little Rittenhouse shit and add speed holes.
THIS STEELERS D, I CALL THEM A CONFUSED ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE THEY EXPECTED THAT THEYD BE FUCKING COUSINS, BUT INSTEAD ARE GETTING FUCKED BY COUSINS.
Mike Tomlin halftime speech
Minny marching down the field in a Leni Riefenstahl-approved way.
Found a funny;
friend: she likes guys who have class
me: ok
[later on date]
her: what do u do
me: *getting up* i have to go i have calculus
WIDE GODDAMNED OPEN YOU DINGLEBERRY PIECE OF SHIT
Is he actively trying to get Jefferson killed?
Gotta recalibrate expectations.
Maybe Mason Rudolph getting pummeled is enough entertainment value.
As a Yinzer, watching that MAGAgot get killed is fun for everyone.
This game is like walking in on your parents’ banging. Somehow, as a Yinzer fan, it’s even worse.
Hey, y’all still gots Thicc Punter at least.
Steelers better score. I can’t waste this buzz on *shudders* reading.
Need a couple more Vikes TDs and they will rest Cook and some Presidential garbage time.
fucking monkeyfuck, one knew that was coming.
Normally, I’d be concerned at this point, but, these are the Vikings. My mind isn’t racing yet.
Btw, I’m killing Hippo in the Freezer Vodka league right now to the tune of 1.3-0. He never stood a chance!
Textbook surmountable lead
Looking at the NexGen stats I need him to beat you and I have to beat Dok to get in.
Beating my team shouldn’t be an issue, it’s been kind of entertaining observing the many failure modes of a fantasy team!
My fancy new mattress and bed are arriving tomorrow!
I imagine it’s like this one, but with lasers, force fields and other awesome stuff
Greek men that feed her olives and fan her with palm fronds.
The fanning is just for show, the internal temperature control system is very effective
/scratches note to self for Princess Fiancé’s next bed
“Do you have any colors besides Hapsburg Hemophilia Red?”
No mosquito netting 👎🏼
I kinda dig these Minny unis
Yellow horns! White horns fuck up the outfit IMHO.
&ct=g
Didn’t notice that. You are 100% correct.
watch out for ivory poachers!
Erin Andrews makes 2 million a year looking good while talking into a phallic object on the periphery of the action. The math tells me I should be making at least 20k while singing into the showerhead ala Lemmy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GI7LrSHYaU&ab_channel=MotorheadVEVO
KJ Osborn, one catch for 8 yards. He’s a sneaky bastage!
There ya go, Hippos. Hippii?
YAAAAASSSSSS
Gimme that presidential vulturedown.
Someone break Dalvin
I am also fading Dalvin. No shares of Founding Fathers, sadly.
Jeesus Mary and the Cuck! I really don’t think I’m going to make it all four quarters.
Left goalpost is more repulsive than a misanthrope on a gift return line.
Amazon pitch for Cinderella:
-Here’s the hook: a sassy fairy (coughing fit)
-Great! Budget it.
– * cough * godmother
Prepping for halftime, Steelers trainers already filled the hot tub with unguent and WD 40 for Ben.
THE BEN was on that fumble like it was a coed in a bathroom stall.
If Bettis was the bus, is Harris the monorail?
Vikes unis sponsored by the good folks at Deep Purple.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHOrpFeXUao&ab_channel=ThePurpleChannel
Nice Bush tribute with the title!
Mushy head.
Defense is turrible. Thank’lor to Shank’lor!
T.Watt is getting warmed up?
Don’t the Vikings play indoors? Uhh, what the fuck was that kick?
HAIL SHAN`KHLOR FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW
CATCH THE FUCKING BALL JUSTIN
Did Hippo(s) yelp in agony? Sure did, Other Hippo!
Does Erin Andrews do anything else aside from sideline reporting? A podcast? A regular guest on a podcast?
I know she has a clothing line, because I saw an ad for it.
I hope she has another retirement plan.
Potential podcast names:
“A peek at Erin”
“Through the Keyhole”
“My first guest pronounces it ‘pree vacy’ “
The only thing Mike McCarthy should be guaranteeing is that he’ll hit the dessert buffet table for thirds.
Proof that this is a weird NFL Season:
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/heres-the-crazy-nfl-playoff-scenario-that-would-get-the-1-10-1-detroit-lions-to-the-postseason/
That was a sneaky fun read.
.
Wife is gone for a few days so tonight I’m mixing Canadian Tire Turkey Stuffing potato chips with Old Dutch Roast Chicken-flavored chips. I’ll wait until Saturday to dance in my underwear in the living room. #priorities
Fucking hell! You guys get the BEST chip flavours!!
Enjoy your hickory sticks tonight sir.
You know I will!
That’s Rocking!
Also if you guys haven’t seen it, I highly recommend season 2 of How To with John Wilson on HBO.
It’s Rocking! And Hilarious so far!
Ordered the classic beige meal. Fried chicken, biscuits, fries, gravy. Hell yeah it’s fattening up season.
“That’s a nice appetizer, what’s the main course?”
-A. Reid
Can they fly Strahan to space and leave him there?
Strahan died on the way back to his home planet.
Brett Favre is also on the mission, Strahan scores the first suborbital sack.
You mean he tackles Favre behind the space line of scrimmage, or that he steals Favre’s scrotum?
That’s would be rocking!
Hey folks. While I’ll be at work for another 2 1/2 hours – yes we are busy as FUCK – I will be with you in spirit and plan on watching the recording of the game in a mere
/checks clock
Three hours from now!
How has this week’s been? I’m the car
But there’s fitbaw woo!
/puts Hannah Storm + Andrea Kremer feed
//fixes hair with virility
The mobile vet is coming to kill my dog tomorrow morning. So, a suckass week capped off by a suckass day.
Genuinely sorry, man. Ex-wifey put the dog down a couple weeks ago. I never wanted that mutt, but, I’m still sad she’s gone.
Thanks. It was a tough decision.
Ben’s “I’m More Crippled Than Retarded At This Point!” tour continues to make the rounds.
paging that porque no los dos? kid
You have to keep Mattison in right? RIGHT???
Conklin a good play tonight?
I’m playing K.J. Osborn tonight because I’m the shrewdest fantasy manager ever and not some rube that lost track of injuries and bye weeks.
Osborn is playable, you’d think they’d put ALL THE DBs on Jefferson
absolutely, and YES
I have benched Mattison, which means he will get 900 yards and 11 touchdowns.
Damn it.
I’m cycling between hysterical laughter and total, abject misery. Here we go Steelers!
y’all can win, for all I care – just let Jefferson score 4 or 5 times