Your Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Huh, Taylor’s on a bye, Keenan Allen and Mike Williams are Covided, Elijah Moore and Burrow are questionable and James Robinson is getting jerked around by the Jags. Welp, it was fucking fun playing fantasy this year! Gerd Damn it!

Newsy Notes:

-What a ridiculous travesty going on in Jacksonville. Robinson is trying to say all the right words but it’s gotta be weird for the only playmaker on the team to be punished for fumbling the way that he was. And Hyde fumbled as well and wasn’t taken out because he played under Meyer at Ohio State so it doesn’t count. And then to be sent out in garbage time for a couple of carries… Meyer has pledged to reporters that he’ll ‘be more involved’ going forward. That was after throwing his rb coach under the bus. What did Khan say about ‘earning trust’ after The Fondling Debacle? The guy can’t be trusted to shepherd kids along a crosswalk.

-It’s The Nanobots Coursing Thru His Veins-Coach McCarthy, fresh off his Covid respite has guaranteed a win vs TEAM. Fresh perspective I guess. He doesn’t seem to realize that his team plays in the NFC East, the division where everyone plays down to the competition.

-Niners rook rb Mitchell is in concussion protocol and just had an MRI done on his knee. According to Baby Shanny, everything is just peachy and he should be ready to go. Robert Griffin tried to reach out to Mitchell but his knee buckled while doing so.

To The Game!

Steelers/Vikes:

-He’s A Monster (in a good way!) Frickin’ TJ Watt has 16(!) sacks in 10(!) games played. It’ll be a test for him and the Vikes o-line because the latter has given up the 2nd-least amount of sacks so far this year.

-Interesting that the Lions bind these teams together in that they’ve had their way with each of them.

-Cook is apparently trying to make a go of it having dislocated his shoulder a mere 11 days ago. He’s not long for this league at this rate.

-That Nasty Prevent Defense- Minny has given up a total of 305 points this year. A third (101) of that has been surrendered in the last two minutes of each half.

-Stat That Might Be Related to Above Stat-In games decided by 8 points or less the Steelers are 6-1-1 and the Vikes are 4-7.

Have at it.

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Sharkbait

Damnit Chad.

Last edited 2 years ago by Sharkbait
Doktor Zymm

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Doktor Zymm

The horse-collar tackle is poorly named. Horse collars allow a horse to pull a load with its full strength while keeping pressure off the windpipe. Grabbing the collar of a harnessed horse would be probably the least effective way to tackle it.

WCS

Time for Tomlin to call up his friend Bobby Knight…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Chdg7wEGfYw&ab_channel=DavidBravoJr.

Don T

Steelers OL strategy relies too much on wind resistance.

Doktor Zymm

They need to add spoilers to the unis

SonOfSpam

We could get the little Rittenhouse shit and add speed holes.

LemonJello

THIS STEELERS D, I CALL THEM A CONFUSED ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE THEY EXPECTED THAT THEYD BE FUCKING COUSINS, BUT INSTEAD ARE GETTING FUCKED BY COUSINS.

Don T

Mike Tomlin halftime speech
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LemonJello

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rockingdog

Found a funny;

friend: she likes guys who have class

me: ok

[later on date]

her: what do u do

me: *getting up* i have to go i have calculus

King Hippo

WIDE GODDAMNED OPEN YOU DINGLEBERRY PIECE OF SHIT

LemonJello

Is he actively trying to get Jefferson killed?

Don T

Gotta recalibrate expectations.

Maybe Mason Rudolph getting pummeled is enough entertainment value.

WCS

As a Yinzer, watching that MAGAgot get killed is fun for everyone.

WCS

This game is like walking in on your parents’ banging. Somehow, as a Yinzer fan, it’s even worse.

King Hippo

Hey, y’all still gots Thicc Punter at least.

Don T

Steelers better score. I can’t waste this buzz on *shudders* reading.

litre_cola

Need a couple more Vikes TDs and they will rest Cook and some Presidential garbage time.

King Hippo

fucking monkeyfuck, one knew that was coming.

WCS

Normally, I’d be concerned at this point, but, these are the Vikings. My mind isn’t racing yet.

LemonJello

Textbook surmountable lead

litre_cola

Looking at the NexGen stats I need him to beat you and I have to beat Dok to get in.

Doktor Zymm

Beating my team shouldn’t be an issue, it’s been kind of entertaining observing the many failure modes of a fantasy team!

Doktor Zymm

My fancy new mattress and bed are arriving tomorrow!

LemonJello

I imagine it’s like this one, but with lasers, force fields and other awesome stuff

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litre_cola

Greek men that feed her olives and fan her with palm fronds.

Doktor Zymm

The fanning is just for show, the internal temperature control system is very effective

Last edited 2 years ago by Doktor Zymm
WCS

/scratches note to self for Princess Fiancé’s next bed

Horatio Cornblower

“Do you have any colors besides Hapsburg Hemophilia Red?”

Don T

No mosquito netting 👎🏼

Doktor Zymm

I kinda dig these Minny unis

Don T

Yellow horns! White horns fuck up the outfit IMHO.
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Doktor Zymm

Didn’t notice that. You are 100% correct.

Viva La Tabula Raza

watch out for ivory poachers!

Don T

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LemonJello

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Last edited 2 years ago by LemonJello
Gumbygirl

There ya go, Hippos. Hippii?

King Hippo

YAAAAASSSSSS

litre_cola

Gimme that presidential vulturedown.

litre_cola

Someone break Dalvin

King Hippo

I am also fading Dalvin. No shares of Founding Fathers, sadly.

Gumbygirl

Jeesus Mary and the Cuck! I really don’t think I’m going to make it all four quarters.

Don T

Left goalpost is more repulsive than a misanthrope on a gift return line.

Don T

Amazon pitch for Cinderella:

-Here’s the hook: a sassy fairy (coughing fit)

-Great! Budget it.

– * cough * godmother

Don T

Prepping for halftime, Steelers trainers already filled the hot tub with unguent and WD 40 for Ben.

LemonJello

THE BEN was on that fumble like it was a coed in a bathroom stall.

LemonJello

If Bettis was the bus, is Harris the monorail?

King Hippo

Nice Bush tribute with the title!

Gumbygirl

Mushy head.

Gumbygirl

Defense is turrible. Thank’lor to Shank’lor!

LemonJello

T.Watt is getting warmed up?

litre_cola

Don’t the Vikings play indoors? Uhh, what the fuck was that kick?

LemonJello

HAIL SHAN`KHLOR FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW

hippofant

CATCH THE FUCKING BALL JUSTIN

King Hippo

Did Hippo(s) yelp in agony? Sure did, Other Hippo!

Horatio Cornblower

I know she has a clothing line, because I saw an ad for it.

I hope she has another retirement plan.

LemonJello

Potential podcast names:

“A peek at Erin”

“Through the Keyhole”

Don T

“My first guest pronounces it ‘pree vacy’ “

Horatio Cornblower

The only thing Mike McCarthy should be guaranteeing is that he’ll hit the dessert buffet table for thirds.

Don T

That was a sneaky fun read.

Redshirt

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ballsofsteelandfury

Fucking hell! You guys get the BEST chip flavours!!

litre_cola

Enjoy your hickory sticks tonight sir.

ballsofsteelandfury

You know I will!

rockingdog

That’s Rocking!

rockingdog

Also if you guys haven’t seen it, I highly recommend season 2 of How To with John Wilson on HBO.
It’s Rocking! And Hilarious so far!

litre_cola

Ordered the classic beige meal. Fried chicken, biscuits, fries, gravy. Hell yeah it’s fattening up season.

LemonJello

“That’s a nice appetizer, what’s the main course?”
-A. Reid

LemonJello

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litre_cola

Can they fly Strahan to space and leave him there?

King Hippo

Strahan died on the way back to his home planet.

Don T

Brett Favre is also on the mission, Strahan scores the first suborbital sack.

SonOfSpam

You mean he tackles Favre behind the space line of scrimmage, or that he steals Favre’s scrotum?

rockingdog

That’s would be rocking!

ballsofsteelandfury

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yeah right

Hey folks. While I’ll be at work for another 2 1/2 hours – yes we are busy as FUCK – I will be with you in spirit and plan on watching the recording of the game in a mere

/checks clock

Three hours from now!

Don T

How has this week’s been? I’m the car
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Don T

But there’s fitbaw woo!
/puts Hannah Storm + Andrea Kremer feed
//fixes hair with virility

WCS

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Viva La Tabula Raza

The mobile vet is coming to kill my dog tomorrow morning. So, a suckass week capped off by a suckass day.

WCS

Genuinely sorry, man. Ex-wifey put the dog down a couple weeks ago. I never wanted that mutt, but, I’m still sad she’s gone.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Thanks. It was a tough decision.

King Hippo

paging that porque no los dos? kid

litre_cola

You have to keep Mattison in right? RIGHT???

Conklin a good play tonight?

King Hippo

Osborn is playable, you’d think they’d put ALL THE DBs on Jefferson

King Hippo

absolutely, and YES

SonOfSpam

I have benched Mattison, which means he will get 900 yards and 11 touchdowns.

WCS

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Damn it.

Gumbygirl

I’m cycling between hysterical laughter and total, abject misery. Here we go Steelers!

King Hippo

y’all can win, for all I care – just let Jefferson score 4 or 5 times

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