I Watched It So You Don’t Have To: Starr of Wonder

Welcome back to DFO’s Annual Christmas movies review. This feature is where one of us poor bastards watches a Christmas movie and summarizes it for you, so you can go for a snooze or drink more booze when your significant other forces you to watch the movie. Today’s Christmas movie is currently streaming on JerryVision and is titled Starr of Wonder.

The Players:

Rose Rollins – who you might remember as “Georgia” from the TV movie “Nikki and Nora” – plays frazzled Fort Worth event planner Samantha “Lone” Starr, doing her best to care for her aging mother as she races around the Dallas/Fort Worth metropolitan area coordinating high-end celebrations and parties.

Mike McCarthy plays affable, easygoing Cowboys head coach – and recent widower – Mike.

Plot Shenanigans:

A corporate client (voiced over the phone in a cameo by Bradley Whitford) sends Samantha to AT&T Stadium to book one of their luxury suites for a holiday party. The owner of the Cowboys football team Jerry Jones mistakenly identifies Samantha as a hooker he’s engaged from Silky Gerrard’s Companionship Emporium.  What begins as a simple misunderstanding becomes a game of slap-and-tickle that ends with Samantha scampering through the hallways in order to escape the imminent sexual assault.  She ducks into Mike’s office, and finds him sufficiently jaded to Jerry Jones’ roleplay escapades that it takes a while for him to realize that she genuinely needs his help.

Obstacle?

Samantha has been unlucky in love, but that hasn’t stopped her from putting herself out there.  By contrast, Mike is terminally risk-averse, and is completely unwilling to take any kind of chances whatsoever.  Whether it’s ordering something unfamiliar from a restaurant menu, changing the radio station in his car (even though they completely revamped their format five years ago and no longer broadcast in English), or calling something other than a screen pass on 3rd-and-12, Mike is not a man who ever lays things on the line. Mike is torn between sheltering Samantha and the prospect of defying his employer in even the most mundane way.  But having been a witness to all kinds of unethical and illegal behavior in the NFL during his years of involvement with the league, Mike overcomes his fears and tells a benign white lie to Jerry that Samantha is the team’s new dietician.  This turns into a series of lunch dates as Samantha attempts to broaden Mike’s horizons by introducing him to a series of potential caterers for the team’s cafeteria and tasting their wares. But an offhand comment to Jerry Jones from one of Dallas’ opponents’ head coaches (“she’s the first dietician I ever met where a casual conversation didn’t end with us as mortal enemies”) raises the suspicious of the mercurial Cowboys owner.

Resolution:

The big night of Samantha’s client’s event arrives and amidst the festivities Jerry Jones puts it together that Samantha’s constant appearances at the team facility have been a ruse. He is absolutely enraged.

His bruised ego inspires him to throw a tantrum and he attempts to cancel the event midway through, which would be an incredibly savage blow to Samantha’s reputation and career.  However, the day is saved when Samantha’s twin sister, who is a member of Texas law enforcement, arrives to arrest Jerry for his participation in a sex trafficking ring that involves the cheerleaders of several NFL teams.  The movie concludes with a joyous and successful holiday party and the prospect of future romance between Samantha and Mike, punctuated by a warm hug between the two.