Well, another year has come and gone, and it’s time for another Festivus celebration.
RIP Jerry Stiller, who I would wager had free rein to do whatever he wanted during Festivus dinner. No script, just go off.
Anyway, since we’re light until the evening it’s time for our own Airing of Grievances! Sure, that’s what every other open thread is for too, but this is a hallowed time. I have grievances too! Most of them are me actually, like for not writing the 2021 Expo House of Pain recap yet. Or for not writing the MarbleCon BOTG yet. Or for not sending stuff to Zymm and LagerLoverLarry yet. (To the point that I have to go back to the Chinese supermarket in Sunset Park, so no, not H-Mart as it’s overpriced; and your Hi-Chews have gotten all cold and eaten.)
All those things will be done! Eventually.
Yes, I’m aware that Fozz should have done this thread. That man has some grievances, dammit. And we have heard of them. And we do not envy him.
Let’s see, other grievances:
-Wordpress for breaking the site in March, breaking the polls, which might still be broken. So we’ll see if there’s a banner bracket in 2022.
-The maintenance department at Apartment Weaselo. They’re doing… something with the balcony railings, maybe? Regardless there’s been the sound of vibrating and grinding going on for the last two, three weeks.
-The area around Senorita Weaselo’s house because it’s nearly impossible to find parking after 10 PM or so.
-COVID-19, for obvious reasons.
-The New York Jets, for inevitably ruining Zach Wilson.
-The New York Jets, for inevitably ruining Robert Saleh (who now has covid.)
-The New York Jets, for continuing to be the Jets.
-Gary Sánchez, for forgetting to use the right side of the field and becoming the king of rocket line drives/one-hoppers right to someone, probably for a double play.
-The New York Yankees, for ruining Gary Sánchez.
-The New York Yankees, for potentially ruining Gleyber Torres.
-The Midnight Wisps, for going from potentially winning Marble League 2020, to missing the podium, to being relegated to the Showdown in 2021, becoming the first former champion to suffer that ignominy.
-Rob Manfred, for being a semihemispherical disgrace.
-And lastly, but certainly not leastly, Roger Goodell, for being a national disgrace.
I probably forgot others, but yeah, have fun and have at it. Your favorite alleged hobo-stabber’ll be in for the night game. Remember, they’re only rumors, anecdotes, and allegations!
Cigarette companies. Your are more evil than music producers. Fuck you for making the most dependably enjoyable product in the history of humanity.
Cigar smokers. Smoking and not getting that thick, hot, and delicious vapor down the gullet and lungs is pure cowardice! That’s half the pleasure, you smug fucks.
Weed oil. I spent 25+ years smoking at least a pack of Marlboro reds every day. THC vape feels like acid on my alveoli. It’s too harsh!
Blunts. That
God
Damn
STANK. Blech. What the hell is wrong with a joint?
Society. Still frowns on public joint smoking.
Time. Grievances were yesterday. I blame
Physics. #Obviously
Speaking of High-chews, why hasn’t Facebook sent every employee a selection of snacks from the microkitchens while we’re working at home? There are new employees who have never even had a free snack from a microkitchen! It’s a travesty! There’s more to being a tech company than creepy data usage, without free snacks we’re no different from equifax!
Do you have a flavor preference? The ones I got were my favorite pairing of the cola and ramune, but next time I make a run I can get different flavors! Probably less likely to get eaten flavors!
So not watermelon, that will not get to you because I will devour them.
I have not had a flavor I dislike, they are all amazing
Welp, you asked for it! This is just a partial list, don’t want to harsh anyone’s buzz.And away we go!
1. Donald Trump, his family, his slack-jawed supporters, and anyone who has anything positive to say about him. No exceptions.
2. All other Republicans.
3. Anyone with any connection to organized religion, with the exception of my Aunt, Sister Patrice, who walks the walk.
4. Fundamentalist zealots of any flavor.
5. Ben Roethlisberger.
6. Househunting, in this insane market.
7.Billionaires. Most millionaires too, especially the ones who avoid paying taxes.
8.Beets. They are gross and taste like dirt.
9.The two bitches who made my life a living hell when I worked at the post office. Die in a fiery crash, both of you.
10. Anything else not stated above that annoys the fuck out of me.
The good news, I am still in the LDB challenge!
Almost forgot:
Not being Gumbygirl’s favourite even though no one told me.
This is my favorite list. Don’t tell the others.
I am out of LDB, but I have no grievances on that account as it was a pretty awesome Caribbean version playing in Sint Maarten
You are living the life! Was it steel drum LDB? Because that would be even better than the weird one with Bowie and Der Bingle!
Im onboard with everything but beets
Sudoku.com seems to be malfunctioning. How am I going to break my personal record for expert killer mode?
Who is scotchy?
I mistook that for seppuku.com and was a little worried there.
Hard to get a lot of practice on that.
Well, once you get it right you don’t need to practice anymore!
“And when you get it right, it is sooooo good.” — David Carradine
This Miami OH QB is a Gabbert. Making Blane look like the good son in the family.
Bring Me The JV Flow!
I’ll give it a try
-Low calorie beer. God, it’s awful crap but my fitness goal demands that I must have it.
-The Giants. Mara is such a conservative, complacent guy that no individual with a dynamic presence will ever be hired within the organization.
-Joe Judge. Simply put, he’s failed at the most basic level. He preaches discipline and execution and organization and the team and his in-game coaching are a carousel of bad decisions, mental errors and missed opportunities. He’s a loud-mouthed fraud.
-I realize it comes with the territory but I’d like to be free of my work phone for one week. I know that this low-level stress is slowly killing me from the inside out.
-My kids not having a clue as to the amount of work that my wife and I have put in to be able to make their lives comfortable.
-Of course the anti-vaxxers. We were looking for a part-timer in the warehouse and came across a guy that had been fired from his very lucrative mining job (benefits and stipends up the yin yang) because the prick refused to get pricked. He has three kids and a wife that doesn’t work but this anti-vax shit has taken over his life at the possible expense of his kid’s health and perhaps his living arrangements. What. The. Fuck.
-I’m sick and tired of shaving every day
Forgot one thing.
-Cancer. It captured my uncle 2 weeks ago and my sister-in-law has been diagnosed with the pancreatic kind. She’ll be leaving three kids behind-the youngest is 15.
My Dad had pancreatic. I don’t pray much, but I 100% will pray for y’all.
This is NAWT a grievance: I am the ONLY person at work right now. I’m watching college football, on this fine dickjoke website, and I could be drinking, if that wouldn’t kill me.
I may call up Princess Fiancé and bang her royal booty in the boss’s office, which isn’t locked for some reason.
Just make sure the cameras are off before you do that. Don’t need an international incident at the office.
Found a funny:
When does the government vaccine start controlling my mind? I am tried of making decisions
Being an adult = not rocking
I’ll send you my mother in laws phone number, she’s tracking it case by case using crayons and construction paper
Fantasy football question;
Should I start QB Jimmy G vs Tenn tonight or Russell Wilson vs Chicago Bears?
You should BE with HER i.e., Janeane Garafolo
Depends on how much he was finger bangin Ciara
“Please phrase your question in the form of a grievance.”
I still need advice on Tanny Fanny or waiting on LAMAR!
LAMAR! isn’t going to play according my sources.
I see my source has checked in.
Lamar ain’t gonna play
Nawt Charmslinger. He now officially stinks.
I’ve addressed it in the intro to the game but Jimmy G gives you a helluva lot of bang for your buck when he does drop back to pass.
Talibanism. You can be Taliban Catholic, Taliban Evangelical, Taliban…Taliban, or shit, even Taliban Vegan.
If you are Taliban ANYTHING, then FUCK YOU
Cum mister Taliban, tali mi banana
daylight come, explode my pipe bomb
Grievances:
–RTD guilting us about not having enough grievances
–Back pain
–Being nomadic and not knowing when I’ll land in one place
–More meetings on my calendar today and next week
–My boss thinking she’s super flexible but crushing dissent and hurting my (and others’) morale
–The McCaskey family
–Beer making me gassy
–The entirety of the Republican party
–Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Fuckhead in particular for successfully grifting their base and hurting America while being complete ignoramuses
–The media and everyone else who is bothsidesing our way to the downfall of democracy in this country
Everton Football Club. In the past year, you have disappointed me in the following ways:
ALL THINGS (except Don Carlo’s trip to Anfield)
Consolation brackets in fantasy football.
Upon further consideration, those first three words were quite unnecessary.
Abso-fucking-lutely (but am still managing my roster because am a serial completionist).
Cop who couldn’t tell her taser from her gun guilty of manslaughter…
This is NAWT a grievance.
If it wasn’t for reckless racist cops getting away with murder, she’d only get off with a slap of the wrist and a police-type dishonorable discharge. This jury wanted to send a message.
She was also very unlikeable, both on the stand and on tape. Easier to say fuck it, she sucks.
HERE WE GO.
Hey, sometimes I like to wear bright green and blue and pink light up clothing and accessories and
Oh.
NEOliberals.
Sorry, carry on.
Fuck Ford.
-M.T. Lincoln, doing her annual review of area theaters
Not having a full time job
Religion
Being asked to donate money to anyone
My sons screaming at video games
Fuckbrained neighbor who parks his car in a way that makes it difficult to back out of my driveway – this has been addressed many times
Netflix adaptation of “Station Eleven”. Pure shit.
Can you spare %$20 for my church? The money will go to full-time workers who don’t have time to buy their kids the video games they so desperately need, and Netflix subscriptions for those who can’t watch the new Emily St Whatever adaptation.
ah will NAWT hear you disparage the good name of Emily St. John Mandel
/have only read her books, I don’t see how they’d translate to teevee
Ah. I had originally thought that was an “Emily in Paris” reference. Makes more sense now.
That series is a piece of shit. Whiny characters who are playing actors. So, there you go. There was a reason why I went out of my way to be be a huge asshole to drama majors in college. Because they deserved it.
That’s just “Netflix adaptations” in general.
Alright;
>Rich people who don’t pay taxes.
Not really sure you need the qualifier there, since it’s rather redundant.
CEO calling me on a paid holiday.
And, fuck no, I didn’t answer that call. Enjoy Cabo and fuck all the way off.
That one fucking asshole who comes to the bus stop and wears Crocs decorated with those things you stick in the holes. God, grow up you fucking imbecile.
Every last living organism on tic toc – you all should eat poison and suffer
the dog
the fact I watch My 600 Pound Life
YouTube influencers who are 15 and have the brains of a doorknob
Ohio State Fans, Steelers Fans, Packers Fans
TJ Watt, you are one hell of a player, but I want to go at your fucking knees with lead pipe and not finish until they are mush. fuck you.
I can’t get too mad at idiotic 15 year-olds because God knows I was no less stupid and annoying (and probably much, much more) but to the idiotic adults who have given them a platform.
good point. now i hate the 15 year olds AND their parents
Damn, Fozz, I know you and I would likely get along over a beer or two but the OSU and Steeler hate probably means we’d need at least four
/buys case of anything other than IC Light, just in case Fozz is wandering around the Bay Area (noted target rich enviroment for things to make grievances about)
This amuses me greatly as I head home.
Oh, this makes me so happy seeing as how the Browns are now my most hated team.
I got a lot of problems with some people, not you all in the Clubhouse, and now you’re gonna hear about a several of them!!
Was with you until fruit beers.
This is why we get along. I also know you are an actual human and not just an imaginary internet being.
We’re getting Russell Wilson and Ciara. You can bank on it…
Grievance: second Christmas in a row with a Zoom family gathering.
Pro: more for me
-Andy Reid
/ was going to say more leftovers but like he leaves any
“You have family gatherings? There’s your first problem.” -Q. Rodgers
Every fuckface interviewer I talked to
The dick licker that furloughed me and then treated me like a ghost
Assheads who won’t get vaccinated
Anyone in the government
Baltimore murders
My mother in law
The goddamn dog
Writing pap for clients who should be shot into space
Rich people
My older sister’s inability to join the rest of the family in reality
Sports talk radio
GREG ROMAN FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
Baker Mayfield, I hope an anvil gets dropped on your head.
Recruiters, you should be buried up to your neck in elephant shit
I’ll be back with more. Trust me.
Yeah, it’s an add-on list.
-BattleBots. What the fuck is the shelf and why does it look like it still does jack shit for flippers now that the side OOTAs have been all but neutralized?
Can I grieve about Lamar Jackson’s injury? My backup is Tannehill so I need to know today.
I suppose I should get my own thread going and I’ll add to it throughout the day.
1. The Dr. Mrs. Deadly’s inability to properly close a ziplock bag.
2. The lack of good science fiction tv shows/movies available to me on various streaming services (exacerbated by my failure to actually watch what little there is).
3. Hangovers, and how easily I get them these days, and how much longer they last.
4. The Raiders.
5. Lumber prices. This is only a half-grievance as the high prices allow me to justifiably procrastinate chores like fixing the fence.
6. Vacuum cleaners. This is basically my reality now:
7. Having to clean out my browser history because my nieces and nephew will be using this computer.
Hey, the Internet is really, really great.
8. Joan Didion dying. You were a real one.
https://popdose.com/popdose-conceptual-theater-slouching-towards-bethlehem/
And here you were, thinking it would be SEXY to live next door to a lesbian couple.
Grievances: Donald Trump. Republican Party. Democratic Party.
Reasons for Grievances: should be fairly obvious to all