Your Rikki/Redshirt (Raiders and Bengals) Darby Open Thread

Welcome to the first of several important tilts over the next three days! Many call this the wildcard-iest of all the weekends on the calendar and I can’t disagree. Let’s pretend to break this one down, shall we?

To The Game!

Raiders/Bengals:

-Both squadoos are 10-7 but they’re of different qualities methinks. But imagine how much better Vegas’ record would be if they were still led by a bigoted shithead!

-Shall we count all the factors against the Raiders? Well, it’s a short week for them, they played an emotionally/physically draining overtime game, they’re traveling across three time zones and are playing a cold weather game.

-It’s not a large sample but Derek Carr is the complete opposite of undefeated in all five tilts he’s played where the weather was below 37 degrees.

-Give Coach Bisaccia (rhymes with focaccia) credit-he’s maximized what talent there is on the team, winning the last four games of the season by 4 points or less.

-Burrow (tosser of almost 1,000 yards with an 11.4(!) YPA in his last two games) thinks he’s all the way back from his knee injury, indicating that he’s finally able to evade defender’s pass rush in a way that he couldn’t earlier in the year. This might just come in handy given that Maxx Crosby is facing off against Riley Rief’s backup.

-Gotta Run: Jacobs has rounded into form at just the right time-running for 129 and 132 in two of the last three weeks. He should be the key because Cincy defends outside wr’s well if Carr has to throw if Vegas falls behind. A guy like Renfrow just won’t cut it.

Let’s do this!

 

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King Hippo

Going WAY out on a limb, guessing you don’t see this crew next round.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, they can hang out with Todd Marinovich!

Spur

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makeitsnowondem

Renfrow did not perform a common football act, such as child abuse.

Last edited 2 years ago by makeitsnowondem
Gatoraids

Call Vince Wilfork

Horatio Cornblower

Indict it.

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Sharkbait

Steve Bannon looks like Dollar Store James May

Spur

better call the plumber now

Dunstan

“The question is, what do you do for the main course?” — Andy Reid

Spur

I like both these teams. They should have split these teams and made them play the Steeler assholes and Pats

Mr. Ayo

IN-COM-PLETE!

King Hippo

FEELS GOOD to channel your inner Donks WOO!!! don’t it??

King Hippo

CHRIST, that’s not even CLOSE to complete.

Spur

and this
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TheRevanchist

Yep. She’s a catch, for sure. Unlike what I just saw.

Doktor Zymm

Sucks about being injured, but very impressed at the one legged hopping skillz

Spur

nothing to add. I just wanted to post this

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Horatio Cornblower

That woman is aging like she found Mrs. Todd’s shortcut.

Spur

I hate commercials with a doorbell ring. My dogs go apeshit like the real doorbell was rung.

TheRevanchist

Same. When you upset my dog, you upset me.

Brick Meathook

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WCS

HIGH KICK’N! LOW SCORE’N!

Spur

Go Bangles!
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Spur

another dead Raider? That’s not good.

SonOfSpam

Makes sense, they fucked the Raiders with the whistle thing, now fuck the Bengals with the time out thing. EQUAL FUCKING.

King Hippo

A Very Egalitarian Orgy

Doktor Zymm

The double-ended dildos of the officiating world, that’s why they get the playoffs

Mr. Ayo

BLEEERGH!!!

King Hippo

Semi-frozen Sassy Ref is like 25% MOAR undecipherable

Doktor Zymm

Now we know what it’ll be like if he gets botox!

King Hippo

I mean, we all want prettier, more sumptuous lips, yeah?

King Hippo

TRUE HIPPO STORY! The summer before 1st grade, I broke my right index finger holding for a placement kick. I received a plastic set of uprights the previous Christmas.

That finger remains appreciably larger/slightly askew-er than the left.

Last edited 2 years ago by King Hippo
Doktor Zymm

Shoulda Lucyed it!

Dunstan

“That happened to me, too, the one time I let that blockhead Charlie Brown actually kick the ball.” — Lucy van Pelt

Spur

Laces out!

litre_cola

G’day kommentists! Missed the 1st half.

Doktor Zymm

Erroneous Whistle-gate!

SonOfSpam

Uh oh. Looks like the TX synagogue hostage-taker is an actual Muslim terrorist.

PEOPLE, PREPARE FOR REASONABLE REACTIONS.

King Hippo

I’m sure Gov. Abbott will rise roll to the challenge!

Sharkbait

Gov. Abbott will not stand for this aggression.

Sharkbait

Oh awesome.

/pours another drink

Spur

can we do hostage swap for Ted Cruz? PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

SonOfSpam

“Yes.”

-Ted Cruz’s teenage daughter

Doktor Zymm

Goddamn it, I hate it when people live up to stereotypes. This is even worse than my thieving gypsy neighbors

SonOfSpam

Or those Tongans and their volcanic tempers.

herodotus450

If the Germans had a word for “dont get on an elevator if you have to pee, even a little bit” what do you think it would be?

King Hippo

neinunpissenschaft

Sharkbait

Neinliftenpipi

Spur

Am fixing a drink. Anyone want anything?

King Hippo

One ice cold heroine, please

SonOfSpam

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TheRevanchist

Since we are half, now would be the time to share that my wife does have Covid. She has been sick for 3 days. I tested at work but it came back negative. But, my throat didn’t burn yesterday like it does today.

Oh, well.

Spur

I assume you have a stockpile of mucinex, delsym and tylenol 100s?

King Hippo

Tussionex. Learn it, live it, LOVE it.

TheRevanchist

Yes, no, and do Marlboro 100s count?

SonOfSpam

Same situation at my house. Feel kinda shitty, but no one’s gonna die.

clint greasewood

Raiders Playoffs

“The Heidi Game”
“The Sea of Hands”
“Ghost to the Post”
“Old Man Willie”
“The Holy Roller”
“The Mistake by the Lake”
“The Immaculate Reception”
“The Tuck Play”
“Erroneous Whistle”

TheRevanchist

Being in California, it’s all Raiders fans. If they lose, the whining will be consistent for the next 5 years.

SonOfSpam

Most erroneous whistle since Emmitt Till.

Spur

Got to love Eli Apple.

King Hippo

He had to make a pllllaaaayyyy
To let those Raiders sttaaaaayyyyy (in the game)

Redshirt

Can I love him posthumously?

SonOfSpam

Not as good at CB as his sister Fiona.

Last edited 2 years ago by SonOfSpam
herodotus450

Crippling Bulimia?

SonOfSpam

Excellent, gonna throw up a +1 for you.

King Hippo

Shadowboxer was about press man coverage, ppl forget that

SonOfSpam

“…all I need is a good defense”

SonOfSpam

Or was it “what I need” dammit brain stop aging and/or getting ruined by alcohol

clint greasewood

“The E R R O N E O U S game”

Doktor Zymm

Bengalis benefitting from mistaken officiating? There really must be a tsunami about to hit ohio

Horatio Cornblower

The erroneous whistle reminds me of the time a friend of mine was reffing an intramural basketball and accidentally exhaled when the whistle was still in his mouth. Everyone stopped dead so he picked one kid and called him for pushing.

Mr. Ayo

He could have gone pro!

TheRevanchist

Hahaha! That is funny as shit.

SonOfSpam

You’re friends with Tim Donaghy?

rockingdog

Found a funny;

joe rogan: the titanic movie was fake because ice could never damage a metal ship

guest, historian: no it was real, that happened

joe: not possible no. if i whack an ice cube with a hammer, which one is gonna break

guest: that’s not the same thi-

joe: jamie google hammers

WCS

That’s not funny, because it’s actually how that conversation went.

Doktor Zymm

False flag operation against Iceland!

rockingdog

Bahahahaha!

Dunstan

Joe Rogan Fans: This is why we like Joe, he thinks for himself and doesn’t accept what Big Ice tells him to.

Redshirt

“We really need to get rid of Eli Apple.” – multiple instances

SonOfSpam

Virginia just banned Critical Race Theory via executive order. Thank God they’re getting rid of the thing that doesn’t exist.

Doktor Zymm

I hope he bans evil unicorns next

Horatio Cornblower

But we can keep the good ones, the ones that don’t believe in critical race theory, right?

SonOfSpam

Right, the white ones.

Doktor Zymm

We can keep the ones that shit vanilla ice cream, but not the ones that shit chocolate

Fronkenshteen

Oh, he’s got quite a list.

As of tomorrow, children at my son’s elementary school no longer have to wear masks if their parents don’t feel it’s necessary. Our district went @ 70-30 Republican last election, including electing (in a landslide) a 19 year old Trumper who lives in his parents house as our School Board representative.
Fuck these people with horrible, sharp, pointy things forever.

SonOfSpam

He’s nicer than Trump but still will protect us from teh blacks

-VA white voters

Fronkenshteen

I cant wait for the late game. Belichick got to play these guys weeks 15 and 17 which means tons of recent film for him to use to come up with a scheme. Pats won’t give a fuck about cold weather or noise. God DAMN it’s gonna be a seriously nasty game that might ignite a long-term rivalry up there.

rockingdog

If we weren’t setting new high scores in cases with this damn Omni-cron Covid variant, I’d be getting ready to go to a bar here in New England
to drink and cheer on White Mac

Doktor Zymm

“who are they!”
-imaginary articulate bengals fan

TheRevanchist

Redshirt isn’t that bad. Maybe.

WCS

“Who are they?”

— Modern, articulate Bengals fan looking at the roster from the last playoff victory

clint greasewood

They blew the whistle before the catch, how does that stand?

King Hippo

I also wondered about that

SonOfSpam

Yeah, thought that too. Maybe it was a whistlebird.

Mr. Ayo

Do not question BLEEERGH.

Redshirt

Same here. I’ll take it, but that shouldn’t have counted.

Redshirt

See?! We have good food, too!

TheRevanchist

Steak Collinsworth. Yuck!

Dunstan

Recommended pairing is a Chateau Al Michaels, which is 80% alcohol by volume.

TheRevanchist

Cocktail weenies would have been more appropriate

clint greasewood

Steak Esiason, Well Done covered in Skyline Chili.

King Hippo

seems like he would be too stringy, you’d have to stew him to get anything edible

Fronkenshteen

And Cincy gets the ball in the second half. Oof.

SonOfSpam

Never throw late back across the middle, unless you’re like really a good throwing guy.

Spur

Joe Cool?

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Redshirt

No. Joe Cool is Joe Montana. I have to respect that.

He can be Joey Cool, though.

Redshirt

Zebra Convention!

makeitsnowondem

Can anyone see my avatar, by the way? I’ve tried everything* to fix it but it’s not appearing for me.

*like two things

Mr. Ayo

Of course not.

makeitsnowondem

Gravatar can’t handle alot.

Horatio Cornblower

No

Fronkenshteen

Mixon has to be the #2 RB off the board after Henry, right?

Gatoraids

Taylor?

Fronkenshteen

Ah. You’re right. Forgot about him. Was thinking maybe Ekeler too.

Gatoraids

No worry so did the Colts the last game too

Redshirt

He’s not the best part of this offense but he’s reliable enough to force the defense to be honest and opens up Burrow and the Bengals 3-way.

Doktor Zymm

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So open!

Horatio Cornblower

A plate of that and the receivers won’t be the only thing that’s open.

Spur

I haven’t had constipation in forever, I think its time for some Appleby’s

hippofant

Just counter it with some Taco Bell after.

Spur

Now I want to watch No Country for Old Men  and read Blood Meridian again

TheRevanchist

Applebee’s trying to ruin a good memory of Cheers. Fuck that shitty restaurant chain.

Redshirt

I saw that for the first time. It offended me greatly, and I don’t even remember Cheers.

makeitsnowondem

Can you imagine how much better this guy would be if his jersey said DON’T CHASE?

rockingdog

This Bengals team look like they having fun
That’s Rocking!

King Hippo

genius goddamned 4th and 1 play

King Hippo

only works with a designed read (extra man to cut off the sneak) and a WR that fucking fast. Helps to be able to rely on your personnel to create mismatches like that

Redshirt

Also, they snapped the ball before the defense realized the WR in motion just became the RB.

Fronkenshteen

Mixon blocked well on that play.