They Say It’s Tax Day – Monday Open Thread

Yes, it’s filing time in the USA, though not in Puerto Rico. Last week’s blackout made the PR deadline move to next Monday. That’s fair. You roll with the punches. But it also reminded me of a brilliant boss I had.

That boss used to say that a democratic government could not be too strict in the collection of taxes, lest folks get agitated and start demanding effective police, education, social services, etc. Treasury officials could tolerate folks pocketing taxable income, and therefore keep economic activity in the streets, as long as they pay something to keep public services going. It’s a silent pact, between government and the public, with the government benefitting from inaction.

Sufficed to say that boss and I spent a lot of time talking about shit like that during working hours. At the expense of our employer #Obvio

NFL NEWS

-Per everyone since this morning: Deebo Samuels, AJ Brown and Terry McLaurin are skipping voluntary workouts and each one of the really really amazing receivers is entering the 4th and last year of their rookie contract.

  • Personal note: I’ll care when the NFLPA caves as to the meaning of “voluntary”.

-The Clots signed CB Stephon Gilmore.

-The Pauls make Denzel Ward the highest paid CB. Oh Cleveland,

-CB Malcolm Butler, 32, signs with New England for “two” years. The last time Butler played for the Pats, he was benched in the Philly Special Owl. Then the Titans overpaid for Butler and he had two seasons that covered the Terrible – Serviceable gamut. At his best for TEN, Butler was grabby and unflagged like a vintage Harvey Weinstein.

I like Butler. He became famous as a rookie, intercepting Russ Wilson in the 4th quarter in the endzone in the SEA – NE Owl. What made it more impressive, to me, was that Butler made the interception after Wilson picked on him several times in that drive, completing amazing passes that Butler could not have covered better. Butler stayed focused and denied Marshawn Lynch a second ring.

My only regret if Butler were to make the 2022 NE roster or practice squad: we would have to wait a couple of more years to find out why Butler was benched for the Philly Owl. I mean, foot talk kept Wes Welkah out of the opening series only in that playoff loss against the Jets in 2011! What the hell did Butler do?

-On June 1st, TNT will broadcast “The Match”, a golf game between Tom Brady and Qaron against Josh Allen and Patrick Mahomes. Allegedly, there has been smack talk–click on the link and slide into a frosty whirl of banality!

This event irks me, mostly because of the Old vs. New pairing. It’s the laziest of all possible narratives, rendering this non-competition as public relations at its purest. But within the disgust at myself for continuing to care, lemme kidnap some brain cells to declare: a better team would’ve been Brady & Allen (“Tormentor becomes MENTOR! *lightning, thunder; smoke machine goes off*”). However, the sponsor is Capital One, so Team State Farm was never gonna happen. The remaining pairing is my favorite: Brady & Mahomes are a coupla tidy Mr. Perfects just asking to be taken down by crackpot Rodgers and suggestible troglodyte Allen. No disrespect to Josh Allen and to crackpots; you’re both awesome

I could have more of Bert and / or Ernie every day.

I think this edible just hit, so please: no factorial crap if there are more than three possible pairings.

SPROTS TONITE

All times central.

NBA PLAYOFFS

Tirana @ Philly (Sixers lead 1-0) – 6:30

Utah @ Dallas (Jazz leads 1-0) – 7:30

Denver @ Golden State (Warios lead 1-0) – 9:00

 

NHL

Flames @ Blackhawks – 7:00

Capitals @ Avalanche – 8:00

[INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK] @ Coyotes – 9:00

Devils @ Capitalist Knights – 9:00

Senators @ Karens – 9:00

Stars @ Canucks – 9:30

 

MAJOR LEAGUE LOITERING

Gigantes (Cobb) @ Mets (Megill) – 6:10

Piratas (Thompson) @ Cerveceros (Lauer) – 6:40

Mantas (McClanahan) @ Ositos (Hendricks) – 6:40

Angelinos (Lorenzen) @ Fokin Astros (García) – 7:10

Filis (Nola) @ Balboas (Kuhl) – 7:40

Orioles (Watkins) @ A’s (Montas) – 8:40

Rojos (Ladolo) @ Padres (Manaea) – 8:40

Bravos (Ynoa) @ Doyers (Kershaw) – 9:10

 

TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL

Completists and enthusiasts of Argentina’s primordial fútbol soup can click here. Otherwise,

Chile

Unión La Calera hosts O’Higgins – 7:30

Colombia

Patriotas hosts Envigado – 7:40

Paraguay

Sol de América hosts Tacuary – 7:15

FINALLY

Unless you’re Donald Trump, having The Man all over your hair over taxes is degrading and an aggravation that, you know, is avoidable. It’s best to keep in mind that there’s a difference between hiding income and not paying on time. The first is fraud; the second is trying to have a fucking life with just enough creature comforts because goddamit social mobility ain’t easy! It’s stressing, but whenever I feel despair, scripture helps:

No person shall be imprisoned for debts. 

That’s Article II, Section 11 of the Puerto Rico Constitution.

 

Keep it chill and be happy we don’t live in confiscatory Britain!

Banner is from “Lincoln”, gifs via giphy.com

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Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just got back from playing tennis, and I played badly. And now I’ll be sore for my troubles. Should have stayed home and drank instead.

SonOfSpam

Always.

SonOfSpam

Ah, the unmistakable sound of one’s daughter puking in the bathroom.

Sadly, NAWT alcohol-related.

Save me, food poisoning, you’re my only hope.

Redshirt

45 minutes in and I am surprising impressed by “The Batman”.

BugEyedBoo

Just finished watching it. It wasn’t as bad as I’ve heard. Then again, I haven’t watched a lot of DC movies so I haven’t sat through 236 hours of Batman.

Brick Meathook

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2Pack

I like to troll the IRS by sending everything in paper, paper check through the USPS snail mail. Since I am using the APO I mail it a week early so I sent mine in last week. While in theory they should go by the post mark a few years back I got hate mail from them saying that I was late. After a few minutes reminding the tax professionals what the tax rule was on that, I was vindicated. But decided I’d rather not go through that every year so I do mail a week early. To add excitement to my life this past year I get a letter from the IRS a couple months ago saying that I need to send them my 1040 or they would void out my credit to them which was a check for the exact amount I owed last year. Call the clowns and point out that obviously they lost my forms but cashed the check, so it was not a case of. I need to send it, but rather they need to find it. How else would I have come up with the ridiculous precise amount of the check down to penny level without doing their forms math? Let’s see if this year has any more action.

rockingdog

Found a funny;

Sometimes my hobbies (hiding eggs, eating jellybeans) just happen to line up with what society expects

Redshirt

Rand Paul is for Mike Gibbons.
Ted Cruz is for Josh Mandel.
Donald Trump is for JD Vance.

Alright, that’s three candidates for Senator eliminated.

rockingdog

LOL

JD Vance really said “Are you a racist? Do you hate Mexicans?” in his campaign ad

What an idiot

Redshirt

I have to admit, I’m not looking forward to voting. I would take a giant shit on the ballot and put it through the scantron reader, but I’m afraid it would count as a vote for Gibbons.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

A gibbon would be a better Senator than Gibbons.

Game Time Decision

And would throw less shit around

BugEyedBoo

I figured it works for JD Vance in that commercial if you answer either Yes or No.

yeah right

I’m certain that I will be nothing but productive at work tomorrow.

Woot lets do some work!

rockingdog

LOL

genuinely cannot imagine a bigger W than playing coachella aged 68 jacked to fuck covered in tattoos reminding everyone you wrote the simpsons theme and the batman theme and the nightmare before christmas music & all the oingo boingo hits and wes borland is playing guitar for you

That’s Rocking!

yeah right

Elfman is God. We seriously need a boingo reunion.

Game Time Decision

I know that I live in Southern Ontario, but who the fuck asked for 3 or 4 inches of snow. Like, seriously, mother nature, we’re all over winter.
Gonna be a fun drive to school in the morning

Redshirt

Cincinnati is getting snow showers now and this weekend its going to be 81°. But Climate Change is just a myth!

Game Time Decision

Love having all the seasons happen in a few days or the same day

Redshirt

That’s Cincinnati’s motto: “If you don’t like the season, just wait a minute, it’ll change.”

yeah right

I’m watching the Cubs game. Snow flurries no big deal.

Redshirt

USFL player cut by Pittsburgh Maulers over wanting pizza instead of chicken salad in team hotel (msn.com)

I would use this as further proof that Pittsburgh is evil, but the USFL is imaginary, and I can’t hold Pittsburgh against imaginary slights.

WCS

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WCS

This being the USFL.30, seeing a jersey with “PLAYER” on the name tape seems quite appropriate.

King Hippo

Reminder, you supposed to hate the game, not him

SonOfSpam

Maybe he’s the guy who sang Baby Come Back.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No you’re thinking of Antonio Brown.

WCS
SonOfSpam

So great.

Redshirt

We could blame it all on him.

King Hippo

Joe “Sniffs His Own Farts” is vastly overrated as a baseball “mind,” part 700:

https://blogs.fangraphs.com/dont-intentionally-walk-anyone-with-the-bases-loaded/

SonOfSpam

Won the game, Maddon 1 Cards 0.

WCS

FYI: Season Six of Better Call Saul commences in 15 minutes in The Only Time Zone That Matters.

King Hippo

With Better Things and Atlanta already staring at Hippo from the DVR backlog, I am equal parts excite and apprehensive.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Listen, I consider myself sympathetic to feminism but that new Amazon commercial where Medusa kills a guy for winking at her doesn’t sit right with me.

SonOfSpam

For balance, they should do one where Zeus becomes a swan and romance Leda with his corkscrew penis. The joke would be Leda shows up to the club in the Bjork dress.

goddamit madison avenue wheres my job offer

King Hippo

plus, a tad presuptious. Shit, “bitch got snakes FOAR hair” is a deal-killer even for Hippo.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One of my fancy poker friends has a Medusa script out there and I begged him to make sure that the snakes/hair doesn’t look like the one in the Amazon commercials.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Amazon is always great at striking the right tone.

litre_cola

Evenin. Fam home, hangover subsiding.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Voluntary is voluntary and the NFL can go fuck themselves

King Hippo

WAIT….Puerto Rico has a CONSTITUTION???

/ducks flying candle jars

//oh you NOE Hippo’ gon bet Nueva Chi****, how could that go wrong

herodotus450

I just assumed they based their government around strange men handing out paper towels in lakes.

SonOfSpam

Yes, now that we gave them paper towels to write it on.

Gumbygirl

More Bert and Ernie, you say?

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Sharkbait

Sharkette approves of more Bert and Ernie. Easily the least offensive muppets on Sesame Street. Elmo can get fucked.

WCS

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BOSS TODD IS BACK BITCHES

Redshirt

Damn that was a good movie. It had so many good scenes and jokes.