Mock Draft 2022 Version 2.0

It’s that time of year again, when we get within a week of the actual draft and I trot out the second version of the DFO Mock Draft, making various changes, adding Peter King’s picks just for comparison’s sake, and trying to keep up with everything that’s changed since I did the first version roughly a month ago. The most significant of those changes, of course, is that the Eagles dumped off some of this year’s first round crop of picks to the Saints, allowing the Saints to move up, (they’re taking a QB; no one moves up in the NFL draft that far in advance to take a lineman), and the Eagles to save some draft capitol for next year, when the pickings for their needs, (cough, QB, cough), are alleged to be better. So thanks for that, Philly and New Orleans.

There’s really no consensus this year, which may make for entertaining viewing but makes for very frustrating prognosticating. I would also be very surprised if there weren’t half a dozen trades leading up to and during the draft. It’s going to be a fun first round.

All team needs and 2021 records remain from Matt Delima of SI.com, who certainly believes in listing every possible need for each team. In other words, I was too lazy to change them. Any errors are mine.

1. Jacksonville Jaguars

Record: 3-14
Top Needs: OT, LB, C, DT, S, CB

The pick: I still think that the Jaguars are best served by (a) trading down and using whatever extra picks they can get to improve a terrible team with multiple needs, or (b) drafting an offensive lineman to protect Trevor Lawrence. My original pick here was Alabama’s offensive lineman Evan O’Neal, but since then things have gone very quiet with regard to Mr. O’Neal, and he doesn’t even seem to be discussed as even the top OL prospect anymore. So he’ll probably go in the Top 3. That said, there is a lot of talk that Trent Baalke, Jacksonville’s GM, has had his heart stolen by Georgia DE Travon Walker.

You ignore late and concentrated rumors at your peril when prognosticating a draft so, even though I don’t think this pick makes sense for the Jags, I’m going along with it. I do think Walker’s going to be a hell of a player, just not that he makes sense for the Jaguars at this time and in this position.

Also, I still think the Jags should trade this pick. Move down a bit, get a couple of extra picks, then take Walker. That’d be outstanding for them. So no way it happens.

Peter King: Walker

2. Detroit Lions

Record: 3-13-1
Top Needs: DE, ILB, OLB, CB, QB, WR

The pick: I’m keeping the Lions pick as Michigan DE Aidan Hutchinson,

which has the added attraction of saving me a lot of time. He fills their top need, he’s a beast, (I saw him play a few games this year and he’s just a monster), and he’s something of a hometown hero. Even the Lions couldn’t fuck this up.

I had started to see rumors that the Lions were going to take Malik Williams, the Liberty QB, and while there was a lot of that going around, it seems to have died down. Which is good. Williams may very well turn into a good NFL QB someday, but one simply does not walk into Mordor, and one simply does not overlook Hutchinson, (or Tavon Walker, for that matter), when your top need is DE, and both of them seem to have the potential to be excellent DEs.

Peter King: Hutchinson

3. Houston Texans

Record: 4-13
Top Needs: QB, RB, WR, TE, OG, CB, S, DT, LT

The pick: As usual I’m not doing trades, but if I were this pick would get moved right quick. I’ve seen examples of the Texans picks Derek Stingley here, (no), or Ahmad Gardner, (more likely), with the latter considered possible if for no other reason than CB is considered weak this year, (although having now finished this one I think I have 5-6 of them going in the first round), and a lot of teams want to move up to get Gardner. The Jets are sitting at #4 with their biggest need supposedly at CB, so any team wanting to get at Gardner probably has to move to #3 to get him. Great opportunity for Houston to make a move and get more picks. But if they don’t I’m going to stick with my original pick of NC State OL Ikem Ekwonu going here.

Oct 30, 2021; Raleigh, North Carolina, USA; North Carolina State Wolfpack tackle Ikem Ekwonu (79) warms up prior to a game against the Louisville Cardinals at Carter-Finley Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Rob Kinnan-USA TODAY Sports

Peter King: Ekwonu

4. New York Jets

Record: 4-13
Top Needs: CB, EDGE, OT, LB, DT, DE

The Pick: Oregon Edge Kayvon Thibodeaux stays here.

The Jets supposedly need a CB more, but Thibodeaux was considered too good a prospect back in March, and if anything he’s improved his prospects since, with some mocks having him go 2 or 3. If he hasn’t, the Jets take him here. You don’t need a CB if the other team’s QB is on his ass.

Peter King: (buckle up, because either PK or I are about to be really wrong about the direction of this draft) Ahmad Gardner. I have seen plenty of people putting Gardner here.

5. New York Giants

Record: 4-13
Top Needs: LB, TE, EDGE, OG, C, OT, QB

The pick: Alabama OL Evan Neal.

Take a look at this list of mocks for the Giants. Almost all of them have the Giants taking Ekwonu or Neal, and with Ekwonu already off in Houston, that leaves Neal. Scotchy’s gonna be thrilled with yet another 1st round draft pick being dedicated to that sieve of an offensive line, but take heart hobos of Northern Ontario! The Giants have another pick at #7 that they (almost certainly probably kinda sorta) won’t use for the offensive line!

Peter King: Charles Cross.

6. Carolina Panthers

Record: 5-12
Top Needs: QB, OT, OG, S, C, LB

The pick: Kenny Picket, QB, Pittsburgh.

Fucking quarterbacks, man.

Liberty QB Malik Willis is starting to get some love at this pick, and we’re starting to see Mississippi OT Charles Cross move up in some draft rankings. If it were up to me I’d take Cross, but through some mistake of the universe I don’t run any NFL franchises, (truth be told I prefer baseball, because of my sophisticated nature) (scratches nuts, burps and farts, simultaneously), and we all know that the NFL loves drafting QB’s waaaaaaaay too soon. Sticking with Pickett to go here.

Peter King: Even Neal. King is on a pretty lonely island here; good for him if he gets it.

7. New York Giants (from Chicago Bears)

The pick: Cincinatti CB Ahmad ‘Sauce’ Gardner.

Not a top need for the Giants per my (unwitting) source, but I’ve seen too much about how Gardener is shooting up draft boards after a stellar combine, and I like Dane Bugler’s point about how the Giants current GM was Buffalo’s assistant GM when they took Tre’Davious White in the first round. The only thing NFL GMs like doing more than over-drafting QBs is going back to the well to do something that worked before. The combination is too much to ignore here.

Also his nickname is ‘Sauce’

Peter King: Kyle Hamilton. Sure, if Gettleman were still the GM. King also hedges his bet here, as he tends to do, saying he wouldn’t be shocked if the Giants took Thibodeaux here. Well, then pick Thibdoeaux instead of waffling.

8. Atlanta Falcons

Record: 7-10
Top Needs: QB, WR, S, LB, RB, EDGE

The pick: Liberty QB Malik Willis.

Sep 24, 2021; Syracuse, New York, USA; Liberty Flames quarterback Malik Willis (7) escapes a tackle by Syracuse Orange linebacker Mikel Jones (3) in the first quarter at the Carrier Dome. Mandatory Credit: Mark Konezny-USA TODAY Sports

Willis supposedly did well at the Senior Bowl and interviewed well after, so there’s no reason to move him down. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised to flip him with Pickett at 6. Atlanta is likely to tank next season anyway, so there’s no rush to get a QB who can play immediately, nor is there any rush to bolster the defense or get a receiver for Mariotta to throw to, because the last thing the Falcons want is for Mariotta to win games. Nope, get the kid you think is the next Russell Wilson, (someone said they were built differently, but I forget where. Wasn’t me), and let him sit for a year. Lose 12-13 games and get more help next year.

Peter King: Drake London. I could see this. King forces a trade with the Lions at 32 to get the Falcons a QB and make this more palatable. That would require the Lions to move down 9-10 picks in the second round, however, and I think if they did that the Lions would miss out on a chance to take Sam Howell at 34, and I don’t see them doing that.

9. Seattle Seahawks (from Denver Broncos)

Record: 7-10
Top Needs: QB, OT, CB, OG, EDGE, ILB, LB

The pick: Mississippi State OT Charles Cross.

They’d love Willis to fall one more spot, but he won’t. Cross remains the pick here.

Peter King: Give King credit, he’s willing to predict trades, and he starts here, flipping this pick to the Texans, (Who? C’mon King, now you’re just making teams up!), who take Garrett Wilson. I guess I could see Houston moving up, but not for a WR when they’d get one of the top 4-5 just by sitting still.

10. New York Jets (from Seattle Seahawks)

The pick: There is a lot of talk about the Jets taking a WR here, but I remain unconvinced. Zach Wilson doesn’t strike me as being held up by a lack of receivers so much as not being able to throw the ball to the ones he does have. Couple that with the Jets HC being the terrifying Robert Salah, (Did I spell that right? Please tell me I spelled that right), who ran an equally terrifying defense to great effect in San Francisco, and I think the Jets stay with my original position pick at CB. Gardner, however, leapt up boards after the combine, so he’s not likely to be here. That leaves the Jets to take a risk on the injury-addled LSU CB Derek Stingley, Jr.,

and hope he can get back to his freshman year performance, rather than his last two somewhat hobbled seasons.

Peter King: Jameson Williams. See above. Lots of talk about taking a WR here, and there’s probably a better chance that King is right about this one, at least in terms of the position, (Williams tore his ACL late last year; I’m not sure why you take him here when there are healthier and just as good options like Olawe around in both of our mocks), than I am.

11. Washington Football Team (I’m not calling them The Commanders, and you still can’t make me)

Record: 7-10
Top Needs: A new name, OG, LB, S, OT, CB, WR

The pick: They definitely need WR help, but I think they can get that in the second round. Notre Dame S Kyle Hamilton apparently posted a mediocre 4.59 40 at the combine, (I couldn’t run that in 8 seconds), and has seen his stock fall as a result, because NFL people are stupid.

(pictured here not helping his draft prospects)

Snyder is also stupid, and allegedly a lot of other less-than-desirable things, but not stupid enough to see a guy who played his 3rd-most-needed position and is projected to play his 2nd-most-needed position keep sliding by.

Peter King: Chris Olawe. I get the logic of giving Carson Wentz someone to throw in the vague direction of, but I also don’t see the logic of building a franchise around Carson Wentz. Like Nigeria, this pick is a land of contrasts.

12. Minnesota Vikings

Record: 8-9
Top Needs: EDGE, OG, CB, LB, TE, WR

The pick: Version one’s pick, Iowa center Tyler Linderbaum, doesn’t seem to be showing up as high this time around, and since I already felt he was a reach, (albeit a justified one), I’m taking the coward’s way out and changing the pick. Plus, Florida State Edge Jermaine Johnson II

has been moving way up from where I was seeing him when I did the first version, and would address the Viking’s #1 need. Other than someone who knows how to clean up a sex boat and keep their mouth shut afterwards, of course.

Peter King: Derek Stingley, Jr. If he’s around, sure, but I don’t think he will be.

13. Houston Texans (from Cleveland Browns)

The pick: Ole Miss QB Matt Corral.

ATLANTA, GA – SEPTEMBER 06: Mississippi Rebels quarterback Matt Corral (2) celebrates after passing for a six-yard touchdown in the fourth quarter of the Chick-Fil-A Kickoff game against the Louisville Cardinals on Sept. 6, 2021 at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Joe Robbins/Icon Sportswire)

(Drafted by who? Houston? They don’t even have a team in Houston!)

This will be hilarious if it happens, (it won’t), because you know the Saints made that trade with the Eagles hoping to get a QB, and Corral was the likely to be the highest ranked one still around when that newly acquired pick rolled around. Yoink! Houston figures they have nothing to lose, (other than games, of course, but they clearly don’t care about that), and take a chance on a future QB.

Peter King: Sent this pick to Seattle and has Seattle drafting Kayvon Thibodeaux. There is a lot of talk that Thibodeaux is dropping on boards, so Peter may be on to something here.

14. Baltimore Ravens

Record: 8-9
Top needs: OT, OG, S, EDGE, DT

The pick: I can’t think of a good reason to change the pick from Northern Iowa OT Trevor Penning,

so I’m not going to.

Peter King: Penning. Welcome back, Peter!

15. Philadelphia Eagles (from Miami Dolphins)

Record: 9-8
Top needs: LB, S, CB, DT, DE, WR

The pick: The way this draft is shaking out there are plenty of WRs left, (literally all of them, I believe), so the Eagles can take Georgia DT Jordan Davis here,

instead of with the 16th pick they shipped to New Orleans, then grab a decent WR prospect at 18.

Peter King: Davis. Don’t worry, we go our separate ways soon.

16. New Orleans Saints (from Philadelphia Eagles by way of Indianapolis Colts)

Record: 9-8
Top needs: QB, DT, LB, WR, CB, S, TE

The pick: I really think that the Saints moved up here hoping to find Matt Corral, but I have Houston taking him just a couple of picks in front of them. Then the Eagles take Jordan Davis right in front of them. Much like the levees, nothing’s working out the way it was supposed to for New Orleans. It’s a little early to go after the top-rated LB, (Nakobe, I had going to Tennessee at 26 in Version 1.0, and I haven’t seen him moving up), so this seems like an ideal time to start a run on receivers. USC WR Drake London goes to New Orleans.

However, here’s a fun little thought exercise from Maurice Jones Drew, proposing a trade in which New Orleans moves up to #10 and gives the Jets the 16th and 19th picks, and allowing New Orleans to (over)draft Corral. Honestly, I don’t hate it. It would give the Saints the QB I’m convinced they want, (talking heads on the radio were mentioning today that the Saints are saying they think they can win with James Winston, which is pretty much a blatant lie. No one thinks that), and it would allow the Jets to still draft a pretty decent CB and get a pretty decent WR. I kind of want this to happen now.

Peter King: Treylon Burks. We’re both in on a WR here, but I’m convinced the Saints really want a QB.

17. San Diego Chargers

Record: 9-8
Top needs: OG, C, TE, RB, DT

The pick: If you want to see the definition of confusion, check out the what the experts think San Diego is going to do with their first pick. Is it Chris Olave? Nope, he’s gone. Jordan Davis? Also gone. Trevor Penning? Sorry, we’re fresh out. There is some appeal to getting Justin Herbert another WR, but I am still not going WR here, for two reasons. Reason the first: I have not noticed Herbert having any trouble piling up points and yards with the receivers he does have, and as far as I know he hasn’t lost any from last year. Reason the second: Your QB is only as good as the time he has to throw the ball, (Dak! Dak! Dak! will be happy to tell you all about that), and San Diego’s top need is still listed as guard.

Texas A&M OL Kenyon Green still makes the most sense here. That’s a picture of him.

Peter King: Washington CB Trent McDuffie. I have not seen anyone else putting McDuffie here.

18. Philadelphia Eagles from New Orleans Saints

The pick: Having taken Jordan Davis at, (scrolls furiously), 15, the Eagles can now turn their attention to wide receiver, which is their, (counts on fingers)(carries the one), 6th most pressing need? That doesn’t seem right. Everything I’ve read, (and for that matter seen at least twice a year; Reagor is yikes!), is that Philly’s receiving corps is a dumpster fire. Washington CB Trent McDuffie would make sense here, and Georgia LB Nakobe Dean (check out that link; guy has one of the few mock drafts that isn’t somehow delusional enough to have the Eagles deciding between Hutchinson and Thidodeaux, and he’d probably make a better GM than Roseman), makes even more sense. But since when does Howie Roseman make sense? Exactly. It’s going to be a receiver here, even if it should probably be Dean or McDuffie, in that order. Thanks to the dipshit running this mock draft the Eagles have their pick of nearly every receiver in the NCAA. I’m going to slot Ohio State WR Garret Wilson here, although there’s about 4 WRs who could go in this spot.

Peter King: Trades the pick to Green Bay and has Green Pay take Penn State WR Jahan Dotson. I’ll give credit to King for trying to predict trades, but at the same time I don’t think Green Bay is going to need to move up to get Dotson.

19. New Orleans Saint from Philadelphia Eagles

The Saints still need a QB, and they’ve got the Steelers coming up right behind them, and the Steelers really need a QB. Frankly I will be very surprised if the Steelers and Saints don’t engage in a furious game of hopscotch to get ahead of each other and others to move up and get one of the top 3 QBs. But we’re not doing trades, so I’m going to have the Saints take Cincinnati QB Desmond Ridder here,

causing more tears in Pittsburgh than at any time since China discovered how to make steel.

Getting real Rex “Fuck it, I’m throwing’ it deep” Grossman vibes from that photo.

Peter King: Georgia DT Devonte Wyatt. it certainly makes sense for the Saints. I had moved Wyatt out of the second round because I kept reading about unspecified concerns about unspecified off-the-field issues. But Wyatt is good enough to go here, and the Saints do need a DT.

20. Pittsburgh Steelers

Record: 9-7-1
Top needs: OT, OG, CB, DT, WR, S

The pick: Iowa C Tyler Linderbaum.

I don’t have a lot of faith in this pick, just like when I had Trent McDuffie going here in the first version. And he could still go here, for all I know. The only thing I’m certain of is that the Steelers are doing everything they can to move up far enough to draft Pickett, Willis, or Corral. I would guess they’ll take Ridder if he falls to them, even though they shouldn’t. For that matter New Orleans shouldn’t either. All that said I don’t think any of the top QBs are going to be available at 20, and I haven’t seen anything that indicates that Pittsburgh has what it takes to move up to get any of the top 3, although they could possibly jump up enough to get Ridder. They could also move down and get another QB. Without doing trades, however, a good way to relieve pressure on terrible QBs, (and make no mistake, Trubisky and Rudolph are terrible), is to bolster your offensive line and rely on a hellacious RB like Najee Harris. Linderbaum would help them do that.

Not sure the draft will be involved here, but man I’d love to see Pittsburgh find some way to get Mayfield from Cleveland, but I don’t think Cleveland would ever send anyone with the slightest potential to Pittsburgh. But the sheer chaos of it would be paradise.

Peter King: Kenny Pickett. Pickett, even if he should be, isn’t going to be around at 20 in the QB-obsessed NFL. King says in his mock, and I’ve seen it elsewhere, that Pittsburgh won’t miss on another Pitt QB after passing on Marino. Those statements strike me as making this pick on romantic notions more than reality, and also Kenny Pickett is not Dan Marino. At all. AT. ALL.

21. New England Patriots

Record: 10-7
Top needs: CB, WR, LB, S, OG, DT, DE

The pick: If Washington CB Trent McDuffie is still around at 21 he won’t be for long.

He fills New England’s top need and the Patriots, who probably should take a WR here, haven’t hit on a 1st round WR in forever.

The other good bet is that the Patriots trade out of this position, more than likely moving down for more picks. It’s what they love to do, almost as much as covering up deflated balls, hand-job related or otherwise.

Peter King: Bernhard Raimann, OT Central Michigan. While I still think the most likely outcome of this pick, as with all NE’s 1st round picks, is that it gets moved, no one else seems to have Raimann this high, so this pick would likely piss the fans off. Which means King is on to something and Belichick is likely to do it.

22. Green Bay Packers (from Las Vegas Raiders)

Record: 13-4
Top needs: WR, OT, DE, EDGE, TE, S, CB

The Pick: The Packers have two first-round picks this year and one first-rate pima Dona QB that they have to keep happy with both of them unless they want to spend the next few weeks getting ass-blasted on Pat McAfee’s show. I’m thinking they go Ohio State WR Chris Olawe here,

then look to bolster the line with the second pick. No need to boost Rodgers’s ego though, it’s doing just fine.

Peter King: traded this pick to the Eagles, who use it to take Devin Lloyd.

23. Arizona Cardinals

Record: 11-6
Top needs: CB, OG, OT, EDGE, C, DT, WR

The pick: Arizona would love to get McDuffie here, and they probably can, because let’s face it, New England’s gonna trade that pick. I don’t know anything about this guy, (who am I kidding? I don’t know anything about any of these guys!), but I am seeing the Florida CB Kaiir Elam

mentioned in connection with the Cardinals, (and at least once with the Giants), so he sounds like someone making a late move up the draft boards. Apparently he gets called for too many penalties, but I don’t know many NFL teams turned off by excessive handsiness, on or off the field, so I doubt that alone would affect Elam much.

Peter King: Jermaine Johnson. Like it, just don’t see him still being here at 23.

24. Dallas Cowboys

Record: 12-5
Top needs: DT, S, EDGE, LB, TE, OT

The pick: With so many good WRs still around, (I really tried to get some picked earlier, and they probably will be, but honestly there are too many teams needing help on the lines this year, and too many players available at those positions, for it to have made sense), Dallas could be tempted to ignore their other needs and take a WR to replace Cooper. At a minimum, however, we’re down the top 3 WRs in my draft, (by the way, I wrote that before going back and changing some picks, so it could be more than 3 WRs gone at this point. You get what you pay for), and others have as many as 6 gone by now. While I don’t think it’ll be 6, I do think it will be enough to keep the Cowboys from drafting a WR, and instead that they’ll stay with Version 1.0’s pick, Chestnut Hill College OL Zion Johnson.

Maybe with that added protection Ol’ JJ won’t have as many bastard offspring popping up to interfere with Stephen’s inheritance. YEEEEEEE-HAWWWWWWWWW, I AM OVERLY FERTILE!!!!

Peter King: Tyler Linderbaum. I would love for Peter to be right about this, but I don’t see Linderbaum getting past teams like Minnesota or Pittsburgh.

25. Buffalo Bills

Record: 11-6
Top needs: CB, OG, LB, DT, WR, RB

The pick: I’ve switched this pick about four times, but I simply see too much about Buffalo loving the original V 1.0 pick, Clemson CB Andrew Booth, so I’m putting him back in.

Don’t make me regret this Buffalo.

Peter King: Zion Johnson. One of the many options I flip-flopped over instead of Booth were O-lineman, (although not Johnson), so definitely possible.

26. Don T’s Tits

Record: 12-5
Top needs: LB, OT, TE, WR, CB, DT

The pick: Changing this pick a bit because I don’t see as much enthusiasm for V 1.0 pick Nakobe Dean as I was, and I am seeing more enthusiasm for Utah LB Devin Lloyd, so same position, different player.

(I did not realize the Unitarian Universalists had a football team!)

Peter King: Tyler Smith. LB is supposedly a bigger need, but if the Titans feel otherwise Smith would be a good pick here.

27. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Record: 13-4
Top needs: RB, DT, EDGE, WR, OG, TE

The pick: The Bucs apparently addressed their potential offensive line issues through free agency, so that’s going to take V1.0 pick Ed Ingram off the board. (Bucs fall over themselves drafting Ed Ingram). Do you get Tawmmy Fahckin’ Brady another WR? Address the defense? Get a TE in case Gronk finally crumbles to dust after getting the first STD from space? I’ll take a flyer and say “none of the above”, with the Bucs taking the top-ranked player for their top-ranked need, Iowa State RB Breece Hall.

The Bucs lost Ronald Davis, Fournette isn’t getting younger, and they have the talent-base to afford to take the dreaded flier on a 1st-round running back, especially at 27.

Peter King: Michigan Edge David Ojabe. I gave King crap earlier for waffling, (which he does), so let me give him some credit for this one. I love this pick, and I’m a little jealous I didn’t think of it. Ojabe was considered a top 5-10 pick before tearing his Achilles at the combine. As even I noted, the Bucs have the talent base to risk burning the 27th pick for the chance at getting and having him pay off big if he fully recovers. Peter gets an ‘atta boy for this one.

28. Green Bay Packers

The pick: Once again I find myself in a situation where I have no reason to change V1.0 pick Tulsa OT Tyler Smith,

so I’m just not going to. Gives Rodgers a WR and additional protection, and gives the front office a reason to tell Rodgers to shut the fuck up. That’s a win-win!

Peter King: Penn State Edge Arnold Ebiketie. Ebiketie seemed to be falling off first round rankings when I put this second version together, but he was pretty well regarded when I was doing the first version.

29. Kansas City Chiefs (from Miami, from San Francisco 49ers)

Record: 12-5
Top needs: CB, DE, DT, WR, Designated Driver, EDGE, LB, S

The pick: The Chiefs have defensive needs to address, but they also need to replace Tyreek Hill. Alabama WR Jameson Williams is coming back from a torn ACL,

but the Chiefs still have Mahomes, Kelce, and a decent if no longer spectacular receiving corps, so they can ease Williams in, with a high upside if his recovery works out.

Peter King: North Dakota WR Christian Watson. King, (and many others), have more WRs going early than I do, which is why Watson would even be considered here.

30. Kansas City Chiefs

The pick: The Chiefs need secondary help and there have been a lot of CBs taken already. Michigan S Daxton Hill is getting more attention lately, and this seems like a good place to drop him off.

Peter King: Georgia S Lewis Cine. Hill or Cine, either makes sense here.

31. Cincinnati Bengals

Record: 10-7
Top needs: CB, C, DT, OG, LB

The pick: The Bengals are still being talked about as a destination for Fightin’ Horatios DT Travis Jones

. (UConn lost this game. To Holy Cross)

and I will be damned if I take a UConn player out of the first round if I can find the slimmest excuse not to. At nearly 6’5″ and 325 lbs “slim” is not an adjective that applies to Jones, so he stays. You go move him.

Peter King: Colorado State TE Trey McBride. I’m not sure anyone else has a TE going in the first round, and given all of their other needs I’m not sure why the Bengals, (other than being, you know, the Bengals), would want to buck that trend.

32. Detroit Lions (from YOUR SUPER BOWL CHAMPION LOS ANGELES RAMS!!!)

The pick: The Lions need a linebacker, and Nakobe Dean’s fall, (I’m sure there are reasons, but am I going to look for them? No. Again, this draft is worth exactly what you paid for it: Nothing), has him still available at the end of the first round. At that point why not take a flyer on him? You’re the Lions; it’s not like you have a lot to lose. Georgia LB Nakobe Dean ends the first round

ATHENS, GA – OCTOBER 02: Nakobe Dean #17 of the Georgia Bulldogs reacts in the second half against the Arkansas Razorbacks at Sanford Stadium on October 2, 2021 in Athens, Georgia. (Photo by Todd Kirkland/Getty Images)

and he seems pretty happy about it.

Peter King: trades this pick to Atlanta, which uses it to draft Matt Corral. My reaction to that is best summed up below:

And with that we conclude V 2.0 of the DFO Mock Draft, brought to you by Horatio, with assists from various media, all of whom I’ve tried to link to as needed. If you’re truly interested in a deep dive, follow the links. I promise you they know more than I do.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

When do the Bears pick? Saturday?

JimU

They have two second round picks.

LemonJello

Everybody wants to get these picks in so they still have plenty of time in the casinos.

SonOfSpam

https://predictpick.nfl.com/group/5372

3 for 3. Like Oscar Night all over again.

/heads up to the stage to slap the shit out of Goodell

SonOfSpam

Oh well. Can I still slap Roger?

Spur

With the 4th Pick the Jets select a new set of magic undies for the QB and a tackle?

King Hippo

Maroni’s trumpet sounds

SonOfSpam

Derek Stingley Jr always confuses me because I think he’s the guy that got paralyzed and now he made a miraculous recovery and got drafted so good for him, but that’s probably not the same guy.

WCS

Time for the Jets to draft Christian Hackenberg again.

scotchnaut

Is Stingley a Jesus Freak?-that would explain a lot.

scotchnaut

If you told me the crowd was a meeting of the Juggalos, I wouldn’t be surprised.

King Hippo

Ickey to Noo Yawk, huzzah!

Spur

Dallas needs to trade up for Thibs if he drops to outside the top 5

King Hippo

I see next three all OL

Spur

Dallas has a slightly used Zeke. The Jets would love him.

Gumbygirl

That guy is the first person ever not to hate being drafted by Detroit. I guess, yay?

ArmedandHammered

He doesn’t have to change drug dealers

scotchnaut

Giants haven’t picked up Dimes’ 5th year option. Will there be fuckery afoot?

/probably not

King Hippo

I wonder if they could send a 6th for Mayfield, let them fight over a contract.

scotchnaut

Had to minus you, buddy. That was needlessly cruel.

Spur

With the 3rd pick the Texans select a massage table with a built in mic and camera.

SonOfSpam

Mel Kiper is not there in person because he is unvaxxed,

Did we know this?

scotchnaut

He has some sort of MEDICAL CONDITION that prevents him from being pricked. Dumb prick.

SonOfSpam

Ingrown cock?

ArmedandHammered

He is so full of shit they’re afraid if they prick him he’ll explode

scotchnaut

A little bit surprised that Lions fans know how to cheer.

Gatoraids

think they know how to look forward to the draft every year by now

ArmedandHammered

Don’t they cheer every time their head coach is fired?

SonOfSpam

Hutchinson’s dad is apparently Jim Gaffigan.

King Hippo

Ryan Pace doesn’t understand why DET didn’t trade 4 or 5 picks to move up for Hutchinson.

Spur

With the 2nd Pick, the Lions select new paved roads leading to the stadium.

scotchnaut

You spelled ‘away’ wrong.

Doktor Zymm

If binging on Japanese snacks is wrong, I don’t wanna be right

Spur

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LemonJello

“9 sacks? You really just need one good bindle to hold your belongings when you hit the rails.”
-J. Tomsula, CSX railyard

Spur

poor guy has to move to Jacksonville.

LemonJello

At least its not Cleveland or Detroit.

Doktor Zymm

Jacksonville actually isn’t awful, I went to a good pizza place there and talked to someone at a bus stop about how cold it was

Gumbygirl

It was awful when I lived right across the border. 90’s. We mostly avoided it except on days when the Jaguars played. Season tickets their first 5 years. It was fun. Different seeing a brand new team, than being a fan of one that’s been around forever.

Gatoraids

When any Georgia Bulldog is drafted to Jax in my mind im hearing

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Gumbygirl

.

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SonOfSpam

Then Russ saw that pic.

JimU

Let’s prepare for the Jets pick!
https://youtu.be/rZxNeFLuY98

King Hippo

the fuck are they singing Sweet Caroline (perhaps worst non-bro country song in creation)?? EAT SHIT Vegas

Gumbygirl

Don’t Stop Believing. Makes me gag.

King Hippo

Journey just absolutely SUCKS

Gumbygirl

Word.

King Hippo

#ShamePizza is full of sodium too!

Gatoraids

Jags trade the first pick for the rest of the NXT roster

Doktor Zymm

I’m glad we have a place to come and mock the draft

King Hippo

I would like Ickey to end up with Salah’s Jets. That’s a happy marriage. Or Scotchy’s Gigantes. CHRIST, just not the 500s

King Hippo

San Pelligrino blood orange. We’re all feeling fruity tonight it seems NO OFENCE

SonOfSpam

Tis a fine brew.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s not that this Phoenix-New Orleans game is bad (it’s great) but the Philadelpia-Toronto game appears to be even more great.

Spur

So want the Raptors to win this series. Doc Rivers might get sued for malpractice if they lose this series.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’d be the third time he blew a 3-1 lead, in addition to the *first* time anyone has blown a 3-0 lead. I want to see it, and I *like* Doc.

Spur

i want someone to fall in fountains

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Dr. Mrs. has now reached the point where she mops under the couch every day (it used to be every other day).

SonOfSpam

She’s signaling that it’s ok if you jerk off under there.

Doktor Zymm

If she wants to come over and clean my place she is more than welcome!

Gumbygirl

Subscribe.

SonOfSpam

“The Jags select Travon Walker…here comes Travon up to the stage OH NO IT’S GEORGE ZIMMERMAN”

Spur

Number 1 with a bullet

Spur

With the 1st Pick the Jags select a new home city.

King Hippo

Antibiotics and methadone.

Brocky

Did he say los angeles?

Brocky

LMAO he s so desperate

LemonJello

Bah Gawd, that’s the intergalactic disgrace’s music!

King Hippo

I am always delighted to see Ginger Hammer’s designated boo deflection shields. ICE MUTHAFUCKIN CUBE???

Redshirt

I’m still at work. Can you ask them to wait on the draft until I get home?

ArmedandHammered

At the rate this thing goes you will only miss one or two.

JimU

Bud Light is giving away $15 million dollars if you can predict all 32 picks in order in the first round of the draft. They might as well be offering a billion dollars because nobody is getting it right.

WCS

BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Spur

We could only get 2 tickets to the Drai’s Raiders ticker holder party. So an holding down the Fort at home

SonOfSpam

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Mother Puncher

If I stay up late to see the Bengals pick they’ll almost certainly just trade back

Redshirt

Yup. It’s frustrating. It’s annoying. And it may be a good move if all the good OLs and CBS are taken.

scotchnaut

If Horatio Cornflower gets the Giants picks correct, hobos across the North can sleep well tonight.

Spur

Hola, motherfuckers!

ArmedandHammered

?Que tal? (I have no idea how to do the upside down question marks)

Don T

Alt-168 ¿
Alt-173 ¡

Todo bien por acá,

ArmedandHammered

Thanks!

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