This is merely an academic exercise. I think a real bucket-list item would be to kill another human being. Just one. I think you should wait until you have an incurable disease, and you have to stand a jury trial and see what happens.

Now this can’t be just anybody, and certainly not an innocent bystander, which rules out all but about ten people on the whole planet. It has to be somebody who is a threat to everyone, some one who needs killin’.

Who would that be? Hitler? Too late, he’s already dead, killed by a guy also named Hitler. Putin? He’s bad but he hasn’t started mass genocide quite yet, so maybe table that idea for a bit; plus you’d never get close to him.

It has to be poetic and meaningful, so poetic that even opponents would have to admit to the perfection of it.

I think I have an idea. Again this is merely an academic exercise.

The perfect poetic killin’ would be to shoot the head of the N.R.A., in the head, right between the eyes, during his speech on the podium at a national N.R.A. assembly, right when he makes a big dramatic point about gun rights. POP. Right between the eyes, from 500 yards away. If you had shot Charlton Heston when he famously held up his rifle and said to take it from his cold dead hands – POP – as you wish sir, right between the eyes, a famous dramatic actor like Charlton would appreciate the drama with his last earthly thought.

One shot, one kill. Even the N.R.A. fanatics would have to admire the marksmanship. “Dang, that was some good shootin’” they would all say to each other. To make it even more perfect, you should prepare for at least a year, joining the N.R.A. and taking as many marksmanship classes as possible. You want to good – N.R.A. good.

After the one shot, set the rifle down and walk away. You’ll probably get caught, so just surrender peacefully. At trial, don’t take the Fifth and remain silent; get up on the stand and testify. But don’t answer questions, just make one single statement:

”Yeah I did it. Nice shot. What of it?”

Case dismissed.