Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

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This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently [in bed].
Henry Ford

This sounds like a Viagra Commercial.

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As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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The last text my wife sent me said, “It’s not in my anus.” These are the dirty texts I’ve been asking for her to send me for years.
TheRevanchist

It’s always in the last anus you look
Doktor Zymm

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Ya know what’s a funny, inside joke that only us cool cats get? When you go to comment on this here site and it asks you to log in first, you go up to the top of the page and click on “Login In,” which I don’t need to explain to all of you why that’s so funny. Harmless, but funny.
herodotus450

For a while I’ve wanted to change the “Remember Me” to “WITNESS ME!”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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People keep saying pansexual is a new term but I’ve been fucking cast iron skillets since the late 80s
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show

Like most of Buddy’s partners, once it’s well-seasoned, you don’t even need oil!
Dunstan

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Redshirt

Well, given the popularity of Skyline Chili, the infrastructure is already in place.
scotchnaut

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Angels just fired Joe Maddon; I guess having two of the best players ever and losing 12 in a row isn’t great for job security.
SonOfSpam

I’ve got to say, the Madden curse worked quickly. Can’t go with the already dead guy, so it goes to the next closest Madd(o)n.
Senor Weaselo

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Jack del Rio is just asking questions, libtards!
https://thespun.com/more/top-stories/commanders-were-asked-about-jack-del-rios-controversial-tweet
WCS

I expect a lot more from a USC guy.

Double murder, for example.
SonOfSpam

 

The replies are gold. My favorite so far is:

“Your name is now Jack del Usional”
BeefReeferLives

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These Reds, I call them my ex-girlfriend, because even though I broke things off with them, they are being extra good and sweet all in an effort for me to get back with them just so they can break my heart again.
Redshirt

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Good for Rolf. [ from The Lady Of The Sea Of Sin: Part 5 post. If you don’t know what this references, then go read it]
Horatio Cornblower

I hope it’s the dog from the Muppets.
SonOfSpam

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Here’s a super cool feel good moment: Eldest granddaughter had her birthday a couple of weeks ago and when I saw her play bass with the jazz band I made her a deal. I would cook anything in the world that she could think of.

Today I sent a text to Eldest right, her birthday is the same weekend as Father’s Day and said, “Let’s have a get together. But Eldest granddaughter chooses the menu.”

Eldest granddaughter said “I want a bread lesson from the bread master himself.”

Shit man, if she asked I would have dug a hole in the ground and slow roasted a whole hog and she wants a bread lesson.

I love that kid.

/ wipes away tears
yeah right

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RAMMMMMMMMMIT signed Donald yesterday and Kupp today. That’s good! The bad news is that there’s only enough linebackers money to sign me. They said I’m the Mike, but that’s not even my name! Don’t tell the others.
SonOfSpam

So you’re the Sam?
Mr. Ayo

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LOL

BeefReeferLives

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I have a trifecta. I’m tired angry and stupid. Please ignore me.

Just like you ignored the comma?

BAZINGA!!
ballsofsteelandfury

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23 and Me is running ads encouraging people to get Dad a genetic test for Father’s Day, because hey, he may learn important health information!

Uh, that might not be all you learn….
Dunstan

“wait…I’m HOW black???”
SonOfSpam

“Wow! My mom’s an actual Duchess! Dad is… what the hell?”

— Lil’est WCS in about 20 years
WCS

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I don’t plan my vacations over the course of the year at the start of the year-I just work until I feel like telling difficult clients to “Fuck Off!”*

*I’m taking next week off
scotchnaut

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Atlas Obscura had a story about Gay Bob, a doll that was made and sold in the late 70’s that apparently caused a major ruckus. I don’t remember it at all, but it caused poor Anita Bryant ( of orange juice/ ram it up your cunt fame) to have a pearl clutching meltdown. Atlas Obscura sez Bob was anatomically correct, but provided no evidence. I fired up the Google Machine, because you are my favorites and I love you. You are welcome!

Gumbygirl

If his boyfriend wasn’t named Neal then what were they even doing?

WAIT

Balls: We need a 25 Questions About Gay Bob STAT.
SonOfSpam

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This was sooo good Senor! I listened to a few of your choices, saving the rest for later. I hate to hijack your amazing post, but this popped up in my Twitter feed and I must share it!

Gumbygirl

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Found a funny;

can you imagine taking a commercial flight in the 1950s? science was shit. they didn’t even have GPS. just flying on vibes and cigarettes. occasionally you hear the pilot on the intercom “hey does that look like Pittsburg down there?”
rockingdog

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/an insult that I just heard

“She once worked as a stripper-her co-workers called her ‘Hitler’ because of all the damage she inflicted on the poles.”
scotchnaut

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“45 minutes in and haven’t seen any crocs yet.”

-I’ll take, ‘Things Jenn Sterger has never said’ for $600, Alex
scotchnaut

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Gumbygirl

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If/when this thing hits liftoff, we will just need to figure out who wants to attend the footed-ball match. No pressure there, it’s pretty decent coin for a glorified practice. It’s just generally preferred to get tickets together if there IS a group.
King Hippo

How much are the tickets? Not that I expect to not be shocked.
ArmedandHammered

I have clearance, I say again, I have been cleared for road trip!
ArmedandHammered

Roger, Roger, we have clearance, Clarence. What’s our vector, Victor?
Dunstan

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Found a funny;

british person: eat it

me: [tears in my eyes] it’s 5:30 in the morning

british person: [puts knife to my throat] eat the fuckin beans
rockingdog

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ESPNU just showed an ad for an “antibiotic” shower head that was less-than-subtly marketed to the females-in-search-of-a-sanitary-masturbation-device crowd.
Horatio Cornblower

Showerheads lowering the birthrate and directly causing more illegal immigration? Moen and Delta, you should be ashamed.
herodotus450

should be spelled Moan
SonOfSpam

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Just got COVID booster #2 this afternoon. SUCK IT SUB 50 YEAR OLDS.

Also, feel kinda bleh tonight, Better start drinking.
SonOfSpam

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I am having a celebratory cherry lime cider, as the wife is now home. She’s doing well. I have tomato-basil bagels. All is good.
TheRevanchist

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Man, dogs are such simple creatures, they’re so enthusiastic and grateful when they get a treat. [hesitates…] Holy cow, I think I might be a dog.
scotchnaut

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“I simply respond with I’m a pair of pants you have the wrong number.” [ from Sundays with Litre and his CANMNT goalie tweeter account]

Ostensibly typed while pantsless, yes? Brilliant.
Don T

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Watching the 2021 AFC Championship Game and seeing the Bengals win the AFC still puts a smile to my face.

And I still can’t believe the Rams and the Bengals decided, in the spirit of friendship, to forgo having a Super Bowl and had a Chili Cookoff and Grammar Jamboree in its place. Real chili, not the Cincinnati stuff*

*Recollection may be inaccurate. Facts may be in dispute.
Redshirt

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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