The only news that grabbed me today was the Steelers renaming their field as Acrisure Stadium. I had no idea what Acrisure was, it sounded like a type of lettuce or… dryness medication. No, Acrisure is a financial services and insurance conglomerate that boasts of successfully uniting human resources and artificial intelligence to monetize any illusions of free will. Quite a change from ketchup I tells ya!
It’s been a rough time for ketchup, losing Heinz Field perhaps its lowest point yet. Not long ago, ketchup and overcooked-to-moccasin prime steak was a Presidential delicacy. After that, yeah: ketchup could stand to be taken down a coupla notches. It has!
Ketchup and the White House are forever linked in history, as the pulpy detail of a Trump tantrum: 45 throwing a plate at a wall because the Department of Justice would not fabricate election fraud. And the camera pans to the ketchup oozing in the wall while shouts and steps are heard in the distance—in the cheap telenovela version in my head, that is.
And, really. Ketchup has never been hot. Right? This is the condiment that, I feel in my heart, has been imposed more because of payola or merchandising rather than taste or even popularity. I know people have strong feelings for a condiment. Pepper? Why the hell does everything need pepper!?—this is one camp.
The Mayo Deniers are legion, whose heathen and barbarick ways I nonetheless respect tolerate acknowledge coexist with. Some are less vocal. I once loaned $10 to a grad student and he turned out to be an anti-relish mujahideen. I knew that money was gone forever, but he told me it was for yogurt, lime, and dill.
Ketchup, on the other hand, eh. OK, it is wonderful on french fries and…
Not that french fries need ketchup. Salt is fine. Salt and vinegar very fine. And I’ll do fries with mayo, if it’s brought to me. Not over ketchup, nope. Although mayoketchup is dynamite.
Mmm… I could live without ketchup. Howevah, it’s worth for the fries AND being good for mixes (especially with hot sauce). If I cook for someone and ketchup is asked for, I will provide it. If it’s to put over rice, I will do my best not to judge that person for insulting my hospitality with such a brazen display of race treason. (If applicable.)
Nah, it’s fine. Taste is subjective.
But at a restaurant, I may ask the wait staff to remove ketchup from the table. Less shit in tables is a lifestyle.
Tl dr, Watercress Stadium Good Success Steelers!
NFL NEWS
–Wal Mart greets Condoleezza Rice to the Broncos ownership group. The former Secretary of State is a well-known Browns fan and codepink.org calls her a war criminal. Jimmy Haslam is overjoyed to finally have a peer to bond over tales of staggering mismanagement and human suffering.
-Jimmy Garoppolo is expected to be traded by the end of the month, though NAWT to the Bucs. The QB’s agent is the source, which is as meaty as crumbs get a whole lotta time before freakin’ rookie training camps open.
PRESEASON PERENNNIALS
-Best Shape Ever: DAK DAK DAK
-You misread my IG: Lamar! Apparently “I Need $” has nothing to do with the contract talks with Baltimore brass. Jackson is entering the FIF year of his rookie deal and, you know, might deserve an extension. I think he’s better than at least 25 active QBs. In fact,
-Popularity Listicle: Top 10 QBs, per espen #product
Via @GetUpESPN
I would take Lamar! over everyone in the second column, except Justin Herbert. And BTW: seven?! Herbert is at least a 4, at least. Naysayers can rewatch the 2020 Week 18 SNF against the Raiders.
-The World Is Wrong About: Tua Tagovailoa, as told by Tyreek Hill.
SPROTS TONITE
All times Central.
GRANDES LIGAS
Medias Rojas (Bello) @ Mantas (Wisler) – 6:10
Medias Blancas (Lynn) @ Guardianes (Quantrill) – 6:10
Filis (Nola) @ Cardenales (Mikolas) – 6:15
Mets (Scherzer) @ Bravos (Fried) – 6:20
Ases (Martínez) @ Patrulleros (Howrad) – 7:05
Tigres (Faedo) @ Reales (Lynch) – 7:10
Padres (Manaea) @ Balboas (Ureña) – 7:40
Serpientes (Kelly) @ Gigantes (Cobb) – 8:45
TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL
Argentina
Argentinos Juniors hosts Tigre – 7:30
That’s a [sic], Hippo
Bolivia
Guabirá hosts Universitario de Sucre – 7:00
Brasil
Internacional hosts América-MG – 6:00 PM
Ecuador
Deportivo Cuenca hosts Guayaquil City – 7:00
CONCACAF WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP
Canadá vs. Costa Rica – 6:00
Panamá vs. Trinidad-Tobago – 6:00
Jamaica vs. Haiti – 9:00
USA vs. México – 9:00
FINALLY,
if I had to choose one condiment only, it has to be hot sauce. More than mayo, ketchup, mustard, jelly, etc. Butter does not count. It’s a lifestyle.
Banner via Bahamut-Eternal at deviantart.com
“Sauce.” – 4chan person who actually talked to a real life girl in person.
You guys all know I don’t pick favorites.
( heh heh ) I love all of the condiments. I could not just pick one.
Soy sauce smiles knowingly and whispers “I won’t tell the others”
No spoilers. The wait for Better Call Saul is worth it.
Still got about forty minutes here in Salt Lick.
Holy shit! No kidding!
Another set of 1/6 hearings tomorrow. Remember how Peter Alexander had an “unnamed source” tell him that secret service agents were going to dispute that girl’s testimony under oath, but that turned out to be complete horseshit? The unnamed source bets that you don’t.
I’m like Pepperidge Farms. I remember.
I find ketchup too sweet, so rarely use it. Totes on the hot sauce bandwagon. Indifferent about mayo.
Speaking of ketchup:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESV-KJxY-c4
I’ve always considered Condi kind of “war crime adjacent” – not a great look, but given what we’ve seen over the last 6-7 years, almost quaint.
She’s Kirkland Brand Henry Kissinger.
Wow. That’s PERFECT
She the Albert Speer of black women
Love that NY Post article recently expressing shock that Biden hasn’t invited Kissinger to the White House. Reaction of most people: good for him!
I mean, that TOTES must be why the 20-somethings don’t like Diamond Joe smgdh
It’s been downhill for ketchup ever since they found out it was super healthy for you on accoutn of all the lycopene.
Leesburg VA
7/10/22
Condiment-wise I’m going stone ground mustard. Back in the day it was hot sauce because I liked the heat and also…
Step Mother: “You put hot sauce and chili flakes on everything! You like things so spicy!”
Me: “I do like the heat.”*
*she never figured out that her cooking was usually maxed out at 9 out of 10 on the Bland Scale.
Was it all boiled too?
Second half of Better Call Saul starts tonight at 21:00 EST!
I have called dibs on the following galaxy as photographed by the James Webb Space Telescope. I will be petitioning Horatio to have the next draft consist of which planet in my galaxy you would like me to set aside for you to inhabit.
The question is: which one? The bright yellow one in the middle or one of the dark oranges or even the red? Any white ones?
The double spiral one right in the middle.
One more thing to add: In Mexico, it’s spelled Catsup and pronounced Cat Soup. It is generally added to hotdogs if you wanna play American and that’s it. Everything else is salsa.
Catsup makes no sense to me. Otherwise I’m a fan of ketchup, makes me feel like a kid.
“I know it’s gonna sound weird because we’re so close in age, but Tyreek has been like a father to me.” – Tua Tagovailoa