Monday Morning Mock Draft: All By Myself

Lately I’ve been watching ‘Alone’ on Netflix. ‘Alone’ is a show where 10 contestants got shipped off to some godforsaken and very remote area, then are left on their own until all but one of them taps out. The winner gets $500,000.

Now, before Hippo runs out and volunteers as tribute

it’s important to note that the people of the show are all trained in survival, some of whom make their living at nothing more than being a survivalist. To now surprise, these people really need $500,000, because that is not a lucrative gig. Thank you, Grizzly Adams, but I have access to papers and matches; I do not need to know how to start fires. Here’s $5 anyway.

In the wilderness, however, these people are gods. They build their own shelters, from scratch. They hunt, (largely unsuccessfully), they fish, (also without a lot of success, but more than the hunting), they gather. They fight boredom and their own thoughts. They express their thoughts on camera, a= lot, which is the weakest part of the show. I am here for the survival stuff; I have no interest in your issues with Daddy. Please go hunt something and stop talking.

Anyway, for our purposes, all contestants are also limited to 10 items of their own choosing. Today, you’ll be drafting, one item at a time, your own 10, (or until you get bored), survival items for when you find yourself in a remote area. In ‘Alone’ there are certain things you can’t bring, like matches, or a gun. Not today. If it makes sense to you to bring a bottle of perfume to a remote island, (It does not. I can’t emphasize enough that if you find yourself in a survival situation please do not rely on a bottle of perfume), you go ahead and draft it

Once an item is drafted its gone for good. For that reason, be very specific. If you take a rifle, for instance, a shotgun or pistol would still be on the board.

With the first pick, I’m taking a box of 500 matches.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why only three?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

8. Duh. Can’t believe I almost forgot this one.

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Brick Meathook

I would like a modular shelving unit that I could use to store coconuts and other native foodstuffs.

Gumbygirl

But you don’t have an Allen wrench, or a screwdriver to put it together. What you have is some boards, and some hardware, and some instructions that were written by Chinese Trent Green.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

7. I’m pretty well set up but just in case I forgot anything I’m gonna take this little guy, which contains instructions on how to make it.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I meant to pick that but went with whisky instead

Gumbygirl

Sensible.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My draft is:

–Big ass knife
–Speedboat
–diesel generator
–diesel
–diesel powered RV
–iodine water tablets
–trained nurse
–all the whiskey
–3D printer
–3D printer resin/filament

I’m feeling pretty confident that I’ll die of hunger rather than cold or anything else.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

(but I’m 3D printing fishing gear and snares and shit)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

3D printer resin/filament

Doktor Zymm

Last pick, tanker truck of pure ethanol. Keep my BMW Burner fueled, plus I can drink it flavored with the tears of my enemies

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nice pick – I had pure ethanol on my board.

scotchnaut

“Three! Look at the billionaire over here.”

-J. Tomsula

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I cannot believe Zymm left this on the board but she did so I’ll take it–

3D printer.

Doktor Zymm

You know you need electricity and resin/filament refills for that to work, right? Plus either a computer or phone plus wifi with plans for the stuff you want

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yup. And I already have my diesel generator and unlimited supply of diesel. Figured there wasn’t going to be a run on resin.

blaxabbath

I’ve watched a few seasons of Alone. Watch whatever season you want first, then watch Season 2. This guy Dave takes just an extraordinary amount of abuse and all along is just like, “My family needs this money.” Dude slips on a boulder and his leg slides into the water (so his pant will never be dry again) and is just like, “My family needs this money.”

I enjoy media like The Revenant or Misery where people are just exposed to Job-level kinds of suffering though.

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Game Time Decision

a Wilson Volleyball. Bloody hand mark can be added onsite

gonna need some company

BrettFavresColonoscopy

All the whisky I can drink/use as lighter fluid if necessary

King Hippo

weatherproof sleeping bag

ArmedandHammered

Marijuana seeds, get high and have a plant with many uses

ArmedandHammered

Bow and arrow set

BugEyedBoo

I know I saw a youtube video linked from this site, by Brick IIRC (if I didn’t get that right, sorry) that was a Survival 101 film for Air Force pilots. That was what our poor stranded pilot did; fished and set up snares for rabbits and such. He was living high on the hog by the time Search and Rescue found him. Might have been a little funky, though.

Last edited 2 years ago by BugEyedBoo
Game Time Decision

Katniss has entered the draft

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

6. This 19th century doctor’s bag featuring all kinds of medical equipment PLUS drugs like ether and laudanum.

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BugEyedBoo

Do you suppose that bag of sponges has that cool, “Bag of Sponges” label? Because if so, I have to get me one of those.

2Pack

My last item Cuz I gotta split. A sturdy hard wood (hey, hey… Hard… Hey, hey… Wood!) 6 foot walking stick.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’re stranded in the woods and you pick *a stick*? @BFC I am stripping you of your Millen title.

scotchnaut

Flares might come in handy.

King Hippo

pallet of venison jerky

Doktor Zymm

Between my BMW Blaster and my tin foil I’m feeling pretty good. I think I’ll add on a goat so I can make cheese and maybe eventually have a goat curry.
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SonOfSpam

Plus they’ll keep the front lawn neat and tidy.

BugEyedBoo
2Pack

A poncho, heavy duty type, not one of those post marathon foil things. I want thick coated nylon with grommets damn it!

2Pack

With that and your tarp, we’ll stay toasty dry and warm Bro. Throw in BFCs nurse and whoaaa buddy…

Last edited 2 years ago by 2Pack
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As a resident of California, I often forget about this phenomenon called “rain” where water simply falls from the sky.

Game Time Decision

As one of the northern folk here, my assuming was you’d need to survive winter, but if farther south, that makes thing much easier

SonOfSpam

I did a Google Image search for Thick Pancho and I’ll send you the best ones.

Gumbygirl

Hey now!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

5. This homebrewing kit.

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scotchnaut

“Now with real badgers!”

scotchnaut

If I’m marooned on an island I’m taking a net.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For fishing? I was thinking dynamite.

scotchnaut

I don’t want to wake up the neighbours!

SonOfSpam

Flame thrower.

Sure. it starts fires which is nice, but also, I can go around the island, wipe out you guys one by one, and take all your stuff.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[enters into “most favored nation” trade agreements with both gentlemen]

SonOfSpam

Yeah but a flame thrower is good because I don’t need much accuracy.

King Hippo

Extreme BWP risk, but I am taking “First Aid kit”

2Pack

Wise choice

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Then I choose a licensed and trained nurse (preferably of the attractive variety in her uniform)

2Pack

We would all be wise to get lost with one of those.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, that gives me an idea for an even better pick.

2Pack

A roll of trip wire

SonOfSpam

Better get some explosives, unless your goal is to trip things, which is also fun.

2Pack

For making snares, fishing leaders, fastening open fire cooking stuff. Like I said items with multiple uses are better.

SonOfSpam

I would just trip people and laugh, but you do you

2Pack

The entertainment value should not be overlooked

King Hippo

Hippo-strength tub of oxycodone.