Hi everyone,

it’s your old pal, Beerguyrob.

I know, I know. I haven’t been around in a while, so who am I to think I deserve to post?

Well, despite my work-imposed exile, I do try to poke in on occasion. For example, I discovered today that when you type “Boo” into the [DFO] media library you get 500 options, over 300 of which involve the female chest.

But I still want to do my part. As such, with the football season fast approaching, I cobbled together something I know both a lot and nothing about: The Atlanta Falcons!

I have been covering this team for [DFO] since 2016, and this is the first time in that era that I honestly don’t know what kind of garbage they will be. The last time someone else looked at this team, Rikki bit down on that chestnut in 2015 and found them wanting in terms of both talent and local support. Let’s see if Georgia still loves them some Dirty Birds,

Disirregardless, I’m happy to say that this is no longer your 28-3 Atlanta Falcons! Mostly because that smug prick Brady has won three more since then, but also because they got rid of the last reminder of that debacle for a third-rounder.

He’s now earning late-game fantasy points for a team that broke Andrew Luck. No-sir-ee Bob, these are your NEW Hotlanta Falcons, with a franchise quarterback to match!

Oh lord. The guy who couldn’t unseat Derek Carr and got unseated by Ryan Tannehill is now your QB1 and is backed up by two rookies. Desmond Ridder and Feleipe Franks are names that sound more like Carol Burnett backup dancers than starting NFL quarterbacks.

Who he’s got behind him is just as much of a mystery, as once you get past Cordarrelle Patterson & his strobe light issues you are into uncharted territory with recently signed journeyman Damien William and rookie draft pick Tyler Allgeier. They are so thin at RB that, presently, they have cornerback Avery Williams listed as their #4 RB and their primary kick returner.

But at least they have options at wideout! Let’s see how that’s going…

Okay then. Let’s check in on the new #1 WR, rookie Drake London.

Hmm… How about third-year pro Olamide Zaccheaus? How did he fare under Matty Ice?

Yikes. I’m almost afraid to look at Bryan Edwards…

Well, that’s cromulent. At least having played with Derek Carr the last two years means he knows how to react to an underthrown ball. He should become Mariota’s #1 WR in no time!

At least they’ve still got Kyle Pitts! A consensus top-3 fantasy TE, Pitts may set the record for catches by a tight end this year if Mariota reverts to form & throws nothing but 8-yard crossing routes as he’s running for his life. The reason for sneakers is because, once again, the Falcons offensive line is ranked 28^th in the NFL. It seems that every year at the Draft, the Falcons look at their O-line and decide, “Nah – let’s get another linebacker!” That would make sense only if they shared Pete Carroll’s fascination with drafting players out of position and converting them.

On defence, the situation is equally grim. The Falcons only got 18 sacks in 17 games during the 2021 season, which put them dead last by 11 sacks. It doesn’t help that the only guy I recognize on their defence is Grady Jarrett, a stalwart who has watched every piece of the Super Bowl losing team leave in some manner since 2016. Before you feel too sorry for him, he just re-upped for three more years at up to $67 million. He’s clearly made his bed, and those sheets have a 1000-thread count.

Deion Jones, the most expensive guy on the Falcons defence, is currently on IR for four games. Having been among the team (and league) leaders with over 100 tackles in six of his seven seasons, it’s not going to help the team that he’s absent. Jones & Garrett make up 14% of the team’s overall cap.

That’s a lot of money on two guys who are going to be massively overworked in however many games they actually play.

This is apparent when you look at the rest of the roster. A quick run-through of their projected defensive starters has a disturbing number of players who played elsewhere last season and/or spent a year on the COVID ineligible list. Most of them have fewer than four years NFL experience, and appear to have been signed with the salary cap in mind – Spotrac has the Falcons D listed as the cheapest team in the league,

$21 million under their closest spending rival, and nearly $100 million under the total cap of $208.2 million. That’s a pretty restricted salary stream that DC Dean Pees

will have to manage.

Conclusion:

Last year I predicted the Falcons would go 6-11. Well, they went 7-10; like Sarah Palin, I’m claiming victory where none exists. This year, given the fact that their non-divisional division opponents are the NFC West and the AFC North, 6-11 still seems about right. So what if I got back to where I started – at least I didn’t get lost,

But don’t take my word for it. As I crawl back into my hole,

lest you think I’m too harsh, let the folks at Fansided walk you through their prediction:

This is a great year for Falcons fans to invest in college football Saturdays and just kind of let whatever the hell happens on NFL Sundays happen. Unless you cheer for Auburn or Georgia Tech, then you are completely screwed.