Are you ready for a great year? It’ll be kinda difficult to top last year although as a Giants fan I can see some areas for improvement. Each team is facing questions as the season opens so let’s do a wee bit of that for the intros.
To The Games!
Saints/Falcons:
Will Jameis Winston be able to cut down his interceptions again this year? In seven games last year he only threw 4! He usually runs at a 1/1.5 per game rate. It looks as though Michael Thomas is a game-timer leaning towards starting although I’m sure he’ll be on a snap count-as are all players that are composed of balsa wood. Will he make it to the end of the third quarter? Will Drake London win Offensive Rookie of the Year? After Pitts there’s nothing to the Falcons passing game.
Niners/Bears:
When will The Unloading of Jimmy G finally occur? Will Lance get pulled if his play turns out to be sloppy? Camp observers say that rocket of an arm has a barely-functioning guidance system. Will the Bears offense be watchable?
Steelers/Cincy:
Will the Steelers wait until after the bye week to run The Pickett Fence? Oh wait, that’s a Hoosiers movie reference. I’ll leave the Pickett’s Charge jokes to you Civil War fans. The Bengali’s o-line has been addressed-will it be a cohesive unit though? Experience tells me these things take a bit of time. Is Cincy’s wr corps the best in the NFL? I lean towards ‘yes’.
Eagles/Lions:
Are the Eagles going to continue their slap-happy, run-all-day ways? Will Miles Sanders ever be a real threat to cross the goal line? Dan Campbell still has the hearts and minds of his players-will this actually translate into wins though?
Pats/Fins:
Does any fantasy fella want any part of New England’s O? I vote “No!”. Will they be able to improve on their 2-7 record in Miami? What will a Mikey McDaniel’s O actually look like? Is Gesicki on the outs?
Ravens/Jets:
Will Hallmark create another sub-genre, this one being “Gently Aging Cougar-ish Women That Chase After Football Players”? My erect nipples indicate that I would watch the hell out of that. Will Flacco put Hippo to sleep mid-game? You know the answer. Outside of Bateman and Edwards, will anyone catch a damn ball?
Jags/Commies:
Is the Meyers addition by subtraction gambit gonna lead to some W’s? How many gallons of sewage water will pour onto fans this week? What will Snyder charge per gallon?
Browns/Panthers:
Are you nuts? Picking McCaffrey first overall? Just throw your draft away, why don’t you? The Browns have some fantastic pieces of talent sprinkled throughout their roster but don’t you feel that The Watson Debacle has cast a shadow over the organization?
Colts/Texans:
Will Ryan have a career-rejuvenating year or will the wheels fall off? Their is no in-between. Will my prediction of Davis Mills throwing 30 TD’s bear fruit? Botanists everywhere hold their breath.
That’s the early games. Do a thing with your digits down below.
Fuck Lions on the board. Eat that Birds
The Legend of White Mac. Status – NAWT FAYUH
Williams vulture down coming here for the LioUns
Wooooooooooo!
Finception! Let’s fucking go!
Alright, lets see how Operation: Protect Nine works.
First play: Sack.
Second play: Pick Six
Pittsburgh lost the first Challenge of the year. Please check your betting slips.
DJ Chark? Still vile shite.
the bears have been eliminated from playoff contention
I bet Scott Hanson is in suspended animation 8 months a year. and/or in detox for the beak.
I don’t get the Giants game later? Take it away, Vince.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4V0TYIO6yv4&ab_channel=CarlosCesarNardoJunior
I love that we are live to the Jets for the 9/11 anthem
(which, in all seriousness, was excellently done)
just kill soldier field already https://twitter.com/Gridiron/status/1569003168574357505
I really hope the Bears lose the game due to a Replay Challege of that “line”.
So…. They’re selling these at the commanders game
I really want this to be the banner image for the first Washington night game
Well, they’re not wrong.
NFL+ is not available in Puerto Rico. It IS available in Saudi Arabia, which has its own regional 9/11 memorials.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5HoqqG6K7Q&ab
Slay Bells riiiiiing
Infidels listen……
in the raiiiiin
soldier field’s sinking
WE CAN HAS COUNTDOWN OMG
A-Aron: I was high as a kite at a Costa Rican luxury resort for 2 weeks/
Terry Bradshaw: Wow, so brave of him. it will make him a better leader.
Speaking of high as a kite…
https://twitter.com/Acyn/status/1568991891538034689?s=20&t=X4ULN6QLnvrHROA2Vq3PUw
This gon’ be the bestest 9/11 in EVAR, y’all
Are you eating at the Clubhouse restaurant at Aquia Harbor?
Thats what you get when Al Qaida caters your event
I plan on drinking a whole handle of Victory Vodka for the Dallas game
Looks like Seattle has a new rival!
https://twitter.com/PeteHaileyNBCS/status/1568980539939475456?s=20&t=J0KmYkmKRslp4aE3vxzNbg
If I’m the agent of a Commies player I am 100% slipping something absurd into the contract like “…and also one private island in the Caymans” just to see if it gets overlooked by this clownshow of an organization.
That’s…a fantastic idea
Roquan Smith is googling if there is a “finders, keepers” clause in NFL contracts. He’s gonna sneak onto a 49er equipment box when the game ends.
The early games look so, so. Probably means there’s a good one in there.
I like Carolina Cleveland. Tasty storylines.
Any Fresh Fish with us today? Don’t shy.
finally. its here. lets get down to business
Who has 2 thumbs and is at FedEx Field watching his Jaguras? This fucking guy.
Hope you’re wearing a rain hat!
Or Hazmat suit.
Stay away from any running “water”
All my shots are up to date, too!
be careful, history proves that fedex field cares not for appendages
I hope you hydrated before the game! The water you’ll find at the stadium is…not good.
My bets
Cincy -6.5
Lions +4.5
Fins -3.5
A buck gets me $166. Yeehaw!!!!!
Massachusetts FINALLY legalized sports bett, but now needs to settle on the red tape. Fuckers couldn’t get it done for week 1. Assholes
Morning Folks
A tradition like no other, siting on my ass for 5 hours.
5? Piker.
Did they overinflate Terry Bradshaw? He looks like he’s auditioning for the Michelin Man.
Leave Terry alone!
Seriously – he looks like Rob Ford on a Harvey’s and cocaine binge.
Speaking of inflated, what the fuck is going on with King Charles’ fingers?
Don’t point those sausages at me.
“Do point those sausages at me.” – Coach Reid
That looks like heart disease
In the Bullpen…
— William, Prince of Wales
Dear colleagues — it has truly been a weekend of great sadness for our family and their supporters. After losing our monarch (and third biggest White supporter after Litre and yours truly) to old age, the world feels like a much emptier place today. Her passing also postponed what would have been yet another successful campaign from the King’s finest (thereby ruining my weekend), but I suppose I will allow it in this case.
Turning our attention to other sporting matters — I think I will be forced to support the Commanders in this new uncivilized football season! As many of you know, I am particularly partial to squadrons with such a proud military history, and their owner seems to be a larrikin after my own heart! May they have great success against the Jaguars of Jacksonville today, and may Trevor Lawrence’s career as a drag queen get off to a good start once Jacksonville decides that he isn’t their QB after all.
A parting question for the clubhouse: What chance does a New York Jet stand on September 11?
The Commanders, you say? My money would have been on the Patriots, who bravely defend the Empire from the rude colonists, whose “revolution” is laughably doomed to fail. God Save the King, though he is a total Muppet!
New King is on his way to lose a head
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hSbNSGiUNQ&ab
He was hissing!
Told you! – Pete Carroll
Etrz vs KC or Cmet vs SF for TE?
I’d say Ertz. Trying to keep up in a shootout often means lots of free checkdowns.
agreed
Thank you both
I disagree. Ertz is banged up and old like me.
grumble grumble when you said “banged” and “old” grumble grumble
Got one quick grocery store run for beer, pork rinds and granola bars then this shit is ON!
I’ll pace around like a madman until the afternoon window arrives.
It’s finally here!
I have to drive back to Riverside, boo! But at least I have Sirius in my car. Steelers on channel 383!
I’ve never had pork rinds. What are they like?
Unhealthy and delicious!
Salty, crispy, crunchy, porky deliciousness that’s what they taste like.
NEVAR FORGET!
https://www.theonion.com/gaywads-dorkwads-sign-historic-wad-accord-1819565037
I lost it, halfway ROTFL when I read it.
This was pretty uplifting:
https://mobile.twitter.com/KiukRyan/status/1568748198742687745
Let’s see if I can get it to embed!
Andy Reid wants to know why they never play in App State? I mean, nachos, mozza sticks, dumplings, chicken wings.
Mark Zuckerberg heard app state and assumed that FB was down again
We have a friend who’s kid is going to App State. I bet the parties were epic last night!
Andy Reid wishes his kid was going to App State, but instead he’s going to prison.
OrangeJello is an AppSt grad. The moonshine stills probably ran dry in them thar hills.
11 AM Systems Check: good
We have heroic Red Zone muzak in teh HippoLair!!
/makes eyes at pill bottle
Redzone is on DAZN here, but I switched to Fubo for futbol. STREAMING SERVICES ARE GOUGING ME!!!
Plate cleared of annoying work shit. Let’s. Do. Sum. FITBAW!!!!
I aimed to try this morning, then remembered you keep the Sabbath holy. Hail Gamblor.
Trent Green is in somewhat of a panic over all the “Never Forget” signs he’s been seeing today.
/dying🤓
We need a photoshop of the Memento guy looking in the mirror, covered with “I’m Trent Green!” tattoos
Best I can do:
Pretty goddamned good, still
I was so proud of that Request Line and like three separate people attempted to alert me that they’d been published out of order.
And Beastmode was (rightfully) upset about it because it pushed HRTN off the bottom of the page.
There’s another one I miss. Come baaack, Beast and Moose!
Here’s a smile for everyone before the rubber meets the road:
That’s sweet!
Yeah. Kiddo was really scared. Great song, too!
Argentinians being kind?
Wife and I were loving this. I already wanted to go to Argie bad, this made it worse.
Waiting for the Chain smokers to cover this song
Christ! Just woke up and saw a video clip that they’re attacking New York!
I laughed and told AOC to clean it up with funds withheld from Ukraine and also Brandon needs to be impeached for withholding money from Ukraine
Good morning. The lawn guy rang my doorbell at 7:30. I’m going to try and have him deported. After he finishes cutting the grass.
Deport his hard-working ass back to Oregon!
As opposed to the lamb guy and the prawn guy, who rang Andy Reid’s doorbell at 7:30 and were castigated for being an hour late.
Forever committed to the bit.
Fuck, it’s early!
I still hate Max Verstappen.
Sanders vs the Lions or Melvin vs the Seahawks?
/already have Javonte so I’d be playing the Donk’s backfield
If you put all of your eggs in one basket, and you trip and fall, what do you have? Scrambled Bronco’s. That’s what you have.
I’m adding Hollywood into my Mahomes and Kyler stacks
HAIL GAMBLOR!!!
Ben Roethlisberger says he sometimes feared playing the Bengals because they played dirty.
Yeah, I’m just going to post this picture without further comment, other that reassuring that he did walk off the field on his own power.
.
You all right! We learned it from watching you!!!
Don’t forget to check your fantasy lineups, everyone! I think Greg Kittle is out.
Today we commemorate a great injustice. A wrong that was permitted to occur due to overconfidence, elitism, entitlement, and being so focused on our own superiority that we ignored the warning signs until we saw the unthinkable occur on our own screens and realized we were too late stop it. May we all commit ourselves to righting this wrong and allow us to continue stronger.
But enough of the Cincinnati Bengals 2nd Half performance in the Super Bowl. Today is also September 11th.
Also a gross mismanagement of resources and turf-driven miscommunication. Between Bengals GM and O-line coaching, of course.
QB Coach: “Joe says the Rams are beating the line like a rented mule. He’s begging for a couple of draws or screens or else he’s gonna be killed.”
Offensive Coordinator: “Got it.”
—-/—/
Head Coach: “What did Franchise say?”
Offensive Coordinator: “He says we’re killing them. Play on!”
First update:
Zach Ertz is playing. I’m out on both Maxx Williams and Andy Isabella.
Shaquille Leonard is OUT for Indy. I like the shootout potential more in this game.
If there is moose with a sign and a recording at 1:00, we’ll know who to blame.
I miss @Moose3000.
I do too. Make him come back!