Your Very First 2022 NFL Sunday Open Thread (that counts)

Are you ready for a great year? It’ll be kinda difficult to top last year although as a Giants fan I can see some areas for improvement. Each team is facing questions as the season opens so let’s do a wee bit of that for the intros.

To The Games!

Saints/Falcons:

Will Jameis Winston be able to cut down his interceptions again this year? In seven games last year he only threw 4! He usually runs at a 1/1.5 per game rate. It looks as though Michael Thomas is a game-timer leaning towards starting although I’m sure he’ll be on a snap count-as are all players that are composed of balsa wood. Will he make it to the end of the third quarter? Will Drake London win Offensive Rookie of the Year? After Pitts there’s nothing to the Falcons passing game.

Niners/Bears:

When will The Unloading of Jimmy G finally occur? Will Lance get pulled if his play turns out to be sloppy? Camp observers say that rocket of an arm has a barely-functioning guidance system. Will the Bears offense be watchable?

Steelers/Cincy:

Will the Steelers wait until after the bye week to run The Pickett Fence? Oh wait, that’s a Hoosiers movie reference. I’ll leave the Pickett’s Charge jokes to you Civil War fans. The Bengali’s o-line has been addressed-will it be a cohesive unit though? Experience tells me these things take a bit of time. Is Cincy’s wr corps the best in the NFL? I lean towards ‘yes’.

Eagles/Lions:

Are the Eagles going to continue their slap-happy, run-all-day ways? Will Miles Sanders ever be a real threat to cross the goal line? Dan Campbell still has the hearts and minds of his players-will this actually translate into wins though?

Pats/Fins:

Does any fantasy fella want any part of New England’s O? I vote “No!”. Will they be able to improve on their 2-7 record in Miami? What will a Mikey McDaniel’s O actually look like? Is Gesicki on the outs?

Ravens/Jets:

Will Hallmark create another sub-genre, this one being “Gently Aging Cougar-ish Women That Chase After Football Players”? My erect nipples indicate that I would watch the hell out of that. Will Flacco put Hippo to sleep mid-game? You know the answer. Outside of Bateman and Edwards, will anyone catch a damn ball?

Jags/Commies:

Is the Meyers addition by subtraction gambit gonna lead to some W’s? How many gallons of sewage water will pour onto fans this week? What will Snyder charge per gallon?

Browns/Panthers:

Are you nuts? Picking McCaffrey first overall? Just throw your draft away, why don’t you? The Browns have some fantastic pieces of talent sprinkled throughout their roster but don’t you feel that The Watson Debacle has cast a shadow over the organization?

Colts/Texans:

Will Ryan have a career-rejuvenating year or will the wheels fall off? Their is no in-between. Will my prediction of Davis Mills throwing 30 TD’s bear fruit? Botanists everywhere hold their breath.

That’s the early games. Do a thing with your digits down below.

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Spur

Fuck Lions on the board. Eat that Birds

King Hippo

The Legend of White Mac. Status – NAWT FAYUH

litre_cola

Williams vulture down coming here for the LioUns

Gumbygirl

Wooooooooooo!

Wakezilla

Finception! Let’s fucking go!

Redshirt

Alright, lets see how Operation: Protect Nine works.

Redshirt

First play: Sack.

Redshirt

Second play: Pick Six

Redshirt

Pittsburgh lost the first Challenge of the year. Please check your betting slips.

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
King Hippo

DJ Chark? Still vile shite.

fleshwound_NPG

the bears have been eliminated from playoff contention

King Hippo

I bet Scott Hanson is in suspended animation 8 months a year. and/or in detox for the beak.

King Hippo

I love that we are live to the Jets for the 9/11 anthem

King Hippo

(which, in all seriousness, was excellently done)

fleshwound_NPG
Spur

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Redshirt

I really hope the Bears lose the game due to a Replay Challege of that “line”.

Brocky

So…. They’re selling these at the commanders game

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Last edited 2 years ago by Brocky
Brocky

I really want this to be the banner image for the first Washington night game

Redshirt

Well, they’re not wrong.

Don T

NFL+ is not available in Puerto Rico. It IS available in Saudi Arabia, which has its own regional 9/11 memorials.

Spur

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Last edited 2 years ago by Spur
Spur
King Hippo

Slay Bells riiiiiing
Infidels listen……

fleshwound_NPG

in the raiiiiin
soldier field’s sinking

Last edited 2 years ago by fleshwound_NPG
King Hippo

WE CAN HAS COUNTDOWN OMG

Spur

A-Aron: I was high as a kite at a Costa Rican luxury resort for 2 weeks/
Terry Bradshaw: Wow, so brave of him. it will make him a better leader.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Speaking of high as a kite…

King Hippo

This gon’ be the bestest 9/11 in EVAR, y’all

Sharkbait

Are you eating at the Clubhouse restaurant at Aquia Harbor?

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LemonJello

Thats what you get when Al Qaida caters your event

Spur

I plan on drinking a whole handle of Victory Vodka for the Dallas game

Sharkbait
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I’m the agent of a Commies player I am 100% slipping something absurd into the contract like “…and also one private island in the Caymans” just to see if it gets overlooked by this clownshow of an organization.

Sharkbait

That’s…a fantastic idea

Spur

Roquan Smith is googling if there is a “finders, keepers” clause in NFL contracts. He’s gonna sneak onto a 49er equipment box when the game ends.

2Pack

The early games look so, so. Probably means there’s a good one in there.

yeah right

I like Carolina Cleveland. Tasty storylines.

Spur

Any Fresh Fish with us today? Don’t shy.

fleshwound_NPG

finally. its here. lets get down to businesscomment image

Last edited 2 years ago by fleshwound_NPG
LemonJello

Who has 2 thumbs and is at FedEx Field watching his Jaguras? This fucking guy.

Gumbygirl

Hope you’re wearing a rain hat!

Game Time Decision

Or Hazmat suit.
Stay away from any running “water”

LemonJello

All my shots are up to date, too!

fleshwound_NPG

be careful, history proves that fedex field cares not for appendages

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope you hydrated before the game! The water you’ll find at the stadium is…not good.

Spur

My bets

Cincy -6.5
Lions +4.5
Fins -3.5

Fronkenshteen

A buck gets me $166. Yeehaw!!!!!

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Sharkbait

Massachusetts FINALLY legalized sports bett, but now needs to settle on the red tape. Fuckers couldn’t get it done for week 1. Assholes

Spur

Morning Folks

A tradition like no other, siting on my ass for 5 hours.

Gumbygirl

5? Piker.

Beerguyrob

Did they overinflate Terry Bradshaw? He looks like he’s auditioning for the Michelin Man.

Gumbygirl

Leave Terry alone!

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Beerguyrob

Seriously – he looks like Rob Ford on a Harvey’s and cocaine binge.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Speaking of inflated, what the fuck is going on with King Charles’ fingers?

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2Pack

Don’t point those sausages at me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Do point those sausages at me.” – Coach Reid

Wakezilla

That looks like heart disease

Redshirt

In the Bullpen…
— William, Prince of Wales

Cecil Rhodes

Dear colleagues — it has truly been a weekend of great sadness for our family and their supporters. After losing our monarch (and third biggest White supporter after Litre and yours truly) to old age, the world feels like a much emptier place today. Her passing also postponed what would have been yet another successful campaign from the King’s finest (thereby ruining my weekend), but I suppose I will allow it in this case.

Turning our attention to other sporting matters — I think I will be forced to support the Commanders in this new uncivilized football season! As many of you know, I am particularly partial to squadrons with such a proud military history, and their owner seems to be a larrikin after my own heart! May they have great success against the Jaguars of Jacksonville today, and may Trevor Lawrence’s career as a drag queen get off to a good start once Jacksonville decides that he isn’t their QB after all.

A parting question for the clubhouse: What chance does a New York Jet stand on September 11?

Gumbygirl

The Commanders, you say? My money would have been on the Patriots, who bravely defend the Empire from the rude colonists, whose “revolution” is laughably doomed to fail. God Save the King, though he is a total Muppet!

Spur

New King is on his way to lose a head
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hSbNSGiUNQ&ab

Gumbygirl

He was hissing!

Spur

Told you! – Pete Carroll

Game Time Decision

Etrz vs KC or Cmet vs SF for TE?

Last edited 2 years ago by Game Time Decision
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d say Ertz. Trying to keep up in a shootout often means lots of free checkdowns.

King Hippo

agreed

Game Time Decision

Thank you both

litre_cola

I disagree. Ertz is banged up and old like me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

grumble grumble when you said “banged” and “old” grumble grumble

yeah right

Got one quick grocery store run for beer, pork rinds and granola bars then this shit is ON!

I’ll pace around like a madman until the afternoon window arrives.

It’s finally here!

Gumbygirl

I have to drive back to Riverside, boo! But at least I have Sirius in my car. Steelers on channel 383!

Game Time Decision

I’ve never had pork rinds. What are they like?

Gumbygirl

Unhealthy and delicious!

yeah right

Salty, crispy, crunchy, porky deliciousness that’s what they taste like.

Don T

I lost it, halfway ROTFL when I read it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let’s see if I can get it to embed!

litre_cola

Andy Reid wants to know why they never play in App State? I mean, nachos, mozza sticks, dumplings, chicken wings.

Game Time Decision

Mark Zuckerberg heard app state and assumed that FB was down again

Gumbygirl

We have a friend who’s kid is going to App State. I bet the parties were epic last night!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Andy Reid wishes his kid was going to App State, but instead he’s going to prison.

LemonJello

OrangeJello is an AppSt grad. The moonshine stills probably ran dry in them thar hills.

Don T

11 AM Systems Check: good
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King Hippo

We have heroic Red Zone muzak in teh HippoLair!!

/makes eyes at pill bottle

litre_cola

Redzone is on DAZN here, but I switched to Fubo for futbol. STREAMING SERVICES ARE GOUGING ME!!!

King Hippo

Plate cleared of annoying work shit. Let’s. Do. Sum. FITBAW!!!!

Don T

I aimed to try this morning, then remembered you keep the Sabbath holy. Hail Gamblor.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Trent Green is in somewhat of a panic over all the “Never Forget” signs he’s been seeing today.

Fronkenshteen

/dying🤓

King Hippo

We need a photoshop of the Memento guy looking in the mirror, covered with “I’m Trent Green!” tattoos

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Best I can do:

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King Hippo

Pretty goddamned good, still

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was so proud of that Request Line and like three separate people attempted to alert me that they’d been published out of order.

And Beastmode was (rightfully) upset about it because it pushed HRTN off the bottom of the page.

Gumbygirl

There’s another one I miss. Come baaack, Beast and Moose!

Fronkenshteen

Here’s a smile for everyone before the rubber meets the road:

A young boy lost his dad in a crowd in Argentina.
Strangers came together to help, chanting the father's name. Then the band joined in with a song, "Eduardo, come and find Juan Cruz"

via Daniel Abrahams pic.twitter.com/cFpauBO8jz

— Tansu YEĞEN (@TansuYegen) September 6, 2022

Fronkenshteen

Yeah. Kiddo was really scared. Great song, too!

Don T

Argentinians being kind?
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litre_cola

Wife and I were loving this. I already wanted to go to Argie bad, this made it worse.

Game Time Decision

Waiting for the Chain smokers to cover this song

blaxabbath

Christ! Just woke up and saw a video clip that they’re attacking New York!

I laughed and told AOC to clean it up with funds withheld from Ukraine and also Brandon needs to be impeached for withholding money from Ukraine

Gumbygirl

Good morning. The lawn guy rang my doorbell at 7:30. I’m going to try and have him deported. After he finishes cutting the grass.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As opposed to the lamb guy and the prawn guy, who rang Andy Reid’s doorbell at 7:30 and were castigated for being an hour late.

yeah right

Forever committed to the bit.

ballsofsteelandfury

Fuck, it’s early!

Col. Duke LaCross

I still hate Max Verstappen.

Gumbygirl

If you put all of your eggs in one basket, and you trip and fall, what do you have? Scrambled Bronco’s. That’s what you have.

borisnow

I’m adding Hollywood into my Mahomes and Kyler stacks

litre_cola

HAIL GAMBLOR!!!

Redshirt

Ben Roethlisberger says he sometimes feared playing the Bengals because they played dirty.

Yeah, I’m just going to post this picture without further comment, other that reassuring that he did walk off the field on his own power.

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Gumbygirl

.

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Redshirt

You all right! We learned it from watching you!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Don’t forget to check your fantasy lineups, everyone! I think Greg Kittle is out.

Redshirt

Today we commemorate a great injustice. A wrong that was permitted to occur due to overconfidence, elitism, entitlement, and being so focused on our own superiority that we ignored the warning signs until we saw the unthinkable occur on our own screens and realized we were too late stop it. May we all commit ourselves to righting this wrong and allow us to continue stronger.

But enough of the Cincinnati Bengals 2nd Half performance in the Super Bowl. Today is also September 11th.

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
Don T

Also a gross mismanagement of resources and turf-driven miscommunication. Between Bengals GM and O-line coaching, of course.

Redshirt

QB Coach: “Joe says the Rams are beating the line like a rented mule. He’s begging for a couple of draws or screens or else he’s gonna be killed.”

Offensive Coordinator: “Got it.”

—-/—/

Head Coach: “What did Franchise say?”

Offensive Coordinator: “He says we’re killing them. Play on!”

borisnow

First update:

Zach Ertz is playing. I’m out on both Maxx Williams and Andy Isabella.

Shaquille Leonard is OUT for Indy. I like the shootout potential more in this game.

Fronkenshteen

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Redshirt

If there is moose with a sign and a recording at 1:00, we’ll know who to blame.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I miss .

Gumbygirl

I do too. Make him come back!

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