Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

Oh Lordy, did some things happen yesterday! Let’s head over and take a look at a few items.

Fallout:

-Dank Prescott is gone for 6-8 weeks and if you leaned into the ‘Boys hype and got yourself some skill dudes from that squadoo you would appear to be screwed. Without Dank back there defenses are going to “Pack That Box!” vs Zeke. CeeDee Lamb’s breakout season has also been put on hold. Two catches on 11 targets!? And now he gets Cooper Rush. Them Jones Boys done it again, I’ll tell you what!

-T.J. Watt has a torn pec-will he wear down just like his older brother? It might be a bit too quick to jump to that but where else was I going to jump?

-The Cards have switched things up and instead of fading down the stretch Kliff’s Kops are fading straight out of the gate.

-The Giants won their first home opener in six years and are being rewarded with a first place spot in the slovenly NFC East.

To The Game!

Broncos/Seahawks:

-May as well get this revenge game out of the way the first week of the season. One wonders what kind of hellfire Noah Fant will unleash on Denver.

-Pete Carroll insists that nothing is wrong but the Vegas 0/U of a paltry 5.5 wins tells a different story. Carroll has also advocated for “Booing” Russell Wilson when he makes his way on to the field. Classy.

-Kudos to Geno Smith winning the starting job battle-was anyone on the coaching staff awake for the entire thing?

-A Slow Start? Very few Donks starters played minutes in the preseason. I think the Cards took the same approach. Hmmm…

-Courtland Sutton’s prop for catches is 4.5. That appears to be “first half achievable”.

Get at it, lords and ladies.

 

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ThePirateSloth

Fuck. All. Of. These. Broncos WILSON Fans.

King Hippo

Play-calling too cute by half

Mr. Ayo

I was promised a back breaking fumble.

Doktor Zymm

OK
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Mr. Ayo

Lean that stick a little more assholes!

Mr. Ayo

That said, what a stupid challenge.

King Hippo

good thing that timeout won’t be necessary

Mr. Ayo

Look at the bullshit! Where’s the index card!?!?

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Doktor Zymm

I’ve installed fence posts, and I would not hire these refs to install fence posts unless I wanted shitty uneven fenceposts.

Brocky

Lol at Sharpe losing it

Fronkenshteen

With all the goddamned yelling, that stadium must reek like hops, weed, hand-rolled cigarettes, and rancid coffee breath.

Brocky

I would say shame, but we all know it doesn’t

Recovery Whiskey

Got a pretty good spot

King Hippo

oh, we gon’ get a Carroll spot challenge

King Hippo

The 9/11 Commission was nothing but JEW LIES!!!11111

Doktor Zymm

Goddamn I love these things
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Sharkbait

Come on Donks. Eat this clock, kick the FG as time expires

King Hippo

Vikes/Iggles ought to be good

litre_cola

Iggles will get thumped.

King Hippo

SKOL rarely is week-to-week consistent

Duchess

What’s going to be higher the over/under line or the % chance we get a Xmas Ape Meltdown if Drew’s Vikings go 2-0?

Fronkenshteen

Still having trouble understanding why the clubhouse is all in on Nantz and Romo, but down on Buck and Aikman.

King Hippo

Nobody likes Nantz, and we started souring on Romo last season

Fronkenshteen

Outfuckingstanding.

Doktor Zymm

I didn’t think we liked anyone other than the Manningcasts

litre_cola

My vote is the Mannings

Fronkenshteen

Sorry. Thought everyone was sweet on Tony. I always found his voice to be nails on a chalkboard, which was decidedly inconvenient since it NEVER STOPS TALKING FOR THE ENTIRE BROADCAST. He also seems to see himself as something of an oracle for a player who won absolutely nothing in his career.

King Hippo

I know y’all want a backbreaking pickerception, but we’ll fumble trying to set up the FG instead.

Doktor Zymm

Geno doesn’t know how to kill clock does he? Has he ever played with a lead?

Mr. Ayo

He broke in with the Jests, so you know.

Recovery Whiskey

Seahawks pass blocking survived losing Wilson

King Hippo

If Petey took a deep shot to Metcalf, he’d walk in for 6

Recovery Whiskey

Cant block that long

Duchess

I’m relegated to watching the game on my phone while my gf watches the Emmys and get upset at me for not paying attention to an award show I don’t care about

King Hippo

I would mock you, but then again, you’ll still be having carnal relations later

Doktor Zymm

Some sort of TV show will probably win?

Recovery Whiskey

I wonder how many relationships are getting wrecked by the Emmys not being on sunday.

Mr. Ayo

LET RUSS HOOK!

*exit stage left*

Doktor Zymm

I wish I still had a copy of photoshop and could stick a pair of fishnet legs on the man

King Hippo

he do have nice calves!

Mr. Ayo

Oooh, something to do at work tomorrow!

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know where Marshawn Lynch is right now, but I hope he’s experiencing a lovely glow of satisfaction

Mr. Ayo

He’s actually at the game.

Doktor Zymm

Nice! I hope many people have bought him overpriced shitty beers!

ThePirateSloth

What a surprise that another Wilson drive ends in 3 points

Last edited 2 years ago by ThePirateSloth
Recovery Whiskey

Just like old times.

Sharkbait

HEY DONKS! STOP TRYING TO KILL HIPPO!

King Hippo

I bequeath my Monday morning column to….

Brocky

I legit have no idea who the broncos coach is.

I understand I could find that information in a second, but I legit don’t care

Doktor Zymm

LET RUSS SOUK!
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He might find some great deals!

Gumbygirl

Let Russ Wook

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Recovery Whiskey

5th or 6th 12th man penalty

King Hippo

THIS GAME WANTS ME DED

Recovery Whiskey

Its a long season. Just relax. Wilson’s gonna be fine. Having a pretty good game tonight too.

King Hippo

It’s not Wilson, it’s the rest of the shitstains on the team!

litre_cola

Patience friendo. Shall be fine.

/has money line
/am high

Last edited 2 years ago by litre_cola
Doktor Zymm

First game of the season. Breathe in, breathe out, repeat. We can revisit during week 8

Mr. Ayo

IN. COM. PLETE!

Mr. Ayo

IN. COM. PLETE!

Mr. Ayo

IN. COM. PLETE!

ThePirateSloth

Pete Carroll would sit on a fucking 7-3 lead like Mother Fucking Goose.

Redshirt

Why is Sharpe sounds like he’s broadcasting from an AM-radio station three states away?

Duchess

You’d think the Broncos would be doing better considering they are playing a case of Mellow Yellows

King Hippo

Looking very 8-9

Recovery Whiskey

6-11

King Hippo

the NFC is weak enough for y’all to get there 😀

Brocky

Mellow yellow is legit underrated

BugEyedBoo

It tastes like flat Mountain Dew.

clint greasewood

Shannon Sharpe is hard enough to understand but with a shit mic its fucking impossible.

litre_cola

This will end 20-20in regulation. As is week one custom.

Doktor Zymm

We can only hope!

Redshirt

Damn, Steelers. They had to be selfish and claim the win.

King Hippo

KJ Hamler is fast. He might not be a great run blocker

Recovery Whiskey

Sharpe has shitty wifi

litre_cola

Probably doesnt tip.

Recovery Whiskey

Here comes Wilson to lead his team to 4th quarter victory. He’s so good at this.

ThePirateSloth

No. FUCK off

WCS

“Thanks, Troy. We’ll be back after this break.”

Doktor Zymm

Oh that fat guy, he used to be a RB, he tucked and was about to run before he fell over. I’m sad he didn’t get to TD and take some oxygen!

Dunstan

Geno Smith hasn’t had to deal with this much unwanted Chubb since puberty

King Hippo

HEY LOOK ACTUAL PASS DEFENDING

litre_cola

CHUBBSACK.

King Hippo

BRADLEY CHUBB IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL AND I SHOULD HAVE WORN HIS 55 SHIRT TONITE BUT THE 12S GOT IN MY HEAD

Duchess

Maybe Russell Wilson and Baker Mayfield should have stopped at digging one grave in their pursuit of vengeance

LemonJello

To quote Hippo’s Equine Lord and Savior, “It’s time to hit the hay.”

May you all drift off to slumber on a cloud of nanobubbles.

Mr. Ayo

LET RUSS TOOK!

Starring Liam Neeson as Pete Carroll.

Recovery Whiskey

Geno redemption arc engaged

Doktor Zymm
WCS

Clickbait Sprots is going to be pretty good this week.

Brocky

Manningcast:

Joel McHale: hey peyton, what’s bigger? Your forehead or John elway’s teeth

Peyton: anyways, we have shannon Sharpe coming up next…

King Hippo

Jeff Winger!!

Senor Weaselo

I’ve made peace that I essentially work on the Greendale music department. Except we get paid on time.

Senor Weaselo

If only it was Reality Show Clip Time!

Dunstan

THIS GENO SMITH, I CALL HIM NEW YORK CITY, BECAUSE THE DAY AFTER 9/11 HE’S PROVING THE JETS DIDN’T DESTROY HIM

Senor Weaselo

BANNER THIS MAN.

ThePirateSloth

FUCK YEA #OBIWANGENOBI

jjfozz

THIS GAME, I CALL IT MY MARRIAGE BECAUSE THE FIRST HALF WAS GREAT AND, BUT THE SECOND HAS BEEN MARRED BY MISTAKES

King Hippo

Dunno which of you is Melvin and which is Javante, but I hate y’all both right now.

AND YES I TALK MOAR SOUTHERN WHEN ALL PISSED OFF AND SHIT

Recovery Whiskey

Hoding

Downfield Matriculator

Two pass interference calls resulting in 1st and goal (at least one of which was correct) and two fumbles at the goal line. Someone has some bad karma in the Denver huddle!

WCS

Let’s ride.