^{Banner Photo Credit: DrawPlayDave}

Yes, I know the season is well underway, but hey, I didn’t post last year’s preview until the Bears’ bye week, so let’s call this a win.

I guess we can start with this season’s most famous Bears fan, this guy who is probably single now–

“I known you for 2 months, this been my team for 22 years.” I felt that. pic.twitter.com/huiPvqJu6H

— Johnny (@SuperBookUnit) September 19, 2022

Look, I don’t have a problem with the “we” of sports fandom.  Pretty sure we’ve all done the “we” thing occasionally, even though we are well aware we aren’t being asked to suit up any time soon.  But I would proffer that Bears fans have a bigger reputation for this than most teams’ fandoms, and I don’t know if that’s because of civic pride or what. All I can say is that it is amazing that she managed to make her man the sympathetic one in that video, especially since he’s delusional about the Bears having had a chance in that game, irrespective of any alleged cheating.

Oh, and that I don’t know how that “we” will stand up to the test of the McCaskeys pulling a Santa Clara 49ers and moving the team from Chicago to Arlington Heights. If you’re not from Chicago and wondering if that’s a big nearby locus of its own ala San Jose to SF or even Fort Lauderdale to Miami, the answer is no.  Long story short, there’s a former horse racing track that is one big parcel of land to redevelop in one fell swoop, so no negotiating with multiple tenants, no eminent domain issues, just easy peasy lemon squeezy. Here’s a rendering of the plan:

And they’re touting that it’s super close to the Metra, so it’s not like the REDACTEDS/ClitCommanders and Niners’ problems being completely inaccessible.  But still, fuck the McCaskeys for pulling the team out of the City proper. And yes, even though it’s not officially done, I’m told (by some people I trust) that it is a fucking done deal, so I guess get to a game at Soldier Field while you can, irrespective of the product on the field.

And how about that product?  Let’s see what “we” have for Los Osos de Chicago this year, shall we?  Since teachers are back to being maligned after being hailed as underpaid heroes for so long, let’s throw some letter grades in the mix.

QUARTERBACK

Justin Fields has the reins and doesn’t have to worry about (lol) Andy Dalton anymore. (Speaking of LOL, the back up is now Trevor Primate). Fields is massively talented, so of course Matt Nagy ruined him last year and Matt Eberflus seems to still be conservative on unleashing the kid.  Of course, it doesn’t help that the offensive line sucks and he’s throwing to a pupu platter of WRs. Hopefully he has some stability with coaches and they actually give him a chance to develop, or it’s back to the usual cycle of drafting and ruining other young QBs.  Grade: Incomplete

RUNNING BACK

Hey, look, stability! David Montgomery is two seasons removed from a 1,000 yard rushing season and last year logged 849 yards rushing, 301 yards receiving, but only 7 touchdowns.  Like always, though, I’ll blame Matt Nagy for anything and everything that happened last year. Rookie Khalil Herbert has joined as a change of pace back, or more accurately in today’s NFL, a reasonable option if/when the starter gets hurt. Regardless, he’s shown a great combo of burst and maturity as a rookie, which is nice. Let’s just say I’d rather have Montgomery and Herbert than Gibson and the Gunshot Victim. Grade: B

RECEIVERS

The Bears have the second best wide receiver named St. Brown in the league.  That’s….not a good thing. Darnell Mooney is the “big name” on this team, and let’s see what the internet thinks of him:

Darnell Mooney to Fantasy Managers every week: pic.twitter.com/PAFUMF5a8p

— Jagger May (@FantasyBluechip) September 19, 2022

And that’s the “star” of this group.  Your other wideouts are Byron Pringle, Velveeta Jones, and the ghost of N’Keal Harry.  And I only modified one of those names.  Cole Kmet has zero catches through two weeks, so expect him to multiply his output the rest of the season to the same impact. This group isn’t known for speed, hands, route running ability, separation, or starpower. Grade: F

O-LINE

As borisbefore said, this is the worst O-Line in the league. Cody Whitehair keeps moving between Center and Guard and is cromulent, but as a group…

But yeah, let’s keep expecting Fields to deliver without good protection. This unit needs to overperform expectations and abilities for this team to succeed.  Grade: F

DEFENSE

Older in some areas, green in others, no more Khalil Mack, Eddie Goldman, or Akiem Hicks. Roquan Smith is pretty awesome, Eddie Jackson has stepped up, and the rookie DBs (Brisker and especially Gordon) look better than I expected. Honestly, I thought this was going to be a major point of weakness, and while Q-A-ron did his thing against them, they bottled up Lance and aren’t as horrible as predicted.  Grade: C-

SPECIAL TEAMS

The Bears and reliable kicking are like Aaron Rodgers and functioning logic. At least they only got penalized once for using a towel to dry the football, and Cairo Santos still managed to miss two out of four extra points this season.  Pat O’Donnell is gone, living on a farm in upstate Wisconsin, so bring in a Wolven rookie who is going to get a shit ton of work with this unit. I don’t have high expectations for this group, so they can surprise us.  Grade: D+

COACHING

New Head Coach Matt Eberflus is an upgrade by virtue of not being Matt Nagy.  Other than that, we don’t know shit about if he’s worth the hype yet.  Pretty much the whole slate is new–new HC, new OC, new DC, new Special Teams coordinator, new QB coach, new RB coach, new WR coach and “passing game coordinator”, new TE coach, new OL coach, new Assistant OL coach, new DL coach, new LB coach, new DB coach, new Safeties coach (why?), new Assistant DB coach, new Offensive Quality coach, dear lord I need to stop.  They threw the baby out with the rancid bath water, and I have no idea if they’re going to be great or garbage. Let’s hope the turnover leads to fresh plantings that bloom.  Grade: Incomplete

Can you tell how optimistic I am?  This isn’t exactly Philly, so trusting the process isn’t all scorpion and the frog for Bears fans, but that’s kinda what we need at the moment.

Let’s take a look at the Bears’ schedule this year:

So, that’s a solid L for the opener shocking last minute win in week one, sure loss on the road against A-A-ron, your guess is as good as mine with some fictitious team week 3, a loss against what BorisNow thinks will be a resurgent Danny Dimes and Saquon, probably a loss in Foxboro, a shot at a win at JerryWorld, a loss against the suddenly popular Miami Dolphins, let’s call it a win at home against Detroit, a loss in Atlanta, a win in the return visit to Jersey, another loss against A-A-ron to give him a chance to will that shitty team into the playoffs, a loss vs Philly, same against Josh Allen, and then let’s say they split the last two division games.  By my count, /takes out abacus, that’s a team likely to finish between 4-13 and 8-9.  Woof.

This team COULD shock us and can be fun to watch, but they need to build back the OL and stop calling plays out of the shotgun on 4th and goal from the 1 yard line to make me feel optimistic.