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Saturday Night Fall Weather JV Thread

King Hippo

/

,

It’s really, truly Fall now.  I turned my heat on this week!  Only set it at 66 instead of 68, because Hippo is a TRUE HERO OF OUR TIMES.

Mississippi State (+21) at Alabama (7:00, ESPN)

Yeah, I get it.  Saban is angry, yada yada.  Cowbells will keep this one close.  Two interesting, flawed squadrons.

Minnesota (+4.5) at Paedo State (7:30, ABC)

What to watch if you REALLY hate yourself.  Or are in prison and without access to streams or cable.

Texas A&M (-3) at South Cakalaky (7:30, SECN)

Honestly had no idea that the Chickens were 4-2.  Huh.  Jimbo against Frank Beamer’s kid, don’t expect lots of high-IQ play.

Kansas State (+3.5) at TCU (8:00, FS1)

Probably the Game of the Day/Night.  Unded Bill Snyders, Blood for the Bloodeyes Gods!  WHO YA GOT??

Washington (-7.5) at California (10:30, ESPN)

You really need psychiatric care if you stay up for this week’s tweaker offering.  OY.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Checking in at 6:30 a.m. local time after having gone to bed at 10 p.m. on a Saturday. I feel pretty old myself.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Checking in from a wedding. I also feel old.

1
WCS

Jake Plummer’s son just threw a beautiful ball for Cal and I feel old.

2
Horatio Cornblower

I feel that way whenever I stand up too fast, and I don’t need Jake Plummer’s son for it either.

4
Horatio Cornblower

I’d hate to find this and not share

https://twitter.com/NoEscalators/status/1583903090121781248

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Horatio Cornblower

There was also an incident at the bar where a group of three women came in at closing and one of them threw a fit at the youngest member of the staff because they weren’t immediately given menus. I’m not sure what Jen said to them, but it ended with two of them pulling the third away while she told Jen to “work on yourself internally” and Jen told her to have a nice night, but have it somewhere else.

Come to think of it, that may be why everyone left for the parking lot several minutes later.

5
Horatio Cornblower

ESPN is interviewing Marshawn live and he just dropped at least one “shit” on a live mic. Could be more, I’m pretty lit at the moment.

OH SHIT, MARSHAWN JUST PULLED HIS MOTHER INTO THE SHOT!!! And now he’s hitting on the interviewer.

Marshawn Lynch is a national treasure.

6
Horatio Cornblower

https://twitter.com/JomboyMedia/status/1584027274495799296

Even better than I thought. Missed a “these motherfuckers”

1
Gumbygirl

Reading is fundamental, Gumbygirl!

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Horatio Cornblower

You’re my favorite, Lea Michele! Don’t* tell the others!

*Like you’re gonna read this anyway.

5
Gumbygirl

I heard a motherfucker.

2
BugEyedBoo

I had officially ran out of bourbon lately – I had a little Wild Turkey left, which is okay (thought it was the epitome of high-class drinking back when I was 19 years old), but I know there’s better. So it was off to the liquor store, and I was confused with too many choices. I ended up with Woodford Reserve, because I knew it would be perfectly fine.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Scene: The Cornblowers’ Local

The Cast: Mr. & Mrs. Cornblower, the Bar Staff

Timing: Closing, (I don’t know why they shut down at 10 either, but they do)

Mrs. C: “Are you ready to go?”

Horatio: /shotguns beer, grabs leftovers. “Yep”

Jen (obligatory sexy bartender): “You guys want to take a rip off my vape?”

Mrs. C: “Tell you what, amateur, why don’t we go out to my car and see what I can find in the glove compartment?”

Horatio: (to remaining bartender, also sexy) “This is going to take a while. Can I have another beer?”

Before anyone (glares at Balls) gets too excited there was no sudden appearance by a pizza delivery guy, no bow-chicka-wah-wah sound track, and no “I’ve never done this before” conversation among the womenfolk, but I did get a free beer and a lot of people got pretty damn high out in the parking lot.

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
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ballsofsteelandfury

Why do you think that beer was free?

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh GodDAMMIT!!!

2
TheRevanchist

That actually sounds disappointing. Did they at least lean over and brush a tiddy against your arm? A nip slip? A bend-over-until-visible whale tail?

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Horatio Cornblower

There were a number of lean-ins against both of our backs as the food was served.

Admittedly by a hairy guy from the kitchen who probably isn’t in the country legally.

3
BugEyedBoo

“Here’s the pizza *zip*, and here’s the pepperoni.”

(Have to look up how to calculate Standard Deviation, remember all those old Cheech & Chong routines.)

1
WCS

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litre_cola

Womens rugby world cup mmmmmmmmm

1
yeah right

Quick movie review.

The Munsters is totally worth watching.

Bear with me. And stay with the movie.

First thing you see is it’s a Rob Zombie movie so expectations.

But it’s an absolutely true homage to the original TV show. The jokes are corny but the style and cinematography are perfect.

I cringed for the first half hour until I realized he was making an authentic origin story for The Munsters, the TV show and he nailed it. Grandpa and Herman are fantastic and Lily is Sheri Moon Zombie so… it’s totally worth it if you’re familiar with the TV show but head scratching if you’re not.

I really liked it.

4
TheRevanchist

What was this on?

0
yeah right

Netflix.

1
WCS

Dirt Iggles take a 10-6 lead early fourth quarter.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sounds a lot like TNF, honestly.

0
WCS

Meanwhile, the most Florida thing yinz will see today:

https://nypost.com/2022/10/20/florida-residents-frightened-over-mysterious-man-with-machete-seen-knocking-on-doors/

Last edited 3 years ago by WCS
1
King Hippo

So….who’s gonna have the “What 2 Expect On Ur Wedding Nite” talk with Maestro?

3
The Maestro

I believe that the province of Nova Scotia abolished the feudal lord’s right of prima nocta in, like, 2003 or something.

2
Mr. Ayo

Pretty sure your Canuck laws don’t apply to use free Americans.

Though we will respect the custom.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

After combining for seven runs in the first inning I was kind of hoping the score in the Padres-Phillies game would be something like 19-16 by this point.

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WCS

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King Hippo

WHERE R UR BLOODEYES GODS NOW, HUH?????

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Mr. Ayo

FOR THE LAST TIME THERE IS ONLY ONE (1) GOD

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!

0
litre_cola

Vishnu right?

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Mr. Ayo

You might be surprised.

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King Hippo

imagine how surprised VISHNU gonna be smgdh

1
yeah right

It will be hilarious when the Mormons are proved right.

0
Gumbygirl

I’m rooting for the Pastafarians, myself!

0
King Hippo

I suppose we should be happy for Houston’s dirtball success, since they live with the shame of hosting the NFL’s lone imaginary franchise.

Actually, it will just be all the funnier when they get swept by them Dirt BOLTMEN!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m pretty much indifferent to their success or lack thereof – they are forever cheaters, and nothing can change that.

2
King Hippo

Y’all know what’s awesome? OPIATES

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Mr. Ayo

You’re right Other Hippo. What should I injure to get access to said items?

A left foot? A right foot? A back? A neck?

1
WCS

Take your pick. Worked for this guy.

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King Hippo

#DealersChoice

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Gumbygirl

My neck, my back…
https://youtu.be/bW92agO2NxY

1
litre_cola

I thought it was choking yourself during masturbating.

1
Mr. Ayo

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herodotus450

All the ‘cuse heads in the house can relax, knowing that even if they upset Clemson today they would still have made the playoff anyway.

0
Mr. Ayo

The Orlovsky is strong with them.

GO CATS!

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Gumbygirl

It’s cat on cat action. I am sure you are “go”ing for the MSU Bobcats!

2
WCS

Dirt Iggles and Dirt Ex-Boltmen has already unlocked bananacakes; it’s the first inning.

Last edited 3 years ago by WCS
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King Hippo

South Cakalaky leads aTm 17-nil. We have played 5:09 of the FIRST GODDAMNED QUARTER

1
The Maestro

I ASKED LADY MAESTRO TO MARRY ME TODAY AND SHE SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

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WCS

CONGRATS

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Last edited 3 years ago by WCS
6
King Hippo

that’s GOOD MARITAL HUSTLE!!!!

2
Horatio Cornblower

Congratulations!

/thinks up and discards several dozen sandwich jokes

5
Mr. Ayo

You two will make a great sandwich.

9
scotchnaut

“How many pills did you crush into her martini?

-Hippo

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Sharkbait

Congrats!!

1
yeah right

Outstanding my friend. I’m so happy for you.

1
TheRevanchist

Cheers to you, both!

1
herodotus450

Well I guess I’ll be returning my ring then…

7
Gumbygirl

The Maestro was nevah going to marry you, Herodotus. Sourry!

0
TheRevanchist

Was it a cockring? If so, I am both sad and disappointed for you, not against you.

1
Redshirt

Congratulations!!!

1
ArmedandHammered

Congrats!

1
litre_cola

Sandwiches for all!

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey, cool!

1
Gumbygirl

Yay!!!! We all want to be flower girls!

4
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Congrats! Is one Canadian yes worth .8 American yeses?

0
King Hippo

GET IN DISCIPLINE DADDIES!!!!

0
ballsofsteelandfury

For Sharky:

Don’t know why they didn’t make one for 2014…

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WCS

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Nothing on this.

6
Sharkbait

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Horatio Cornblower

Well, the Yankees finish in the Final Four, but this is clearly over. Just completely overmatched. Will be rooting hard for either Philly or San Diego to keep the Asterisks at one very flawed title.

2
Mr. Ayo

Didn’t think I could hate a team more than the Yankees and here we are.

0
Brick Meathook

But the Yankees are America’s national team, what with New York being the capital and all. I don’t understand your attitude; it sounds like you hate America.

3
Mr. Ayo

Hey, I’m sure you can lighten the mode with some topical Achewood comic.

0
Brick Meathook

Of course I will, for you, if it will help ease your pain. I’m sorry your team lost.

2
Mr. Ayo

They didn’t lose. They got cheated by a bunch of cheaters.

1
Brick Meathook

That’s pretty bad when you play known cheaters and everyone’s watching them and you still lose.

2
Mr. Ayo

I wasn’t kidding! GO CATS!

https://twitter.com/SickosCommittee/status/1583928576746717184

1
scotchnaut

God, I hate the Toronto Maple Fuckup’s so much.

Last edited 3 years ago by scotchnaut
2
Brick Meathook

But the Maple Leafs are Canada’s national team, what with Toronto being the capital and all. I don’t understand your attitude; it sounds like you hate Canada.

Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
4
scotchnaut

Your Americo-centric faux division-ist rhetoric doesn’t work up here. Try it somewhere else, One Foot.

4
Brick Meathook

Are you and Ayo having a contest to see who can whine the loudest?

1
Mr. Ayo

We are both making quite valid points. You are the lone individual disagreeing. Perhaps you should look inward and assess your own emotions instead of lashing out at your imaginary internet friends.

Sir.

1
Brick Meathook

I’m cracking jokes about sports teams on a comedy site, not making jokes about a non-imaginary internet friend having very real cancer and undergoing a very real amputation. But I guess if you think that’s a “valid point” then please proceed.

1
Mr. Ayo

Oh shit, my bad. I thought you were Brock Fuckstick. Sorry,

1
King Hippo

It seems like maybe the host of “Celebrity Jeopardy” would be someone Hippo has heard of. Is she ALSO a professional stoner?

0
BugEyedBoo

Don’t try to fool us by pretending you didn’t watch Blossom.

Maybe it’s because I’m old, but I would have assumed that Celebrity Jeopardy would have had, uh, celebrities on it. Wil Wheaton’s TableTop Youtube show had more celebrities on it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdGQ4npIzfI&t=284s

My fellow Jeopardy competitors may back me up on this; one of the contestant coordinators told us that the celebrities’ questions were about as difficult as the teen tournament questions.

0
King Hippo

Be nice if the #DisciplineDaddies would end the Hurr Durr LONGHORNS BACK talk for 2022.

0
Mr. Ayo

I love twitter today because I get to watch Yankees fans react reasonably.

Last edited 3 years ago by Mr. Ayo
0
Mr. Ayo

I also hate twitter today because I get to watch Astericks fans react unreasonably.

1
Horatio Cornblower

They’re the worst. And I say that with full realization of what a bunch of assholes Yankee fans are. Astros fan are by far the worst.

1
WCS

https://www.espn.com/f1/story/_/id/34855951/red-bull-owner-dietrich-mateschitz-dies-aged-78

Kind of an up-and-down weekend for Redbull Racing.

0
Mr. Ayo

Wish F1 would drop the hammer on them for the cost cap infraction. Surprised Ferrari is allowing this.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve always held a grudge against Red Bull because I believe they fixed the results of the streetcar derby in Johannesburg in ’02.

0
WCS

Of course they did.

0
Mr. Ayo

SAINZ!

Finally!

0
litre_cola

30 mins to ribs. Been 6 hours. If they suck I will be devastated and order a shame pizza.

4
Mr. Ayo

Pretty sure sucky ribs are way better than shame pizza.

I’ll have a test trial of both to be certain.

3
King Hippo

The key is making sure there is AMPLE SHAME

0
WCS

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litre_cola

The amount of Cocks hats at the tailgate in Orangeburg you would think it is a Buddy Cole house party.

1
Mr. Ayo

There is only one Blood God heretic.

1
King Hippo

Brock Huard. NEVAR. Shuts. Up.

1
Mr. Ayo

You would absolutely LOVE our morning sports talk show here.

Brock is the morning host if you’re wondering.

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