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Early Morning Slave LaboUr and JV NFL Regular Season Finale Thread

King Hippo

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Good morning, one and all.  Stuff yourselves full of the footed ball offerings, because it’s gonna start tapering off.

I am not paying enough attention to specifically preview the Slave LaboUr Cup matchups.  But by all means, discuss away.

Michigan (+8) at THEEEEE Ohio State (Noon, Fox)

I am really nauseated by Fox’ coverage model in general, but shit – guess I will flip to this game quite a bit.  Thank goodness it is not The (only) Game, but rather just one of many.

South Cakalaky (+14.5) at Son de Clem (Noon, ABC)

If only our Cocks had home field advantage.  Sigh.

Georgia Tech (+35.5) at Georgia (Noon, ESPN)

Another rivalry slaughter, but the Bees earned Hippo’s eternal gratitude last weekend.  Give them thar Dawgs a sweat, at least.

Auburn (+22) at Alabama (3:30, CBS)

Holy cats, why can’t ONE of these underdogs at least play at home?  But something tells me War Damn Eagle shows up here.  They won’t win, but Caddilac Williams has them all feisty.

Oregon (-3) at Oregon State (Noon3:30, FoxABC)

Ah, here we go.  Civil War in Corvallis, we should finally get an upset all the way into the JV barn.  Love me some Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice Beaver.

Iowa State (+10) at TCU (4:00, Fox)

Note the spread being relatively tame – and it’s warranted.  Cornpone State has a meh record, but a very good defense.  Bloodeyes could be running on empty, and looking forward to next weekend.

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scotchnaut

Is it funny that the author of the misogynist tune “Free Bird” died in a plane crash or is it just me?

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Brick Meathook

How on earth is “Free Bird” misogynistic?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s kind of funny to be talking about the grass being greener (see below) because in the week the Dr. Mrs. has been gone I’ve gotten the numbers of not one but TWO comely young lasses for – and I cannot stress this enough – non-romantic purposes (one as a potential housesitter, the other for tennis). And it was so, so casual, too. Pretty sure this is how women view me these days:

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(note that the Dr. Mrs. being gone is related to dealing with some family stuff)

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Think you can find me one for golf?

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Gumbygirl

Is that what you’re calling anal now?

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Horatio Cornblower

‘Hole in one’ can mean different things to different people.

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scotchnaut

Current Status: Can’t remember if I’ve taken the five pill medley that a few specialists have prescribed. Everything’s just fine.

2
WCS

HIPPO PILLCHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

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King Hippo

wipes away tear of pride

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Brick Meathook

TAKE MORE JUST TO BE SAFE

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Redshirt

Me watching in the 4th Qtr:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=879Vnr4vojI

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

STOP FILMING ME ON SUNDAYS!

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Horatio Cornblower

So far today I’ve had one friend call for a referral after getting a DUI last night and now another is crying on my wife’s shoulder because her husband wants a divorce.

So I wasn’t planning on drinking tonight, but I think perhaps I will. Just not driving afterwards.

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Mr. Ayo

Pics of the crying one?

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Horatio Cornblower

She’s very attractive and a total sweetheart. I don’t know the whole story, (really any of it; this is my wife’s field), but my professional opinion is that the husband’s clearly an idiot.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d bet all of my DFO Corporación shares that he’s convinced the grass is greener on the other side of the fence and is about to get hit so hard in the face by reality that the NFL’s independent concussion spotter will take him off the field for an entire set of downs.

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Horatio Cornblower

I wouldn’t take the other side of that bet with Hippo’s account.

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Redshirt

My advice: empty the shared accounts and go shopping.

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Horatio Cornblower

She’s shopping with my wife right now.

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King Hippo

I can attest that both Horatio and Mrs. Horatio is good ppls.

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scotchnaut

“A new bra makes everything better, right?”

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King Hippo

What are her feelings about cats, never leaving the house, and opiates?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I presume you’re looking for someone who is uninterested in opiates, so she won’t bogart yours?

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King Hippo

But thinks my little habit is “cute!”

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Horatio Cornblower

She’s very quiet.

Damn, we may be on to something here.

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WCS

“Bill all three for three hours each.”

— Horatio’s text to his assistant

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Brick Meathook

Some recommendations:

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Mr. Ayo

Ohio Reacts Reasonably, Exhibit A.

https://twitter.com/AdonisFRO17/status/1596608114601885699

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scotchnaut

Urban Meyer-an expert on the subject of teams completely collapsing-weighs in on Ohio State.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d be more interested in hearing his thoughts on plumbing.

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Horatio Cornblower

I’d be more interested in hearing his thoughts on covering up your star TE shooting someone in the face.

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herodotus450

You fools! Ohio State losing this badly means there’s gonna be 6 SEC teams in the playoff! Why are you so happy!

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TheRevanchist

Because we hate the state of Ohio as much as we hate Alabama?

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herodotus450

One makes the astronauts, one makes the rockets; why all the hate?

1
Gumbygirl

Guvnor Wheelie and Guvnor Meemaw.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And Deshaun Watson.

1
Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo

¿Come si dice adios in Mexican?

— Col. Duke LaCross’s boss

Last edited 3 years ago by Mr. Ayo
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Col. Duke LaCross

HAHAHAHAHA!

2
TheRevanchist

Argentina 2-0 on a brilliant shot. What a great morning for sports!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That was a BANGER.

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Horatio Cornblower

/British Andy Reid has entered the chat

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scotchnaut

Ohio State turned into Rutgers so fast, I hardly noticed.

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WCS

Apologies to Reshirt, but, this is karma for JD Vance.

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Redshirt

That puts it in perspective.

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BugEyedBoo

I know the State of Ohio pays literally millions of dollars for this kind of top-notch tOSU football strategy.

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WCS

Redshirt, watching:

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TheRevanchist

Michigan showing why the state of Ohio shouldn’t be in any national conversation.

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Mr. Ayo

THEEE SUDDEN CHANGE!

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King Hippo

yeah, that town BURNS

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BugEyedBoo

I guess the position of Safety hasn’t made it to the banks of the Olentangy.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yeah, ‘Ohio’ and ‘safety’ are pretty much oil and water. Kind of like the Cuyahoga river!” – OSHA representative

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WCS

Redshirt, in the control room with Ann Arbor in the coordinates (artist’s conception):

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TheRevanchist

Huge run by Michigan. Way to destroy the state of Ohio!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Damnit, *I* wanted to be the one to destroy Ohio!” – J.D. Vance

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Gumbygirl

He will stomp on whatever’s left.

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BugEyedBoo

Take two, they’re small.

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scotchnaut

“Stick a needle in all their arms-Ohio State is done!”

-Qaron

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[immediately catches a Greyhound to Cincinnati] – Todd Marinovich

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King Hippo

WOMP WOMP Tiggers, Cocks win it on the Peanut Punch

0
King Hippo

Frank Beamer ain’t exactly aged gracefully.

1
King Hippo

wait, seriously? They tried a 57-yard FG???

0
Redshirt

Harbaugh is trying to outthink everyone as usual.

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King Hippo

well, I guess that baited Day into a 3rd consecutive poor “4th and short” decision

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BugEyedBoo

I don’t think strategery is his strong suit.

2
Mr. Ayo

They’ll never see it coming! Or going in!

The perfect ploy!

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TheRevanchist

Messi with the big goal!

0
Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— B. Walsh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Shan’Khor doesn’t want to let this one get out of reach.

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Mr. Ayo

just TURN YOUR HEAD, fucknuts!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No question about that interference call.

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BugEyedBoo

They’re going to be rioting in the streets up here in Columbus, and not in a good way.

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King Hippo

yeah, best take the dog for a walk before sundown

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scotchnaut

Those flammable couches had it coming!

1
Redshirt

Ohio State is unraveling.

0
King Hippo

Ryan Day DOES seem like a guy who’d call analytics “nerd shit”

1
BugEyedBoo

All that dude needs is a pair of Oakleys and a backwards baseball cap to make that look complete.

1
King Hippo

Things is playing out pretty damned good FOAR LSU. Of course, they’d need to beat UGA first, but the path looking clearer.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If LSU beats Georgia does USC get frozen out of the playoff?

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King Hippo

Not if they win out, but I think either SC or TCU loses this week or next.

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King Hippo

This is my spitball “list” (for the slots after #1 UGA and #2 Michigan

1) Undefeated TCU
2) 1-loss SC
3) 2-loss LSU
4) 1-loss TCU
5) 2-loss Alabama
6) THEE
7) ????

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’d be pretty fucked up for a two-loss LSU to get in over a 1-loss OSU.

What a loss this is going to be, though.

0
King Hippo

Hugh Freeze is indeed going to head down to the Prettiest Little Village on teh Plains. That will be…interesting.

0
Redshirt

I’m going to go play in traffic for a while.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“smh” – Elisha

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TheRevanchist

Go Michigan!

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King Hippo

We all become Illinois/Purdue fans next weekend, I guess.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I first thought that ball was uncatchable, but he got a hand on it. Would have taken a miracle, but you certainly can’t say that it was impossible.

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King Hippo

just TURN YOUR HEAD, fucknuts!

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WCS

This game is the event that pushed Redshirt from demented, ha-ha funny Bond villainy to “I will ensure the longest, most painful way to torture you” Gus Fring evil.

4
Redshirt

Don’t worry! Y’all are on the Protected List.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Please make two copies of the list in case you misplace one.

2
Gumbygirl

If you’re going to “make a statement”and go out with a bang, do Ohio, the whole country, indeed, the entire world a favor and take Hillbilly Vance with you.

0
King Hippo

WCS – does Neal Brown save his JERB if y’all beat BDSM State?

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WCS

Narp. When Shane Lyons was “resigned” last week, Brown needed to win out and and win the bowl game. Lost again last week, and no bowl this year. He’s toast.

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BugEyedBoo

Ryan Day is exuding the opposite of confidence over there on the sideline.

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WCS

I’d like to think if Danny DeVito does walk into a Jersey Mike’s, his regular order is a Grilled Charlie.

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Col. Duke LaCross

Heh.

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