Your Very Next NFL Football Open Thread

Well hello again. We have the finest selection of late afternoon tilts today. Three of the four are very interesting and all have serious playoff implications. This is what happens when the Cardinals aren’t involved. Take note, NFL.

To The Games!

Seahawks/Rams:

A Bobby Wagner revenge game? Jk, the team he’s playing on is unraveling at a frightening pace and there’s no turnaround in sight. Stafford is gone to IR and is doing his best impression of Fat Elf on a Shelf. Seattle’s always formidable run D took a big hit last week, giving up 283 yards, the most since 2000. Thing is, the Rams just don’t have the guns to exploit that weakness. They’ll be trotting out Wolford again but don’t be surprised to see Perkins if/when things go south.

Fins/Niners:

It’s the old “team that wants to run faces team that you can’t run against” thingy. On the surface one might say the game below features the most firepower but this one has Tua, Tyreek, Jaylen, Wilson, CMC and Deebo. (Schefter says he’s playing and Rappaport says he a game-timer) A true road test for a Fins team that likely doesn’t know just how good they are yet.

Chiefs/Bengals:

Do you get the feeling that this won’t be the last time we’ll see these guys play this year? You know, just like last year. Cincy, despite the okay-ish record has defended their home turf with just one loss there. This has ‘epic tilt’ written all over it.

Chargers/Raiders:

Well, which Vegas team is going to show up this week-the one that has won two straight despite giving up 50 points or the one that lost 24-0 to the Saints? Jacobs should do just fine once again vs a Chargers team that couldn’t stop a toddler on a trike peddling up the middle. And you know Adams will get his. I can see Herbert letting fly all game long so maybe finally we’ll get to the fireworks factory?

Do as thou wilt.

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King Hippo

Even That’s Rikki’s Raiders! can’t fuck this one up now.

Horatio Cornblower

May as well have Lea Michele reading the play sheet for all the good Josh McDaniels reading it is gonna do.

LemonJello

Joe Burrow:

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Redshirt

Yeah, that sack hurts.

Spur

Chargers got this, its the Raider way

King Hippo

THANKS FOR RUBBING IT IN, RedZone

Spur

Kim K moving on to the NFL. Chris Paul ruined it for all NBA players

https://twitter.com/BleacherReport/status/1599536409236459520?s=20&t=4VXfLti9bAsKJBshgRFmAQ

King Hippo

One more firstie, and Cincy has it in the barn.

The Maestro

That’s one of the most egregious interceptions I’ve ever seen, and I’ve watched the Nathan Peterman Experience.

Spur

Missed, get fucked KC

Horatio Cornblower

Why? Is he important to the Chiefs offensive schemes?

Brocky

Breaking news: an Indiana man is in custody after what can only be described as a “violent puppy kicking spree”. Officials were called to the scene as the froth spitting suspect had already allegedly punted several small dog breeds while belligerently condemning the Chicago bears and various other nfl personalities, particularly the chiefs patrick mahomes and Travis kelce. One witness also claimed that after kicking a boston terrier, the suspect pointed to the sky and yelled “I F***ING TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN! THIS IS ON YOU ASSHOLE!” before resuming the rampage. Attempts to detain the suspect were initially ineffective, as police first attempted tear gas and then a tazer, after which the suspect laughed and said “THE PAIN ONLY MAKES ME STRONGER!!!”. Finally an old lady with a frying pan got a few cheap shots on em. Police are baffled as the suspect has no history of violent behavior and appeared to not be inebriated at the time of his arrest. Luckily no animals seem to have been permanently injured in the attacks, as they’re all pretty soft and inherently kinda “spongey”

Spur

hang him by his balls

Spur

my sheltered sister got us pizza last night. She ordered Pizza Hut and not some local shop. I’ve had the greasiest shits all day and I only had to slices.

Brick Meathook

Gino Smith (lipreading): “muh . . . ther. . . fuck . . . er”

Last edited 1 year ago by Brick Meathook
Spur

Am happy Tua is having a good year. Mr. Glass got his Windex with that coach.

Spur

Why is the Dallas game the night game and not the KC/Cincy or Fins/49ers? Doesn’t make sense

WCS

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It doesn’t?

Spur

No, its been made clear the Shield hates Double J. There is a war going on amongst these NFL owners. And Double J is on the “good” side.

WCS

They tolerate each other since there’s too much sweet, delicious money to be had.

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Gatoraids

I want to cut Kittle and my wrists, or find a points per block league

Recovery Whiskey

Hox tissue paper defense

Redshirt

I can’t tell if this game is a hard fought game or a sloppy game.

Spur

it can be both

Brocky

It’s a “God wants to fuck over brocky for starting three chiefs players who just happen to be playing the bengals” type game

WCS

Out of all the games played today, this is certainly one of them.

Doktor Zymm

On the plane, but still on the ground. Same flight attendants as my morning flight, they’re super nice so that’s a plus!

Looks like I will miss most of the cowsing later on, I’m very amused by the tie totally failing to provide seperation in the wild card race

King Hippo

finally, a call in Mahomes’ favoUr

Mr. Ayo

RTD agrees he should get a break or two.

Last edited 1 year ago by Mr. Ayo
Horatio Cornblower

/monkeys paw takes a couple of cuts with a baseball bat, just to loosen up.

Mr. Ayo

Not a good day for #Tuanon

Recovery Whiskey

3rd string QB in for LA Rams. But just for one play

Last edited 1 year ago by Recovery Whiskey
WCS

“I wish the Bengals would be tied with the Chiefs midway through the third quarter.”

— Redshirt

/monkey’s paw curls

King Hippo

It certainly seems like WKRP should be up 3 scores, but I guess the Chefs are catching a few breaks FOAR ONCE (ducks beer bottle thrown by R-T-D)

King Hippo

Boyd Crowder better with his feet than his hands, obvs

ballsofsteelandfury

WHO’S THE BLONDE NEXT TO MARK DAVIS???

The Maestro

HI I’M BLONDE NEXT TO MARK DAVIS

King Hippo

You mean “HOW MUCH IS?”

ballsofsteelandfury

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Brick Meathook

she ain’t a blonde, and I’m not sure that’s her real hair anyway

ballsofsteelandfury

I know extensions when I see them.

Recovery Whiskey

No Cyril , they’re hookers

Spur

There’s a whore for every budget in Vegas.

Brick Meathook

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Recovery Whiskey

Chucky looks so distraught. Like he got blind date set up

Last edited 1 year ago by Recovery Whiskey
Gatoraids

Princess Lea on the Jabba barge cosplay

Recovery Whiskey

Yeast is rising

Downfield Matriculator

So just found this looking for something else on the interwebs and thought of you all — a JVJVfootball interlude: https://twitter.com/jwmonicalKSTP/status/1599163730532585474

Recovery Whiskey

Thats good. No last minute heartbreak like John Tyler v Plano East

Brick Meathook

And the winning touchdown was scored by the team’s retarded kid in his only play of the season. Such a feel good story.

King Hippo

#NextGenDarnold?

Doktor Zymm

They got all the preboards on then turned them around and they came right back off, lol. And one of the ladies is line is on the same cruise as me! I wonder how many of these other older people are going to be my shipmates as well?

King Hippo

HIP DON’T LIE?

Doktor Zymm

I should have taken the skytrain instead of walking, all the idiots who blow the prisoners dilemna game of avoiding clustering around the gate for ages before the flight got here before me and are gate licing again

Doktor Zymm

Wow, these assholes aren’t even getting out of the way for wheelchairs, and since I got out of the way, I’m apparently a sucker and a whole new wave of people pushed in and then they swapped the signs. What a mess, lol

yeah right

Christ that was horrifying.

SKOL motherfuckers!

King Hippo

Does your team confuse you as much as it does me?

yeah right

Not really. I know exactly who they are and it doesn’t bode well for long term playoff success.

yeah right

Our defense is atrocious but gets the big stops. Not an easy watch.

Redshirt

Chase, we have the KC Chiefs stunned and on the ropes. Why are you taunting them and getting them angry?

litre_cola

Seems your cooch was saying the exact same thing.

Gumbygirl

Redshirt doesn’t have a cooch. Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina.

litre_cola

HE CAN HAVE WHATEVER HE WANTS!

King Hippo

NEVAR COMMIT A MICROAGGRESSION AGAINST A MAGICAL PONY!!

Redshirt

That wasn’t Roughing the Passer, its just the NFL can’t afford to lose any more starting QBs today.

litre_cola

Who is San Fran and RAMMITs 3rd string QBs??? The nation must know.

Doktor Zymm

Whoever is at the game should check under their seat to see if they’re the lucky new starter!

Doktor Zymm

Wow, a LOT of people on this flight bought duty free

TheRevanchist

Chargers just scored on a Pick 6. At least someone is able to score here

Redshirt

Nice DB play by Mahones. If that LB got the pick off the tip, he may go the other way.

Brick Meathook

I think it would be more interesting if the Seahawks-Rams and the Raiders-Chargers games were both played in SoFi Stadium at the same time.

Horatio Cornblower

I was watching some of the Giants game while I was the gym using the elliptical, and I’d say that’s about as close as Brian Daboll has been to either one of those things in quite some time.

TheRevanchist

Instead of the Chiefs game, I have the punishment of having the Raiders-Chargers. What kind of hell are we living in?!

Redshirt

God hates California, Western Nevada and Southern Oregon, and extreme Southwest Arizona, I guess

13-CBS-L-V2.png (1280×720) (usatoday.com)

TheRevanchist

I guess we deserve it.

King Hippo

too much buggery!

ballsofsteelandfury

/ raises hand

My bad!

Horatio Cornblower

/Hands you a wet nap for that hand

Doktor Zymm

Hey, at least you don’t have to live anywhere near Kansas

litre_cola

But they throw the best parties.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5ZJui3aPoQ

King Hippo

As much as I hate the Packers winning…man, was that WatsonDOWN ever a savioUr

litre_cola

Why. Don’t. The. Games. Start. At. The. Same. Time???????

King Hippo

Broadcast doubleheader games kickoff at 4:25. Regional “single late” games go at 4:05.

litre_cola

That is dumb. Start em all at 4:30

Doktor Zymm

Shush you, I don’t want dead red zone air during simultaneous half times!

Mr. Ayo

Brock Purdy sighting!

King Hippo

yew got a Purdy mouth, boy!

TheRevanchist

He hasn’t been good so far.

litre_cola

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Redshirt

(Training Camp)

Purdy: “Coach, can I get some reps?”
Shanahan: “Did I give you permission to talk to me?!”
(Purdy walks back to the bench)