Welcome back! That was a glorious couple of footy games yesterday, wasn’t it? Let’s try the other kind on for size.
To The Games!
Jets/Bills:
Allen played like garbage the last time these two met as New York’s zone defense befuddled him quite a bit. Against zone looks he was 11-23 with no TD’s and 2 interceptions. For all the hoopla surrounding that Jets D, they’ve not yet generated a score.
Browns/Bengals:
During their ascendance Cincy has taken care of the Steelers and Ravens but continue to have problems with Cleveland, having lost 5 straight to them. If they get over the hump today their chances of making the playoffs rise to 93%. The biggest beneficiary of Watson’s return? Amari’s target rate jumped to 43%.
Texans/Cowboys:
It’s not the kind Andy likes at Xmas time but it is a large spread-17.5 to be exact. Since Dak got back Dallas’ margin of victory has been 19 points. Does anyone dare call this impending travesty the “Battle” of Texas?
Vikes/Lions:
Please-no talk of a Hockenson revenge game-everything worked out for everyone. It’s just not a thing. The o/u is 51.5 and the last time these fellas played they were beyond that number before the beginning of the 4th. Goff is an ‘inside’ type of guy-in domes he averages 19 fantasy points, outside that total drops to 9.
Ravens/Steelers:
Huntley will likely be in for Lamar and the former ran for 72 against Pitt last year. Pickett hasn’t set the world on fire but he also hasn’t turned the ball over in four consecutive tilts. That could change though because Baltimore has generated a turnover in four straight games.
Eagles/Giants:
Warning: This might get ugly. Philly is (literally) running on all cylinders and the Giants are 26th against the rush. They’re also 2-4-1 vs teams that have a record above .500. Maybe they’ll get lucky and Philly will be looking ahead to next week’s battle against (checks the schedule) uh, Chicago?
Jags/Titans:
The King is slumping at the wrong time and so therefore the Titans are as well, having lost 3 of their last 5. This should be the old ‘get right’ game because Henry has scored 12 TD’s in his last six games vs the Jags.
That’s it-now it’s you.
THESE DETROIT LIONS, I CALL THEM AN ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION AFTERMATH BECAUSE THEY JUST GOT DONE FUCKING COUSINS AND NOW THEY’RE GOING HOME.
Parlay Status Holding:
Min-Det Over 51.5 ✅
NYJ +9.5 ✅
CIN -5.5 ✅
Cowboys Win✅
Panthers +3.5
Not gonna lie-I thought that Campbell’s over-the-top bravado was a cover for him being in over his head. I was very wrong.
Tony Romo being charitable after referring to them as “not the same old Jets” after a stupid fourth-down penalty cost them seven points in the first half.
Fucking Dallas gave me a heart attack today. Stupid fucking team.
Stupid Dallas, should never have been this close. Watch the Defense give up a FG
oops, its a 4 point game, TD to win it
Math is hard.
Those silly Vegas oddsmakers, making the Lions a favorite despite the fact they had a losing record and were playing a team that had an 11-2 record.
Zeke determined to get that extra bowl of lead paint chips
And now we play “what is a catch” again
Hopefully Railyard Jim has kept a close eye on Lovie’s bundle. He will be back right soon.
If Railyard Jim helps himself to those acorns in Lovie’s bundle would you blame him.
A man got to have a code, homey
Cue the Cowboys comeback.
You’re watching gay porn again, aren’t you?
Never stop.
What the fuck was that? Texans had that
That’s a squandering, 500’s.
Been getting the house ready for Christmas and finally finished. Just tuning into the games now.
How the fuck are the Cowboys losing to a team that doesn’t exist?
Boston Scott has 15 career TD’s-8 of them have come against the Giants.
edit: Boston Scott has 16 career TD’s-9 of them have come against the Giants.
We’ll always have the Jets.
That little ole team from Texas!
The sudden realization in the voices when the clock stopped for the two-minute warning demonstrates they really are drunk/stoned and thought it was the third quarter.
Just the dumbest team
Get a gender, Cowfreaks!
I love, love, love that I wasn’t looking at the TV and was alerted to the arrival of BLAPPT by the sound alone.
I love a good safety. What a play!
(post-game press conference)
Reporter: “With Chase’s impressive stats today, did you ever consider increasing coverage on Chase with Higgins and Boyd were out of the game?”
Stefanski: “They were out of the game?!”
Stefanski does a fantastic Urban Meyer impression at parties.
Gropes the wrong women and kicks others?
That and he coasts on past successes.
I’m convinced Stillers radio thinks this match is in the third quarter.
Mike White’s favorite album after his trip to the locker room:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLAnAnXziok&list=PLX66jEixZe1wCNWB6ef3qBWOV5DMrQc2H
“Too High to Die” is the name of the album.
“Not co-signed.”
-The cover band ‘Icarus’.
Time for round 2 of trivia, might also get a martini, back in a bit!
Remember, the answer is never lupus.
Stillers radio is strangely excited for this Truthbisket drive while trailing by nine with less than three minutes left.
Alcohol?
Wouldn’t be the first time Watson forced one of his balls into hands where they didn’t belong.
I’m pro-this for banner
Say it taint so, Deshaun!
Someone tell that Bengals guy to buckle his damn helmet
Desean is going to need a massage after that hit.
Is Justin Jackson related to Justin Jefferson?
I am gonna lose with Jefferson AND Engram. Who have like 375 yards combined
Impressive!
Finding New Ways To Lose: A History of the Democratic Party in the South.
/nods as a Southern Demmycrat