Hello folks, you certainly can tell it’s the holiday season what with all tilts tilting. Yesterday was a lovely day and there’s more on the way including a World Cup finale, in case you’ve been living in a boxcar with an ex-NFL coach.

To The Games!

France/Messi-ites:

I don’t know enough about soccer to say anything of note. Onwards!

Eagles/Bears:

Dallas Poptart looked like he was a go but he ain’t. The Bears 2nd-leading sacker is the Ravens Roquan Smith-in first is no one you know with a measly 3. The Eagles offense is third overall and the D is second. This is another game that could get Messi. [I can hear the groans]

Falcons/Saints:

Dalton’s advice to rook qb Desmond Ridder, “Hey kid, you don’t have to set the world on fire, you can just be boringly competent, that get’s the job done as well. I’ve made over 90 million bucks doing just that.”

Lions/Jets:

Ordinarily Zach might think that a reboot vs Detroit would be ideal but these aren’t your mother’s friend’s Lions, no sir. During the last six games the D has turned things around, allowing totals of 9, 18, 14 and 23 points while the O continues to hum along with scores of 31, 31, 40 and 34.

Steelers/Panthers:

Carolina is within one game of 1st in the ball-draggingly bad NFC South and the Bucs have to play the Bengals in the later window. ALL HAIL MODERATE LEVELS OF CHAOS! For that reason I’m backing Los Gatos. Will I watch? Hell no. Sorry Steelers, you’re yinz the way.

Cowboys/Jags:

This game is sponsored by Chimay Brewery because it was brewed by Trappist monks and this feels like the trappiest of all trap games. Every year Dallas is good for a disappointing head-scratcher of a loss. What say you? Does it happen here or in the first round of the playoffs?

Chiefs/Texans:

There should be no need of a coin flip, Patty should just offer the ball to Houston-“Here, go on, you have it to start, it doesn’t matter”. I expect to see a bunch of vulturedowns as Andy empties his bench in the 2nd half…of the 2nd quarter.

Have at it.