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Your “Looking Elsewhere For Inspiration” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL Nuggets:

  • The Seahawks traded Nick Vannett to the Steelers for a fifth-round pick in 2020.
    • The Steelers were down a tight end after Vance McDonald hurt himself against the Niners.
      • The trade gives the Seahawks an expected 10 picks in the 2020 draft.
    • The Seahawks then signed Raiders castoff & former Seahawk Luke Willson to offset the move.
      • Willson announced his return in quality meme style.

  • Multiple sources report Melvin Gordon will be ending his holdout soon.
    • He has to report by November 29th in order to accrue a year for free agency.
    • NFL Network shill Ian Rapoport says it will likely be for next week’s Chargers home game versus the Broncos.
      • This week they play the Dolphins, and Philip Rivers’ eight children are expected to lineup alongside Mike Pouncey and the ghost of Antonio Gates.
The baby plays right guard!
  • The pundits are after Jalen Ramsey for his “injuries” and “illnesses”.
    • Yesterday he missed practice because of the flu.
    • Today he has “back” and “hamstring” issues.
    • All stories about him come alongside gifs or YouTubes of fake injuries from movies, like the “broken arm” from Caddyshack.
      • And Twitter had a bunch as well.

Actually, Twitter was a #content goldmine today. There was a brand new Giants cartoon about the passing of the QB torch by good friend of the site Draw Play Dave:

and one of my favourite follows, Super 70s Sports, had what I consider to be a perfect tweet.

Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Yankees at Rays – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Orioles at Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Athletics at Angels – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NCAA:
    • Women’s College Volleyball:
      • West By-God Virginia at Texas Tech – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Michigan State at Penn State – 8:00PM | FS1
      • TCU at Oklahoma – 9:00PM | ESPNU
  • Futbol:
    • MLS:
      • NYCFC vs. Atlanta – 7:00PM | TSN5
    • NWSL Soccer:
      • Houston Dash vs. Washington Spirit – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN5
    • Liga MX Soccer:
      • Tijuana vs. Monarcas Morelia – 10:00PM | FS1
  • Rugby World Cup:
    • Italy vs. Canada – 3:45AM | TSN / NBCSN
    • England vs. USA – 6:45AM | TSN / NBCSN
  • NHL Preseason:
    • Ottawa at Vancouver – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1

And as an FYI – Hockey season starts up one week today, and I am taking submissions to include in the Conference write-ups. If you have a favourite, or not, NHL team, send me a paragraph about them to beerguyrob at gmail dot com and I will include it in next week’s preview articles.

Finally, if none of the above tickles your fancy, how’s about being inspired to watch the season premiere of “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia”?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhbcZluEDNs

That’s good watchin’!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Anyone here awake and watching the U.S. rugby team get wrecked?

2
Sharkbait

I was. Oof.

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yeah right

I propose an all 80’s night this sexy Friday.

Just a thought.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NSOSO3Fv3k

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Unsurprised

Funny:

“What color was the ground after Custers last stand? White, the Indians kept coming and coming.”

1
Unsurprised

Fat Humps really living up to the name

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rockingdog

found a funny:
ME: isn’t this great??
WIFE: not really
ME: *looks down from the top bunk* what’s wrong

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Viva La Tabula Raza

As a fat guy, I always hated the top bunk. What a pain in the ass to ingress and egress. Needed a thunder jug for high beer-consumption nights, otherwise you were climbing up and down like Kong on the Empire State Bldg all fucking night.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m a skinny guy (“more or less”, according to my doctor) and as soon as I became a drunken mess (approximately midway through the first semester of my sophomore year of college) I realized that having to climb a ladder to get into bed was a dumb fucking idea.

2
Unsurprised

That’s how Danger Guerrero (the blogger) got paralyzed.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Tomorrow is a telework day, which means I get to sleep till 630 or 7 instead of awakening at 4 to drive to the orifice. On telecommute days, as soon as I wake up, I’m already at work. And without any pants on, even!
In view of that, I think I will have another dose of this Glenmorangie Nectar of the HIghlands and load another bowl.
I kinda like slow nights here at DFO, I don’t have to struggle to keep up and some interesting subjects are often broached, such as the Python tonight, and you know your comment is probably going to actually be read because everyone isn’t watching 8 or 9 different ballgames at once and 8 comments get posted every goddam minute. Vive la difference!

Saw on the 506 today that due to Cowboys being on Sunday night, and Texans playing Carolina on Fucks, I get to watch the battle of the undefeated AFC East juggernauts all the way down heah in South Texas in the comfort of my reefer-smoking living room instead of the redneck-infused sports bar or my Republican fellow Patriots fan co-worker’s NFL-Ticket-having TV room. Excelsior!

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Sharkbait

Fuck yeah working from home. Watch the footy tomorrow morning!

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m going to get elective torn tendon repair surgery on my foot just so I can work from home for three months.

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Sharkbait

Yikes. Hope you have a speedy recovery!

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Fuck that, I hope it keeps me out of the office for a fucking year or two. Come on complications!! (I have a 74 mile daily round trip commute)

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FWIW I read pretty much every comment here.

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ballsofsteelandfury

As do I

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

This is bullshit. The full-sized video is 640×444. It’s a shame youtube made ripping audio so hard for that last one I made with music.

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/BronzeYawningAnophelesmosquito-mobile.mp4

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SonOfSpam

I just scrolled down…

Does one of the commentists have a dick tattoo?

And is it wrong to think that (while I would never) it’s sorta cool?

No, don’t wanna see it.

But still.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

The dick tattoo is only really cool if it’s self-inflicted.
Self-Inflicted Dick Tattoo would be a nice band name.

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SonOfSpam

Yeah, a Forced Dick Tattoo (also a good folk-numetal band name) is not cool.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, I was thinking along the lines that “self-inflicted” implied that you did it to yourself, rather than voluntarily had a professional do it when you were drunk (rather than under some duress from outside forces or peer pressure).

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know the old joke about the guy who tells his buddy he wants to get a tattoo of a hundred dollar bill on his dick? His buddy keeps begging him to tell him why and the guy keeps refusing. And then eventually the buddy offers to PAY for the dick tattoo if he’ll just explain why. So the guy says

Spoiler

There are three reasons I want to get a $100 tattooed on my dick:

1) I like to play with my money
2) I like to watch my money grow and
3) The next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay at home.

4
yeah right

I prefer the old joke were the elder nurse exclaims she saw a man with a penis tattoo that read “Swan” then the younger more attractive nurse replies “That’s funny, when I read it it said “Saskatchewan”.

Jesus I’m stealing my Dad’s jokes.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

THAT one sure goes to 11.

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Brick Meathook

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Viva La Tabula Raza

As I usually am when I participate here, I was drinking recently and got some suggestions from other commenters, none of whom I can remember who provided the advice. Anywhere, here are the results:

Somebody suggested that I try an 8 y-o Glenmorangie that I could find for mid-30’s for a bottle.
Somebody alerted me to the existence of a weighty tome about the auto industry by David Halberstam.

REPORT:
Could not find 8 y-o Glenmorangie, but found a bottle of 10-yo for $32.
Downloaded Halberstam book, and am reading between visits here, and sipping the Glenmorangie. It’s a DFO-recommended night, I guess. Book is everything I love about the author’s deep-dive histories, and the whiskey is beddy beddy good..

I apologize for not remembering the names of the commentists who provided the suggestions, but thank you for your input!

4
Gratliff

What the fuck is this Cake show? I hate this.

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SonOfSpam

Watching the whole thing?

Going The Distance?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have to up-vote your down-vote for hating the cake and the genre in general. Cheers.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I tried an Impossible Whopper tonight. It was fine. I also tried chicken fries, and they sucked.

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Gratliff

It’s as good as a veggie burger gets which is just above a garbage actual burger.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Honestly with all the Whopper trimmings I barely noticed any change in taste or texture of the burger.

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herodotus450

Hamburgers maed out of vegetables? French Fried potatoes made out of meat? What a country!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is going to send me to sleep* with a smile on my face.

*”sleep” as it would be defined by Blackout Brett Kavanaugh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Last month while visiting the ancestral homeland, I was strong-armed into going to a vegan restaurant right there by Brown Uni and RI School of Design (home of Talking Heads!) on the Providence River in Providence, Rhode Island. As you might guess because of it’s collegiate location, the place was chock full of nose rings, eyebrow rings, bizarre tats, earlobe gauges, bizarre hairstyles, etc etc.
I got the New Burger, https://www.matthewkenneycuisine.com/new-burger, as did my cousin, her husband, and my old girlfriend, who is most definitely a New England Crunchy Granola type who approves of all things vegetabilian.
We all agreed that for the 15 bucks per burger, we got fucked. They tried too hard in formulating the recipe to make it taste like a good beef burger that they neglected the texture, which was like eating fucking play-doh.
Since due to that surgery I had, I can’t eat very much food at any one sitting anymore, I have decided that I will henceforth just go ahead and order the worst fucking thing health-wise on the menu, because I can’t each much more than a few bites of it anyway.

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jjfozz

Current situation: Mrs. Fozz is away. Middle Fozz Spawn announced we have to read three chapters of some book. I have been drinking Knob Creek Rye 100 Proof since we got home around 9. Soooo, I guess I gotta read shit with y kid. bbourble fore 5 engaged! Christ help me.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Drunk History is a good show.

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SonOfSpam

IT REALLY IS.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

So, Mid Fozz Spawn’s instructor has the power to assign YOU homework? That doesn’t seem right, or maybe I am misreading the situation.

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Gratliff

Too many goofy assignments now require parent participation. Had to record my kid doing a project for some fucking reason and I spent the whole thing wondering if throwing it at him midway through would be funny enough for the teacher to not report it to CPS

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Unsurprised

There’s only one way to find out.

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jjfozz

Yes, fuck THAT shit. I was readin thte Giver to him and fallling alssep. Guess too much Knob Creek, but fuck it. I had to do my own work growing’ up the nuns didnt’ go fro the “parent assitsnace” shit. Ah, fuck it, love my kids so i guess i can read to them. gotta dig up the old penthouse forums, nowhtere’s some knolwedge!

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, I never thought this would actually happen to me, but…

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Brick Meathook

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jjfozz

Stalingrad was not alot of fun. Rats for dinner, bread made out of sawdust, more rats, and then maybe you lunch down on your cousin. Fuck the Nazis.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Actually, I understand from my readings that what you describe was not a Stalingrad-specific thing, but occurred throughout the USSR during the 1920s and 30s as well.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Every place knows how to party.”

-Some dudes at The Battle of the Somme

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

So, are you saying that Stalingrad was not fun?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

#meloveyoulongtimegeeeye.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

You are giving me Subic Bay PTSD, please stop.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pussy Transmitted Sexual Disease.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Absolutely.

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Gratliff

Few things are as predictable as the chud responses to Drew’s righteous indignation:
https://gen.medium.com/i-am-the-intolerant-left-bd213703faeb

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SonOfSpam

(Ice Cube voice) Today was a good day.

(same voice) Fuck the police.

What I’m saying is, I’m Ice Cube.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Wow, that was like standing in front of an open blast furnace.

KInda felt like this guy, reading that.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

#mesohawrnaybaby

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I guess my firewall is blocking the jpg/wmv/etc that you must surely have posted.

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Gratliff

oh shit always sunny’s on for the 3 of us with FXX

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Getting off the small screen for the big, this must have been the most difficult scene to ever film in the history of cinema, especially from 2 minutes onward. Those poor bastards must have had to do a million takes with all the extras cracking the fuck up. Fucking Palin should have gotten a Bafta AND an Oscar.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kx_G2a2hL6U

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Senor Weaselo

They were told if they cracked they weren’t going to get paid to make it more obvious they were holding it in. (They did get paid, I think.)

2
Sharkbait

I always thought Meaning of Life was underrated:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoBTsMJ4jNk

Fun Fact: The “I didnt even eat the mousse” line was ad libbed.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Always the least favorite of mine of the three cinematic releases, but still a fucking magnificent film. Some real spots of brilliance.
Like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Svd3erUXPI

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

One of my favorites of all time, just because every sperm is sacred.

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Gratliff

On the last season of Community now and it has Matthew Berry and I don’t know why. Things are a bit nutty now.

1
Sharkbait

One of my favorites from the show:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpAvcGcEc0k

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ballsofsteelandfury

So good.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This might be my favorite tweet of the day. Anyone that can embed tweets, do your magic:

https://twitter.com/LarryNoble_DC/status/1176980507667652608?s=19

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Thanks. The whole thread is good but the godfather gif nails it

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The one guys predicts that the left will elect a depot; this may be true. Like trailer depot.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Physiology; a place where body products not actively involved in metabolic processes are accumulated, deposited, or stored.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Still one of my favourites:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92vV3QGagck

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Sharkbait

Fucking classic!

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ballsofsteelandfury

“And Marx claims it was offsides” still cracks me the fuck up.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve always thought that the appeal of the vast majority of MPFC’s TV work is that it is not totally hooked into the time it was created, and has aged well. Not a lot of references to contemporary events, which is the problem with trying to watch old episodes of most American comedy sketch shows (SNL, MAD TV, etc). I would guess that a lot of younger people can get behind MPFC because of the non-temporality of their jokes where they go WTF? to references made in a 1980s SNL. That’s part of the reason I think they can edit those SNL episodes from 90 down to 30 minutes, including musical performance.

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Brick Meathook

I’m going to crop this and it’s going to be the cover of the debut album of the band I am going to form the day after tomorrow:

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a great picture.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Crop it down to the northwest quadrant in order to maximize enigmaticness.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

That album title: Where the Streets Have a Massive Cock

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Brick Meathook

Steppin’ On Me Own Pecker by Brick Meathook and his Five Troubadours

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Brick Meathook

Ziggy Moondust and the Spiders From Pluto by Brick Meathook and his Royal Canadians

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I like Brick Meathook and The Tattered Foreskins

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Brick Meathook

When I was in the Navy there was a doctor who would find all the uncircumcised guys and he would circumcise them. He would sew all the foreskins together and make wallets. When you rubbed them they turned into suitcases.

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

If you were actually in the Navy, you would have introduced that sea story with, “This is a no-shitter.”
I had a minesweep tattooed on my dick during a liberty call in Hong Kong; when I get a hard-on it turns into USS Carl Vinson.

2
ArmedandHammered

The kids who survived having Tebow’s hand slip ?

2
Sharkbait

So who is waking up at 630 eastern tomorrow to watch the USA Eagles get curb stomped by England in the Footy?

Just me? Fine. More Kahlua coffee for me thank you very much.

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ballsofsteelandfury

You mean 3:30?

I’l be up at 4:30…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, if it were 6:30 PST I’d be right there with you.

1
scotchnaut

How did you find Monty Python?

/I was watching a PBS channel late at night and saw boobs. I wanted to see more boobs and then I saw the recreation of the Battle of Pearl Harbor (I think) by that women’s club. I couldn’t stop laughing at the complete absurdity of it.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

It was about 1975 for me. Living in Southern California. On LA PBS station, they would show a couple episodes every Saturday night. I was 15 or 16, grass had just swept the neighborhood, and that shit was a revelation. I have no recollection whatsoever of which episode or skit was the first I ever saw, but it was a life/gamechanger. I do remember seeing Holy Grail, uncut, on the PBS affiliate in San Antonio a year or so later, and was pretty shocked that they would broadcast such a thing here in the heart of the 13th century and thinking “Maybe it won’t be as bad as I thought when I found out we were moving here from my beloved Redlands CA.”
Ron Howard voice: “It was.”

1
Brick Meathook

All the PBS stations were afraid of Monty Python when it was first offered to them; they thought it was brilliant but too “out there“ for their viewers. This included stations in Boston, New York, Washington, etc. The PBS station in Dallas was the first one in the U.S. to air it and it was a hit so all the others followed.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I like the fact that even my born-in-1937 old man dug the shit out of it too (well, he is the guy that turned 6 year old me on to Tom Lehrer and 11 year old me on to the National Lampoon). In 1979 he was a freshly retired 24-year square-ass Air Force officer who had just started getting high with me and sitting down and watching funny shit on the VCR, including Python stuff. Hell, he bought this at significant cost several years ago and still sits down with it on occasion (although at 82, he has stopped smoking the weed but still consumes an abnormal amount of gin and whiskey on a daily basis).
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Petronel

Just arrived at grandparents’ house with parents (I couldn’t have been more than eight, so late 70s or so). Sat down by the TV while the adults were talking, and on TV was a B&W picture of a tree, unmoving. Then, a voice intoning…

“The Larch. The…LARCH.”

It was the most absurd thing I’d ever heard – and the funniest. I had no idea what the hell was going on, but I knew that I LOVED it. Couldn’t get enough of Python after that. Several years later, I figured out how to program a VCR just to tape it because, for some reason, we couldn’t get it, but the neighbors for whom I housesat for a week could.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

I loved that one too. What the fuck is a larch, I wondered.

1
Sharkbait

My parents showed my Holy Grail when I was 7th or 8th grade and I was hooked from there.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Do you think Rivers is once of those assholes that desperately wanted sons and kept getting girls so he keeps having kids trying to even the count?

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I doubt if that’s the only kind of asshole he is.

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Brick Meathook

My grandmother had six kids and became widow. She married my grandfather, a widower with six kids of his own. Together they had six more kids. My mother was the youngest. I had a first cousin who was born in 1928.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I hope i”m the first one in with the Brick Meathook as Brady Bunch descendant joke. Pretty slow here tonight so maybe?

3
Brick Meathook

My grandparents put The Brady Bunch to shame. My grandmother was squirting out kids every nine months.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=fUspLVStPbk

2
Redshirt

Head Coach: “This is a long season, but you can’t be timid. You have to be able bare your soul! Your heart! Your everything! In order to survive. Do you understand?”
Tarik Cohen: “Perfectly, Coach!”

https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/bears-running-back-accidentally-shares-locker-room-video-of-naked-teammate-on-social-media/

2
scotchnaut

/watching Monty Python

//its the Dead Parrot thingy

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Redshirt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkxCHybM6Ek

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Hard to believe that the 50th anniversary of that show’s first airing on the BBC is only 10 days off (5 October 1969). That comedy troupe, the National Lampoon magazine Mad Magazine, and Tom Lehrer all seriously warped/influenced my sense of humour.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

THINGY!

Third Official: Well most things we do for pleasure nowadays are taxed, except one.
Politician: What do you mean?
Third Official: Well, er, smoking’s been taxed, drinking’s been taxed but not … thingy.
Politician: Good Lord, you’re not suggesting we should tax… thingy?
First Official: Poo poo’s?
Third Official: No.
Second Official: Number ones?
Third Official: No, thingy.
Politician: Thingy!
Second Official: Ah, thingy. Well it’ll certainly make chartered accountancy a much more interesting job.

Not sure if these Daily Motion things work the same as Youtube. We shall see

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2zhtlz

Edit: Apparently not.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why Luke Willson and not Owen? He’s so hot right now.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Here’s my Kings hockey season preview:

It will be a long long long long long long long long long year.

1
Sharkbait

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Sharkbait

No, I’m not still bitter about being downsized by their AHL team out of college, or LA beating New York in the 2014 final. Why do you ask?

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

You’d figure that Jeff Lebowski, being a denizen of Los Angeles (hard “g” there, fellas), would in fact be a fan of the Kings.

1
scotchnaut

Over the last two days I have urinated off the front porch more than 10 times. AMA.

1
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Can you stop doing that? Or at least stop eating asparagus” – Your downstairs neighbors

4
scotchnaut

I don’t live in your country. You have an entirely separate problem.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, the leader of the country is pissing on our back and telling us it’s raining, and half the idiots in this country are buying it. Actually, the vast majority of idiots are nodding their heads, the rest of us are looking on in fascinated horror.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

What are you aiming at?

2
LemonJello

Does that throw the cadaver dogs off scent?

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Still can’t spell your name right

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Fucking Bomb Pops. When I was a kid they were huge, like the one Eli has up there in the cartoon, 2 or 2-1/2 inches in diameter. I bought a box of sugar free Bomb Pops after my surgery because it was recommended by the bariatric clinic as a low-penalty snack (sugar free popsicles in general, not Bomb Pops specifically). Goddam things were maybe half the diameter of the ones that you could get from the Good Humor truck back in the day. Even the picture on the box made it look like they were still the huge ones. What a fucking ripoff.

2
Col. Duke LaCross

Yuuuuup.

0
scotchnaut

World Rugby Cup: England vs. USA*

*sponsored by the good folks at A Boot Stamping On Your Face Forever

2
Senor Weaselo

Oceania rugby has always been in a scrum with Eastasia rugby.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is there anything sexier than a woman with nicely toned arms in a tank top driving a forklift around? Sure, plenty of things, but none of those are visible from where I’m sitting.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Gratliff

Underrated aspect of working in a warehouse without AC

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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BOLTMAN IS ENRAGED AND DEMANDS VENGEANCE FOR THE HERETIC GORDON ENDING HIS REFUSAL OF SPANOI MONEY! THE EMPTY CAVERNS OF CARSON WILL RUN RED WITH THE BLOOD OF THE UNWORTHY AND HIS SINEW WILL BE USED TO FLOSS THE RAW MEAT FROM BOLTMAN’S PEARLY WHITES! [Fires a human head out of a t-shirt cannon and then runs and slides forward into an air guitar of Electric Eye] OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH YYYYYYEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Dude looks like he was surgically altered in order to excel at jai alai or possibly lacrosse in that photo.

2
Senor Weaselo

The Mesoamerican ball game. More human sacrifice.
/Texts Hermana Weaselo that “Mayan Ballgame” would be a terrible name for a drag queen

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Senor Weaselo

Sorry, that’s to Tabula Raza below

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Mayan Ballgame might be a good pornhub search term for BallsoSaF, though.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Done!

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