Keeping It Holy – Slave LaboUr Cup Final Open Thread

Buenos días, mes ami(e)s invisibles. This final I call it… Spectacular.

France was the class of the tournament, which was surprising. The team is different from the 2018 Champions. No Kanté, no Pogba this time around, as well as others who shall not be named because of deadline restrictions. Benzema was in, then out because of injury, then seemingly in good shape to play for Real Madrid in a friendly last week. Right after France’s semifinal win, coach Didier Deschamps was asked: “Will Benzema join the squad for the final and, if so, will he play over 20 minutes–please be clear because I need this parlay to buy a plane ticket back.” Deschamps said he will not answer that question, adding “Next question. I do apologize,” which is a month’s worth of humility for any Frenchman. Well, OK. Benzema is still on Les Bleus players’ list and was not substituted, but has not played a minute of this Mundial because of injury. How ‘va, France has looked as the best team in the tournament. Plugging a parachuting Benzema into a WORLD CUP FINAL because he looked fine on a friendly with Real Madrid is madness. You know, the kind of thing Argentina definitivamente would do with its own Ballon D’Or winner in that situation.

Deschamps got asked again yesterday about Benzema because press and narratives go together like vultures with whips and dead horses. A visibly pissed Deschamps said “Tomorrow we’ll be 24”, referring to a Bleus squad minus Benzema, not being all Kiefer Sutherland kicking Argentine ass and violating their civil rights. One of Real Madrid’s house organs reported that Benzema will return his Mundial champion medal if it happens, but no mention on whether the 400,000 euros champion check will also be retur–

Argentina, Dios mío. The mood in Argentina at the start of the tournament was dread that La Albiceleste will not get their third championship during this World Cup. No mirth, just taking for granted that Argentina will win another championship some time because of its obvious superiority–just not, you know, this year. It really takes balls to be this fucking arrogant.

The first game was the shocking 2-1 loss to Saudi Arabia. From then on, every game played by Argentina was a final. The haters point to México – Poland – Australia – Netherlands – Croatia hardly being a gauntlet. Moar like a, a… Argentine #1 foam hand amirite? The alternative to Croatia was Brazil, and The Neds are a buncha malcontents, but a great team. The aided by penalties narrative has also gotten traction, particularly the early penno granted to Argentina in the Croatia game. Look at the penalty awarded to Ghana against Uruguay in the first half and compare it with the one earned by Julián Alvarez (Man City) against Croatia. Intelligent and informed folks can disagree, but you’re either for or against both penalties.

Argentina won being in the final on performance. Neither Brazil or Croatia are pushovers. And if it had been Brazil, bof: Argentina has owned Brasil since 2020. In this Mundial, Alvarez has started four games and scored four goals. Argentina’s goalie, Dibu Martínez, went to Russia 2018 as a spectator. Afterwards, he has been spotted doing the Sam Cassell balls dance during PK shootouts in South American competitions. At the Mundial, he stopped The Neds’ first two penalties in the shootout.

In the 1990 World Cup, Argentina lost its first group game against Cameroon. When they got back to the hotel, coach Carlos Bilardo shouted at all the players and staff that, if Argentina got eliminated in the first round, he was gonna burst into the cockpit and crash the plane because death was a better fate than the humiliation of leaving Argentina as defending champion and returning after elimination in group play. That team reached that final, against WEST Germany, but lost after a late, pretty bogus penalty against ARG.

The last time Argentina reached the final was in 2014, against PLAIN Germany. Argentina lost 1-0 in extra time on a wonder goal by Mario Gotze, but ARG had by far the best chances and could not convert. The referee in this match is Polish and already worked ARG and FRA games this tournament. He was born on the same day as the referee of the 1986 final, in which Argentina won 3-2 against WEST Germany.

“Many French vowed to boycott the World Cup. Then their team did too well,” headlines a WAPo article published yesterday. Emannuel Macron went to the France semi, lobbied for Benzema to be integrated, and will definitely be at the final. By contrast, to get to the final, Argentina’s President had to confiscate the tip jars at the Central Permits Office to fund his trip. Also taking a personal day for the final:

I want Argentina to win, but France winning does not offend me.

Predicción: This feels like a good one: ARG 3 – 2 FRA.

This should be resolved by Red Zone Muzak time. This is mandatory watching–mutedly, if you get annoyed by constant mention of someone who wasn’t named here. Go in peace.