Welcome to the dregs of 2022. Per tradition, Hippo will purposefully fall asleep before any countdown activity, unless the footy stays interesting, Lord knows it will need to outclass Meeechigan pantsing the Bloodeyes earlier. UPDATE – Hippo predicts future not so goodly. To the game!
Georgia (-5) v. tOhio State – Megatron’s Butthole/Millions of Peaches Bowl, National Semifinal #2 (8:00, ESPN)
I do have some residual qualms that everyone is overlooking the Treenutz, and that Ryan Day might be able to utilize same to spring the upset. Theeeeeee has plenty of talent, after all. But the Kirby Smart Dawgs have become the machine that Nick Saban’s Alabama have been for the past decade or so. Even with a glorified walk-on playing/overseeing QB, it’s really a roster without any holes. Make that a TWO DEEP without any real holes, and you start to grasp how difficult it is to gameplan for these, Vegas seemingly agrees, as the spread has tightened by around a point and a half. That means fuckshit, but I feel compelled to mention anyway.
Settle in and enjoy, get plenty of fluids/sleep so you don’t slack off during the first RedZone Day of 2023. Scott Muthafuckin’ Hanson is counting on y’all, consarnit.
Also, fuck NY resolutions, but if you want to share yours with the class, feel free.
Texting with my father earlier today about the Premier League and his newfound Chelsea fandom:
Dad: So there’s no way to redistribute talent, like a draft or something? Just piles of money?
Me: Now you’re getting it!
Redshirt rn
(artist’s conception)
“Oh sure, but when I deck a woman all of a sudden I’m the asshole!!!!”
-Half the NFL
I loathe these two WASPs in the GMC commercial. I hope they’re eaten by Yetis.
I’m still trying to figure out who was tending to the puppy and also who was driving the truck.
Based on the rest of the commercial I’d guess David Duke.
That may have been the greatest timeout I’ve ever seen. (punches wall)
I’ll bet Stetson Bennett Sr owned slaves
Definitely a veteran of the War of Northern Aggression.
Fireworks all around me. Probably gunshots too. Hopefully we get some rain soon and it puts a damper on the festivities! But then I’d hear even more an annoying cricket that got in when I had my windows open yesterday. My cat will get him eventually, but he is loud as fuck right now.
Oh yeah. That fucking guy.
We’re getting a ton of rain. Heading you’re way soon!
Good, I’m ready!
Plaid cakes achieved
So I was remembering that Mel tucker used to coach at Georgia, went down Google rabbit hole, and found this
That VRBO ad looked like the beginning of a slasher movie.
Considering I’m alone on NYE, I’m honestly shocked I’m still awake, especially considering the number of intoxicants I’ve consumed today.
B1G didn’t make their “donation” to the Referee Retirement Fund on time?
Their checks are as worthless as the diploma they handed to me.
ditto
Not with ESECPN matching every donation
There’s a joke about Harrison Jr’s dad and memory loss and murder, I just can’t think of it
It’d be pointless to try and follow it up; I think we’d kill the punchline if we tried.
Even though he has a massive concussion, that was not targeting because fuck those kids.
Refs have midnight reservations at a Hotlanta steakhouse.
“HURRY UP KIDS.”
I’ve just been informed he’s suffering from temporary back spasms. I apologize for the incorrect reporting.
“Thanks for the sideline update, Ayo. We’d also like to thank the great medical team working tonight, on loan from the Miami Dolphins’ training staff.”
Welcome to 1970s Officiating, where Targeting doesn’t count, and the Players’ future health concerns doesn’t matter.
Jack “The Assassin” Tatum was an Ohio State grad. Revenge best served cold
Fair enough.
OSU receiver falls asleep in 2022, wakes up in 2034.
Welp, Marvin Harrison Jr. is dead
Shouldn’t have gone near that car wash.
Nailed It!
– B. Walsh
You know, I typically don’t buy into narratives about college sports, but if ohio state makes the final having to had played one less game than michigan, I think they’d have a right to complain
Considering the entire SEC effectively plays one less game than every other conference…
UGA’s flatter than a white girl’s butt (h/t, Gravediggaz), time for snoozies.
PeyPey SINGS!
Stet-son-Ben-nett-Ain’t-No-Good
And now I’m reading about vintage food blogging. Some of this actually sounds pretty decent!
https://www.collectorsweekly.com/articles/the-1950s-most-nauseating-jell-o-soaked-recipes/
So I guess Big Organized Crime put the word out that they had the over on both of these games?
Bah Gawd, King! That’s…that’s the smell of bananacakes cooking up in the kitchen!
They’s gon’ be a world banana shortage in 2023!
The Cavendish IS having a pandemic right now
https://www.bbc.com/future/bespoke/follow-the-food/the-pandemic-threatening-bananas.html
Ah, we’ll just switch to the Potterton. Every banana has its day.
Big Mike nods
Fucking hell I knew this day would come.
Well, we survived that performance. And sometimes it be like that. I just wish it wasn’t like that when I’m concertmaster.
Okay, I’m almost sold on a visit to Louisiana.
Only problem is that in my experience Cajun food tends to be on the spicy side, and I have a stomach condition where I can’t deal with the spicy stuff.
(The condition is that I’m white as fuck)
I also have a timid Irish stomach. Just get everything mild, or at least no more than moderate, (which you will not consider moderate), and you’ll be fine. None of the native will respect you, but they’ll be far too nice to say so, and you will get the flavors anyway.
Just get everything mild,
Reminds me of a funny story:
For one of my birthdays a few years ago me and friends went to this wing joint. Going through a plate, and my friends quickly picked up on how uncomfortable I had become:
Friends: “Dude, you’re sweating and your face is turning red, those wings can’t be that hot, what flavor are they?”
Me (struggling to breath) “…. They’re mild!
A Buddy tried one and said it was a bit stronger than mild so they may have got the order wrong, but still, I was not an unstoppable warrior that night
Stick to the beignets then. It’ll still be worth it.
That’s okay you’ll be able to use the good restrooms and water fountains.
I have the same issue but I was able to eat amazing things in Louisiana just fine. Stick with po’boys, beignets, drive thru daiquiris, and creole food and you’ll be good. Cajun is where it gets spicy but if you go mild, you should be ok.
Turtle Soup isn’t spicy. I could live on that, and beignets. Places like Commanders Palace and Antoine’s aren’t crazy spicy. That fiery Cajun stuff isn’t as common in New Orleans as it is out in the bayous.
I’m not to Weaselo levels of heat but bring the heat.
And you can build up a tolerance for the heat, just start small
Substantial difference between spicy and hot. Cajun Creole cooking is spicy in the very fact that they use tons of spices but only one of them hot. Cayenne.
It’s not hot but it’s bursting with all of these creole spices that just amaze the senses.
Suddenly I’m leaning team Louisiana.
Dude. The barbecue shrimp at Dickie Brennan’s is straight fucking stupid.
With the crusty French bread?
Ohhhhh yes. All that butter.
“McConkey’s a guy who’s caught 51 balls….”
“Pfft! Amateur!”
-Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
To be considered “authentic” an L.A. Danger Dog must contain a minimum 33% Mexican drug dealer parts. The dogs are wrapped in bacon to counter the overwhelming cumin flavor.
I need to go to DTLA next week and get one. Start the year off right.
You can call 2023 the Year of Living Dangerously
If I hadn’t consumed alcohol my ass would be driving straight up the 110 and exciting 6th/9th to Fig and headed towards the Staples Center right now.
Love the Hollywood walk of fame.
ESPNews is airing a feed where its the skycam and no announcers. Its beautiful.
https://twitter.com/NoEscalators/status/1609377245243609089
I see “2022: The Sporting Year of Redshirt” is turning back into the usual “2023: Abandon All Hope, Redshirt”
Dude, we all know the common factor here
Probably should mention Pennsylvania, Philly has cheesesteaks and water ice, and the Pennsylvania Dutch are damn fine bakers. Plus the Polish influence all across the middle and western parts of the state.
Tons of Italians too. And our gas station food is le tits!
I managed a WaWa on the Jersey Shore and I can safely say that while I was on duty? Manning the deli? Running the slicer?
That was the best sub/ hoagie you ever ate.
Generous with the slice.
And fries on sandwiches! A true culinary innovation.
We invented the Klondike bar too! And chip chopped ham. It’s a thing.
And the Choco Taco! HARF HARF HARF!
The late, lamented Choco Taco. I don’t miss the rapist, obviously!
I spent 4 days in Pittsburgh. Saw 2 games at PNC and the food was really good. We stayed in the Strip and walked by Primanti’s several times but I just don’t get it.
The fries and slaw on a sandwich thing.
I had killer pierogies though.
Oh and Pat’s over Geno’s for steaks on that one street corner but Rick’s makes the best cheesesteak.
I like the fries better on a salad, also a Burgh thing.
Was there a new Geneva Convention that banned the use of defense in JV football?
Mafia gonna cash some over bets.
(pencils in the Georgia 15-yard line as my MVP vote)
That was dumb, but it’s a brand new ballgame!
Stetson Bennett IV is a name I would associate with an ill-advised charge against well-entrenched Union forces, not a football player.
Hawaii has the greatest food if you like Spam.
And mac salad.
Kalua pork is something truly special
I’m not as well-traveled as most of you, but as to best food in the US I would go Louisiana in first place overall, and I would put Florida, (not counting Key West, because that is a world unto itself), dead last.
Connecticut absolutely has the best pizza though.
I think Texas has to be in the top 3 at least.
Only been once, and the Houston-Beaumont-Port Arthur area is not what I would call a culinary hot spot.
But I clearly don’t have enough data to judge.
No question. Although their sushi game needs work and polish up the Thai food but The Lord’s own brisket makes a bold goddamn statement. Plus chicken fried steak.
They do a fine BBQ, and great sides. Creamed corn with all the cream!
I’ll give them top 5. My top three is Louisiana, Cali, and New York.
Oh shit.
Nevada.
Period.
Vegas has every top chef on the planet with a restaurant there.
Fuck. That’s hard to beat.
Number 4. Then Tejas.
THEE SUDDEN CHANGE!
Scotchy’s Sens wishing they had cancelled this game as well
Okay, how much are Ohio State losing by…what?
Yes, Herbstreit, we’re well aware of the Harrison family’s commitment to drawing first blood.
Since Dok started the conversation I’ll continue.
Best state for food in the U.S.
New York
Absolutely in the mix. Without question.
Jersey has some say so too.
New Jersey and Connecticut are “New York Adjacent”
Plus Buffalo is pretty great and it isn’t just those dumb wings
Los Angeles probably wins it all but it’s not fair so it should be disqualified.
Danger Dog > Everything else in the world
Zankhou chicken too.
Connecticut just for the pizza.
Also oysters.
If you don’t pick Louisiana, you’re on drugs.
I’m totally biased but California has everything. Seafood, fresh produce year round, Mexican food for days and every ethnicity on the planet.
Langers alone swings the vote.
We’ve got San Francisco and their cuisine and their Chinatown. We’ve got all of LA.
We’ve got San Diego and their fish and Mexican food.
That’s patently unfair.
What if I’m on drugs and pick Louisiana anyway?
Ohio is in the conversation for ice cream and ribs. Not a finalist, but worth mentioning.
I won’t bicker. Plus I love Polish and German food so feel free to make that statement.
Not sure I can pick just one. Crab cakes, Smith Island cake, and a lot of excellent Peruvian chicken places in Maryland. Plus pit beef, although I’ve never actually had that.
DC has chili halfsmokes and all the Ethiopian food.
Key Lime Pie from Florida
Chicago is a great food city, but the rest of Illinois can suck eggs
Rock Island and Moline have damn good food.
You know who needs honorable mention?
Colorado.
Killer beef and game and fresh produce and that cross over green chile thing from the New Mexico bleed over.
Lots of killer meals there.
Nailed It!
— B. Walsh
Even his Alma mater, right?
Indeed!
Legitimately want Ohio State to lose by ten thousand.
It would be even better as Herbstreit is forced to announce it.
Sure, but the next election isn’t for 2 more years.
Megatron’s butthole is appropriately the tails of the commemorative coin.
Just took the second edible. Let’s see what happens in the next 30 minutes…
“After further review, almost every Texan owns multiple guns. The play stands.”
Massive power failure here in Playa del Rey . . . main computer is on battery backup but internet router is across the room in well-thought-out scheme . . . maintaining coms through iPhone hotspot . . . fucking microwave won’t stop beeping . . . everything on battery, shutting down equipment to minimize discharge . . . surviving on peanut butter and bottled water, not forced to drink urine yet . . . oxygen levels are dropping, but it’s the CO2 buildup that gets you – monitoring this closely before resorting to emergency air breathing devices . . . getting weaker now, both myself and the batteries . . . air is thick with a miasma of death . . . tell my ex that I still hate her . . . estimate that power has been off for a week now, possibly more . . . time has no meaning in a world of clocks that flash 00:00 . . .
Thoughts and prayers.
The B1G Conference getting their shit pushed in in a bowl game. A tradition like no other…
Hello, friends.