The very last multiple days doubleheader weekend is upon us but we should be grateful because all the matchups look really good or at least interesting. Will I avoid day-drinking so that I can watch the night game? YOU BET!
To The Game!
Jags/Chiefs:
-Much like the Giants the Jags are playing with the proverbial house money, far exceeding their own and everyone else’s expectations. Though they can improve, this season has been a raging success by any metric one can imagine.
-Much is being made of Chris Jones being sackless in all the playoff games he’s played in. (kinda hard to imagine, tbh) But the edge fella that might end up being the most disruptive is rook George Karlaftis. He was very slow off the mark at the beginning of the season but has 5.5 sackaroos in the last 7 games.
-Bad News Aplenty: Speaking of defensive players struggling, let’s shine a light on Jags rook lb Devin Lloyd, who was playing so badly in the week 10 game vs these Chiefs that he was pulled in the 2nd half. Jacksonville is dead last in the league in DVOA vs tight ends and throws to the short middle of the field. Looks to me like Kelce should have one of those 12 catch, 130 yard, 2 TD games.
-I Did Not Know This: Reid was the qb coach when Pederson was the 3rd string ball tosser for the Packers in the ’97 and ’98 seasons.
Time For Another: Four of the Jags last eight wins have required a 4th quarter comeback.
-The Guy Sees The Field Well: According to Next Gen Stats, Mahomes has successfully scrambled 119 times in a row without getting sacked. In that game back in week 10 he scrambled 5 times for 40 yards.
-Along with Karlaftis, the Chiefs will be relying on rooks in key positions that obviously have no playoff experience. Slot corner Trent McDuffie, Isiah Pacheco and 7th round cb Jaylen Watson are breaking their playoff cherry. The same is also true of Kadarius Toney who will be replacing the injured Mecole Hardman.
Have at it.
Cheerleaders just club dancin’
Fucking Collingsworth is so lazy he stopped spelling his son’s name after J-A-C.
Trevor Lawrence might be Mr. Saturday
Zombie Reid
I haven’t watched many live broadcasts this year, has Chris Simms been having chromosome issues long?
folks
My halftime challenge: The Big Turk!
I’ll report back if I survive.
Decilitre just ate a whole rack of ribs and is eyeing up another. He will be a lineman like his damn uncle.
You must be really proud.
I picked up a sweater today and had to ask my wife whether it was my mom’s (who was visiting) or his. He is 5 and so damn tall. He will end up like Gametimedecision height.
Riley Reid snakes it in
Lawrence is a grower, not a shower, is what you’re saying Cris?
“Me? I was a groomer and a shower!”
J. Sandusky, State Correctional Institution-Laurel Highlands
Hasty shovel pass there.
not a good january for kirks
Please tell me that Charlie Kirk died!
I was hoping for Kirk Cameron and a covid death.
Did Cameron die of an Ivermectin overdose?
/crosses fingers
Kirk going for the double axe handled catching attempt
Kirk has to catch that.
Yup. That was embarrassing.
Totally redeemed!
I remember dropping a pass like that in elementary school and I *still* haven’t forgiven myself.
Love how Urban Meyer is so toxic that even Collinsworth will shit on him.
I know I’m late but please tell me we’re making Shatley jokes. There have to be loads.
Shatloads.
Thought the page would be smeared with them
Of course his number is 69!
You have to figure after last week the Jaguars won’t even blink at a 10 point deficit.
Scotchy was a bit pessimistic on Kelce. He already has 10 receptions and 2 TDs.
Crowd: “Henne! Henne! Henne!”
A. Reid: “Oh for Christ sake! It’s PENNE!”
Hen? Ne!
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QUARTERBACK CONTROVERSY
a chad henne 98 yard touchdown drive
send the afc south to hell
Reid: “Go to the locker room, Patrick.”
Mahomes: “Halftime, coach. We can deal with it at Halftime.”
Reid: “I will only say this once. No one. Not my quarterback. Not God Himself, will interfere with my Halftime Feeding. GET IN THE LOCKER ROOM NOW!”
Does Pachecko play Pachinko?
Great game.
Mother. Fucker.
You really gonna let Chad Henne lead a touchdown drive on you from his own 2 yard line?
I’m starting to see your point about this ridiculous streak of fortune
Usually it blows up on them in the playoffs. The only time it didn’t hold was when they won the Super Bowl, when their bad luck blew its wad too early (in the Houston game).
Henne isn’t good enough to get that call.
The Narrative is slow to react to unfolding circumstances.
Kelce is a quarterback-proof tight end.
Even the official tired of Collinsworth
I think the cornmeal is the secret to Cheezies. They have that robust texture. Hokkaido cheddar mochi puffs are the polar opposite in cheese snacks, but also delicious. None of this middle ground nonsense!
They are Canadian snack crack.
If Jacksonville can’t beat the Chad Henne-led Chiefs, they’ll never win a Super Bowl.
Harsh, but fair.
The fact they gave up a 98-yard touchdown drive to him should be back-breakingly demoralizing.
I’m already drinking, here!
Skyy seeing Lucy and diamonds after that hit.
damn, you is on fire today
The National Weather Service just issued a Severe Thunderstorm Watch and a Winter Weather Advisory for Jackson County, MO, due to a sudden drop in air pressure thanks to all the sphincters clenching shut.
‘Chad Henne’ is just such a ridiculously stereotypical 1980s name that I can never quite convince myself that he’s a real person
I still don’t think he’s a real person. I assume he’s the generic name for a backup QB when they don’t want to use the real name. Sort of like “an Alan Smithee film”
A. Nony Mouse
/shows Mahomes getting injured
Mike Tirico: “This changes the complexion of the game.”
Me: “Goddamn Mike, that’s cold and true at the same time!”
Is Andy being the adult in the room, or do they just keep the toradol/horse steroids off the sideline?
Weirdly enough, probably moreso the first. I just don’t see him being willing to gamble with Mahomes when he doesn’t have ‘win now’ pressure and has enough faith in the rest of the team to get past a Cinderella team
Definitely the first one. They showed Andy and Kermit arguing earlier on the sideline.
Although I assume that’s because Andy was drooling thinking about a frog legs dinner.
Please please please O god of the Safety Dance let Chad Henne’s first snap be worth -2 points.
I BESEECH THEE!
Step 1: Complete.
Lady Safety never comes when called, invoketh her name at your own peril!
If it’s just a Grade 1 sprain, he’ll be back in the second half after they have a chance to fully check him out
And load him up on pain killers
Just needs to have his jazz bath, he’ll be fine
One of THE NARRATOR’s favorite techniques is to use Jedi-style mind tricks to make officials ignore obvious false starts by the tackles.
Henne sighting! This may not be a drill, people.
Kermit to the locker room.
TIME TO PANIC CHEFS!
Mike Brown is gonna be pissed. He already had Duke Energy shut of the power to PayJoe Stadium for the offseason. He’s gonna be charged extra if they have to turn it back on before next season!
RGIII would like to have a word.
Or a spare ligament.
OR Hippo’s pill collection!
How they didn’t respond to Mahomes’ footsie going lame by putting a metric-tons worth of pressure on him is beyond me.
They just don’t blitz on a regular basis (came across that while doing homework for the post)-or react quickly to in-game developments.
The Chiefs accounted for it in their playcalling.
I am more nervous than an Alabama debutante running the gauntlet of cousins and uncles to get to her junior prom intact.
More nervous than Eli Manning on report card day?
It COULD be broken, but the soft tissue is mid-grade ripped up at worst. They really ought to get him an X-ray as soon as possible. It’s kinda weird that breaks are actually easier to walk around on for a few days than really bad sprains
Turns out the AFC Shempionship has been moved to tomorrow!
“That was a heck of a play by Mahommes.”
Oh, shut the fuck up, Cris! You’re making me glad we played Montana’s bitch twice!
Bullshit
Tuck rule?
Yup.