The very last multiple days doubleheader weekend is upon us but we should be grateful because all the matchups look really good or at least interesting. Will I avoid day-drinking so that I can watch the night game? YOU BET!
To The Game!
Jags/Chiefs:
-Much like the Giants the Jags are playing with the proverbial house money, far exceeding their own and everyone else’s expectations. Though they can improve, this season has been a raging success by any metric one can imagine.
-Much is being made of Chris Jones being sackless in all the playoff games he’s played in. (kinda hard to imagine, tbh) But the edge fella that might end up being the most disruptive is rook George Karlaftis. He was very slow off the mark at the beginning of the season but has 5.5 sackaroos in the last 7 games.
-Bad News Aplenty: Speaking of defensive players struggling, let’s shine a light on Jags rook lb Devin Lloyd, who was playing so badly in the week 10 game vs these Chiefs that he was pulled in the 2nd half. Jacksonville is dead last in the league in DVOA vs tight ends and throws to the short middle of the field. Looks to me like Kelce should have one of those 12 catch, 130 yard, 2 TD games.
-I Did Not Know This: Reid was the qb coach when Pederson was the 3rd string ball tosser for the Packers in the ’97 and ’98 seasons.
Time For Another: Four of the Jags last eight wins have required a 4th quarter comeback.
-The Guy Sees The Field Well: According to Next Gen Stats, Mahomes has successfully scrambled 119 times in a row without getting sacked. In that game back in week 10 he scrambled 5 times for 40 yards.
-Along with Karlaftis, the Chiefs will be relying on rooks in key positions that obviously have no playoff experience. Slot corner Trent McDuffie, Isiah Pacheco and 7th round cb Jaylen Watson are breaking their playoff cherry. The same is also true of Kadarius Toney who will be replacing the injured Mecole Hardman.
Have at it.
If only JAX had a second go-to play after “kickoff return”
Their Sam Darnold* teams are playing really well.
*special
The last thing a 64oz bone in Rib Eye sees.
.
KC up by 2 scores is insurmountable for Dull-ball cunty.
Did you not watch last week?
With apologies to Bills fans, the new NARRATIVE has been set.
Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if they cancel the CIN-BUF game out of respect for Damar Hamlin and advance the Bills to the AFC Championship Game by winning percentage.
Exxon Valdez scoring all over that end zone!
both the afc south and nfc south are no longer allowed to have teams in the playoffs
Goddammit.
I’m guessing the Speedo level is mid-shin and falling.
This Pacheko guy is about to get a HUGE endorsement deal in Japan.
.
Just keep it within 9.5 Duuvalll.
SHUT. UP. COLLINSWORTH.
My father in laws sound bar keeps turning itself off. I think it’s saving us from him.
Feature not a bug
Forever and always.
There better be a Waffle House somewhere around KC if the Jags win this.
There are 16 Waffle Houses in the KC area. Prison Girlfriend should not go to any of them if he wins.
He knows how to get through the chow line without getting shivved, AND still get extra pecans in his waffle
The one up the road from us was soooooo gross, they knocked it down and built a new one rather than try to clean it. But the new one was really good.
DUUUUVAAALLLLLL. Hail Gamblor.
WE GOTS US A 2 SAFETY GAME
ETN!
DDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUVVVVVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Jag Down
We can haz sum FITBAW
DOUG PEDERSON
My wife bought what she thought was chicken for dinner, it was probably duck, and the results have been tossed into the trash.
We are in the process of gutting the kitchen, and the distraction and casualties are beginning to mount.
Has anyone cooked duck in the air fryer? Duck is the tits
Duck is awesome.
I’m told our new oven will have an air fryer, so perhaps we’ll find out.
After six weeks of sheer chaos, of course.
You’ll have to do a post about this because we’re doing the same thing within a year. I just want to magnify all the arguments you guys have had but ironically and I won’t bother telling Mrs. Scotchy about it.* Laughs Ahoy!
*do not attempt this-a divorce may result
I think it would be good, but you might have to drain off some of the rendered fat. Which you should save, because it is liquid gold.
…and the 3rd Quarter ends with Trevor Lawrence being hit with the Clothesline from Hell.
That’s a very good representation of how the Jaguars are doing.
Nnadi got some bedonk!
Lawrence doesn’t sell play-action well at all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xu3dX00U4ak&ab_channel=TopPop
if they dont score here call the game so we can get to gints/birds
hold on!
DFO Mad Libs!
I Haven’t seen Prison Girlfriend drilled that hard since…
“HBO canceled Oz”
I always have similar thoughts re that guy on Law & Order SVU (when the ads play)
CC: We talk so much…
MT: Fuck you mean, WE??
I feel like Gimpy Mahomes kind of sashays a bit, it’s chic!
It’s very sexy. Just ask any KC fan.
It goes with the cape, although kinda sad he’s not wearing 7in platform heels
You’re thinking of George Santos
Holy shit! Not a bailout flag? Is the Narrator asleep at the switch?
Ooh, my Blazer D. Williams almost picked one!
I’m starting to think the Jaguars don’t want to cancel their February vacation plans.
You’d think they’d want to keep away from Jacksonville
if we’re bringing back shit from the 80s like night court and magnum pi bring back the pure coke that made macho man promote so well it made an entire nation eat slim jims
Even goddamn oreos have fentanyl in them nowadays
ooooooh, send Hippo some??
or Roddy Piper’s Airplane match
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKFnUeqnp6g
The official Mr. Ayo Big Turk review:
The initial bite was made with some trepidation as a Big Turk bar looks like a Big Turd. Surprisingly, the initial taste of chocolate was quite pleasant. The odd flavor of the interior rushed in to interrupt that pleasantness. Then the true horror set in as I realized this goo was holding my upper and lower jaw together. As I struggled to free my teeth, the goo flavor changed to a flavor reminiscent of a Twizzler, which I enjoy and was a welcome oasis in this nightmare. Soon, the efforts of separating my teeth was accomplished only to realize a new horror. The goo was still there. In fact, it was now everywhere. I could only mash the bits between the teeth, but I would have to scrape the rest off the face of my teeth. Keep in mind, this is the first of what would be six bites to consume this bar. I now fear that I will be picking bits of Big Turk goo out of my teeth for days.
In conclusion, the second Big Turk bar is in the trash and I will not be consuming this particular confection ever again.
In about two days you’re gonna think “man I wonder if I should have saved the other half of that thing,” and then been like “nah, that was for the best.”
Seems like a land of many contrasts…
Tis a polarizing confection.
Tis not
You either hate it or you’re wrong
Why do you hate asphalt? It’s the main ingredient in a Big Turk and our nation’s highways.
“That is some play by some kind of player”
This literally describes every single play ever
Cris earns those millions of dollars every year for that kind of insightful analysis.
I’d have bet all your money on the over in this game. You guys are just lucky you didn’t fall for that, “Your niece is in jail in Estonia and needs bail money” thingy I sent to your respective emails.
I didnt fall for it cause I know a fake country when I see one.
My couch, I call it Estonia, because I get estoned on it.
You can’t fool me, I don’t have young, cool relatives
Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if Estonian prisons are nicer than most youth hostels
Haha now I really want the game to come down to the Chiefs fucking up their last replay opportunity.
Andy Reid breaking out some of his old classic hits!
QB sneak w/o the QB?
Mahomes is gonna cough up a back breaking fumble trying to scramble on a bum leg.
[triggered]
-Dok Zymm
I can get behind this.
“Go on…”
— Balls
Henne gets that call, apparently, but Prison Girlfriend does not.
Was just talking to my father in law about that. Double standard apparently
jags must get this game
Nice bit of CSN for the bumper there.
Lemme guess…Diabeetus?
HENNE! HENNE! HENNE!
PUT HENNE BACK IN
Gregg Williams, yelling at his television (artist’s conception):
He’s SOOOO close.
(we also would have accepted Greg Schiano)
“He’s fine, he’s fine.”
-NFL-sanctioned doctors, reviewing the tape
If Jacksonville doesn’t attack the shit out of Mahomes, the DC needs to be fired.
“I’d have like to have the Jaguars winning at halftime, but there are some things that are beyond the limits of even my power.” – THE NARRATOR
Since diebeetus is being discussed:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quDQ38dx21o&ab_channel=MrOptimistic69
Does this come in red?
HENNE! HENNE! HENNE!
It’s reverse racism obvs
I do not get this decision
MaHones is coked upd
What? You think he hangs around people who have access to cocaine?