INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
The recording studio is calm and quiet. The PRODUCER is sitting at his desk, leaning back in his chair with his feet up, watching college basketball on a computer monitor. DJ 3000 remains pushed up against the wall. The PRODUCER claps his hands as he reacts to something that happens in the game he’s watching, then picks up a printed bracket and a red sharpie. As he begins writing a thick red “X”…
— [ZOOM CALL FLIES OPEN] —
DARKEST TIMELINE ZACK MORRIS: Good morning, buddy! Holding down the fort?
The PRODUCER scrambles to hit the “boss button”.
PRODUCER: Sure thing, just, uh, punching some of the station budget numbers into this spreadsheet.
DTZM: [smiles knowingly] Right, right. So what do the overhead numbers look like for February?
PRODUCER: [pretends to peer at “spreadsheet”] They look, uh, good.
DTZM: Glad to hear it. How much did we spend specifically on amortized costs?
PRODUCER: Um, sorry, didn’t quite catch that, there seems to be some audio interference. Say again?
DTZM: Oh, that’s just the wind – the convertible top is down. We’re on our way back from the tennis tournament in Palm Springs. And you don’t have to bullshit me – your workstation monitoring software shows me what you’re actually doing.
PRODUCER: Listen, it’s just that I went to school at VCU, so…
DTZM: Relax, relax, we’re not monsters…
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [off-screen, driving] Speak for yourself!
DTZM: …we like sports too. But while we’re on the subject of financials, is there any way you can insert some kind of financial instrument – I don’t know, a savings bond or something – into DJ 3000’s time loop and repeatedly compound the interest?
PRODUCER: I don’t think it works that way.
DTZM: Okay, but if you can figure it out, we’ll cut you in for ten percent of the profits.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [off-screen, driving] Five percent!
DTZM: Speaking of profits, we’ve got advertisers to service, so have you got today’s edition of Request Line taken care of yet?
PRODUCER: Well…no. Frankly, with DJ 3000 stuck in that time loop we don’t have any guest booked. Plus, with March Madness underway I thought our listeners would be more interested in talking about the games.
DTZM: Trying to move in on Jimmy and the Animal’s territory, eh? But you’re probably right. Tell you what, let’s run a hybrid episode. We’ll do one of the weaker topics and open things up for sports opinion stuff. Got any topics that have a decently thin field?
PRODUCER: How about songs about sports?
DTZM: Oh, good call. There’s so little there. Better open it up to album titles and band names, too.
PRODUCER: Will do.
DTZM: Get us started with something that will work as driving music too?
PRODUCER: I’ve got just the thing.
Today’s theme is: Sports. We’re looking for songs that relate to any kind of sport, even weird ones like cricket and badminton (if you can find them). Band and album names are fair game. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uTF!3Ld_aM0rr!5oN” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. The answer to last week’s puzzle song was “Digging in the Dirt” by Peter Gabriel which was posted by Yeah Right but once again the credit was stolen by BeefRiverLives. Have at it, and feel welcome to comment on the NCAA games as well.
FDU: [is two minutes away from being the second 16 seed in history to beat a 1 seed]
DR. MRS. DEADLY: Let’s go walk the dog!
FDU hanging with
Mr. Cooper. Uh, Purdue.https://youtu.be/MEO6gYCFbr0
It is too a sport!
To be fair, “Ride Like The Wind” could also be a sailing song.
Mark Few is turning into Tony Dungy.
Hope he doesn’t hang around as long.
How on earth did they build a college in the Grand Canyon?
Same way they built University of Phoenix . . . government backed student loans without regard to employability (or, in some cases, accreditation).
Mt. Rushmore State is still in its conceptual stages.
She runs and plays with Fluffy. SPORTS!
https://youtu.be/oJ2ndH84JOs
In another timeline Fairleigh Dickinson was an accomplished 19th century poet that wrote about life on the Saskatchewan frontier.
“I’ve read their stuff.” – Hipster Von Miller
[edited to reflect the fact that Von would use gender-neutral pronouns]
Her last wish was to have all her writings thrown into a fire but the last of the 8 children she bore didn’t obey her wishes.
He understood the value of her work intuitively.
He somehow heard of the Shakespeare and Company bookstore in Paris and approached Sylvia Beach with the journal.
She consulted with Gertrude Stein and James Joyce-they both agreed that these poems were of an exceptional quality.
A contract was signed whereby the son would get 5% of the sales and Beach, Stein and Joyce would get all the rest.
The son took them to court and the judge laughed at him for being so stupid. (Beach, Stein and Joyce had bribed him)
The son eventually committed suicide. No one attended his funeral.
/FIN
UCONN: [surges ahead by 20 points late in the game]
DR. MRS. DEADLY: Oh, it turns out these miles don’t expire for a while. We can wait until some other time to do this…
/Rikki starts frantically vacuuming
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBQ2305fLeA
Let’s go TIGERS!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLKs3V2XL6Q
Forever Freo!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coFYuHUGbbw
– me, heckling at a Sigfried and Roy show
Let’s raise some hell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkFqg5wAuFk
New Clubhouse teams to the forefront
Mad at myself for forgetting this absolute gem from Warren Zevon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCpdkbo-_co
Beautiful
Sentimental Hygiene is a fantastic record. I need to dig it out and listen to it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBl2SA0DpU8
I’m going to assume that is three straight minutes of a husky barking.
Beats me. I’ve never known the fight song.
Jeez. Bunch of grown men outside football season and you’re going to waste a month watching amateur basketball.
Man, you guys need to get your priorities in order….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoERl34Ld00
Can’t tell you how many times I heard this tune when I was uni.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgPlZHz2Nqw&ab_channel=TateThompson
There’s no reason for anyone to know this but at Carleton university there are miles and miles of underground tunnels that connect all the buildings on campus and every year each floor of the residences are asked to paint a mural on those tunnels. Our floor decided to do a Forgotten Rebels/Silver Surfer mashup. That mural didn’t last 5 days before “The Man” spraypainted over it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhqyZeUlE8U
Full disclosure I went to the gym during the Fightin’ Horatios game. Saw them make two stupid turnovers, give up an Ole lay-up and a 3-point bomb and figured I could either work on myself or work on cleaning up a shattered TV.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z2RzVhw4rE
Double Shot! Knopfler was so amazing thru the 80’s and the early 90’s.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcwl-Q7pAtY&ab_channel=DireStraitsVEVO
Well played. I’ve heard your affinity for Mark Knopfler before and it’s well deserved. No pyrotechnics just a great guitarist.
Are Montana State the Fightin’ Ayos?
Vodka Ayo’s?
GO CATS!
But that is BOTH SIDES??
BOB > WILD
GO CATS GO!
There are 24 brackets left intact out of over 20 million at TWWL dot com.
Seems high
I am
Was that Bill Murray in the crowd?
Twas-he’s been shown a few times. Apparently his son is an assistant coach for one of the teams that played.
He seemed very enthusiastic about UConn winning.
Luke Murray is an assistant at UConn. Some rumors about him getting a lower level head coach job next season. Not sure how reliable those are; he seems young.
I’m sure Coach K thought she said “rat”.
Old Man Rant: I just can’t get enough of white kids at the end of the bench making weird gestures after their team gets a bucket.
I mean come on, innit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJqimlFcJsM
LMFAO, NC State is one of I think about 10 schools with multiple natties – and Useless Dipshit Keatts thinks this was a GREAT season. 6th place in the worst ACC in living memory, undeserved NCAAT bid, immediate and limp ejection.
But the administration has no ambition whatsoever.
This was sitting there, being so frickin’ obvious. This is a fantastic arrangement, btw.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkxrCttCcHg&ab_channel=luchettodj94
The only way this game could be more frenetic is if the kids snorted lines at halftime.
IF??? – Patrick Ewing and teammates, in unison
I assume that each and every Cornpone State player has explosive diarrhea today? At least the ones on scholarship?
After watching both of these squadrons at various times of the season, I can attest they play hoopsball like people pass kidney stones.
oh man, is that ever a PTSD thought (they had to cut mine out after 7 days of agony – though the upside was losing over 20 pounds that week)
You know it’s been a bad week when you are giddy to have dick surgery.
What are the odds that a Uconn squadoo has a big white galoof playing center?
7’4″ Donovan Clingan. He’s probably good for one more year before going to the NBA. Unless the entire State comes together with one hell of an NIL deal.
[resists the very strong urge to cheerleader-shame Iona]
I’m impressed that this Rick Pitino team is still in it after the first two minutes.
All right, you’ve had your chances. Even after I introduced “boxers” as a category.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpZvg_FjL3Q
Danny Hurley with the very obvious, “Bullshit!”.
Can’t believe I forgot this until my 3rd rounder. But FUCK OFF, I win!
(this is the “and Fuck Tom Brady” version)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUNgHDC7r44
Love the pace and intensity of I Own ‘Er/UKEon
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [turns on UConn game he’s loudly been anticipating for the last two days]
DR. MRS. DEADLY: Let’s plan our next trip! I’ll need your full attention, immediately.
They. Just. Know.
Losing this phenomenon is worth the debt and lack of sex (each until I die, but I watch fuckever I wants)
I also get food preparation, so I’m still in.
No idea what she gets out of the deal.
pretty sure I “won” the last 5-6 years of my shitty marriage because I was excellent about doing the family laundry
I was thinking about inventing an app that allows you to track “marriage points” so you can actually quantify that.
While a fantastic idea, this is also a fatal one.
I compare marriage to buying a Buick.
I’m glad I never have to go through that shit again in this lifetime.
/ never actually owned a Buick
Don’t make her go full Dyson on your ass!
Yeah, defintely don’t need another enema this week.
i mean come on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8a-HfNE3EIo
I’ll respond.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ttc9aCSRqEY&ab_channel=daphneblake6
Fundamental to all sportsball (and the guitarist is wearing a Horny Fourny shirt IIRC):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr-ahiFDkts
Some aquatic videos
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-GUAC9RkCU&ab_channel=PeterGabriel-Topic
Another.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TN3_c21scQs&ab_channel=pecho2006
That’s a really good song, and yes I’m an old white guy thanks for asking
But you were a young white guy when you first heard it. So there’s that.
I saw him perform this live on this exact tour. Great song.
(Jim Everett pees his pants)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4RGBebB5YY&ab_channel=weezer
Anyone remember Jeff Ruland, Steve Burtt and Gary Springer from those early ’80’s Iona teams? Just me? I was that kid that tried to memorize the entire Street and Smith college basketball preview magazine.
Ruland ended up coaching there a few years back
Coached by one James T. Valvano. Ruland was all kinds of pissed off when V took the Wolven Sort job.
LET’S GO FIGHTIN’ HORATIOS!
This should have showed up a lot earlier, and WAY earlier than fucking Aaron Carter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7wSBqOIJBo
I cannot, for the life of me, understand how Aaron Carter was a big deal. Interesting that Shaq managed to outlive both him *and* Kobe Bryant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfhhWA9GF0M
Keylor Navas has to be like 50 years old by now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3saskvQKfx0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuiS79SJAjk
Top o’ the mornin’ to ya. I’m Stumpy O’Knuckles
Buddy knows another person named Stumpy O’Knuckles.
As does Coach Reid – it was the unfortunate result when a waiter tried to take a plate away before Andy was done with it.
Whispers McMuffin!
It’s the LAST letter of your first name, Lea Michele!
My excuse is actually that I’m drunk.
Well then, Erin Go Bragh!
Oh boy. Bunyan McDoodles it is.
I was born a McDoodles, but I married O’Knuckles.
My new across the street neighbor, who is either a very sweet, kind of nervous woman, or a dangerous meth head, just brought us a loaf of hot, delicious banana bread. I’m leaning towards sweet and nervous!
Check back with us in 36 hours after the bread has worn off.
How will I know? I’m high all the time anyway.
Come on, Vermont, make this interesting.
Not much fight in these Fightin’ White Liberals. MOAR LIEK Soy Boy Betacucks imogodbless