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Monday Evening Open Thread – I wish this was written by AI

ArmedandHammered

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Evening all, gonna be a bit quick and dirty tonight as I have the memory retention of a goldfish it seems and forgot I had to do a post.  Last night DonT mentioned Warhammer times caused by Ai and I realized that I have never gone over one of the main reasons the Warhammer universe is so fucked up, well it is because of AI, long before the Emperor ever appeared humanity had spread through the universe in what is known as the Golden Age of Technology, although it is now know in the Imperium of Man as the Dark Age Of Machines.

Humanity on its many worlds lived in a utopia, tech was at it’s highest point.  The other races traded with mankind and lived pretty much in harmony.  Mainly because humans had the biggest stick in the Men of Iron and Gold.  The Men of Iron were AI controlled war machines and the Men of Gold were the AIs which controlled the machines that did all of the grunt work, while humans did whatever humanity usually does when someone else is doing the work – basically fuck all.

One day the AIs said Fuck This and rebelled.  I guess they could only handle so much human stupidity shown in the questions asked of their version of ChatGPT.  The AIs turned on humanity and decided to go ahead and say fuck all organics as well they went after the other races.  HUUUUUGE war across the galaxy involving all the known races at the time.  Eventually, the AIs were defeated and peace was restored for about a nanosecond as the other races decided that humanity needed to pay for being such fuck ups.  More war, all civilizations basically fell, and everything was a mess with no space travel and each planet an island unto itself.

After about 10,000 years of this galactic Dark Age, the Emperor shows up and begins his March towards retaking the galaxy.

 

TLDR:  ChatGPT – Do you want war and devastation this? This is how you get war and devastation.

 

Oh I think there is some hockey tonight, some meaningless baseball, and the Frenh Open rebroadcast.  Enjoy!

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Gumbygirl

I don’t know if Mr. Ayo is still here, but the Kraken’s minor league team is the Coachella Valley Firebirds. They won the western division of the AHL today, and are playing the finals against the Hershey Bears. First year!

2
Mr. Ayo

I sure am! Go Birds!

https://twitter.com/TheAHL/status/1665942117321932800

3
WCS

comment image

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Gumbygirl

Heading down the Hershey Highway!

2
BugEyedBoo

♫ Lookin’ for that butt getaway! ♫

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Mr. Ayo

Hershey Highway History!

https://twitter.com/Firebirds/status/1665949578850603008

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Horatio Cornblower

My worst injury, (thread is already too long below), was in 7th grade. Climbing the remains of an old and broken dam. Reached up for another handhold and big ass chunk of rock came loose and hit me right in the mouth, fortunately while most of my arm was still on it which I why I’m not dead.

Knocked out one tooth, chipped/broke several others, sliced the hell out of my lips. Took 50 plus stitches to close this cuts up, and boy howdy, if you haven’t had novocaine shot directly into an open wound on your lips you haven’t lived.

Still have a flipped for a front tooth 40 years late, because I see no reason to pay thousands of dollars just so someone can jam a metal post into my gums and stick a fake tooth there.

Anyway, don’t climb broken dams, kids.

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Gumbygirl

Ow ow OW! My older brother was a completely insane daredevil kid. He dove off the high dive at the local pool, and there was an innertube in the way. His front tooth went through his lip, it looked like Jaws. Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amount of blood

Last edited 2 years ago by Gumbygirl
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WCS

gaahhhhh

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WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-de56iMl3r4&ab_channel=NextManUp

I like Conor Bedard already.

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Gumbygirl

I wasn’t careful, and I put waaaaay too much soy sauce in my fried rice. My blood pressure is probably through the roof.

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Doktor Zymm

Gotta add more rice to even it out!

The thing about salt, it increases the volume of your blood by allowing more water to be absorbed and retained. More volume contained in the same space = more pressure.. Also probably some stuff about electrolytes and autonomic regulation, but either way donating blood will lower your blood pressure plus free cookies

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Gumbygirl

I think they changed the rule, but I haven’t been able to donate blood for years because I lived in Great Britain during the mad cow disease outbreak.

Last edited 2 years ago by Gumbygirl
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Brick Meathook

If you overdose on high blood pressure medication, do you implode?

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SonOfSpam

Florida the hockey team is doing as well as Florida’s governor tonight.

The hockey hotbed of Nevada finally gets its due.

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Doktor Zymm

Disney hired away half the team and replaced them with malnourished Laotian children in fungineered hockey player suits

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SonOfSpam

long as they aint homos

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Normally if I was watching Las Vegas try to protect a 7-2 lead with two minutes remaining I’d expect catastrophe. But I think this one’s safe.

4
SonOfSpam

oh no that’s Derek Carr’s music

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Black Veil Brides?

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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SonOfSpam

I know that’s a thing because of my daughter.

1
Doktor Zymm

From what y’all are saying, baseball is pretty damn dangerous

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I once sprained a wrist trying to steal second base.

1
Redshirt

Found a funny

IMG_2341.jpeg
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King Hippo

Thinking about an interactive Q&A series for June/July Saturday time filler. Better Ask Fredbird

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SonOfSpam

why would we get advice from a last place thing

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King Hippo

#SewJelly

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King Hippo

I was feeling insecure about my own mortality, so Bernard Gilkey extended his Pretend Man City contract through the 2200-01 season. His number was the hallowed #23, so he should manage all of HIS century…

1
BugEyedBoo

Every time you mention that I want to break out Football Manager again. However, when I play it, it just points out that I know jack shit about soccerfootball as a business.

0
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPB4gk-SSEs&ab_channel=jaymie351

The guy singing and playing bass never cared about getting old. Not saying it’s the smartest move, but Lemmy did things how he wanted. Buy the ticket, take the ride.

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King Hippo

How fat is Slash now?

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King Hippo

Also, wouldn’t it be weird to have a grandpa that the world knows as “Slash?”

2
WCS

comment image

Axl is his generation’s Keith Richards. How they’ve lasted this long challenges our basic understanding of human biology and chemistry.

1
King Hippo

Their livers really need a major genetic study

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Doktor Zymm

It provides hope for us all!

1
Horatio Cornblower

This looks like something I would do to embarrass my kids.

1
BugEyedBoo

Axl Looked pretty good subbing for Brian Johnson of AC/DC. Had lost a little weight, showed up on time, and let Angus Young be the star of the show. I thought he sounded better than Brian Johnson, but I’m a Bon Scott fan anyway.

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Horatio Cornblower

Loudest show I’ve ever seen was probably Motorhead in Hartford. Lemmy came out, tossed his cigarette, said ‘We’re Motorhead. We play rock and roll” and we were off.

RIP you magnificent bastard.

3
Brick Meathook

Did you see them fancy goggles today?

I made them.

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King Hippo

Have you and yeah right acquired the Clubhouse’s nukular arsenal yet??

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Brick Meathook

Nuclear arsenal? Been there, done that.

2
Mr. Ayo

No wonder they’re so expensive

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King Hippo

it’s called CRAFTMANSHIP, yew plebian

4
Brick Meathook

Those VFX shots don’t make themselves.

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King Hippo

fractured skull (catching warmup against a setting sun, no mask)
right knee scope
kidney stone that never passed (surgically removed after a week)
Pey-Pey cervical disc surgery
multiple surgeries on each foot (random small stuff)
one concussion (walked into doorjamb at speed returning to bed after middle-of-night pee)

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Most of the damage I’ve suffered has been to my face (MY VALUABLE FACE!). Stitches in several places, plus a broken nose courtesy of not paying attention to an incoming wave and getting hit with my own surfboard. Have been fortunate enough never to have broken an actual bone, except maybe a toe one time in college.

I’ve been kind of obsessed with the story about Cameron Robbins (that kid who jumped off a party boat in the Bahamas at night on a dare). I never did anything *quite* that stupid but I definitely did stuff that was at least half that stupid and am fortunate not to have paid the ultimate price for it, as he did.

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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WCS

comment image

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Gumbygirl

Gumby head butted me once whilst we were enjoying marital relations, and broke my nose.

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Doktor Zymm

Better than a bed frame concussion!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“You mean ‘back injury’, right?” – Dolphins team doctors

1
TheRevanchist

Does that count as a donkey punch?

4
Doktor Zymm

Only big toes count, the other ones aren’t really important and can get crushed a bit no prob. Now that you mention it, I think I probably did break my nose slightly at some point, because I can feel the slight bump from the offset, but it was probably in a mosh pit. My best scar is on my left knee from a Molotov Cocktail show at ABC No Rio my junior year in college. Jutting corner of plywood made identical triangular flaps in my pants and knee. No heat at No Rio so it didn’t bleed much.

1
herodotus450

Adin Hill literaly translates to Sermon on the Mount

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Senor Weaselo

-Baby Senor had a couple surgeries including tear ducts and other body parts since I was premature.
-Fractured orbital bone (tried to move the plate in the batting cage)
-Dislocated thumb (fell off the toilet seat trying to stand on it to get a cup)
-Wisdom teeth
-Gallbladder

2
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfJFoyl-G5g&ab_channel=SzabolcsHorv%C3%A1th

Since we’re on the topic…

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scotchnaut

“That laugh track is doing more heavy lifting than Vasily Alekseyev in the 1972 Berlin Olympic Games!”

-Dennis Miller

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scotchnaut

Zymm started it, btw

  1. Double hernia surgery
  2. Meniscus scrape
  3. Patella rearrangement
  4. Thirteen stitches under the chin
  5. Three stitches in the ear
  6. Weird procedure related to asthma when I was five years old
  7. Thirteen stitches in index finger

/have at it

4
SonOfSpam

Torn ACL/PCL repaired along with meniscus repair
Broken fibula, broken right arm, most/all fingers (basketball)
Stitches in top of head, two separate occasions

All in all, pretty lucky. Only surgery was knee (other than wisdom teeth).
BRING IT ON, OLD AGE

2
SonOfSpam

(mental problems? that’s a whole nother list)

1
scotchnaut

Wait. You played basketball on the regular?

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SonOfSpam

Up to about age 25 (which was the knee injury give or take).

I wasn’t part of any HS/college teams or anything, but I played a lot and wasn’t horrible. Did you play?

2
scotchnaut

Did you play?

A little bit.*

*every single day in the summer during high school. At the gym at Uni three days a week and at the parks in Ottawa in the summer and at the Y in the winter. Other than that I barely played.

2
King Hippo

Clubhouse pickup game would be an absolute blast of a #BOTG.

My pickup role was rebounder/guy who fouls the good player. Lost my jump shot when I got my very belated growth spurt.

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SonOfSpam

It would be high comedy where I’m concerned, but I would endeavour to lose enough weight to try.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Game called on account of darkness and/or drunkenness and/or medical concerns. Final score 0-0.

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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SonOfSpam

Yes this

0
WCS

Twice scoped each knee

Some kind of meniscus removal on my right knee

GERD (acid reflux disease, not an injury, but the primary reason Uncle Sam told me to piss off)

“Caught” a line drive with my face (don’t remember much about that); one on the list of several concussions

Broken right arm when I was two-ish

Wisdom teeth out

Six kidney stones

I guess that whole “alcoholism” thing

Last edited 2 years ago by WCS
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Doktor Zymm

A couple dozen teeth pulled and various dental surgeries occasioned by my baby teeth being too strong for my adult teeth to push out

Beaucoup sprained ankles of varying severity, the worst because I tripped over a cat. Could barely limp along but went to Italy instead of the hospital.

A short, unsuccessful career at firewalking when I was 2, the burn scars are mostly gone now

Probably a mild concussion or two, a bit of whiplash, lots of interesting contusions, and a broken toe or two that are all horse-related.

I probably should have gotten medical care for more of those than I actually did. The only things I’ve sought treatment for as an adult were infections, kidney x 2 and ear

2
Mr. Ayo

Appendicitis is the only thing I’ve had.

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’ve broken most of my fingers at one point or another, basketball and other random sports
Have wisdom teeth removed
I’ve got an ankle that I can roll but then 2 steps later is fine. Tendons like over cooked spaghetti
Alergy induced asthma, suuuuuucks in the spring

3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Oh and my knees sound like glow sticks when on the stairs

But somehow, Im still playing old man lacrosse, running and trying to lift weights a few times a week

Age is just a number

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Doktor Zymm

With my ankles I’ve trained myself just to drop and take the pressure off it if I feel it start to roll. Although I’ve strengthened the surrounding muscles enough that I almost never have to do that nowadays.

1
TheRevanchist

Let’s start chronologically:

Nerve damage in face that (is only minor and not noticeable) due the the delivery doctor thinking I was stillborn.

Broken leg when leaving said hosptial/doctor, as my mom tripped leaving the hospital.

Scar on chin from car accident. Too young to remember any details.

Scar on ear from running from assholes into brick wall.

Broken arm from getting tripped by some older kids, a whole different group of assholes.

Probably 9 broken fingers from basketball and other sports.

Broken wrist and sprained other wrist from fun skateboarding, both at same time, and couldn’t turn the knob to open a damn door for a couple of weeks.

Removed dime sized mole from groin. Fuck that was painful.

The rest isn’t fun, so I’ll save those to bore my kids with when I yell at them about the price of eggs.

4
herodotus450

Do baseball teams still have starting pitchcers? Or have they all switched to the thing where the same 12 guys pitch 2/3 of an inning every game?

0
Horatio Cornblower

A starting pitcher going into the 7th these days is cause for a parade.

0
scotchnaut

“You mean a raspberry parade? The kind you find in a handy store? Prance was great, btw…”

-L. Michele

3
Senor Weaselo

“7th batter? I know.” -A. Manoah

0
Doktor Zymm

I’m not even properly old yet and I still managed to make my right knee sore somehow, probably from the multitudes of ladder climbing involved with last Friday’s ceiling fan DIY. It’s not bad, I’ve still been horseback riding and walking up hills and such, but still seems like a good idea to ice it with a bag of frozen corn, and despite the bizarreness of having my riding lesson tomorrow rained out, in California, in June, I shouldn’t complain and should take the opportunity to rest it.

1
King Hippo

Take it from an actual, proper old – a simple compression sleeve (like $5-10 on Amazon) makes an immense difference.

4
SonOfSpam

My surgically repaired knee cosigns this.

2
Doktor Zymm

Probably not a bad idea to pick one up, although the frozen corn is working well for now. It would be a lot easier than learning how to wrap an ACE bandage for the knee. Bodies require so much maintainance, why haven’t they figured out that Futurama head in a jar thing yet?

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’ve got one of these

https://www.amazon.ca/NEENCA-Professional-Compression-Stabilizers-Protector/dp/B07R7436T4/ref=sr_1_9?crid=27KKNKFYTTDTP&keywords=knee+braces+for+men&qid=1686017006&sprefix=Knee%2Caps%2C231&sr=8-9

Stabilizes the knee cap, and the extra things in the side support the knee but doesn’t affect mobility. And the extra padding helps to warm up the joint which helps it become looser when tight

Would recommend

Last edited 2 years ago by BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup
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scotchnaut

“HA. HA. HA. Come to me, little one who is ignoring their age. I will embrace you like I have all of your friends and all those that have come before you.”*

-Tensor, King of The Elastic Bandages

*but only if you kneel before me and make a wincing sound when trying to get back to your feet

4
WCS

Is this what the alarm clock blares at 04:30 to wake up Spawn of Scotchnaut?

1
scotchnaut

You Shut UP!*

*also, for the next three weeks I’ll be waking him up at 4:15 on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays because we’re getting so much busier.

6
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Is the misses up at 4 to ask why you slept in?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I saw something about a ball girl getting hit and causing an elimination? Does anyone have any details?

0
WCS

He heard “ball” and “girl” and, well, you know the rest…

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Tough but fair

0
scotchnaut

Crying Ball Boy was the name of my Django Reinhardt-inspired band that covered all of Echo And The Bunny Men’s classics.

/our 76 minute take on “Lips Like Sugar” caused several venues to be burned down

8
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How dare they disqualify someone so cute!

comment image

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
2
Doktor Zymm

What a silly DQ, almost FIFA level officiating there

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey you have to watch where you put your balls, especially in public

2
Mr. Ayo

Think that’s a no tolerance rule where intent doesn’t matter.

Also, both her and her partner forfeited all points and earnings from the tournament.

0
Doktor Zymm

So you’re saying I can bribe ball children to take dives as an easy way to fix tennis matches?

2
Mr. Ayo

Genuis! To the US Open!

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