Ah yes, summer camp, the wonderful fun of doing… whatever arts and crafts shit, I don’t know what goes on at most sleepaway camps. The only sleepaway camp I went to was music camp, and though we had a good time it’s not nearly as fun as the “one time at band camp” stories would have you believe. Though in fairness, the years I went away to those types of camp I was 10 and 11, so hell, maybe it was for the older kids. I remember ping pong. For one, that I’ve never been very good at it, in part because I think I stand too close to the table.

The music festival I did when I was 19 we were all adults so it was nothing like that. It was the college contingent (of which there were 5 of us) trying (and failing) to flirt with various denizens of the small Austrian town we were staying in (for me it was the waitress). Then on the last night, basically we all came together and drank what could be described as a shitload of wine and were all collectively passed out on the bus ride back to Munich.

Hey, I got to play the Brahms Piano Quintet and had Weinerschnitzel and beer and learned about the wonders of the drink Almdudler and the good Jäger, it was a good time. (Fun fact: Senorita Weaselo’s best friend can no longer drink Jäger because he tried to chug a bottle of it once. It did not go well.)

Meanwhile, it’s the start of training camp! We got news:

-Brock Purdy: “cleared and ready to go”

-Damar Hamlin: “full go”

-People got paid: Trevon Diggs, 5-97 extension with the N-GCP; Tytus Howard, 3-56 extension with the 500s; Andrew Thomas, 5-117.5 extension with the Giants (with $67M guaranteed, an OL record!); Justin Herbert, 5-262.5 extension which currently tops the field (until Burrow gets paid).

-Aaron Rodgers restructures to a small bit for this year, and then ALL THE CAP MONEY next year.

-RBs are still fucked: Saquon had to yield, signs adjusted franchise tag ($10.1M, but with incentives to potentially get it to $11M), while Josh Jacobs has not reported to camp.

We have non-football news too, that due to the various strikes, BattleBots WC8 is apparently looking for a Q1 2024 filming spot. F1 in Vegas also throws it off. (Unconfirmed on BattleBots site.)

What’s on sportsing?
Women’s World Cup Action
USA vs. Netherlands (9:00, FOX)
Tweaker Matchup! Portugal vs. Vietnam (3:30 AM, FS1)
Early Bird! Australia vs. Nigeria (6:00 AM, FS1)

Natural Rivals Series(es):
MID-way Series: 34th Street-Hudson Yards vs. Woodlawn (NYM vs. NYY, SNY/YES, 7:05) *WEASELO SIBLINGS BOOTS ON THE GROUND*
Boston vs. Former-Boston (BOS vs. ATL, ESPN, 7:10)
Texas vs. City in Texas—winner leads the AL Weast! (TEX vs. HOU, 8:10)
Chi**** (CHC vs. CWS, 8:10)
“Sell the team!” solidarity (OAK vs. SF, 9:45)

By the way, I am irrationally angry that MLB has officially changed the Diamondbacks designation from ARI to AZ. This is, however, the same MLB that can’t settle on whether the White Sox are CHW or CWS. In conclusion, this is Rob Manfred’s fault.

Not the CONCACAF Champions League (Leagues Cup)
NYCFC vs. Toronto FC (played, of course, at Red Bull Arena since the Yankees are home) (TSN, 7:30)
LA Galaxy vs. León (FS1, 10:30)
Portland vs. Tigres (FS1, 11:00… that’s what it says!)

Will Hermana Weaselo and I see offense from the home team today? Don’t fucking count on it! In the meantime, pour one out for dollar pizza (now $1.25).