Welcome heroes and heroin! Before we dip our toes into the game intros let’s scan the NFL news that is masquerading as a crimebeat report.

-Henry Ruggs, people and dog murderer, was sentenced to between 3 to 10 years for his late night speeding escapade. Football talkers that lack perspective were saying he could still salvage an NFL career should he be a model prisoner. This raises the question, “Will Andy Reid still be coaching when Henry gets out?”.

-Bashaud Breeland (the last I heard of him he was a competent cb for the Chiefs, thought he was still floating around the league, tbh) was caught driving a stolen car. And who/what was riding shotgun? Why, a couple of AR-15’s and a duet of AK-47’s along with the usual pile of weed and mushrooms. So it goes…

-Cost overruns for Buffalo’s new football environs are projected to be about 300 million. Blame is being placed on the spiraling cost of building materials but I think it’s because the Bills Mafia is involved in the construction.

To The Games!

Texans/Pats:

-Believe it or don’t, Belichick wasn’t explicitly clear as to who was going to start at qb, according to those attending Tuesday’s press conference. What’s next, a mumbled response about the pearls around your mom’s neck?

-Lo and behold, a scrappy 5’8″ sixth round pick has taken Pats training camp by storm. Word has it that Demario Douglas is “uncoverable”. What’s old is new again, ad infinitum.

-C.J. Stroud has passed Davis Mills (I thought he would be a great sleeper in fantasy last year-please don’t look at me, I’m hideous) and will get the start. Apparently he’s a very accurate passer with a good head on his shoulders, as these kids always seem to be.

Vikes/Seahawks:

-Will we get a look at rookie wr Addison? He’s a great addition to the offense but I think te Hockenson will be the #2 receiver when all is said and done. Once he was traded his production would have equaled a 100 catch season. Perhaps that’s not sustainable but that fella is a wonderful mismatch in the middle of the field.

-The Vikes will sport a Bud Grant patch starting at the beginning of the season. I guess it’s like a nicotine patch but it bleeds the desire to reach a Super Bowl the longer you wear it. Huh, what were the players wearing previously?

Let’s watch some goddamn football with some goddamn snacks.