Your Sunday Morning NFL Football Open Thread (with added soccer goodness)

I don’t know who is playing footy but that should take care of itself in the comments. This is late so here we go…

To The Games!

Colts/Ravens:

You wouldn’t think it but Indy is only allowing 2.6 ypc so far. Expect that stat to be nudged upward by 4pm EST. Zay Flowers has 13 receptions after two weeks and all other Ravens wr’s have 16.

Titans/Browns:

Both these teams defend the run very well and each are getting less than adequate play at the qb spot so maybe expect this tilt to be a slog. Hey, KHunt is back in the mix!

Broncos/Fins:

Miami’s passing game (355 yards per) should continue to cruise even though Waddle is a no-show. Denver has Surtain but as a team they’re 23rd in defending the pass. So use that Braxton Berrios, you know you want to. Horsey’s are staring at 0-3.

Pats/Jets:

New England has won 14 straight and the beatings will continue until the Jets qb situation improves.

Bills/Commies:

Washington giveth and taketh in equal measure just as God herself intended. They’ve accumulated 12 sacks but have surrendered the same amount. They’ll need to keep Allen in the pocket (a tough ask) because he generates a number of positive plays outside it.

Falcons/Lions:

If you thought McCaffrey was the rb with the most catches you’d be mistaken. Bijan is the safety valve with the mostest. Detroit is down a few linemen so Gibbs has his work cut out for him. I’m curious to see if Atlanta’s 2-0 record has any substance behind it.

Saints/Packers:

Tony Brown, fresh off the practice squad, had himself a day last week with the two TD’s. With Williams on IR and Kamara away for another week I wonder how much we’ll see of rook rb Kendre Miller.

Texans/Jags:

How to destroy a young qb’s career. First what you want to do is pile up as many injuries on the o-line as possible so that he gets sacked 11 times in two games. (though he hasn’t thrown a pickeroo yet!) The Texans have a decent pressure rate so maybe Lawrence (44% when the cows come home) will struggle a bit.

Chargers/Vikes:

Somebody gonna get in the win column. All the positive juju that got used by Minny last year has evaporated and the underlying stats have come home to roost. Akers is in town now but big deal-this O runs thru JJ, Hockey and Addison.

Have at it.

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King Hippo

Still, my Justin Jefferson team is on the precipice of 0-3. Miami gets to 56.

Redshirt

I’d make a “Dolphin schedule a Cupcake Game?” joke, but I don’t want to make an enemy of Hippo.

LemonJello

“How do we schedule one of these Cupcake Games?”
-Andy Reid

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Oh hell no I’m not doing another bake sale.” – Olivia Manning

King Hippo

Annual reminder that taking Balmer in Survivor is just asking for pain.

Doktor Zymm

True of many things in Ballsitchmore

King Hippo

NOW Charmslinger is on the fuckup train!

fleshwound_NPG

what we think the nfc east is, the afc south has always been

Redshirt

NFL East is hilariously bad. AFC South is sneakily bad.

WCS

LAMAR! is still purdy good.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I swear Jim Nantz and Tony Romo are one stim toy away from treating Zach Wilson like a special needs child.

No iPad though, he just looks up the milf porn

Doktor Zymm

Just checked my Freezer vodka team and all pretty blase until I got to the D/ST spot and saw the Bills giving me 24, lol. Maybe WAS and NYG can team up and assemble something resembling an offence.

LemonJello

I’m getting 33 from the Bills D, on my bench. Jags D is getting me a big, fat zero.

Doktor Zymm

Up to 34 now

fleshwound_NPG

holy shit, 3:30pm and IND/BAL is almost over?

litre_cola

Its 9 47!

Doktor Zymm

PM for me!

LemonJello

THIS BUFFALO D, I CALL IT A BOARD OF INQUIRY, BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING TO END A FEW COMMANDERS’ CAREERS.

litre_cola

In Freezer Vodka, Maestro’s team name makes me giggle every time I see it. “Big Ole pile of Fuck”

The Maestro

I’m tired of new, creative names. I haven’t won a fantasy league in probably like six years. I don’t feel the joy of FF anymore. Therefore, the name conveys my mood and feeling perfectly. I will never change it now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DOINK makes an appearance in France!

Doktor Zymm

We lost signal for the match even though we’re docked in Bordeaux! Tempted to get off the boat and head to a bar but I’m probably too lazy

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’d be worth it, it’s a FANTASTIC game.

King Hippo

Russell Wilson has really played well. We are losing 42-goddamned-13

King Hippo

(on way to 49-13, unless they go for two)

Redshirt

You should’ve been specific in that wish.

The Maestro

Wow. It’s like the .500s are actually a real team that exists this week.

Damn. I must be hungover. No way a FB return TD score is a real thing.

Gumbygirl

I had to poke Gumby a couple of times with a barbeque fork, because the rage built up to an unbearable level. I feel a little better now.

WCS

comment image

and there goes the DONKS! contingent.

litre_cola

FB KICK RETURN?!?!?!? I know I am morning drunk but what the fuck?

LemonJello

Forget it, litre, its the Jaguars.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This legendary Bill Belichick discipline is leading to a lot of unforced penalties

King Hippo

Braxton Berrios. Still in the League. Not that the Donks noticed he was on the pitch.

Last edited 7 months ago by King Hippo
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What a start for Wales!

Gatoraids

Derick Carr joining the Auto strike

LemonJello

Josh Allen ARM PUNT! in DC

King Hippo

Dragon got unleashed, fo sho

King Hippo

We played a 64-63 slugfest last week!

King Hippo

We’ve got CRAB LEGS

WCS

Andy doesn’t bother chewing seafood.

Doktor Zymm

Of course not, he’s got baleen for a reason!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This Chargers-Viking game is so fucking dull I am literally counting the commercials until noon so I can watch rugby. Ten minutes to go, so over/under is 11 ads.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, a soulful cover of “I Drove All Night…”

Two Derek Jeter sightings.

Six ads so far…

LemonJello

Why is Jeter in Minnesota?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

To replace Kirby Puckett

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Five more…

LemonJello

Really enjoying watching the Buffalo D racking up points on my FF bench.

bk109

Unrelated, it appears that the new government of Niger found the perfect tactics to get the Frenchies to leave – it enforced a croissant blockade and the French did what the Frenchies do and waved the white flag 😀

litre_cola

What does Cecil have to say about the new nouvelles?

King Hippo

That’s THREE for Mrs. Malone

clint greasewood

Derek Carr

comment image

King Hippo

Scott Hanson is a really funny dude, he can go mean with it, too!

LemonJello

Has he started calling Mile High “Elmer’s Glue Factory”?

King Hippo

They did a great slo-mo of angry Jest fan spitting out his dentures – Fixodent, and forget it!

clint greasewood

Probably should bench Tua, don’t want Peyton bounty hunters looking for brains to collect.

LemonJello

THIS WASHINGTON D, I CALL THEM A BIPARTISAN CONGRESS BECAUSE THEY ARE LETTING A LOT OF BILLS PASS.

fleshwound_NPG

or hes old enough to remember the vichy dems passing everything for reagan in the 80s

litre_cola

It is 8 am! it is Sauvignon Blanc time!

LemonJello

Where in the world is litre_cola?

bk109

Narnia?

litre_cola

Maui! With my best friend who works here!

bk109

Hey, I get half a point, because I did guess correctly that you’re in a magical place!

King Hippo

Like many here, you married very well. Good jerb!

litre_cola

Raises hand me too!!

King Hippo

she needs to write for us again!

litre_cola

She is all mimosa’d up. She will take it on later.

King Hippo

NAWT ALLL HEROES WHERE CAPES smh

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Some do, though, right?” – Eli Manning, glancing in the direction of his closet

King Hippo

HAWT HIPPO TAEK – Right now, my NFL MVP is Myles Garrett

fleshwound_NPG

tua, because hes a qb, and hes not dead (yet)

(seriously, they gotta separate the qbs from the other players and give them their own cy young-esque award, because every year its gonna be a qb mvp)

LemonJello

More annoying halftime studio team; CBS or FOX?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes.

Gumbygirl

What the actual fuck, Jacksonville?!!! I’m going to get knocked out of the Elimination pool because they can’t beat the Texans!

bk109

… or Atlanta for that matter *sigh*

bk109

Ah, nevermind.. I’ve picked the rapefish against the donks… Whew, I thought I’d believed in the Falcons for a second

King Hippo

This Denver match would really be pissing me off, if I weren’t already ded inside.

King Hippo

RAGE, RAGE AGAINST TEH DYING OF TEH LIGHT

bk109

I’d offer you a shot of my Bacardi, but.. I don’t know if they even make the 151 anymore… and I’d rather get exacerbated myself than to share :p

Gatoraids

Where this season is going you wont need eyes

hippofant

Is it good or bad that it doesn’t even seem like Russ’ fault this time?

King Hippo

YES

King Hippo

My kitten Grandson keeps going for the pass breakup, no matter how many times I tell him it’s just TV

LemonJello

HIPPO’S KITTEN, I CALL HIM JJ WATT BECAUSE HE’S ALWAYS STUDYING TAPE. RISE AND GRIND!

King Hippo

Yeah, he’s DEFFO an early riser, started biting my hair at like 6 this morning

Redshirt

Of course, Watson would be motivated to score on the Tits.

bk109

Unrelated – guys, read you product manuals, as you may discover the oddest shit. ie – that the unopened accessory box with your laptop has a water cooler module inside :D.. And yes, while the idea of mixing a laptop with water is enough to trigger some PTSD flashbacks, on the other… the 4090 can boost even higher than it does now and moar FPS is moar bettAR

LemonJello

Are they leaving El Tractorcito in the barn today?

King Hippo

Founding Fathers, shitting his pants.

Redshirt

Since 1796

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wrong Minnie.

comment image

King Hippo

Mickey Mouse in divorce court, and the judge says “I understand you are moving for divorce on the grounds of mental incompetency?”

Mickey – I didn’t say anything about that, I said she was FUCKING GOOFY.

LemonJello

That harlot.

King Hippo

EAT SHIT McDaniel!!!

bk109

I don’t mean to jinx things too much, but.. are we turning the MILFHunter into Darnold 2.0 at this point?

fleshwound_NPG

an insult to darnold, whom is still employed by a team in the nfl, which milfhunter will most certainly not be in a few years

LemonJello

Darnold will stay on a roster just to help the NFL with its ADA compliance…

King Hippo

don’t forget the tax deduction!

bk109

Plus, given that 6 teams gave Josh Rosen a chance after it became glaringly obvious that he was a titanic bust, skill doesn’t mean as much as simple hubris by coaches to be the ones to “salvage a first rounder”

King Hippo

Somebody should ask ChatGPT whether Sam Darnold is the only NFL QB with Down’s Syndrome?

LemonJello

Why do the Jaguras struggle so damn much against an imaginary team?

WCS

LAMAR! with the dropsie-doodle