Not gonna lie, I’m going to wing these games. Facts and stats can vamoose!

To The Games!

Fins/Bills:

Contrarians (ya gotta love contrarians. Or do you?) are saying that this is going to be a low-scoring tilt. I say Fie! Aw crap, I remembered a stat. Of the last 9 teams to score 60+ points in a game, all but one lost their next game. Or something like that.

Broncs/Bears:

Oh dear. Two teams in complete disarray and the questions just keep piling up. I’ve the notion that Denver gets right this game but have nothing upon which to base it.

Ravens/Browns:

I’d like for this game to be played in a muddy back alley during a thunderstorm. Why won’t the NFL answer my emails? The Browns D is playing on another level and Baltimore always shows up for division games. First to 3 scores wins?

Steelers/Houston:

I picked Houston to lose because Mike Tomlin. He’s avoided a losing season every single year because he always wins the games he’s supposed to win.

Vikes/Panthers:

So little to chose between here but I’ll take the firepower of Cousins/Jefferson to overcome Minny’s porous defense.

Rams/Colts:

Is Indy the sneakiest good team in the league right now? That’s what Irsay’s bottomless pill bottle is telling anyone willing to listen. They ambushed the Ravens at home in the opener, have a good defense and received more than competent play from their backup QB. Still, I need Kyren to score me some points in fantasy.

Bucs/Saints:

Hey, it’s the New Orleans secondary, also called “The Mike Evans Cematary”. Jameis gets the call for the Saints and he better not get any big ideas in his head because when he does the interceptions flow like spice on Dune.

Commies/Eagles:

Philly should make short work of Washington given how Howell played last week. Four interceptions vs the Bills is the kind of performance that might crack a young qb’s confidence.

Bengals/Titans:

I call the Tennessee D “The Dichotomy” because you can’t run against them but can pass to your heart’s delight. What say you spend your first 4/5 picks next year on cb’s and safeties?

Keep it moving, keep it moving.