There’s four games on this slate with two of them being interesting. And then there’s that one stinker. I’ll start with that one.
To The Games!
Jets/Broncos:
It’s Pity Watch Time! I imagine there are parts of the country that only get this abomination and I laugh. The best I can do is hope it’s places like Idaho or Alabama, spots that deserve this travesty. Hall has the reins off apparently so he should have a lovely outing vs a team with the worst run D in the league.
Bengals/Cards:
Cincy can’t go 1-4, can they? There’s just so much talent. (although Higgins is taking a knee for this tilt) Though here’s a troubling nuggetty pair of numbers: the Bengals are 31st in rush D and Arizona is second in rush yards per attempt at 5.3. That d-line has some work to do. Kudos to Dobbs-for playing competently and not following the tanking script to the letter. Though they only have the one win he’s looked just fine.
Eagles/Rams:
Will Philly get 400 yards of offense for the fourth game in a row and for the 14th time since the beginning of last year? What is Kupp’s snap count going to look like? Has he been rushed back? How will this affect Puka? (probably not much, I’m thinking) Will Stafford throw 3 TD’s thus doubling his output for the season? The Eagles secondary is the weakest link of the entire team in that they’ve given up 9 TD’s to date and the only teams that have given up more are Denver and Chicago.
Chiefs/Vikes:
There’s only one team that Patty hasn’t beaten and I bet you know which one it is now. Our favorite Kermit look-alike has only gone for 300 yards once this season but he should double that total vs a Minny team that is 21st in opposing team’s QBR. His counterpart across the field just keeps rambling on. Cousins has tossed a minimum of 2 TD’s every game and has 11 on the season. Maybe that’s why the over/under is sitting at 52.5
Do your thing.
sean payton is by rule now unemployed and actually has to leave town by sunset
Brandon Perna’s 12-gauge is waiting…
It’s too bad Hippo never got that Audi cuz this line “You rap about a Audi to much, because my Audi paid off bish hush”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-D4happ4TQU
You like that sack to end the game, Cousins?
Patrick Star approved!
wtf kirk throw it you dumb son of a bitch
bwhahahahaha
Just Kirk being Kirk!
Russ’s Apple Turnovers
What’s the haps?
Bacon sandwiches, ugly wins, and defense wins championships.
Nothing but the best for Mrs. Nixon’s baby boy.
A “mess-o-bacon”
Jets gettin’ crunk in Mile High
Ridin’ that high from DUUUVVVAAAALLLLLLLLL getting the win in their future home town.
vikes got absolutely fucked by the refs but ya know what, fuck the vikes
Live by rape and pillage, Die by rape and pillage
“Loving me the pillage part!”
-K. Hippo
There’s the terrible timed pick!
PS2 WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Signs of life in Denver!
Fucking Hocky doing his best Evan Engram tribute by letting a pass go right thru his hands.
Ravens shit the bed, orioles are choking like ginger lynn, i’m fucking in high kill mode right now.
Dingleberry garbage time is bleeding me out to 1-4, too. HURT FOAR HIPPO.
HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN, BOYS?!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JU9TouRnO84
lol vikes outta timeouts with 9 damn minutes left in the 4th…
“holy shit!”
-a. reid
Gainwell is the Goldilocks choice between Gainsuper and Gaincrap
Pachecko Pachinko Party!
Fatty Payton already grimacing at the awkward handshake line coming his way
Pringles is missing a huge marketing opportunity with Chase because when he pops he just can’t stop.
FOUNDING FATHERS WOO
those two or so weeks that the cardinals were a “scrappy bunch” and not tanking was fun for two weeks
time to bring back out the T-34 guys
Did they actually do anything other than beat the Cowpersons?
looked competent against the niners!
Lost by single digits to two other teams!
Well this game has finally made it to normal looking numbers, hail Legatron
Both safety scorers got their scores back to equilibrium. Is weird af.
BoydDOWN!
(I am not paying attention goodly, must have been a BLEERGH)
Ja’Marr, you beautiful bastard-you might just get me to 2-3 in Freezer Vodka.
Breece Hall is giving me a puncher’s chance in “Math is Hard” FF league, which is good. I’d be all-the-way-ded at 1-4 otherwise
If you started Chase, congratulations on your win.
imagine how great it would feel to play someone who benched him
even better if you scammed a trade for him this week
oh SNAP, you dream better than Hippo do
Romo’s pants have to be a laundry Chernobyl with the way he cums and/or shits himself over every little thing on the field.
rodgers – unvaxxed, didnt survive the turf monster
kelce – vaxxed, apparently survived the turf monster
makes u think
/+1 4thPill
//+1 5thPill
Hey, quit hogging, I might need those too.
-rejected Dr. Seuss title?
You can’t tell me Seuss ain’t never chased that dragon
One pill, two pill, red pill, blue pill
Aw crap
u dun re-opened teh hidden basement at that pizza place smgdh
There’s the rejected Dr. Seuss title.
Hop on Pops Oxy.
a coach in a game involving the chiefs is wasting timeouts and challenges left and right and it is not andy reid
He’s actually not been bad with that the past couple years I think. Right?
with all that talent he really shouldnt have to try that hard at in-game coaching
I hope Ms. Swift doesn’t cover the Velvet Underground
“Why the Cincy D hasn’t just given a sock to Dobbs just blows my mind.”
-J.K. Rowling, watching her first NFL game
Muffed punt or Punted muff?
YES
a football player hooked on toradol (taylor’s version)
david tyree catch (taylor’s version)
Crazy Legs…Burrow?
Did Burrow get some android leg parts?